Greetings,

Its been a little over a year now since I've last posted on this site. My practice has waxed and waned throughout that time. Multiple factors were at play relative to the cause, but the end result was that generally the total time I put in on the "matt" to practice was minimal. However, I feel I have benefitted in other ways in regards to this spiritual path I tread and the truth I seek. Due to things starting to stabilize and my practice becoming routine in my day to day life, as of right now, I find logging might help ground me a little further. In addition to, if others read and follow this log, my one request of you, if you are willing, is if you notice this being that I am straying into an unhealthy direction relative to the spiritual path, please let me know. I accept all critisism and is part of my reason for posting once more on here. I have developed my reasoning and conceptual contemplation quite a bit over the years since my spiritual journey really kicked off so that in turn helps ground the egotistical fluctuations, but still the fear remains of not noticing before I stray so far into the dark.

Now, with the above being said, we come to where I am at now currently on this journey. Consider me a noob on the practical side of things. My conceptual framework with maps, categories, process to get from here to there, etc. are extremely developed to the point that if you were to add solidity to them and put them all into a bag then do the same onto practice experience then put them on both ends of a teeter totter, the conceptual side would not budge an inch. I have a procrastinative tendency when it comes to things I don't crave and I don't crave many things relative to what I notice from those around me. It has taken a long time to get to the point where this ego of mine would budge, but that battle seems to be at an end The last couple of weeks (maybe further back than that, not certain due to memory issues) I have been practicing twice a day. It's typically 30-60 minutes in the morning before work and in the evening after work. I've been utilizing Mindfulness of Breathing for awhile, but I had a shift in my conceptual framework after an insightful reading experience, which in turn cleared up most of the resentment I have towards Christianity and so that led to my mind's binding point being changed. My method to get to access concentration is following Matthew 22:37-38. When I notice a deviation away from my binding point, I utilize Matthew 22:39 and ensure I don't entangle my being further which leads me to utilizing a "sacred word" to return.

This will serve as a log for both my practice sessions and contemplative sessions. Others are welcome to comment, ask questions, etc. on here. Do as you will

4-20-23 Morning Session:

I am starting to understand more deeply what needs done to reach access concentration. I am encountering 3 main issues right now.

- Posture Fluctuation
- Timing Alignment of Bowel Movement with Practice Session
- Naming Hesitancy

Due to past karmic tendencies, my back is weak and I don't have a uniform, seated posture that is both comfortable and steady over time. Previously, I was utilizing a lying down position with neck elevated to open up my air pathways. This has since changed due to a variety of factors and now my posture goal is aligning with the general recommendation I have seen many a time before. I will mitigate this hindrance by foucsing on forming good karmic pathways relative to it during my work hours which should expedite the process.

Timing of restroom need is ... annoying, but if this repeats consistently as it has past two days then I can start waking up earlier to allow for both so they don't intermingle and I have to keep stopping.

Now, we come to what gave a lot of energy to my contemplative thought stream this morning. I haven't experienced the fluidity of it like this morning for awhile which is most likely due to my intellect not having much to go off of until I gain more direct experience with the flow of things. It feels like a sleeping dragon only awakening when there is something new to entangle with relative to my overall path. This flow has since tappered off and I'm more so back at my slow paced, logical analyization. However, now that I'm comparing them, I understand they are more or less one and the same but with different tones it feels like. The former feels more artistic and the later feels more systematic.

Regardless, the cause is known. The issue is with a Name. The evaluative process of the mind utilized in the binding to reach access concentration. I am struggling. I thought I was okay with opening myself up to the names utilized in Christianity once more, yet the resistance of the ego is still coming out. When opening myself up to the present moment and accepting the flow as it comes and goes I struggle to call it God. I have a deep instinctual feeling that it's all the same across all religions in an overarching pattern relative to the journey to the end. This made me shift to Taoism and consider utilizing their concepts of just following the way and utilizing wu-wei with the flow. However, that in turn, brings forth past comparison of my karmic tendencies and I will, more than likely, become disastisfied (I see you Buddha) at a certain point and attempt to pivot once more to another framework.

Now, to contemplate upon a resolution with all of the above being known. The idea of a boundless form resonates with this being. With the formless body being set, a name needs to be applied to it for the evaluative process. Evaluation takes place regardless to discern if i am entangling my being or not so, why a name? To build trust with the relationship being formed? To provide a concept/idea the mind can accept more easily and entangle further with once its bound? I know not, but still believe a name must be tied to it.

What then can the formless be called? I thought my resentment was wiped clean with Christianity yet some still came to the fore when connecting the Name of God to the formless. Do I pull from other religious frameworks? Do I pull from Science with their concepts? If I flip the angle of the problem and face from the end, the end result is Nibbana, God, Tao, etc. are all similar in the fact they can't be tied down by human language. So, with that being known, do I just name it Unknown/Unknowable? Create a paradoxal relationship between the formless form and its nameless name so that they might intertwine in a more synergistic fashion relative to what this ego would accept?

Another angle I was considering this morning was that of Love. My instructions for practice are "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." When, in the past, I questioned what love is, I found several bible verses that helped bring an answer to that inquiry.

"Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." 
"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whomever loves has been born of God and knows God."

These, in addition to some more and cross-concpetual exmaining between practices brings forth a resonance in things. However, while love is the universal language and can form the highway for all things to flow on, the issue still remains. To get use to that bonding process, that relationship being formed, then there must be a Name and a Form to start with. Then, once bound and have access concentration, one can either go out amongst the many or go deeper within the one.

I don't have an answer now. I am going to take the rest of this contemplative session to my OneNote I usually work within. If anyone reads this and know of something that might help get me past this road block, I welcome your input.

4-20-23 Evening Session and 4-21-23 Morning Session:

I pivoted back to the breath as my mind's anchor point. The formless form feels much more difficult to do in comparison to having an easily identifable thing I can confidently state is X within the sensory input. However, there may come a time where I switch back and forth between them to gain more data sampling for cross-examination and investigate further. I don't see myself straying outside of these 2 though. Breath has held its top spot over all others that have sought to replace it over the years. I find it so practical. The Christianity angle with Buddhism angle is helping me see the mean between the two relative to what should be done during practice. It's making it easier for this ego to withdraw more from the unskillfull and allow the Mind and Body to form its natural relationship. Now it'll just be about repitition to form those karmic pathways around posture and then around my chosen binding point until I can master getting to Access Concentration. From there, based on past precedent of my intellect, things will more than likely fluctuate quite a bit.

4-21-23 to Now:

I've stopped working on the development of access concentration around the Breath and have shifted fully to mastering my posture. I'm seeing why Raja Yoga places so much emphasis on it by having it be its own limb amongst the 8. If posture is mastered then one need not have to worry about coming out of developing concentration around your chosen binding point and utilizing energy to change the body until harmony and balance is established once more. If you have faith in your body's posture maintaining itself into the infinite then you can ease that mind's worries and allow it to focus on developing karma around something that isn't the body instead. The Buddha does state to calm bodily fabrication in his instructions so maybe it's just a matter of order of operations in the overall process and what suites the ego at that point in space-time. Regardless, I seek posture mastery. I have full confidence this won't take long to fine tune the overall structure that fits this body of mine due to past karma around associated development of postures in other areas. However, regardless of the outline, the space still needs filled over time to allow the body to paint itself to the mind's dream where the muscles come into being to support the structure the builder wants. I can control only up to a certain point. Eventually, I must step aside and let the process of karma take its own course. Plant the seeds and then let nature go through its process until the crops come into fruition. I must remember the unconjecturable around karma. 

Things are coming along. I've refined my posture in terms of general boundaries to monitor to ensure it stays within those bounds and feel that is pretty much done. I've recently noticed I sometimes don't adapt my posture to balance with the breath process, which leads to counteracting forces that causes unpleasant sensations. This has lead me to including this with posture practice. It feels like a merging of the 3rd and 4th limbs of Raja Yoga. Once I can get these karmic pathways formed where I can trust they will operate on their own in the manner intended, then I can start working more on the mental aspect of things.

I had one of my fluctuations again with what binding point I desired to utilize in my practice. I was stuck between Loving God with no set Form (Void like Earth was in Genesis) and the Breath. However, after a contemplative session, I discerned there is no way to be Void in this regard that is shamatha practice. I think previously I was projecting my love upon an idea, but that idea is in itself a form and limits God to what only my mind can comprehend at that point in space-time. When I had that insight, I realized the only way to love God in a formless "form" is to rest within your natural experience and that is vipassana practice.

I also had a fluctuation in regards to what conceptual framework I use for processing my experience relative to the binding point I choose. I see cross similarities to the three treasures in taoisim, poisons to withdraw from in buddhism, observances in raja yoga of hinduism, and the greatest commandment in christianity. To me, it feels like they operate in a similar fashion to restrict and cover the totality of your ego's fluctuations upon reality at a base level. They have different conceptual tones in the angle at which they approach handling the ego. After going through all this, it re-affirmed my decision to utilize Christianity's framework as it just feels right. There were times after practicing posture for awhile, I did go inwards for a bit and practiced utilizing this framework around the breath. It felt instinctual on which aspect to use to counter the force of the ego whenever a fluctuation occured. I also noticed I really need to work on the second greatest commandment (loving the neighbor as you love yourself). I have a karmic tendency to react in an unwholesome manner to interuptions. I see how this is a pattern in an overall sense in my life. The main way I've been handling this anger and such was through reasoning and seeing the other's point of view, suppression of negative intentions, trying to find the positive in things, etc. However, even with that being the case, it still feels like I've been straddling the line of wholesome action. This processing and handling of any "neighbor" that comes into the neighborhood of consciousness feels and logically points to making that line clearer and easier to tread through the general karmic pathway formation.

I am implementing playing basketball with my practice in a manner similar to Tai Chi, but that is still being worked out in how that will operate and fit in with everything. Essentially, the practice revolves around shooting the basketball which is the move "set". I have that set split into 3 parts of standing, going, and returning. I don't believe this can be a shamatha type practice since I can only have a very general posture pattern with the going and returning segments since even with the most micro like change in trajectory from the point of rest in the standing stance can add up over its path towards the target leading to a larger change which means a different pattern for the returning segment. I briefly considered creating a virtual world to cover things like slope of ground, spin of ball, etc. but then that just becomes the builder expanding and expanding the formation until everything can be covered and leads to a rabbit hole so I reminded myself once more of the unconjecturable stated by the Buddha. Since Jhana 1 leads to not processing external variables based on what I know of it from research then that means I wouldn't be able to adjust to the ball's new trajectory if I enter that state. Tai Chi is just with the body though so I am interested in possibly incorporating that on my path as well to experience Jhana while the body is up and moving in a loop like pattern.

I believe the above covers pretty much all the main areas in terms of where I am at on my path currently.

My sitting posture is pretty well established at this point. I just have a couple instances now where upper body starts leaning in a direction which causes friction with the breath flow, but have implemented additional general boundaries to mitigate this. In regards to my previous post over controlling the body's motion from the breathing process, I have realized it is not necessary to refine that as the body will naturally adjust with wholesome concentration practice, which the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali reinforces this point with the Breath Control limb that I briefly forgot about.

I've been able to focus less on my posture now and have had several sessions where I spend 30-60 minutes refining my experience around my chosen anchor point. I am starting to conceptually see how things will play out based on this experience. It's almost like a singularity coming into being that the aspects that make up the totality of my experience must conform to and make way for. This train of thought leads to a connection with the 3 treasures of Taoism, especially so with the third one. While I may be wrong, I'll find out in time, I am guessing Access Concentration takes place when everything is "behind" your anchor point (or revolving around your chosen "star", etc.). It's almost like boundaries, that you accept, form around the ego to allow this creation come into being. Regardless, the conceputal connections will become more defined the more direct experience I get with the practice so we shall see.

As of now, in regards to other areas of cultivation, I am pretty set on working towards the concentration that leads to "knowledge and vision" as stated in the Samadhi Sutta. I see a connection with this and the first day in Genesis of the Holy Bible. Logically, the Buddha could have inputted any other base consciousness with the associated base data (i.e. body and tactile sensations) and yet he specifically mentions to perceive Light/daytime instead. It almost feels like a stepping stone to the concentration that leads to mindfulness and alertness where you aren't selective at all in what you percieve and just perceive your natural experience. With these two, you get use to a singular form and get use to no set form within a singular consciousness.

I am going to work on these in tandem, rather than waiting on hitting certain "checkpoints" with one before moving to the next. The way to process is the same, it's just the form and consciousness that changes. I will be doing the cultivation around Light with Basketball as I've realized I don't like the idea of a set bodily posture pattern and would rather just observe things come naturally and so this would allow for that.

Now it's just be about "the grind" with putting the time in to cultivate and gain experience with processing things relative to the end I seek.

I've withdrawn from the belief in a connection between the second development of concentration listed in the Samadhi Sutta and the first day of genisis in the Holy Bible. The Light referenced in the later text may be connected to Knowledge and then the darkness is Ignorance. Not sure and will be putting cross-comparitive conceptualization on hold until a later date.

I was planning on leaving the third development of concentration until my practice was pretty well grounded within the first two but I felt resistance to this idea recently and so have decided to implement it with my training moving forward. I'm connecting activities I have large cravings for with the developments of concentration. 

Breathing will be connected to the first development.
Basketball and Sky Gazing will be connected to the second development.
Swimming, Breathing and playing a video game will be connected to the third development.

I had a session with Basketball and it was pretty fun honestly. Very different. It will take time to moderate the manipulation of my experience and focus on only perceiving light, but that's a given. I see the second greatest commandment taking a large role here. It's like observing all the neighbors (visual forms) come and go through the neighborhood (Eye Consciousness) while I ensure I treat them equally with the two commandments and focus on their common data point in terms of Light. I have found it is easier if I do this practice without my glasses on. It provides a uniform space relative to "sharpness" of the image and ensures I don't focus more on areas within my sight that my glasses cover in comparison to the areas that it does not.

Swimming in my case is not lap swimming and what I'm just naming it vertical swimming. My body's location on the horizontal plane is generally isolated to one place whereas the location on the vertical plane fluctuates. I'm not sure if this and the video game will stand the test of time during my practice but I am curious and so will test it out.

For the first development with Breath: A part of me is getting a little frustrated with having posture fluctuations where it interupts my focus on my object and have to divert energy away to keep correcting it. Intellectually, I understand it will take time, but still.. the feeling remains. This led me to trying out the lying down posture again to see how it is with my new understanding and processing of things. Sloth/Torpor didn't seem to increase as it did in the past. Regardless, I will still be cultivating a sitting posture, but will also use this posture at times. I'll be utilizing the sitting posture in the mornings to counter the sleepiness right after waking up and then the lying down posture will be used after work to help increase restfulness.

 Today's sessions around the development of the first type of concentration and then second type has shifted something within my understanding of things. It almost feels like the wisdom is deeper? I understand I have a habitual tendency to surf across the waters of concepts to investigate potential commonalities. It is a strong craving of mine. That and the builder wanting to theory craft potential forms and what perfection might be in said forms. The ever shifting of karmic formations until the ideal is deemed satisfactory. Yet, I understand disatsfactoriness is bound to follow even if I believe, temporarily, the ideal is met, per Buddha via the 3 Characteristics. I also keep reminding myself of the unconjecturables and ensure I don't fall to far down that rabbit hole as it feels like I have at points in the past...

With this deeper realization, I sense the subject I've been investigating recently will play a LARGE role in my practice, which is the 4 foundations of power. Previously, there was a karmic tendency of the do-er to step in and make adjustments in an unwholesome manner to get back to the baseline of flow I seek. Intention will help mitigate that deviation so I plant the seed correctly and then step back and observe it come to fruition, stepping in only when the destination has been changed from what was pre-determined and handling said deviation in a wholesome manner following the tools your spiritual vehicle recommends to utilize at said point in time. 

As to other specifics of my overall practice. I previously mentioned utilizing the activity of playing a video game with the 3rd development of concentration with a connected doubt. I have withdrawn from that being a potential activity in my practice. Swimming is still a possibility after a small test today. However, due to safety concerns, breath has to be at the forefront where all other forms must revolve around it to provide support. I haven't done much with the 3rd development so this may be a factor in which voids this activity for that type of cultivation unless I choose to through caution to the wind. For now, I'll continue on with tests.

I sense now that Basketball will play a large role in my path in this life. It helps connect with a past builder that was obsessed with perfection of the fundamentals, creates positive resonance further cementing my flow forward on my path, practical in terms of increasing my general bodily health, and helps bring peace to the memories of dreams falling short. I've also recently dabbled a little more with Tai Chi and loved it. I sense a compatibility with the general activity and the first 3 types of concentration as well as it being a "sibling" activity to help fill in the "space" more of the general karmic formations that both share. I am currently contemplating if I desire to pursue 1st development within the activity of playing basketball and how restrictive of a boundary I should place on my posture in the second development. Until posture is established up to the point of the ball always returning, after shooting, minus external circumstances such as weather or a muscle cramp etc., then my mind's binding point would logically have to be either earth kasina (basketball) or empty space kasina (between net/rim). After posture is established relative to the previous ideal then mind's binding point possibilities expand out into the infinite. Going back to the two primary contenders of binding points until the ideal is reached, there is a confliction. The posture has two segments to it. Going and Returning. When I breath in, I extend towards the empty space of the hoop to shoot. When I breathe out, I return back to the earth with the ball lowering myself as I will. Focusing on the ball would render the hoop less important in the activity during the going segment. Focusing on the hoop would make returning with the ball in hand less important during its associated segment of the posture set. It seems that conflict will remain until the previously mentioned posture goal is met. I will be practicing more to see realistically how long that goal might take me to reach based on the components that would need to be involved.

As to the potential boundary during the second development with the activity of playing basketball.. I don't really have much to expand on this subject right now. I think I had a concern with the activity would be rendered void if I let forms come and go as long as the primary objective is met, which is to perceive light. If the forms end up not flowing in accordance with the desired activity then is there any point of starting out doing said activity in the first place? As mentioned before, I have a craving to take the activity of basketball with me on my journey and so I will need to find how to incorporate it in one of the 3 types of concentrative development that is practical.
 

The path forward is becoming clearer. Ideas are starting to flow more freely once more so that, to me, gives an indication I'm on the right track. I found I had a tendency to cling to one consciousness to observe the changes from my selective theme has upon my being. That restrictive action was grinding the flow of changes to a halt in a manner. I also have noticed I have been changing the permutation of my conceptual framework that covers the totality of my possible experience (Mindfulness, Greatest Commandment, etc.), which is a no go per the Iddhipada-vibhanga Sutta. With that realization, my framework is now settling in place for my practice that I have chosen to take with. I'm seeing how simple the process of what is to be done is yet how difficult it can be in embodying that process dependent on a being's karma at that point in time. I definetly have a lot to work through, but am glad I have way established in which I believe I can finally settle upon to do this work in a consistent fashion.

Hey Seek Truth,
I find your intro into this post quite weird.



I may not have your breadth of knowlodge. But I do have a broad understanding of the Buddhism practice traditions. While there's no problem with Christianity as a path, more of the language used to talk about and describe meditation is if not more Buddhist centric, is definately more pragmatic & rational. Simiply put, speak simiply if you want help or advice about your practice. Considering your aserted knowledge base that, might be a new area to work on.

Sorry, not sure about the rest of your posts and I'm not really drawn to reading them all based off the intro. I will look at your last post though. I have experienced understanding the Map of Insight, Map of Jhana and the Awareness Jhanas. That's my primary interest. I'm not a quoter, I'm more of a doer. I understand the path as far as Equanimity and the Awareness Jhanas up to NPnNP, as describe in TWIM. I have struggled throgh years of insight retreat and no longer practice a Dry Insight style. So I could give advice or help if it was associated with those kind of progressive practices. Is that why you're here to develop the progress of insight?

A big part of doing a retreat in Vipassana at Lumbini Gar for 12 or 14 week was learning to report. I have put a post up about my practice in TWIM, it's not vipassana but it more like how you should report about your practice. Consider doing a 10 day some where and learning the way to talk about your practice properly. Your last post was, not useful in terms of understanding a person practice. Lastly Reflect upon the ways Ingram talks about and describes practices and other post. Ingram does have meta language that build upon traditional meta practice language, try to learn about how traditional practice describes experiences rather than tell of attainments. 

E.g I saw god Andy I realized I was awakened after reading the Patanjali suttas, is a fine statement but offers no insight into what that even means from a practice phenomenon point of view. It's your log, do as you wish, but it you're interested in learning about the insight path then have a look at how others are logging cause though they are doing it in a journal style, they are also talking about insight practice in ways people in the insight tradition can understand.

​​​​​​​Best of luck. 

Hi Neem Nyima

I've always struggled throughout my life communicating with others. I appreciate your feedback on how to clarify myself to others in a manner that might be easier to get help or advice about my practice. However, that being said, I am not seeking, at this point in time, to bind the language used and the way in which it is structured in my posts. I am more than willing to meet someone in the middle through conversation to help clarify things, but for the original posts I am wanting to keep them in the manner I so choose at the time of posting.

As to why I am here? If you are referring to here as in this log of mine on this website, then the reason is of multiple parts. I find logging to be helpful for getting my thoughts in order, reviewing, creating a historical footprint of said thoughts to cross-compare at a later point in time to see how things may have or may not have changed, putting myself out there in a "public" environment whereas normally I keep to myself majority of the time, maybe something of this log might help another being, maybe another will help me, etc.

I get the feeling this statement might help clarify some things as to where I am at in my practice: I still consider myself a beginner. I haven't done much on the path of insight as that hasn't been my focus yet. 

If you have any other questions in terms of gaining clarification over what has been said before, please let me know.

Also, I made the assumption I could post as I wanted to on this site via my log. If there is a structure I should be following and it is frowned upon doing as I have been, please let me know. If that turns out to be the case, I doubt I'll continue posting and will probably pack my bags and just log on my own via OneNote. Totally understand and no hard feelings though if that's the truth

Hi !

I really like the quote you gave :


There is no structure you are "supposed to follow" for your log, you can do as you please with it (as long as you follow that first commandment ;) just joking of course). 

Giving "phenomenological reports" can be helpful sometimes if one wants advice with specific aspects of one's practice from specific people, but at the end of the day it's not always helpful, from my perspective, to ask advice from others, perhaps particularly on an online forum. My own 2 cents would be, if your practice meaningful to you and you have a sense you know what you are doing, that might be enough... 

Anyways !

Best,

Olivier

Hey Olivier

I appreciate your words and clarification. Yeah, my practice has meaning to me and I am pretty confident now on what is to be done and how to go about doing so. 

If I do encounter an obstacle on my path that I find myself being unable to overcome, then I will shift to reporting in another manner, dependent on the audience, to gain assistance. I'll probably do that on another post though (outside this log), not sure.

Good plan !

As an aside: I've been reading Zvi Ish-Shalom's Path of Primordial light, and in it he describes the very cool, classic Hebrew prayer of "Shema". It is from Deuteronomy, 6-4. Funnily enough, the verse that comes right after is the same as that Matthew quote you mentioned. It is this :



Zvi Is-Shalom's interpretation of the 6.4 verse is a bit different and more interesting than this rendition, though. Here is him explaining and singing it, interesting way of chanting:

​​​​​​​https://soundcloud.com/zvi-ish-shalom/shma-meditation

Cheers !

O

Thanks Olivier, I have added that book to my ongoing list of resources to peruse at a later point

I've been focusing on the body lately more so than the mind to try and reach my idea of a perfected posture. As I often do, I feel I took that to far into an extreme. Since this realization, I have started moderating that aspect of my practice. This morning after getting my posture set up and then focusing on adhering to the guidance provided in the 3rd limb of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, I was able to settle into it and start focusing more on the mental aspects of things. During that, it felt like many different parts of my being were slowly coming together? Not sure, it is hard to describe. I do know I have a tendency to project and push towards a certain feeling at times after I experience it to try and reinforce and repeat it. The bases of power in Buddhism is helping me moderate that karmic tendency. 

I can't recall any other large updates in my practice. I am excited though for what the future entails after this shift in understanding with the body aspect of my practice and being able to focus more on the mental side without worrying about the body as much like in the past. There have been many times in my worldly life where it feels like i've had to hold so many sensations in like a tight ball or continuously re-direct my mind to something else otherwise I'll break down. I feel relief growing within in relation to my treading on this spiritual path so I can handle all I contain at times in a more appropriate and healthy manner.

There has been a lot of fluctuations lately in my practice in regards to the permutation used. Lots of doubt, indecision, back and forth. I had a hope to utilize a permutation from the Chrisitan tradition for a variety of reasons, but too many questions and uncertainty arise when attempting to utilize that method. A lot of that was revolved around the concept of Soul and how one is supposed to love with it; what do you have volitional control over in regards to your conscious experience that would be considered to be an aspect of the soul? I'm curious if it's treated similar to how Consciousness is in Buddhism minus the permenant/impermenant differentation. Regardless, it is not clear and so has been dropped. I did a lot of cross-comparison between Raja Yoga and the Noble Eightfold Path along with relevant suttas for meditation (i.e. Anapanasati Sutta). There are parts within each that resonate with me, but I have settled on the buddhist permutation due to similar reasons as before, with this one being more clear in how to practice.

I have also since stopped practicing with a variety of postures and foci/binding points. I am settling upon one posture, foci, and permutation until I gain concrete information on how to go about things to get where I aim to get. Once that confidence settles in, based on historical trends in my behavior, I am bound to fluctuate once more and spread out to other postures/foci/etc. to experiement. However, maybe that trend will be superseded by the knowledge gained from direct experience; time will tell. 

I feel my mind starting to steady after settling upon one mode/theme/posture. It feels like all those times in the past where I procrastinate and then eventually settle in with laser focus. I also sense conflicting emotions after settling with my chosen path forward. One is sadness and the other is relief. Sadness due to the hope of there being something more to what is to be done. Yet, I have relief because I feel I can finally start to practice in earnest and build up the karma around One rather than flopping back and forth, creating discordant waves. I know deep down this has to be done less I continue to increase my suffering, following along the unwholesome karmic pathways my past has cultivated. I sense it in my body and how I treat it with everyday actions. I sense it in my mind and how I strain it so to focus on what I wish to focus on to the point it is more clinging rather than Right Concentration. I sense it in my indecision affecting choices in so many things. I sense it in the emotional fluctuations I get out of nowhere where at some points I feel like crying and I don't understand why. I sense it in the gradual increase of disatisfaction with past cravings leaving little for my current ego to grasp for to find temporary release. To say the least, it is time. 

I am uncertain on how often I will log until the next "checkpoint". It's more about repitition now with my chosen path until I can confidently say I have "mastered" getting to X (insert checkpoint on spiritual map here) using this mode/theme/etc. I usually only log when I have a craving to do so and that seems to only happen after large shifts. I don't foresee a large shift happening for a while, but who knows

My practice is coming along. I've been using the same mode, posture, direction for thought/binding point, breath pattern, etc. and things are becoming more and more clear. I am gaining more confidence in that this way works, makes sense, and little doubt has arisen in regards to this process utilized. Its been intriguing watching how the conceptual and actual refine one another. I put in place a framework to follow, test it and gain experience, refine the framework based on new understanding, repeat. Basically like the scientific method; a loop that continuously refines itself until there is nothing else left to refine.

I have yet to reach what others consider access concentration, but feel as though I am getting closer. My progress seems to have increased directly after clearing up a misconception of what Right Mindfulness is and how to embody that. Then in turn, pairing that with Right Concentration and seeing how those two buoy and support one another with the former always in front of the later.