Stream entry and heart chakra?

Platu •, modified 1 Year ago at 6/20/21 10:55 AM
Created 1 Year ago at 6/20/21 10:55 AM

Stream entry and heart chakra?

Posts: 52 Join Date: 5/7/21 Recent Posts

Currently on the end of day 12 of my solo retreat.

Loggin' in to ask for guidance.

Been meditating earlier this day on the entire sensory experience field 'This is it' kinda way, seeing how the senses arise and disappear on their own, and at some point I've realized that the entire sensory field is disappearing to nowhere, like to a blank place behind me.

The first thoughts after meditation that I wrote down was 'There is no past', 'Everything is ending', 'Frame by frame', 'There is nothing behind me'.

The same 'sense' remains now also. There was no defined moment of Fruition. I've tried to cycle and reach Fruition again, but the mind was too worried about this letter and couldn't do it. Will try again tomorrow.

So could it happen to be, that by aany slightest chance, maybe, just maybe, I could have ended up in a so called Stream entry??

If so, how does this thing with cycles work? I'm in macro cycle 'Body and mind' and micro cycling (if I am) all the way to 'Fruition'? How many Fruitions should I get? Is there a moment that I decide that's enough of micro cycles and I'm moving along the macro or it's happening all together? Can I review the stages of insight all the way in the path?

If possible I would like to intentionally NOT to progress on the macro and maybe enjoy the summer without the 'Dark night'. Can I?

Also then, since day 8 I have this anxious ball of energy on my spine leveled around the nipples. Maybe size of a fist, localized, always there. If I focus on it, it intensifies, one time even got a round burning feeling on the spine. Usually radiating this anxious energy to my chest, giving the general feeling of anxiousness, more or less on all stages of insight.

I know about chakras from a general google search of where it is localized. Should I do something with it? Also, few times got the feeling like 2-3 fingers would have been putting pressure in the mid of my eyebrows. Also?

So taken this feeling into account, after the 'Stream entry', I had no raptures, no amazing or blissful experiences happening, just the sort of anxious experience disappearing to nowhere. I too had the generalized anxiety issue before the retreat, but it could have been coming from Dark night too, dunno, all is sort of mixed.

Ah, and also, what should I do with the walking meditation? Before I was just walking around with 6 sense doors open, allowing all the senses in, noticing them and training them to recognize themselves more and more. Which was working because as the days progressed, more and more sensations were noticed.

Oh, and, shit, sorry for that much bombarding, but also I have never accessed a concentration Jhana before, should I try to do some Jhana work before I decide to end the retreat? How many Jhanas is safe to work with being alone on retreat? The mind now and few days is pretty active to a point of annoyance. Should I allow all the thoughts out and just notice them even they are going round in circles?

Open to any tips for what I could do here because I have unlimited time to do so before I go on to enjoy the rest of the summer.

Thank you, love you, what should I do without you?
Eudoxos , modified 1 Year ago at 6/20/21 3:12 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 6/20/21 3:07 PM

RE: Stream entry and heart chakra?

Posts: 129 Join Date: 4/6/14 Recent Posts
Congrats for your what you've done, it must have been quite an effort. I acknowledge the experience you've had is likely of great significance for you, and don't mean what follows as putting you down. I have respect for everyone who practices.

My tip, if you have unlimited time, would be to go do a retreat with a teacher (*) (I assume cross-reading the other thread that you've never did one). For me, daily and detailed report with a teacher was of an utmost importance in intense retreats, for many years actually. I am concerned for you that continuing solo might be less useful than it could be — or, in the worse case, cultivating craving/aversion/delusion instead of reducing them. A teacher will adjust you to better pay attention to the present moment, help you let go of expectations & thoughts about the meditation (stream entry, fruitions, jhanas, dark night, cycles and stuff) and the ensuing confusion and doubt, as described in your post.

Meditation is subtle and tricky as the mind itself can be. The big guys often express gratitude to their own teachers — as the guidance here is really so invaluable.

Good luck and let me/us know!

(*) I use the word teacher not as hierarchical designation but as a shorthand for spiritual friend, someone you trust and who is (hopefully) competent to help, whether you have formal or informal relationship.
Platu •, modified 1 Year ago at 6/21/21 10:46 AM
Created 1 Year ago at 6/21/21 10:46 AM

RE: Stream entry and heart chakra?

Posts: 52 Join Date: 5/7/21 Recent Posts
Thank you. I think the retreat with a teacher is coming. Dunno when, but somehow think it's inevitable. And maybe another one will appear with whom I could periodically discuss meditation in the same 'language'. I definitely see your points in your message. 

Though since I'm already here with some kind of momentum, I'll just go on and see what is presenting.