Instead of posting a new message each and every time, I noticed you guys start up practice threads. So here's mine.

Right now, I've been practicing for about four weeks. There is, to me, something mysterious about the method and the effect it has on the mind. Particularly it's effectiveness. I've tried stuff in the past, like mindfulness and meditation, which didn't do much for me. But this works remarkably well.

So far I feel better. Lighter. Live is easier.

I have the good fortune of being sick right now. Yes, I said that. Because it's a difficult thing to be sick and feel good at the same time.

Which makes it a great learning opportunity to practice and start feeling better even when sick. I don't think I've ever been less bothered by it.

It's a simple flu anyway, it'll go away. But the ease with which I'm dealing with it is remarkable.

Now, when I walk outside, I tend to be very outward focused, just perceiving. Sometimes it seems to shift into direct perceiving for a moment, whether it's a sound or a sight. Those are the two senses that respond most to this so far. And tactile sensation this very moment, as I'm typing, it beginning to move in that direction as well.

The interesting part is that I seem to get closer to the instinctual self, the basic instincts. Sometimes. for no reason, I get startled very heavily by something that I wouldn't have noticed before. It's a sense of threat that feels very primal. Pure survival instinct.

Fortunately I can't be bothered by it and find it both fascinating and amusing and offcourse keep practicing.

I haven't gotten to the instinctual stuff much yet, and it certainly isn't clear for me how it works yet. Social identity was easy. There's still work for me there as well, but it's easy to see.

This instinctual thing is different.

I had one interesting experience where I was feeling a fear, while I contemplated this instinctual self, and, with the ongoing HAIETMOBA awareness that becomes more and more automatic, it suddenly shifted into a pleasant feeling. It felt more human.

Anyway, that's it so far. I plan to keep a journal here and welcome any and all feedback. I expect this to become a long ride, but I'm not stepping out.

And if I have any particular challenges, I will post them here as well.

One last point. I'm going to make this practical and experience based. I have found that "what if?", "but how does it work then, when...?", etc., type of questions really are not useful. And fear based most likely anyway. Better apply the method and see what happens.

If you don't mind, I'd like to make the first reply myself, since an issue/realization just came up.

Seeing through and dismantling the social identity is something I have no problem with. I would love to be socially free.

But there's the trap. Part of me wants to stay there. And more generally speaking, keep the identity, but take away the pieces you don't like, so you can enjoy life the way you want to.

And then there's the problem. The "I" that inhabits this body wants to enjoy all that freedom.

But AF means that this "I" needs to go as well.

Just when life was getting better for "me", the point is approaching that "I" have to go as well.

And "I", which is offcourse the instinctual self does not want to.

I want to keep going but also don't want to. It's a conflict. Put a gun to my head and say "Actual Freedom - yes or no, and whatever you answer you will get", I would say yes.

Unfortunately, in reality it does not work that way.

This is a real conflict/problem for me.

Any insights/ideas?

Weirdest thing. Ever since I felt this pressure in my neck (wrote about it in another thread), I've been having the most interesting experience.

I think the neck thing happened two days ago or so.

Ever since I've been in a partial PCE experience, while also having my normal functioning going on. The PCE experience is constant, but fluctuates in intensity. Sometimes I can see the actual world for an instant and then it goes away again.

It's not a PCE, but a constant state that is there during my normal functioning and it seem to grow. I keep feeling better, even though I'm still sick.

It's like it's taking me over and will eventually bring about actual freedom without any effort on my part.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Any similar experiences?

Conflict is not necessary. You make a choice and stick with it. And the more you make that choice the easier it is to make that choice in future. Once, after climbing a mountain, this guy said to me "there is no hard or easy, there is only DOING and not-doing". So there you have it. I think Yoda said something to that effect as well.

If you can become aware of the occasions when you choose not to EXPERIENCE EACH MOMENT OF BEING ALIVE on this paradisiacal planet and realize "oh, silly! lets go back!" then you are WALKING the wide and wondrous path. -David

You have no idea how helpful this is. Especially the quote:

"there is no hard or easy, there is only DOING and not-doing"

This one is going in my "favorite quotes" memory bank.