My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

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Mitz U, modified 1 Month ago at 5/22/22 11:52 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/22/22 11:48 PM

My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 16 Join Date: 5/5/22 Recent Posts
​​​​​​Note: Im not blaming DHO turning me. I mean I am the one who blames myself for how i was not mature enough to handle it.​​​​​​​And I didnt even realize it. The urge to tell people about Stream Entry and how to practice, or even in general, trying to get meditation communities hyped up about meditation, sharing my meditation notes and tips.
It has all been one big sankhara of my need for validation, my need to contribute something, my need to feel worth, feel special like I needed to feel like I am doing my duty and I justified it like it was my duty to educate people and help turn the wheel of the dhamma...

I feel like a fool.. So much shame. I was doing it all along, just like a Christian who spams bible verses in random places. Not as bad, obviously, but still i was doing the same thing all along. 

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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Month ago at 5/23/22 6:00 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/23/22 6:00 AM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 2451 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
I've done much worse things in my life. 

It's in the past! 

Right now investigate that which is "right now". 

If it helps to say, then I do forgive you for anything bad you might have done. You are a good being on a good path. 

Maybe best to start a practice log and update it daily to keep you motivated. 

Best wishes to you Mitz! 
Chrollo X, modified 1 Month ago at 5/23/22 7:13 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/23/22 7:13 AM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 57 Join Date: 1/11/22 Recent Posts
Yessuh! Spread the Buddha's righteous dhamma!
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Daniel M Ingram, modified 1 Month ago at 5/24/22 4:52 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/24/22 4:52 PM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 3230 Join Date: 4/20/09 Recent Posts
Yeah, that's a thing, so, from the Best of the DhO: https://www.dharmaoverground.org/discussion/-/message_boards/message/98527#_com_liferay_message_boards_web_portlet_MBPortlet_message_17811565

Ouch! Very sorry to hear that. Many of us have been there, might be again. Hope it gets better! As the AA Kids say, admitting you have a problem is the first step. Best wishes!
Robert L, modified 1 Month ago at 5/24/22 7:32 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/24/22 7:32 PM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 16 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.
-Lao Tzu

Been there, done that.emoticon
-Robert L.

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T DC, modified 1 Month ago at 5/25/22 12:18 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/25/22 12:08 AM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 447 Join Date: 9/29/11 Recent Posts
That thread is not only a blast from the past, but pretty much a who's who of the greater pragmatic dharma scene, thanks for sharing!  ;) 

Re: OP proselytizing, don't beat yourself up about it or feel too much shame.  Excessive proselytizing is basically an enshrined stage on the meditative path, particularly in this community it might seem.  The important thing is that you learn from the experience how to share your enthusiasm in a more constructive manner.

​​​​​​​There's a sutra parable where the Buddha, freshly enlightened, basically goes off on some fellow wanderer about being the awakened one, to ill effects.  The point being that that as tempting as it can be to lay it on thickly (and even the Buddha was tempted), effective sharing of one's personal experience with awakening requires finesse and subtlety. 
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Mitz U, modified 1 Month ago at 5/25/22 3:23 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/25/22 3:23 AM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 16 Join Date: 5/5/22 Recent Posts
Wow, thank you everyone for the overwhelming positive support. 

What happened recently for me to realize my Sankhara was not actually related to anything DHO, but it was from me sharing some practice notes in a local group. My purpose was to encourage people who have maybe laid off on meditation to be encouraged to start again, and to also add some tips to people who are currently meditating. I wanted to get the local community hyped up because there is a new retreat center that's opening up and I have been hyped up and helping out with it. I knew I was rocking the boat because I felt the community was dead and I thought people were afraid to share anything. 

I got pretty good positive feedback and even the Admin of the group (who is my friend) said the post was inspiring and said he found that the tips I gave were "good stuff".

What hit me was that he posted and pinned some Rules after that to the group.
Some things he pointed out:
"The point of sharing is to firm up personal recall of insights. Ones thoughts become more organized when making a summary"
"We are not here to fix people".
"People find it beneficial to share".

I felt that in a lot of these reminders, i felt maybe he is pointing that what i shared was more for my benefit, and not the benefit of others.
Aside from that, a lot of people also liked his post, including people who didn't like my post, including some well respected members of the community.

In that moment, I was shocked, and I knew I screwed up. I have been unable to meditate for a few days since this happened.
I know I am overblowing this, but I also fear that the local community might label me as "The Clown who thinks he's a teacher". You know how one internet blunder can immortalize someone for the worst.

I know I am overblowing it out of proportion and that I am having cognitive dissonance, but I started thinking about why it may have been dangerous.

I am in a Theravada Community and I am giving Personal tips which are Chopsuey and "Yogi's toolkit type" stuff. A lot of beginners might be confused, a lot of people's practices might get messed up. We should be focusing on the suttas. I wrote up an apology letter to the Admin, and I deleted the post.

The admin said I did nothing wrong and not to beat myself up. I still feel a plethora of emotions, shame, anger - anger because a part of me still is frustrated about the whole culture of these local Buddhism groups. And this admin who is very rigid and strict about the culture, has control of all/majority of the Buddhist groups in the country. Yes, this same culture that is secretive that is opposite of this culture.

But it is a wake up call. It is a learning experience.

It is also a humbling experience... It makes me realize how each action really has its consequences and to be careful. 
Robert L, modified 1 Month ago at 5/25/22 8:53 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/25/22 8:53 AM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 16 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
As T DC stated, don't beat yourself up over it. We've all been there. Next time you feel the urge to share the Dharma, investigate the urge. Recognize it and use it to deepen your practice. Every life experience should be used to deepen your practice. 

There I go again...
Adi Vader, modified 1 Month ago at 5/25/22 9:59 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/25/22 9:59 AM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 118 Join Date: 6/29/20 Recent Posts
Shit happens. Best to move on. The only reason to look to the past - that which has already happened - is to learn from it and make sure that the future is free from ignorance of our actions. This is a general principle that anybody can adopt. Shame, embarrasment, guilt ... completely useless.

Personally I make absolutely no investment in whether my advice will be well received, or whether it is helpful. If there is value in my words, in my own judgement, I simply toss them out there and let those who can benefit benefit, and those who can't ... well they will complain for a while and then forget all about it. If a group or a forum isnt suitable for my words then its the job of the moderators to let me know. This is not a general principle that anybody can adopt, it is a matter of personality emoticon
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terry, modified 1 Month ago at 5/29/22 3:35 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/29/22 3:35 PM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 2185 Join Date: 8/7/17 Recent Posts
apology accepted

you are forgiven

go and sin no more

stone unthrone
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terry, modified 1 Month ago at 5/29/22 3:37 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/29/22 3:37 PM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 2185 Join Date: 8/7/17 Recent Posts
I didn't even know dho had a dogma.
Is there a catechism?
​​​​​​​Damn, I should read the book...
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terry, modified 1 Month ago at 5/29/22 3:49 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/29/22 3:49 PM

RE: My DhO background turned me into a Proselytizer

Posts: 2185 Join Date: 8/7/17 Recent Posts
"the clown who thinks he is a teacher"

what a fine ring that has!

embrace it...

for clowns approach the wisdom of children, drunks, idiots and the insane....

​​​​​​​those who lnow and yet speak,,,

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