RE: George practice log 3.

george, modified 12 Days ago.

George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
I feel like I'm going to be the first practicioner ever to log over 20 logs.
So I'm starting this log with "I'm fucking over this shit" phase. I could take a wild guess with what that stage is but who am I kidding, I'm no Daniel Ingram! So I'm just going to stop being this awesome fucking dude that thinks he knows everything and just sit. I sat last night for 30 min. I'm tired, frustrated, angry, same old here. I'm just going to sit and see what doesn't happen. 
thumbnail
Papa Che Dusko, modified 12 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1847 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
No you no Daniel Ingram. But Ingram was not spending his time "just sitting and waiting to see what happens" emoticon rather he was actively noting 1-10 sensations per second for the duration of his sits. He had faith in Mahasi Noting practice and did it no matter what. 

However there is no shame in taking a break from such practice. I find Dukkha is the greatest motivator once it gets unbearable and you realize there is no other salvation possible but to be with each and every arising moment (during you sitting practice of minimum 45 minutes). 

It pays off to sit with all that restless miserable disqusting fed-up-ness. It is very purifying. 

It's only your own mind after all. It's always there open to get to know it. 

Best wishes! 
george, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Thanks Dusko. You're 100 percent right. I'm just sitting, waiting and hoping for something to happen and getting upset. I will try harder on the noting front. In the difficult times it takes a lot of effort and I have to be willing to push on those days! AAA!

I sat for 35 min tonight, noting. The last 10 mins my head was hanging down and I was in a dream state, I was noting probably 1 every 2 seconds that last 10 min. Before that I wasn't doing too badly at 1-5 but I want to sit for at least 45 min. Fear, disgust, restlessness coming up around and around. Energy would come up and noting would get faster and then Energy would decrease and is slowing down quiet a bit.
I need to try harder, needed a bit of a wake up call, thanks again Dusko!
Sam Gentile, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1170 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
george
Thanks Dusko. You're 100 percent right. I'm just sitting, waiting and hoping for something to happen and getting upset. I will try harder on the noting front. In the difficult times it takes a lot of effort and I have to be willing to push on those days! AAA!

Papa is right. You are no Daniel nor I. If you are just sitting waiting for things to happen, then prepare to wait for a very long time! We're not Daniel because we haven't put in 18 hours a day that he did and just push!

I sat for 35 min tonight, noting. The last 10 mins my head was hanging down and I was in a dream state, I was noting probably 1 every 2 seconds that last 10 min. Before that I wasn't doing too badly at 1-5 but I want to sit for at least 45 min. Fear, disgust, restlessness coming up around and around. Energy would come up and noting would get faster and then Energy would decrease and is slowing down quiet a bit.
I need to try harder, needed a bit of a wake up call, thanks again Dusko!
>>want to sit for at least 45 min. Fear, disgust, restlessness coming up around and around

Then do it! Fight through the fear, disgust and all the rest. They are all just empty anyway. 

P.S. I had a banner day today emoticon
thumbnail
Papa Che Dusko, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1847 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
Hm emoticon not sure "harder" is the way. This stuff can be hard as is and adding harder attitude might snap you. 

Why not do the noting aloud (or whisper aloud)? It really is a good way of staying in the game and if you do it 1-3 sensations a second there will be enough disembeding to get you going for the duration of your sit. 

Yes it can be miserable and just plain shit emoticon but still keep humble acceptance at the front and remember to relax the body. Tension can be created by too much effort so remember to just relax and also note it. 

When stuff is hard then maybe use words like "there is ... (look for some matter of fact experience ) ... hearing! There is ... (no rushing just gently looking to contact something matter of fact) ... touching, there iiiiis ... etc 
Hete speed is of no issue. 

Once you feel energy or clarity returns then just go 1-5 sensation per second again. 

Try and remember that mind terrain changes. It goes up and down and through mud and sandy sunny beach and fires of hell emoticon Adjust the speed accordingly. Also if very hard and much resistance is there speak out much louder the labels so you really hear yourself loud and clear. 

Of course others might have different suggestions. 
george, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Thanks so much Dusko and Sam! I am doing noting out loud! Then I zone out and stop. I have to catch the zoning out or fatigue before it happens otherwise it gets me. Tonight I'm sitting for 45 min, no matter what!!!! I've finished up work earlier and going to note for 45 min non stop. I was noting in the morning before work and then had to really concentrate. It's not the fear, misery, disgust that stops me, it's the fatigue. I think I'm waiting for the fatigue to lift when I sit. It's as if I ask myself "when is the energy going to come so I can concentrate". I'm not fully accepting the fatigue. Funnily enough that's when all the fear, misery, despair arise... thanks guys.

I haven't sat yet, but I know what I have to do. Full acceptance of whatever arises. That means noting and being with all sensations pleasant or unpleasant, accepting them fully. I have gone through this several times and I may have to go through this again and again until I can fully accept everything just as it is. Fatigue and all.
thumbnail
Papa Che Dusko, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1847 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
: D Ok , time for some homework emoticon Check these videos please! 
Kenneth (has more short vids of great value)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1UK5_692eo 

Shinzen (priceless about pacing and using aloud noting etc )
https://youtu.be/StBTuX0tqU8
george, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Yay homework! thanks Dusko. I will watch it.

I sat for 55 min just then. Accepting everything as is, at least accepting for the first 40 min and then I started to space out and get sleepy. When I slip up and zone out for a moment I get frustrated. The more frustrated I get, the more effort I put into noting and the more tired I get. Yes I'm tired after work (maybe I get tired because I know I have to sit with shit) but at the start of the sit I was noting expectation, craving, fatigue & acceptance and I got into samadhi. This time I noted the pleasantness and it went away for a moment. Then I started dozing off the started to lose touch with what was happening, then I got frustrated again and like I said before it perpetuated itself into more effort and even more fatigue. I've never sat this long and well while tired though.

In my very first log although I never wrote it I had nights off when I was tired. Now I just sat for 55 mins.

Gentle relaxed precise noting and noting frustration if I slip up or zone out and continue with the gentle relaxed noting. Accepting everything fully, like it's there to stay. 

Just watched Kenneth, now I know why everyone just says note it. Because there's something you're not fucking noting!!!
thumbnail
Papa Che Dusko, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1847 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
Lovely emoticon 

​​​​​​​Yes gentle and humble , full of acceptance of this matter of fact experience emoticon 

Do not burn the candle from both sides emoticon 

Ah yes, emoticon that Concentration born out of Noting (clear comprehanding) the mind steam emoticon Its sweet , yet to be noted as per usual. 

Here you see that concentration doesn't need to be developed first so to do Vipassana later. These two can go together hand in hand. All you do is buy into that constantly changing mind stream emoticon (just while on the cushion and once timer goes off you give your self a big wet kiss and a well-done-slap-on-the-but and you do some other stuff in life, until the next session). 

Check that Shinzen video emoticon emoticon helped me a bunch! I have seen it at least 30 times. No kidding emoticon 
george, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Thanks Dusko. I have watched that shinzen video too and love it. I will watch it again and again.

Ok I wrote some stuff just then and it's silly. Currently reading the 5 spiritual faculties in Daniels book. I really need to read that book again.
thumbnail
L J, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 123 Join Date: 4/25/20 Recent Posts
Nice stuff brother, your logs are really motivating me to get back to some pure 101 noting. Just sat 45 mins noting aloud after reading through your log and I feel better. We are in this together!
george, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
LJ thanks for your message, I'm happy my log is helping someone, it means a lot!

I woke up earlier this morning and thought I can sit. So I sat for over 50 min. Noting 1-5. Noting excitement, expectation, nervous tension, jitters, high energy, breath, fatigue, spacing out vibrations, low energy, sleepy. It was a great sit, constant noting despite the spaciness and fatigue. I just reminded myself throughout the sit to notice everything with humility and full acceptance.
I'm trying to balance my faith, energy and wisdom during a sit. Thank you and metta to everyone. 

Sitting tonight once again and I'm not tired. It's a Friday night after a long week at work and I'm fresh as a daisy. Still I will sit with every last ounce of humility & acceptance I have and note 1-5. 

I sat for 1 hour, noting 1-5. There was no fatigue at the start and throughout most of the sit.

There was expectation, wanting(butterflies in stomach), craving, waiting, frustration(glad I noticed that), tired, the usual twitches, itches, bodily pain at the start then went, craving samadhi, getting frustrated. Also a little zoning out, dullness and spacy not present vibrations, exiting the whole thing for a moment, noting resistance. Releasing effort every once in a while, questioning and asking is there effort, is there wanting progress? and checking in. I'm satisfied with that sit. I want to keep sitting like this, with as much humility and acceptance as possible. Like an open book. So a total of hour and 45 mins today of noting at 1-5. Thanks
Sam Gentile, modified 9 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1170 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Ill echo others. You have rdeally come into your own in the Noting landscape. I was heavily influenced by the Papa too emoticon Keep going!
thumbnail
Papa Che Dusko, modified 9 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1847 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
Best wishes emoticon 
george, modified 9 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Thanks Dusko : )
george, modified 9 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
So I sat again this morning, I managed 45 mins, noting 1-3 things that I was noting : difficult, hard, swampy (felt like I was going through thick stuff) , spacing out vibrations, frustration, desire for progress (is not actual progress), anger, doubt, irritated, arrogance, anger, pain, tension, relaxing body, humility, acceptance, and just when I felt I couldn't take any more, there was a wave of relief, ohhhhh, relief, pleasant, then spacing out again, tired.

I remind myself to be humble and accept everything with all my heart. Thanks to Dusko for consistently telling me this. Also reading the 5 spiritual faculties in Daniels book is absolute gold. I can't thank him enough for that. 

Thanks for following Sam and commenting, means a lot to know I have support. Lots of metta to you and everyone else.

I sat for another 30 min this evening. Noting 1-3 it was difficult, spacy vibrations, I started to note very fast just with yes, yes, yes. I became tired very quickly. So I had to tone it down a notch. Then I asked myself is there efforting? I looked for it in the body and the body was tense, bracing itself for impact. Then I just let go of it all and released it. That's it for today going to see a friend now. Tomorrow I will be back again emphasising acceptance, humility and balancing of energy. Thanks 
george, modified 8 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Today noting 1-5 for 1 hour. Things that were noted during sit : feeling, itches, pain, numbness, gaps in attention, spacy vibes(head and eyes), anger, frustration, fatigue, expectation, wanting samadhi, aversion, difficulty, going to breath in & out periodically, tingling, relief & ease, fatigue. Ended on fatigue and reiterated that complete acceptance and humility is needed for everything. That's all you have in that moment & that very sensation that arises and dissolves or the shifting of awareness to another object is showing you everything you need to know. Thanks 

It's more convienient to doubt and not try then to doubt, try and fail. If you can even call it a failure
George S, modified 7 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1774 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
No failure, no success, just what's happening.
george, modified 7 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
George S
No failure, no success, just what's happening.

Thanks George : )
george, modified 7 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Fear is more intense when i wake up and the mind wants to proliferate ridiculous stories. For example
-this is happening because you did this
-You shouldn’t have done that because it’s causing this intense fear. 
-is it going to get worse if I continue?
-What if it does? What am I going to do?

​​​​​​​I will check in to my body and psychology to see if it’s becoming overwhelming and too much. So I’ll pay attention to :

- sleep patterns
- eating patterns 

make sure they’re responding the way they should.
-Also checking in if I am enjoying my work?
-Do I find pleasure in the things I love?
Right now everything is ok, I’m sleeping fine and I’ve got an appetite. So I’ll continue but I’ll be doing a single 45 min sit daily for now.

Also I don't know if it's actually fear or if it's my body just tensing up and resisting something. It's like my body is saying stop please stop and there are deep internal tensions. Anyway I will sit for 45 min noting 1-5 with acceptance and humility tonight. This tension teaches you to be humble. Thanks 
george, modified 6 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Tonight I sat for 45 mins noting 1-8. Things I noted were tingles, itches, twitches, breath in and out, slight pain in back, scratching, then noting got really fast, lots of energy, checking to see if I was efforting, then hit a brick wall, tired, spacy vibrations, fatigue, then complete spacing out (3 notable incidents), difficult, feeling yuk, hard, heavy, irritated, slow, exhausted, despair, fucking hating it(yes that was a note), slouching, then I said no, straightened up my back and kept going, heavy, fatigue, slouched again, straightened up, attempting to accept this shit, finished on fatigue and a fucking relief. Thanks 
Sam Gentile, modified 6 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1170 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
george
Tonight I sat for 45 mins noting 1-8. Things I noted were tingles, itches, twitches, breath in and out, slight pain in back, scratching, then noting got really fast, lots of energy, checking to see if I was efforting, then hit a brick wall, tired, spacy vibrations, fatigue, then complete spacing out (3 notable incidents), difficult, feeling yuk, hard, heavy, irritated, slow, exhausted, despair, fucking hating it(yes that was a note), slouching, then I said no, straightened up my back and kept going, heavy, fatigue, slouched again, straightened up, attempting to accept this shit, finished on fatigue and a fucking relief. Thanks 

Wow! It seems like all over the map from one extreme to another. We all go through periods of hating it. As you did, just note it, as it is an empty thought. Great efffort!
george, modified 5 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Thanks Sam. I sat last night for 40 mins noting 0-3. There was a lot of resistance to sitting, I left home from work with the intention to sit at 6:30pm and I didn't sit until 11:30pm. It was terrible, lots of spacing out.

i sat tonight for 45 min noting 0-5. Itches, hearing, feeling twitches, slow, jerky, then started to get fassst, feeling relaxed and pleasant, slowing down, slow, spacy, hard difficult, aversion, pain, spacing out, hard, hate, aversion, want out, want to stop, checking time, 10 mins to go, despair, pain. Stopped at 45 min. Very painful, hard, lots of resistance but better noting then last night, less spacing out. Thanks 
Sam Gentile, modified 4 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1170 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Hmm, possible Desire for Deliverance?
george, modified 4 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Thinking about where I am is a slippery slope for me Sam. I know I have to do note with acceptance 1-5 every sit no matter what. Tonight I do the same. Thanks 
george, modified 4 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Sat Tonight for 35 mins. Lots of  aversion and then almost fell asleep. 
george, modified 2 Days ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Friday night I didn't sit, I fell asleep at 8:30 and it's now 8:30am Saturday morning. I have to keep going. 
Sam Gentile, modified 1 Day ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1170 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
george
Friday night I didn't sit, I fell asleep at 8:30 and it's now 8:30am Saturday morning. I have to keep going. 

Buddy, see my log. I haven't meditated since Wednesday. I am sleeping all the tiime and don't follow my own advaice. I plan to meditate soon today when my Starbucks comes.
george, modified 1 Day ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Hey Sam ok will do, thanks mate. Sat for 20 min Saturday night. Aversion is high, it's on another level, I have energy for other things but sitting and meditating, nope. Have to get used to this now. Thanks 
george, modified 1 Day ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
20 min morning sit, noting 1-5 and then just switching off and I just stopped and went back to sleep. 

45 min evening sit, noting 1-5. More clarity. There still was some spacing out but not completely knocked out. I was noting mostly physical body sensations, that was keeping me afloat. Feeling, feeling, sukkha, pain, tension, sukkha, spacy vibes, fatigue, a lot of sexual imagery so focused on that and noted it. That felt yuk. Noted disgust. Then it switched to fatigue, focused and noted fatigue vibes. Ended up being pleasant in the end. Happy I was able to note for 45 min.

On another note the past 3 days I've only managed 1 hour total sit. There is a lot of craving. The mind wants to put energy into other things and doesn't want to sit. So many (mostly shit) ideas for projects coming up and the mind clings to it and I can't let go. Thankfully I semi let go for 45 min this evening. 
thumbnail
Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Day ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1847 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
Don't beat yourself up for having this aversion to sitting. 

It's ok. 

The mind is trying to ignore stuff and look elsewhere but what is right here. It's ok. 

The best motivator is when mind realizes that no matter what it does Dukkha follows suit emoticon Then a much stronger and honest resolve kicks in to to just stare at what is right now. 

​​​​​​​so it is ok. These things go up and down. Down and up etc 
Sam Gentile, modified 17 Hours ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 1170 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Papa Che Dusko
Don't beat yourself up for having this aversion to sitting. 

It's ok. 

The mind is trying to ignore stuff and look elsewhere but what is right here. It's ok. 

The best motivator is when mind realizes that no matter what it does Dukkha follows suit emoticon Then a much stronger and honest resolve kicks in to to just stare at what is right now. 

​​​​​​​so it is ok. These things go up and down. Down and up etc 

Right on Papa Che. First of all you should never beat yourself up for anything. Everyone has some form of aversion to sitting. The mind is always looking for the "Next Great Thing" to occupy itself. As Papa says Dukkha follows. Live now. Awaken now.
george, modified 2 Hours ago.

RE: George practice log 3.

Posts: 158 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Thanks Dusko and Sam. I Sat for 30 mins just then. I tried to just be in the moment without noting and that didn't go well. Fatigue and sleepiness set in. Will resume the scheduled program of acceptance and noting 1-5 tomorrow as I let the fatigue set in tonight.
The mind wasn't satisfied yet again, not even satisfied when it's satisfied. Always looking for something that sparks interest, tirelessly ploughing through endless fields in the search for something. Does it just want to survive, or is it genuinely looking for rest?

Breadcrumb