Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/9/11 7:34 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/9/11 7:34 PM

Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
Moving from KFD over here. Don't want to be the odd man off in the corner doing his own thing, don't want to cause other dark night yogi's any doubts either. Hi guys.

Currently working on 6R Metta practice woth Sister Khema in a way that will lead eventually to the Jhanas, up to the fourth after which point I get to decide where to take it.

I finally understand after years of giving myself temporary wind-disorder (which is like the worst 3rd nana you could imagine, but the mind is so unstable you cannot see a 'C' to save your life) - that striving is NOT right effort and any meditative practice that increases tension in the body and especially the head will mess me up if done for more than a half hour or hour a day. I finally put two and two together, and decided to stop hurting myself. Currently I try to keep ~2hrs a day. I have decided to start over from scratch, clean slate, and focus on learning what it means to meditate without increasing the tension in my mind/body. Done sitting for the day, relaxing now to calm my frayed nervous system.
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Jake , modified 12 Years ago at 12/9/11 8:21 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/9/11 8:21 PM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 695 Join Date: 5/22/10 Recent Posts
Awesome Bill--- good for you. Practice doesn't have to be masochistic to go deep. Plenty of suffering to see without creating more with our practice methods and approach! Looking forward to your reports.--
--Jake
End in Sight, modified 12 Years ago at 12/9/11 10:39 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/9/11 10:39 PM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 1251 Join Date: 7/6/11 Recent Posts
Hi Bill,

I've kept up with your practice journal on KFD, and hope that this new style of practice helps you along the path.
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Eric B, modified 12 Years ago at 12/10/11 8:59 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/10/11 8:59 AM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 187 Join Date: 8/24/09 Recent Posts
bill of the wandering mind:
Moving from KFD over here. Don't want to be the odd man off in the corner doing his own thing, don't want to cause other dark night yogi's any doubts either. Hi guys.

Currently working on 6R Metta practice woth Sister Khema in a way that will lead eventually to the Jhanas, up to the fourth after which point I get to decide where to take it.

I finally understand after years of giving myself temporary wind-disorder (which is like the worst 3rd nana you could imagine, but the mind is so unstable you cannot see a 'C' to save your life) - that striving is NOT right effort and any meditative practice that increases tension in the body and especially the head will mess me up if done for more than a half hour or hour a day. I finally put two and two together, and decided to stop hurting myself. Currently I try to keep ~2hrs a day. I have decided to start over from scratch, clean slate, and focus on learning what it means to meditate without increasing the tension in my mind/body. Done sitting for the day, relaxing now to calm my frayed nervous system.


Bill,

How did you know you had a temporary wind disorder?

Eric
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/10/11 6:24 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/10/11 9:22 AM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
it happens after I sit for a longer time, especially if I 'push it' a bit, which happens alot even if I am not aware of it. I'm calling it that as I have read a few things lately about it - I could be wrong... We will see what happens. When I see it more clearly I think perhaps it is some kind of supressed hindrance... We shall see, have to relax enough to let it be seen.
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/10/11 6:21 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/10/11 6:21 PM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
did about 2.5 hours today, most lying down. Sitting up and trying to meditate lately and I am getting this excessive tension and subtle aversion looping of mind, and I cant relax *at all* to come back to the object. Lying down today this has been possible - I was even able to relax enough to see the hindrance directly a number of times and soften it up a bit, so I could see how I was causing the tension directly. May have to continue doing this lying down until I can sit upright again, although my back has been an issue as well...
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/11/11 8:38 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/11/11 8:38 AM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
two thirty minute sessions this morning - I really have to do the method, really follow the instructions, and it takes a while to take hold, didnt really start to work well until halfway through the last session, but finding oneself off the object, which in this meditation is very easy since the hold is so loose (don't want to add tension with a tight hold, no craving for making it 'stick there'), then releasing the thinking as possible, then relaxing the tensions in the head/body and smiling, returning - what happens is every darn worry and issue that usually gets overlooked unintentionally in meditation seems to want to show itself, but after doing it a while things get very serene, and the object is easier to hold on to but there is a stability, a tranquility that exists without effort, with a (so far) very faint sense of joy pervading it - I can stay easier with the object in this state, and there certainly isnt any kind of reduction of attentional width or anything. I can honestly say that I haven't felt that kind of peace or ease in a long while, maybe since the last sesshin, not sure. Too bad it was only 5-10 minutes worth but it didn't feel at all like it was unstable, felt like if I had kept sitting there it would have stayed and probably deepened. Not all fun and games though, last night had some stuff come up that made me realize that I hadn't forgiven life for all the physical and mental suffering, - started to do so, many tears involved. More later.
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Brian Eleven, modified 12 Years ago at 12/11/11 9:16 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/11/11 9:16 PM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 221 Join Date: 9/14/10 Recent Posts
Bill,
I think that everything you've said in this thread could, and does, apply to me. I spent about a year and a half "trying" and only increased tension, to the point that meditation became another source of stress in my life. I also left KFC and have been doing the 6R meditation for a couple months.
" what happens is every darn worry and issue that usually gets overlooked unintentionally in meditation seems to want to show itself, " This has been my exact experience as well. I could sit and suppress hindrances very well. Now that I'm not suppressing them though, holy, they're back with a vengeance. But, after a while sitting and relaxing, things really settle down and I'm Very relaxed, calm, and happy.
I've noticed a significant change in my daily life. I don't take things as seriously, I genuinely laugh at myself when I would have gotten angry in the past. I've had conversations instead of arguments. And this is while I'm still trying to get a handle on how to stay with the object with such a loose hold. It's like going from golf balls to eggs, very similar size, shape, weight, color, but you sure can't treat them the same.
Just wanted to say that it seems like this may be a common experience, if we're both having it.
So Keep at it and Good Luck!

Metta,
Brian.
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/12/11 9:08 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/12/11 9:08 AM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
Nice - thanks.. Did another hour this morning, seeing that the ball of tension in the head seems to be something that is supressed, feel like I am nibbling on the edge of it, relaxing and returning to the object. - Am also finding that the process of relaxing the tension seems to lead to a very clear, direct awareness without a sense of making it happen as well.
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/12/11 7:50 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/12/11 7:50 PM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
lunch sit was pretty scattered, need to work on the object a bit more I think
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/14/11 3:26 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/14/11 3:26 PM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
still @ 2 hrs a day, yesterday the metta feelings were very strong, grooved on them for a good part of the day, got full body, crackling joy for a while in the late afternoon. Today the metta was very weak, mind extremely resistive and wouldn't do anything, intent to relax and generate metta fizzled out so far today, although I am playing with the 'relax' part a bit and am finding that there is a particular way of relaxing into the sensations in the head that seems to cause a sudden drop in mental chatter, which seemed to help the second sit.
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/15/11 9:38 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/15/11 9:38 PM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
stronger again today, and the lunch sit was remarkable. I am slowly learning how to relax the tension in the head and what I find is that there is more there than I thought, and to actually relax it somehow quiets the mind in a major way and unifies it at the same time. Near the 40 min mark or so (I guess) in the lunch sit the relaxation got deep enough that I would relax, smile, return and find the chatter gone, resistance 90% gone, hindrances very attenuated (for my experience anyway) - with the mind readily obeying the intent to return to the object (at least for a minute anyway before bolting), and a mild sense of joy coming from this. The joy lasted a number of hours after the sit in the background of the mind, and it seemed like even though I was drifting/lazy and not being present in any intentional way after the sit, as soon as I decided to the mind would still immediately 'go there' like I had just got off the cushion. Seems like I may be getting closer to 1st jhana - its funny how what might have taken hours of effort before for me (and not be reproducible) could happen simply by relaxing in a certain way that seems to drop the mind as well. Very interesting.
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Nikolai , modified 12 Years ago at 12/16/11 5:17 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/16/11 5:17 AM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 1677 Join Date: 1/23/10 Recent Posts
Nice data!
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/16/11 9:53 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/16/11 9:53 PM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
weak again today - I went back and checked and it has been alternating days indeed. How odd. I found myself completely incapable of feeling any amount of happyness today, until this evening. Not sure how that works, as if some sort of neurotransmitter gets wiped out or something. I would suspect it to be mind-driven or something but its very suspicious that it really does seem to alternate days. I *do* have a very unique diet so I might be missing some critical nutrient - decided to add some manganese since my diet is very low in this and it could prevent high-dopamine depression symptoms. May not have an effect but I probably need it anyway (nearly all meat diet for medical reasons)
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/16/11 11:33 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/16/11 11:33 PM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
ehh - woops. Sitting on the couch suddenly started to fall backwards... Through digust, misery, fear, brief moment of elation and now just tension. - I must have slipped up the maps yesterday, that few hours of joy should have been my queue, and I did feel awfully fuzzy and lazy afterwards.. lol. Will have to watch that so I dont get blindsided.
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/17/11 5:43 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/17/11 5:43 PM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
very difficult dukkhaville today - unable to do *anything* for a while, then discovered that choiceless noting brought peace to the situation.
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bill of the wandering mind, modified 12 Years ago at 12/27/11 9:56 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/27/11 9:56 AM

RE: Bill H Practice Log. 6R's with Sister Khema

Posts: 131 Join Date: 4/14/11 Recent Posts
Going to take an 'online' break for a while.