Wassup folks, I decided it is time to create a new practice log as my other one definitely died haha. Put simply my goal in meditation is to hit stream entry, and my weapon for this is going to be noting aloud. I had a period where I got fed up with speaking the notes and had doubts about the effectiveness of the technique and switched to silent noting but I had no luck with this, constantly spacing out and in la la land. So I guess the only way forward is this method. We will see what happens! 

Well, welcome back to noting and DhO! I was wondering where you had gone. Best wishes in your practice going forward

Welcome back! You might want to read the last few posts by Olivier posted in Sam's log. It might be useful for you, aloud or silent, might be of benefit! 

Best wishes!  

Thank you for the warm welcome back Sam and Papa Che! Today I meditated for 2.5 hours (1x one hour sit and 2x 45 minute sits). Started the first sit with some concentration on the breathe, counting up to 10 and back over and then began noting after around 10 minutes or so. Can't really remember much about this sit. The second and third sits I decided to just go with pure noting aloud, and set an intention to keep the noting going for the entire session without any lapses. The first 45er was very concentrated and had some calm and relaxation. Lots of numbness in the bum and pain in the lower back but these were met with acceptance. Also high pitch frequency in the ears. Also felt a very pleasant set of vibrations in the third eye region. The final sit was filled with a lot more impatience and also tiredness. Decided to stand up and continue the noting without lapse for around 15 minutes until the energy came back. Kept with whispering for both of the sits as I could focus better this way. Probably around 2-3 sensations a second in both 45'ers. So yeah, first day back to noting aloud went well! 

Managed to sit 2x45 minute sessions of freestyle noting aloud yesterday but didn't feel like logging it. Today I actually missed practice for the first time in like 100 days. Only because the whole day was spent moving houses and it's now 11pm and I feel like a dead fish haha. Guilt is currently arising as I am not letting myself practice today but I shouldnt get too caught up over it. Tomorrow's another day!

Don't waste time with the guilt. Its only hurting you and possibly contributing to doubt. Everyone misses a session once in a while. I did yesterday. Just get on with it!

Thank you Sam I will definitely not let guilt overrun me! 

Today was another day of non stop work with unpacking and getting things sorted. Forced myself to sit one session of freestyle noting aloud (45 minutes) at around 10pm since I didn't want to miss two days in a row. Some interesting stuff happened this sit. The main thing that happened was that the hands felt absolutely huge, this hasn't happened since I began meditating I don't think, at least not to this extent. Also at one point my visual field with closed eyes kind of began moving like one of those infinite zoom videos (kind of like when you drink a shit tonne then lay down and close your eyes). This was very unpleasant and made me feel quite sick. Anyways that passed. As for other things I felt tension in the lower back, no numbness in the bum, some pleasant vibrations in the third eye region. Voice switched from whispering to normal and back to whispering. Didn't let noting stop for the entire session. I know I have been slacking for the last two days but really I've had no choice with this house move to deal with. Hopefully tomorrow won't be so busy and my arse can have some intimate time with that cushion. Onwards and forwards! 

Decided to drop a quick update on how practice has been going, I know I haven't been updating recently, but that's just because I'm bombarded with adjusting to this new house and all these university exams. Anyways, currently I am doing around two hours of practice a day. Each sitting is an hour long and starts with 15 minutes of just staring at a bowl like Kenneth folk suggests to get some concentration in the mix. Once this is over, I begin to do freestyle noting aloud for the remaining 45 minutes. Today in my final session I experienced tension in the lower back, numbness in the bum, high pitch frequency on the left side only, an extremely unpleasant tightness in the lower abdomen which was there for pretty much the whole sit, and also the feeling of noting being really effortful and almost annoying. Each word coming out of my mouth felt really hard to spit out and took a lot of effort. Tried fixing this by adjusting the noting voice volume but it did no good, just continued to note and pay attention to this feeling of ill will. I will try to update this log more frequently but I won't make any promises! hope you are all doing well. 

"Each word coming out of my mouth felt really hard to spit out and took a lot of effort."

This sounds familiar. Also hard to note that "resistance, disqust, aversion, misery" towards certain objects while it's happening. 

There will come time in your practice where there is no other way to deal with such unpleasant arisings but to face it all with utter acceptance in all its utter unpleasant glory. Yes, to the point of utter misery and utter disgust in the midst of the tornado of unpleasantness. 

But yes, raised voice with a miserable face expression might help go through the entire session. It's ok to just note Unpleasant, misery, disqust, sadness, self pity, fear, helpless, unpleasant, in such a situation. 

Best wishes!

Thank you Papa Che for your good advice as always  

No practice today as I spent the entire day doing university exams, had to do 50 questions and two huge essays all in a day so super tired now. Will try and sit a lot tomorrow. 

Good luck with the exams! (Well, we all know it's not luck but the amount of study invested so, study well ) 

Thank you Papa Che! 


Today I managed to sit 3x 45 minute sessions of freestyle noting aloud. I made sure to set a strong intention before starting the noting session that I was to keep the noting continuous throughout the entire sit to ensure for little to no graps in the stream of mindfullness. This helped a lot as in all three sessions I was able to keep noting 1-3 sensations a second until the bell rang. In the first two sits I experienced a very solid pain in the lower abdomen and also resistance to noting, the words were hard to get out but this stopped in the third sit. Stiffness in the lower back here and there, vibrations in the third eye region, pleasant warmth in the hands, few itches here and there which were watched until they dissappeared, didn't really disperse into a cluster of vibrations, more or less just abruptly stopped. At some points I said "who is talking" to throw in a little bit of inquiry but the noting was kept continuous. This was all done with the eyes closed. Not much else to say about the sits, they were solid!

Just sat a 45er freestyle noting aloud eyes closed:

The sit started with lots of resistance and embarrassment from hearing the voice. Unpleasant tightness in the lower abdomen persisted. The arse on the chair was very much in pain for most of the sit, an unpleasant hardness. No lower back pain seemed to come up. Definitely lots of sadness and misery coming up in this sit, feelings of wanting to renounce from the world and go sit in a cave. Also a lot of doubt thoughts arising like "how is this going to get me enlightenment?" Noted these and persisted with noting. Boredom was also very much present throughout this sit. Impressions of the timer chiming in arose a lot and I noted this as impatience. Managed to keep a pace of around 1-2 sensations a second for the duration of the sit. 

Sat another 45er FNA but decided to go with open eyes this time to get some concentration in the mix. Stared at a step on a ladder placed against a wall. Pretty soon the visual field became very blurred and the ladder step started to glow, this would reset if any blinking occurred which was also noted. Some of the unpleasant tightness in the lower abdomen continued but the pain was mainly in the form of tightness in the mid back region, no pain in the bum this time as I swapped seats. Noting was a lot faster I would say 2-3 a second but this slowed down as the sit continued until It felt like the dancer had fully given up at one point, and it felt like there was only this-ness unfolding with no one to refer back to. Pretty cool stuff. High pitch frequency in the left ear persisted and at one point felt like it was above the head. Pleasant vibrations and warmth in the cupped hands. Also some images of the mouth moving and timer impressions kicking in towards the end. Just goes to show you that these sits are also targets for impermanence, one sit you feel like shit, the other sit you feel good. I'm just glad that I kept the noting continuous throughout the entire sit, thats the goal here. 

Sounds like 3 solid sits. Good job!

Thank you Sam!