Could it has been Equanimity?

Simon T, modified 10 Years ago at 9/17/11 10:32 PM
Created 10 Years ago at 9/17/11 10:20 PM

Could it has been Equanimity?

Posts: 383 Join Date: 9/13/11 Recent Posts
I did a 10 days retreat at Chanmyay Sayadaw center in Yangon last July. I ended up practicing very little since I would found myself most of the time in one state of depression or another, which I tend more and more to believe to be the dark nights. Since I bear the mark of the ADHD diagnosis, it goes without saying that my concentration is poor.

Once in a while I would get enough focus to make my practice sustainable but it was never comfortable.

One evening, after spending the entire day sleeping in my room to avoid my miserable mind state, I decided to get out of my room resolved to compensate this bad day with a strong evening practice. At the moment I opened the door I got in a state of deep mindfulness that last for two hours.

There was absolutely no restlessness. Doing everything slowly (as recommended in this Mahasi-style center) became the natural things to do. Since the mind can only focus at one thing at a time, my mindfulness forced me to move one articulation at the time. It took me forever to get to the meditation hall. During my sitting I was completely still.

I didn't have any thoughts about the past (beside "this is much better than was i usually experience") nor past thoughts about the future (beside "this is interesting, I will have to tell my teacher about it"). Toward the end of my sitting, I would ask my mind "where you want to go? If you want to get up, it's ok" but I wouldn't get any answer. I didn't feel any intention to go anywhere.

It's only the urge to pee that got me to get up but it took me forever. We don't realize how getting up is a complex task until we spit it in individual movements!

My teachers didn't make a big deal of it so I assume it's just the kind of mindfulness that people with normal concentration experience more or less easily.