Tony Norris, modified 3 Months ago at 6/9/23 6:23 AM
Created 3 Months ago at 6/9/23 6:23 AM


Posts: 55 Join Date: 6/9/23 Recent Posts
I didn't see a thread for newbs, if I missed it please redirect me, thanks!

I found some YouTubes of Daniel Ingram after hearing about him mentioned by a Taiwanese-American fitness & philiosophy turned meditation obsessed YouTuber named Frank Yang.  I will turn 44 this month, been interested in this meditation business for ages but have had a helluva time sticking with it (but it's to the point where it's almost never not on my mind which I view as a good step).  The longest I've gone consistency-wise is about 45 days straight of half-hour a day earlier this year before falling off hard.  I've shortened my time to 15-minute sessions (starting last night, the journey of a thousand miles, or to overcome the ten thousand things perhaps, begans with a single sit, right?), perhaps that will help.

I'm American, originally from New York City but lived all over the States, most recently in St Petersburg, Florida.  Almost two years ago now I knocked up an English girl and now live in England near Cambridge.  I can't work here yet so I'm blessed to have a fair amount of free time (altho very little money) so I really have no excuses not to practice daily.

I dislike psychiatric labels but for lack of better terms I probably have some form of PTSD due to neglect & abuse as a kid.  I suffered badly with depression as an adolescent but these days I don't have major depressive episodes anymore, my main body/mind problems are digestive issues, low-grade irriatability, insecurity about my lack of career succes & social isolation (which I cannot blame on covid or the fact that I live in a foreign country, this has been a constant in my life).  I have a love/hate relationship with the Internet as a learning/connecting tool.  My ideal life would invovle much less of it & more human interaction, ideally with people on a similar mission to me (being able to make a living, as part of a community, supporting human flourishing & attempted sustainability for our species).

Due to being medicated from a very young age (first for ADHD then later for depression) and for many years (from age 7 until age 23) I developed an aversion to drugs in adulthood.  However at age 29 I tried magic mushrooms & had many positive experiences.  I feel like mushrooms & mdma gave me a taste of what no-self might be like (altho mushrooms do strange things to the ego, sometimes magnifying it in embarssing ways).  I had a very pleasant experience once on MDMA in the parking lot outside my apartment in Florida.  It was evening, I was sitting with a friend on the concrete with my cat in my lap, I had music playing on a bluetooth speaker, my friend went in to pee & the music stopped as it was paired to her phone.  I had this vision like a zooming out on Google Maps where I was seeing myself from above, then the city I was in & zooming farther away & the boundries between the self that was sitting there with the cat and the enviroment almost disappeared.  I probably can't call this a cessession because the stream of thought didn't really disappear nor did "I" but I like experiences like this as a reminder that different brainstates besides ones I may feel stuck in are possible.

Obviously I have an attraction to being able to get "there" (and beyond) permanantly & without the need for external stimulation.  I've always been attracted to self-sufficiencey (I think it's part of the American character & also, anyone who feels neglected or outcasted I think will naturally reject the world to some extent & want to not depend on the culture that has failed him/her).

On the other hand I'm aware how big an impact having support/community is for achievement & it's something I have to accept.

I've not yet been on a meditation retreat but I would like to try in the near future (pretty much asap).  I have kids (the baby & my girlfriend has a 4yo from previous relationship) so it would put a strain on them for me to be totally off-grid for a week but that would also be good motivation to practice hard & come back with a better sense of presence that will make it feel worthwhile to them.

Hope to make some freinds here.

Robert Lydon, modified 2 Months ago at 7/4/23 6:09 PM
Created 2 Months ago at 7/4/23 6:09 PM

RE: Introduction

Posts: 65 Join Date: 6/19/23 Recent Posts
Welcome Tony!
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö, modified 2 Months ago at 7/5/23 1:41 PM
Created 2 Months ago at 7/5/23 1:41 PM

RE: Introduction

Posts: 7102 Join Date: 12/8/18 Recent Posts
What a nice initiative! Thanks for sharing! I have ADHD and a history of depressions too, along with being autistic and having Tourette's syndrome. I'm from Sweden. I've had a systematic practice for a few years now. I got into it rather late in life. I did start practicing as a teenager but was spooked by some intense experiences early on. I didn't have anyone to talk to about it so I thought maybe I was doing it the wrong way, because I didn't know that it was okay for the sense of having a body to fall away, so then I avoided practicing for a couple of decades. I took it up again when life circumstances made it urgent, and I'm so glad I did.

All my best wishes!