Low Quality Qualia Practice Log

Low Quality Qualia, modified 7 Months ago at 11/19/21 10:16 AM
Created 7 Months ago at 11/18/21 4:59 PM

Low Quality Qualia Practice Log

Posts: 6 Join Date: 5/20/21 Recent Posts
A howl into the void. A scream into the abyss. (Hi everyone. I'm new here.)

## 2021-11-18

Sat for 20minute. Extended for 10minute more. Then for 10 minute more.
Interrupted between 30-40minute. Anger arising.
Sat until the 40minute mark.
Low Quality Qualia, modified 7 Months ago at 11/19/21 10:16 AM
Created 7 Months ago at 11/19/21 10:11 AM

RE: Low Quality Qualia Practice Log

Posts: 6 Join Date: 5/20/21 Recent Posts
## 2021-11-19

Inner unrest. Only sat for 28 minute total. 20 minute and 10 minute extension which I cut into 8.

Memories appeared for which the usual response is self hatred.
George S, modified 7 Months ago at 11/19/21 12:12 PM
Created 7 Months ago at 11/19/21 12:12 PM

RE: Low Quality Qualia Practice Log

Posts: 2463 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Hey I know self-hatred! We used to be really tight, getting into all kinds of mischief. I still see him around sometimes, although he’s a shadow of his former self. I always ask how he’s doing and what he’s been up to, the old scoundrel.
Low Quality Qualia, modified 7 Months ago at 11/19/21 1:53 PM
Created 7 Months ago at 11/19/21 1:53 PM

RE: Low Quality Qualia Practice Log

Posts: 6 Join Date: 5/20/21 Recent Posts
Hard to imagine the relationship I have with it ever improving like it did with yours.

I am restarting after a few months hiatus of practice. Corona stress and being cooped up at home made it very hard to practice.

Also, how do I make my email address hidden? I feel unsafe with it showing around.
George S, modified 7 Months ago at 11/20/21 12:08 PM
Created 7 Months ago at 11/20/21 12:08 PM

RE: Low Quality Qualia Practice Log

Posts: 2463 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
I wouldn't have imagined it was possible a few years ago either. Meditation changes you, or at least reveals who you always really were.

Congratulation for taking the plunge and starting a practice log. I hope you find what you are looking for on here.

I don't see your email address BTW, I don't think it's publicly visible.
Low Quality Qualia, modified 6 Months ago at 12/31/21 6:32 PM
Created 6 Months ago at 12/31/21 5:10 PM

RE: Low Quality Qualia Practice Log

Posts: 6 Join Date: 5/20/21 Recent Posts
## 2022-01-01

Again getting into and getting out of a daily practice.

About the practice:

I am following The Mind Illuminated by Culadasa. Often I forget the myriad of antidotes prescribed for the current state the mind finds itself.

Currently, I reach a semi-access-concentration state that includes some proprioception weirdnesses.
I also notice that my whole body tenses up and leans forward. My hands clasp.

When I try to relax my body and lean back into an upright position and relax my body, the concentration dissipates.
Martin, modified 6 Months ago at 12/31/21 8:47 PM
Created 6 Months ago at 12/31/21 8:47 PM

RE: Low Quality Qualia Practice Log

Posts: 443 Join Date: 4/25/20 Recent Posts
This is a phenomenon that I have noticed too: increasing muscle tension with the onset of access concentration, which can suddenly dissipate, especially if I intentionally relax. For me, it has sometimes felt like I was blowing up a balloon and then the air went out. I have found, however, that, if I keep the attention on the object (breath or whatever) just as intently in these periods of relaxation, the concentration continues to build, even though it does not feel like it until the next upwelling of piti, at which point, the gain in concentration made during the relaxed interval is apparent. So rather than blowing up a balloon, it is more like operating a bicycle pump, with the periods of relaxation being like the return stroke during which the pressure in the cylinder is low. If one stops midway, very little overall pressure builds up in the tire, but if one keeps on going by building up the concentration, even when there is very little resistance at the start of a new stroke and it feels like one is not doing anything, in the end, you have a fully inflated tire. 

(It is worth noting, even though you probably know this, and just in case someone else is reading,  that muscle tension is not, in itself a goal. But it can a byproduct of piti, along with things like increased visual brightness, vibrations, warmth, joy, etc. )
Low Quality Qualia, modified 5 Months ago at 1/1/22 2:40 PM
Created 5 Months ago at 1/1/22 2:34 PM

RE: Low Quality Qualia Practice Log

Posts: 6 Join Date: 5/20/21 Recent Posts
Martin
This is a phenomenon that I have noticed too: increasing muscle tension with the onset of access concentration, which can suddenly dissipate, especially if I intentionally relax. For me, it has sometimes felt like I was blowing up a balloon and then the air went out. I have found, however, that, if I keep the attention on the object (breath or whatever) just as intently in these periods of relaxation, the concentration continues to build, even though it does not feel like it until the next upwelling of piti, at which point, the gain in concentration made during the relaxed interval is apparent. So rather than blowing up a balloon, it is more like operating a bicycle pump, with the periods of relaxation being like the return stroke during which the pressure in the cylinder is low. If one stops midway, very little overall pressure builds up in the tire, but if one keeps on going by building up the concentration, even when there is very little resistance at the start of a new stroke and it feels like one is not doing anything, in the end, you have a fully inflated tire. 

(It is worth noting, even though you probably know this, and just in case someone else is reading,  that muscle tension is not, in itself a goal. But it can a byproduct of piti, along with things like increased visual brightness, vibrations, warmth, joy, etc. )


Thank you for the analogy. I will try to remember that when noticing and relaxing tensed muscles.

I do not know if there is much piti here in this semi-access-concentration state. The only time I reached 1st jhana there was a huge amount of it, so I know how it feels. (By the way, since then I have a striving mind, which holds me back…)
The feeling is more of clarity rather than joy, and even the clarity is not as clear as I remember in access-concentration.
The reason I call it "semi" is because although the object of concentration is easier to keep in the front and it feels like it takes most of the sense of space, thoughts can slide almost unnoticed and replace it, which in my experience is not typical of access-concentration. I may be wrong.
Martin, modified 5 Months ago at 1/1/22 6:04 PM
Created 5 Months ago at 1/1/22 6:04 PM

RE: Low Quality Qualia Practice Log

Posts: 443 Join Date: 4/25/20 Recent Posts
It sounds like you are doing good investigation. When I started practicing the jhanas, a teacher told me to consider them a territory to be explored, rather than slots to try and fit into, and I think this holds true for all the concentration states, including access concentration and samadhi in general. There is much to be gained by poking around and making one's own maps. 

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