ps i love you's practice log

ps i love you, modified 1 Year ago at 6/12/21 2:38 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 6/6/21 1:04 PM

ps i love you's practice log

Posts: 34 Join Date: 12/16/12 Recent Posts
And so it begins...

If you asked me two years ago about “awakening” or “enlightenment,” I would have cynically replied that it was a myth. I would likely have said that it is a self-induced hypnotic state, a side-product of reading too many Dharma books. Then in late Jan 2020, I had a spontaneous "spiritual opening" that instantaneously threw me into the void and then into all-pervasive consciousness, permanently changing my sense of self and world. Six months later, a Kundalini opening that dissolved the "witness" and any stable point of reference into flows of energy. Six months after that, more kundalini, along with a shamanic opening, experiences of divine rapture, and spontaneous bodhicitta. Each of these cycles was marked by a strong mystical experience, followed by a crash of varying degrees of intensity, then a period of equanimity where the lessons of that cycle returned in manageable dosages and were stabilized. If you are interested, I kept a log of these events on this anonymous Facebook page: (apologies for the use of different terminology than is usually done in this forum). 

My meditation practice has shifted during each cycle. I had no practice initially; in cycles 1 and 2 it was an hour of choiceless awareness (by which I mean openly and in a relaxed way observing sensory experience, noticing—not noting—the richness of sensations without trying to change any of them) and an hour of advaita-style inquiry (I AM); in cycle 3 it became an hour of choiceless awareness and an hour of Rob Burbea-style Soul-Making Dharma (both energetic and imaginal practice); in cycle 4 it's now 2-3 hours of choiceless awareness in 2 sessions daily. 

It was right at the beginning of the fourth cycle that I read MCTB, familiarized myself with its terminology, and began to become more involved in this forum. I posted a more detailed general summary of the past 18 months' cycles here, asking for advice on terminology and how my experience line up with the stages of insight from  the book. TLDR; my cycles are obviously moving from A&P to Dark Night to Equanimity, they are getting shorter (from 6 mos to about 1), and I seem to be homing in on Stream Entry (however, there have been no cessations/fruitions yet). 

​​​​​​​I have found the MCTB map to be very validating, normalizing, and explanatory when it comes to explaining the cycling. Especially the crash/dark night parts. I was always thinking of that as something going wrong rather than a normal part of the cycle. I think the book and conversation here can help me to pay closer attention to some of the fine phenomenology of my experience. This is why I'm getting involved in this group. Thanks for reading! 
Chris M, modified 1 Year ago at 6/6/21 1:12 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 6/6/21 1:12 PM

RE: PS I Love You's practice log

Posts: 4538 Join Date: 1/26/13 Recent Posts

I will say, though, that as mysterious and wonderful as your experiences of the Void are, they are only a part of what's happening. There's more wonder to explore.

Keep going!