Instinctual Anger

Ian Clarkson, modified 12 Years ago at 9/6/11 5:14 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 9/6/11 5:14 PM

Instinctual Anger

Posts: 5 Join Date: 1/11/11 Recent Posts
Hi,
Has anyone got some advice for me, about how to release or get back from or drop, a repressed lingering emotion.
I experienced a real trap last night, when at work, an aggressive person who is a resident at the place I work, would not do what was required, I suddenly became really angry, right in the guts, a big instinctual anger.
But, of course at work, as well as any other place, expressing that anger is never going to do any good, so it was immediately repressed, or squished down so that i could remain 'in control'.
This 'control' was not complete, because I had to talk in a funny way, was disconnected from proper thinking, and still of course, was angry.
Anyway, that point is, the rest of the night, i was stuck with this swelling anger, and could not find away to drop it, even through thinking about this moment, the complete uselessness and silliness of anger, i could clearly recognise anger as me, recognising the humour in that just the day before or even earlier that night i was sitting in the same place feeling really good.
It really became clear to me that anger has to go, yet i also had this feeling of frustration and helplessness when i couldn't find a tool to come back to my senses.
I think part of the trickiness is that this conflict appears to be a potentially on going thing.
.
I dunno if I've explained this right.
any takers?
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Martin M, modified 12 Years ago at 9/6/11 7:07 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 9/6/11 7:07 PM

RE: Instinctual Anger

Posts: 91 Join Date: 9/3/09 Recent Posts
Hi Ian,

I´ve been dealing with (instinctual) anger myself a lot. From my experience there are a few important things which allow oneself to overcome it:

1) the investigative aspect:
What idea/belief/value of yours was threathened? As per your example:
Why do you think this resident should behave in any other way than the way he did?
Concepts to investigate around that might be justice, fairness, appropriate behaviour etc.
Questioning this is not to say there is no such thing as e.g. "appropriate behaviour", it is about clearly seeing that it is indeed just a concept, not a natural law how the universe (or anything part of it) has to behave.
There is no universal right for you or anyone to be treated in any specific way.
Even though some of these (moral/social) expectations are modeled into legal laws, they are nevertheless based on artificial distinctions of 'good' and 'bad'.
As long as this moral judgment about a situation exists, anger will arise.
Again, you can probably think of various good reasons why this resident should behave the way you expected him to, but is that really the way he _has_ to act?

2) the phenomological aspect:
Being attentive to how anger manifests in your body during the encounter.
Make it your mission to find out everything you possibly can about the way anger arises, i.e. in wich part of your body, the texture/frequency of the sensations, different stages etc.
This requires you to obviously be open and receptive to feeling this anger as opposed to repressing it.
Counter-intuitively as it seems, in my experience it is not neccessary to repress anger in order to 'remain in control'.
You might be feeling intense physical symptoms but the very act of simply being aware of it reduces the urge to act on them immensely. This will certainly be different for every individual but as usual it gets better with practice. Over time the sensations will be less intense and you will recognize them earlier and clearer.
This might take a lot of patience but foremost the very clear determination not to waste a single opportunity to become aware of it and end it. Every time you feed this reactive loop it becomes stronger, every time you starve it (by being attentive and not putting extra mental/emotional energy ->tension in it) it becomes less pronounced.

Oh, regarding the " how to release or get back from or drop, a repressed lingering emotion.":

Allow yourself to be as angry as you are, just for the fun of it, try to imagine how this guy could make you even angrier.
The repression of emotion occurs because we consider anger to be 'bad' / unacceptable or we are afraid / averse to the feeling itself. Either can be overcome by the aforementioned open, exploratory attitude.

Martin
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Ross A K, modified 12 Years ago at 9/6/11 7:14 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 9/6/11 7:14 PM

RE: Instinctual Anger

Posts: 123 Join Date: 6/15/11 Recent Posts
sounds like you handled yourself well (by not physically reacting outwardly, inwardly is a whole other story). you have a desire to be happy and harmless of course.
you may assume the anger manifests in a specific location, but, if you look at "the center" of where its all coming from you will see it shifting and morphing. when you get a sense of center, core, location use haietmoba, coupled with attentiveness to sensuousness. is the anger in you, are you in anger, both, or niether
Atthi Raga Sutta: Where There is Passion
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn12/sn12.064.than.html
Ian Clarkson, modified 12 Years ago at 9/6/11 8:47 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 9/6/11 8:47 PM

RE: Instinctual Anger

Posts: 5 Join Date: 1/11/11 Recent Posts
Awesome responses!

Thanks guys, I appreciate the help!
Stian Gudmundsen Høiland, modified 12 Years ago at 9/6/11 9:03 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 9/6/11 9:03 PM

RE: Instinctual Anger

Posts: 296 Join Date: 9/5/10 Recent Posts
Martin M:
(...) be open and receptive to feeling this anger as opposed to repressing it.
Allow yourself to be as angry as you are (...)
The repression of emotion occurs because we consider anger to be 'bad' / unacceptable
(...) [it] can be overcome by the aforementioned open, exploratory attitude.


Emphasis added by me.

This really nails it in my opinion. Well written, Martin emoticon
This Good Self, modified 12 Years ago at 9/11/11 9:36 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 9/11/11 8:32 PM

RE: Instinctual Anger

Posts: 946 Join Date: 3/9/10 Recent Posts
Hi,

If you drill down into anger you find fear.

The guy in question didn't do what you wanted or expected him to do. In short, he wasn't aware of you and your needs. This diminishes your sense of self, creating fear. The internal dialogue (subconscious) will be along the lines of "Do my needs not matter at all to you?" or "Don't you even know what I want?" or "Aren't you even aware of me?". Underlying this is: "I can't be a very good or important person if this is happening to me", or even more threatening: "I am nothing" or "I do not exist". He is bringing you face to face with no-self and you're angry at him?? He is doing you a great favour!

When I get this situation happening to me, I try to get immediately to the fear. The anger will pop right up again and compel me to defend myself. I bring it back again and again to fear and just repeat "I feel fear" and actually feel the sensation of fear. Then the fear drops away and so does the anger, after 20 minutes or so.

You're only getting somewhere when your existence is threatened. Having your existence threatened is scary. If you want spiritual growth, then turn the other cheek and let him hit that too. If you want the comfort of a secure ego, then defend yourself.
This Good Self, modified 12 Years ago at 9/11/11 11:03 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 9/11/11 9:26 PM

RE: Instinctual Anger

Posts: 946 Join Date: 3/9/10 Recent Posts
Martin M:
... modeled into legal laws, they are nevertheless based on artificial distinctions of 'good' and 'bad'.
As long as this moral judgment about a situation exists, anger will arise.

Martin


Laws are created whenever a possible threat to continuity of self is spotted on the horizon. Law is simply man's effort to formalize fear (Maya)! When my body, my mind, my possessions are threatened, I want the law to protect my sense of self. Laws are easy to create and pass in parliament because 99.999% of the population wants their self preserved. No one is really interested in no-self, least of all the members of Dho. A completely lawless world would be quite an interesting experiment, don't you think? How long does love and respect last when everyone is dying of hunger? If you knock off your neighbour now, you can feed him to your dog.

How do you know when a society is in the grip of ego? When its law-makers are busy making new laws for any and every situation. Park here! 10 minutes only! Don't walk here! Don't racially vilify! Don't sexually harass! Be politically correct! Don't smack your child! Pick up your dog's shit! Penalties apply!

How do you find out if a teacher is really free? Threaten his status. Humiliate him. Make up your own rules. Be a law unto yourself. A response is quite ok, he might even punch you in the face - fine! But underneath...is he frightened by your actions?