Notes, questions and current experience

Brendan I, modified 5 Months ago at 12/20/21 6:55 PM
Created 5 Months ago at 12/20/21 6:55 PM

Notes, questions and current experience

Posts: 11 Join Date: 11/13/21 Recent Posts
Intending to keep an occasional general update regarding my life and practice here. Despite my lack of a computer and aversion to typing on my phone, I'll try to update this at least monthly. I figure one sentence written openly to the sangha is more helpful than a lifetime of notes lost in the ether. 
Brendan I, modified 5 Months ago at 12/20/21 6:59 PM
Created 5 Months ago at 12/20/21 6:59 PM

RE: Notes, questions and current experience

Posts: 11 Join Date: 11/13/21 Recent Posts
Couldn't tell you where I'm at in terms of POI other than from all descriptions I've read, I've been a 'dark night yogi' for nearly a decade 
Brendan I, modified 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 4:43 AM
Created 5 Months ago at 12/21/21 7:27 AM

RE: Notes, questions and current experience

Posts: 11 Join Date: 11/13/21 Recent Posts
Issues: 
Some Urges still fulfill without direct intention, I need to be faster.
Violent rapture if noting too fast too soon
State of joy and bliss arises with not much else going on in experience, sensations are fewer and softer. Feel stuck there but In a good way. Jhanna trap?

Questions 
How should pre and post A&p practice methods differ? 
Does one climb up the stages of insight each sit or is there a baseline that moves up as one progresses?

Would an at home retreat be very helpful? If so, are there any resources available to help me organize this for myself?

Felt something different creeping in, thought 'is this fear?' Then was hit with a violent wave of primal fear. Felt like Ingram's description but didn't change anything and the remainder of my sit after was not the best or worst (not much content in awareness, felt lacking compared to beforehand)

Currently 

-Thoughts come and go with little to no proliferation 
-Each sit seems to progress to a point where little effort is needed to maintain clear and steady awareness, then cycles back and forth a bit 
-Urges are self-actualizing less often (body shifting, micro stretching, adjusting) as my awareness increases it can recognize and stop them before they can act but not always 


Things to try next sit
Quality of awareness as object
Brendan I, modified 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 7:09 AM
Created 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 7:09 AM

RE: Notes, questions and current experience

Posts: 11 Join Date: 11/13/21 Recent Posts
Currently averaging 2-10x 30-40 minute sits, practicing mahasi noting only.
Dropping all samatha and goenka techniques and just noting/experiencing is working well for me at the moment.
Brendan I, modified 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 7:41 AM
Created 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 7:41 AM

RE: Notes, questions and current experience

Posts: 11 Join Date: 11/13/21 Recent Posts
Haven't given much thought to posture for a while aside from the odd correction of slight slouching. Most of the time if I'd notice slouching a bit, I'd just leave well enough alone if my level of energy and awareness seemed adequate.
It's always been clear that when the spine was just right, practice seemed to flow better, so this morning I held a loose intention to keep the spine 'lengthened'. 
Was a good sit with high energy and clarity but mornings usually are so I'll keep it up and see it has any affect on my evening sits which can be more prone to dullness. 
Brendan I, modified 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 11:00 AM
Created 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 10:49 AM

RE: Notes, questions and current experience

Posts: 11 Join Date: 11/13/21 Recent Posts
Seeing how urges and emotions are somewhat the same thing I feel that more investigation into the sensations that make up the various mindstates could help me notice them on contact-feeling  before they lead to craving-clinging and actualize themselves.

I've never been very adept at describing my emotional state and have always felt rather disconnected from emotion altogether. On reflection this is probably much due to a lack of awareness as well as the disassociation to emotion that myself and others have noticed in me.

http://www.vocabularypage.com/2016/06/emotions.html?m=1
Here's a pretty concise list I found earlier. 
Many of the lists are in wheel format which is really helpful for consulting regularly but none of the one's I can find include 'pity'. Not that I feel pity often but it'd be nice to have a complete list to look at rather than having to discern: 'pity, or 'unskillfull sympathy', is close enemy of compassion who's far enemy is cruelty'
Not sure yet how helpful this investigation will be to my practice but it seems like a weak link in my awareness of experience so I'm [consults list] curious, eager and interested to look into this further.
I hope to gain some insight into the core sensations that make up these fabrications and what gives rise to them.

Any suggestions for better lists or tools to help build understanding on emotion and mindstates would be well received 
Brendan I, modified 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 12:45 PM
Created 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 12:45 PM

RE: Notes, questions and current experience

Posts: 11 Join Date: 11/13/21 Recent Posts
 What does Ingram mean by investigate the 3 characteristics of each sensation?

I feel that I recognize their inherent impermanence, that they don't provide any real satisfaction and aren't self. That much seems pretty obvious most of the time, aside from when one is caught up in rumination about something or other.

I certainly wouldn't say that I investigate the 3 characteristics of sensations as they arise and pass. They just come and go, sometimes I'll put a label on it so next time it can be more easily recognized for what it is. If something arises which seems more like a fabrication than a sensation, I might use a little intellectual reasoning to help me break it down into it components but I try and avoid this sort of activity or at least save it for the end of my sit to think about further.

The way it's phrased in mctb, to me, makes it sound like there is some sort of intellectual excersise that I should be doing while noting, and that I might be missing something crucial.

I suppose what my question comes down to is:
how does one know if the mind is truly aware of the three characteristics of a given sensation?
I can think of examples where the mind is not aware of the 3c's but these are usually negative states and seldom occur during practice.
Could a more intellectual investigation into the 3c's of experience lead me to better insight into it's nature, or should I just keep letting things come and go as they are?
/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/share/clipdata_211222_144028_459.sdoc
George S, modified 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 7:39 PM
Created 5 Months ago at 12/22/21 7:37 PM

RE: Notes, questions and current experience

Posts: 2391 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Hi Brendan,

Angelo Dilullo's book Awake: It's Your Turn has a good chapter on
emotions. Eugene Gendlin's Focusing method is good for working with the felt sense of emotions & issues.

On noting the 3Cs, the scale can range from sub 1 second for sensations that you can barely label, small objects like sounds or thoughts, mental & emotional states with duration, big "objects" like people & buildings, all the way up to long duration structures like jobs, stages of life & psychological constructs, even things like the sense of space, awareness and time itself. Everything is game for observing the 3Cs and decomposing how your whole experience is built up out of raw sensations ... Have fun exploring!

Breadcrumb