Hi Kevin,
Welcome to the DhO! Thanks for sharing openly your journey thus far. The main thing in your post which jumped out at me is this:
I feel spirituality is something I've largely blocked out over the last year with a focus instead on striving hopelessly, thinking that if I can just accomplish something, I will be happy, and I will get approval from my parents.
The need to gain their parents' approval is something which is imprinted deeply in children when the parents use them to meet their own emotional needs and expectations, rather than accepting them for how they are. It's great that you already recognize it is pushing you into hopeless striving for things which won't bring any lasting happiness or fulfillment. Many people spend their entire lives driven miserably by this need without ever realizing it. If you are interested in a deeper understanding of this important topic then I would recommend Alice Miller's
The Drama Of The Gifted Child and John Bradshaw's
Homecoming - Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child.
Best Wishes,
George
