Hello!

I have been meditating for a while now (about 3 years on and off), but since last year may I have a steady practice of 2x 45 minutes a day. I started meditating using the TMI method and got to stage 6. After reading MCTB2 and Mahasi Sayadaw’s practical vipassana exercise about insight practice I started to practice that once a day to. So one period TMI the other insight practice. I had a steady concentration and for some instances I was able to know bare sensations.

3 months ago I was practicing Jhana by playing with pity, I would let It rise, take a deep breath and let the pity fade away and repeat the process till pity was very strong. I had a moment where pity would take over and fill my whole consciousness and body. When that feeling subsided I noticed sensations to be very clear. i thought that would be a nice moment for insight practice. I tried to notice if I could see the beginning of the sensations. Then I tried to see if i could notice when they would end. I was noting sensations  for what seemed to be a couple of minutes. Sensations became clearer and clearer each passing instant till out of the sudden my mind would latch to a string of sensations. It was like all sensations were on a string of beads and I got know each passing bead one by one with full clarity. Sensations went faster and faster, there was a strong feeling of fear which fell apart in different sensations to, all passing one by one. The string of sensations continued for a while. Then out of the sudden my mind seemed to fold inside out and there was a blob blob blob and I was back in regular meditation.

For 2 weeks I was feeling wonderful, clinging seemed to have disappeared and mindfulness was strong during the day. After that meditation seemed to be way harder then before. When I try to focus on sensations It feels like they disappear, only to come back when they are in peripheral awareness. I now also have a pressure between my eyebrows which instantly is there when meditating and only seems to go away when I’m at acces concentration.

I managed to get back to a one time a day meditation of 45 minutes, but It seems like there is very little progress. Also the ability to clearly see the sensations seems gone. Still, I am more clearheaded also the clinging came back but not in the way I was before the experience.

Could the "string of beads" experience have been a A&P event?
The question I have would be how to practice, and if there are techniques that you think could help.

Thanks for reading and may you all be free from suffering.

 Hi Peter,

If I gently assume that was the A&P then I will make a few practice recommendations.

Hopefully someone more skilled in diagnosis will jump in and can discuss that with you. 

If you are beyond the A&P, it can become really useful to observe your periphery in practice. Let your attention kind of diffuse itself into the space around you. You don't need to try and force it to be focused and more singular. This point of practice can feel kinda sh*tty but that doesn't necessarily mean your practice is bad. 

Continue to Investigate the three characteristics of the presently arising sense field. Notice how sensation is arising exactly as it is. Before you noticed that it was fast and clear. Now you mention noticing the periphery, noticing some discomfort. This is all great stuff. It's ok for experience to be kind of muddy and unclear. That can be a natural thing. All you have to do is notice it and stay tuned into the space in which sensation is arising. Is it broader and more peripheral than it was when things were fast and clear? Do you notice there are parts of you that enjoyed the fastness and clearness and want to perhaps return to that? Where are those sensations? Can those sensations be seen as impermanent, dissatisfactory, not-self? Do those sensations have peripheral qualities? Where there is discomfort what happens when you notice the space around it?

Hope this is helpful!  


 

A method I use for my own personal path diagnostics which has often been accurate enough.

Feel through the first to the fourth jhana. Which corresponds, shapes itself most readily to your current phenomenological experience. 

If it's the first then you're in early nanas. If it's the second you're in A&P. If it's the third DN. Fourth = EQ. 

Based on what you've said above, particularly about speed. I reckon you shifted from A&P into DN. Early DN can be somewhat relaxed too for some people and one might only notice the more gnarly aspects of DN as it progresses. 

It's very possible that this could have been A&P, that would be a good first guess especially because us were using pleasurable sensations (piti) as a meditation object. A&P tends to have fast moments, a sense of excitement/pleasure and a little craziness, and it can really draw the mind into seeing individual fast sensations occuring one after the other. It sounds like this sits created some longer lasting change, so it may have included the "A&P event". 

But the most honest answer is that many of the stages also can be percieved as "mind moments of sensations" if concentration is very good. So really, diagnosis can only occur if someone is practicing regularly and there is good data about what came in the days and weeks before and what happened in the days and weeks afterwards.

In terms of practice... it really is up to you. You should know that it's common for people to go through A&P and then not feel like sitting that much or to feel like they aren't practicing that well anymore. This is correlated with the "Dissolution" stage. If you keep sitting, you go through dissolution and the other stages in the progress of insight. It's also possible that you've experienced something cool and that's good enough for now. Depending on what's going on in your life, maybe there are other things that need attention (career, relationships, exercise, education, etc. etc.)? Sometimes MORE MEDITATION!! isn't the right answer.

Good meditation practice is less about "technique" and more about consistent practice. Basically the two main flavors of practice is samatha (using calm/pleasurable sensations as an anchor) and vipassina (using sensations, emotions, and thoughts as an anchor). It can be good -- and frankly necessary -- to be able to do a little of both. Sometimes sits are full of piti, but sometimes they are full of dukka. Going through the dark night nanas often means encountering dukka more directly, so a good noticing/noting practice can be helpful. 

If you are getting serious about practice, then definitely read MCTB (https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/) so you know what you are getting into and what to expect. Meditation is a fairly serious endeavor, sort on the level of learning to play a musical instrument. It doesn't make sense to buy an electrical guitar if you don't want to practice for at least an hour everyday for several years --- not a perfect metaphor, but hopefully you get my point.

Hope this helps!

Hello Peter, nice first post. Amazing amount of information but I have a few questions before I can try to figure out where you might be at and what to do next.
What exactly is your 45 minutes of TMI consist of and how do you personally define stage 6?

You read ALL of MCTB2? Good on you! 
How do you practice Vipassana/Insight? What happens during the 45 minutes of practice?

During TMI or during Insight did this happen? What is "knowing bare sensations"?

I assume during your TMI practice you practiced Jhana. How did you practice this exactly? You mean Piti/pleasureable feelings? Where in the body did it rise? What was it like to have it fill your consciousness vs body?

So insight was just noticing sensations, which ones?
oh, you were doing noting practice? what labels did you use? 
How did the mind notice multiple sensations at once? How many "beads" were there in the string? 

Ok, how fast did it go? did you continue noting/labeling? Noticing? if each bead was one by one, how were they strung together?
That is a very curious experience? Perhaps you could describe it a bit more. What does "blob" mean? What does "regular meditation" mean?

Nice!

So what sensations are in peripheral awareness? Describe how sound and feeling is peripheral. What is Access concentration to you and how do you get there?

doing TMI or insight? What method do you use to judge 'progress'?

Explain the difference of clinging before and after

It is a pleasure to read your experience and if you can go into more details, I would be happy to speculate on where you are and what you might try next.


You too!
Good luck,
~D

First of all, thank you all for the extended replies! I will try to answer all the questions as much as possible. I will follow Dream Walkers questions since they also include the questions shargrol and Bahiya Baby have asked My TMI meditation was a sitting meditation with the sensations of the breath at the tip of the nose as meditation object. I use the 6p's and the 4 step transition. When transitioning is use the counting of the breath from 1 to 8 and backwards per step. After the last step mostly breath sensations are still weak so i use noting to note the sensations of breath. after a while the breath at the tip of the nose is clear. i can feel the in-out and pauses in between. the breath becomes sort of a continous wave. thoughts, sounds, tactile sensations and such wil be notedwith the labels hearing, feeling, thinking etc. After a while there is a sort of shift from watching the breath to being the breath if that makes sense.  When this shift has taken place i shift my attention to my abdominal region and try to feel my body expanding with each breath. With the expanding of the body a fizzy feeling of warmth and energy and joy comes from my hands and spreads trough the body. This is what i thought was acces-concentration according to Leigh Brasington. Noticable is that the hindrances are subdued and thinking only sporadicly occurs.  The focus during Jhana practice was indeed on Piti. When Piti is strong i glide from the feeling in my hands to a more universal sensation in the throath area which would sort of burst open in an all covering energy burst, like your body is folding open to all sides spreading into this room of energy. This feeling can become quite intense with shaking, mostly it was to intense to stay in for long. The feeling strangely feels very familiar.   ​​​​​​​ Vipassana for me is noting practice like Mahasi writes about. I start noting the breath, after the sensations in the abdomen are clear, i note distractions in the rest in between breaths. When noting i try to experience all noted sensations as single moments. i note the 5 body sensations with the notes hearing, seeing, feeling, tasing, smelling and the mind with thinking, forgetting or feeling. when concentration seems to jump from sensation to sensation more easily, there also is a noticable distance between me and the sensations. the sensations don't seem to happen in the mind but in a space where i sort of notice them from a small distace. like they are not happening inside my body/mind. though different sensations would feel more like each other, so a sound or a tactile sensation would feel more like a momentaraly happening then the actual sound or feeling. this  During the day i try to remind myself as much as possible that "i am here" which takes me to the present moment and i try to notice what sensations my reality is build up from in that instant. when cooking, walking, eating i also try to note as much as possible. this includes movement. so in total a little more than 45 minutes i guess, haha. In the experience i was discribing i don't remember there being multiple sensations a once at that point. there was just this automatic latching from sensation to sensation in about 5 moments per second. The fear came up from a feeling that my reality was falling apart into this automatic proces of going from sensation to sensation. the sensations became less and less noticable as sounds or feeling but just as sensations. this The question how much beads were on the string will stay a mystery i guess. The blobs felt like sensations stripped completely from their substance. i don't know how to explain it another way.  with regular meditation i mean sitting like i was a the beginning of the meditation just noticing all sensations back in the conventional, daily life kind of way. TMI style meditation, but it seems impossible to get to get the one pointed awareness at the tip of the nose. still i can manage to get calm enough for hindrances to subside and Pity to arise. A lot of thing have lost their shiny or attractive part. for example most cars now seem alike, just metal with wheels. Sex drive seems less but in a good way I don't feel like buying stuff that i don't need. but mostly there is this sort of lessend feeling of things having a pull on you. there is a sort of "it's just as it and thats okay" kind of feeling. Thanks you very much again for the replies!

I wouldn't worry too much about the one pointed awareness(Based on your description concentration seems good). Does it seem attention needs to be wider than the tip of your nose? Do you find your able to take the whole body as an object?

When practicing noting are you able to let go of the labels themselves and just observe things as they arise? Do you find you need the labels? Can you note without making mental impressions of "thinking" etc. 

​​​​​​​Congrats on the "It's just as it is and that's okay". That's a nice feeling. No big deal.

When meditating it's more calming to just sit, attention seems to automaticly anchor to the sensations of breath at the abdomen. i think Leigh Brasingtons description of shamatha as indistractability instead of concentrations suits my feeling when meditating better. there is a wider focus with absence of the hindrances 



I feel the labels help to create a impersonal feeling to the sensations. but it also slows the noting down. when there is a certain level of shamatha i seem to notice sensations more automaticly without labeling. 

What i notice in daily life is when looking at object, form and texture seems to be more present instead of the name and emotional associations with said object.
​​​​​​​

Today i had a meditation where i would just let my attention settle where it would want to go. within minutes it settled steady on the breath at the abdomen. after the breath has settled pretty soon joy and piti start to rise. When this happened i just let my attention go where it seemed most natural. there where long periods where attention shifted between piti and the breath. Sounds still happened in the periphial awareness but were unable to become distractions or were noted and let go. there was a long period where piti would be at the centre of attention filling awarenes and breath being in periphial awareness occasionaly moving to the front. a few times there were moments when i noticed i havent experienced the breath for a while, after that, the breath came back in awareness. there was no pressure between the eyebrows so all and all a nice experience. 

 The reason I focused on this: "but it seems impossible to get to the one pointed awareness at the tip of the nose"

Sometimes our expectations about what meditation should be are what can hold us back from deeper relaxation and insight. It can add unnecessary stress, tension, distraction. 

There's a lot of wisdom in this: "i just let my attention go where it seemed most natural". Notice the relaxation of that. Meditation still carried on when you let it, when you allowed it. 

This is great: "Sounds still happened in the periphial awareness but were unable to become distractions or were noted and let go" ​​​​​​​

​​​​​​​Feels good to me  

Thanks @bahiyababy for the little nudge in to the right direction, it seemed that that was a step back into the right direction.

Meditation today:
Attention settled at the abdomen again. when concentration/relaxation became stronger feelings of joy and piti arised. Attention shifted to Piti and i was in a flow of piti with breath in periphial awareness. This piti came in gentle waves ranging from mild to a little stronger. there was a sensory feeling of my body being tilted sideways. as if i was sitting sideways on the wall. after what seemed to be 10-15 minutes piti subsided and my attention was directed to a feeling that was new for me, but very calming. It was a state of neutrality, a very calm state in relation to the piti. This feeling was spread through the body and mind and stayed for what seemed to be about 30 minutes. My girlfriend who was in a different room got a short phonecall during the meditation and although i could hear the sound there was no aversion to be found, it just was there in periphial awereness and attention stayed on the calm neutral feeling. at the end of the meditation there were tears of joy because of how calm it was, it was a calmness i never experienced before. 

For now i'm just gonna go where attention takes me and give TMI and MCTB2 another read. 

At some point you may find some useful info here. https://shargrolpostscompilation.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html#stream-entry

Having a good understanding of the fundamentals is very useful and many of them are laid out in great detail in MCTB2.

Great work ! Keep the updates coming. 

I need to log my own practice more.

Oh wow, 

I just had a quick read through the blogpage. I have saved it to my e-reader for more relaxed reading, but so far i like the way how comprehensible it is written. As a teacher i always admire people who can explaining complex manner in a readable way. So thank you @shargrol for the future advise and information that you have shared. 

I will try to make this a weekly updated practice log from now on so there will be more information for future advise. Is there a way to move this to the log section?

I don't know if you can move it, I'm kind of new. Someone else might be able to help.

​​​​​​​Best of luck, chime in if you have any questions  

Done,
​​​​​​​
Good Luck,
~D

Hey,
​​​​​​​Thanks for answering some of my questions-
Progress can be evaluated in many ways.
You are definitely experiencing something new!
Congrats!
The feeling of not progressing seems to be new to you, periphery sensations also seem new.
All the other newnesses are a long list...as you describe.
Investigate these new things!
New stuff is new territory....keep going.
~D

Last 3 days meditation: relaxing rollercoasters & maelstroms.

Fridays meditation (1h) i let attention go where it wanted to go. It had the feeling of being a relaxed rollercoaster. pity was strong and coming in waves, the buzzy warm feeling made it feel like chilling in the sun while riding a rollercoaster at the same time. 

Saturdays meditation (1h) had a lot of feelings that urged to get me to stop meditating. when i investigated the feelings and let them unfold they turned into maeltroms of sadness that i could feel without getting lost in them. Standing on the sideline the power of sadness/grief felt strong, dark, disorienting and had a feeling of having an empty stomach. I watched the maelstroms come strong, fully evolve and ceasing after they have been investigated & noted, making place for a calming feeling. The grief/sadness could have had something to do with a reunion party of my highschool i had planned for later that day. two good friends and two classmates have passed in the last 15 years so it was a emotional day. 

Sundays meditation (1) was a meditation with awareness of the breath. My body felt tight so most of the meditation was spent on noting distractions and inspecting physical and mental knots

 Maelstroms of Sadness !

I love the language and can totally relate. Often there's wounds that need us to give them some quality time. As our hearts open compassion can be offered as a healing salve to old wounds. No need to push it, just work with what comes up. 

"I watched the maelstroms come strong, fully evolve and ceasing after they have been investigated & noted, making place for a calming feeling."
Great stuff. The storm imagery is amazing. I can see it. 

Sorry to hear about your classmates. 

You might notice the body can get a bit tense and crunchy after big emotional openings. Totally normal. Let attention go where it needs to go. 

Peace
 

Here I am back again. Got a new account because I couldn’t log in on the old one.

I’m back to Mahasi noting practice. 
Last week 7x30min:Hard to observe sensations. They are fleeting and hazy. Feeling like I’m one step behind the whole time. Feelings of doubt which I note. There is a constant feeling of displeasure. Sensations arise pass and are nowhere to be found after. The mind doesn’t stick anymore. It’s crazy to see how few sensations give actual pleasure. On the other hand. Sounds and distractions don’t give the same aversion as they did before. Now they are welcome sensations to note. Outside of meditation sensations are a lot clearer. 

This week 7x 45min:Sensations are faint. there is a displeasure with them. They are unsatisfactory. When they pass there isn’t an echo anymore. They are instantly gone. There is a lot of wishing for them to be more clear, I note the wanting. It’s like my mind is trying to stay with them but it’s to slow even though sensations are only about 1-4 per second. 
​​​​​​​
Outside of meditation there is a tranquil background that is constantly within reach. It’s a nice feeling but without joy. It’s more of a calming baseline from where I can watch reality unfold. There is a huge increase in awareness outside of meditation. My girlfriend has noticed my reactivity has lessened a lot.

Also: I discovered there is a Buddhist temple close to where I live. When I get back from holiday I'm going to look for a teacher there.

Your sits sound good and very classic post-A&P sits. In this stage of practice, it's very common to notice the ending of sensations predominantly. It has a totally different feel than the precision and clairity of the A&P --- but you are not doing anything wrong. It is normal and appropriate for this stage of practice to be vague, hazy, slippery, hard-to-grasp...

Bonus meditation today.
had some free time before bed so I decided to meditate, just sit and let my attention go to the sensations it want to be. No noting, just noticing.

sensations are more clear and mind jumps from sensation to sensation with more ease.
edit: when noting I was looking for complete sensations. Looking for what I expected instead of looking at what I'm experiencing.

Sometimes when sensations are fully observed as impermanent I get this burst of energy throughout my body for about 2 seconds. A warm tingling sensation. Sensations are noticed about 4 per second with periods of faster observations. 

at the end of the meditation the warm tingling feeling was constant and throughout the whole body. Giving rise to feelings of joy.

maybe I'm focussing to hard on the noting practice. Maybe I should try to find the middle way between noticing and noting. Where I can just let attention notice sounds and tactile sensations but I will note more mental and profound sensations to stay on the path.

​​​​​​​

@shargrol thanks for reading and giving feedback.
It's nice to know this is what is whats to be expected. 
There is also this insecurity about what method to use and how to meditate. there is only so little time and so many ways. Metta, Noting, Shamatha, contemplative . Still experimenting and trying out what suits best.
18-7
Choiceless noticing, noting when mental sensations appear. Took a while to get grounded. There is very few mind wandering. Bird sounds get chopped up into small bits with other sensations alternating. Sometimes noticing accelerates. Some feeling of fear. There is a change of perspective from watching sensations to noticing how awareness jumps to sensations. And gets distracted. I can stay mindful. There was no frustration when sensations weren’t clear. Sensations were neither pleasant nor non pleasant. There is still some craving something but I don’t 
19-7
Choiceless noticing. Got grounded pretty quick. There was an energetic buzz going trough my body, this was a pleasant, noted that and disappeared . Also there were feelling of fear, sinking into the earth, and spinning around. The (unpleasant?) Feelings were accompanied with tight spots in the body. noted the mental sensations. Sounds and sensations were still in peripheral awareness. 
21-7
Choiceless noting. There is no mind wandering. Noting flows easy. Energetic buzz spreading trough the body, this time i just let it spread trough my body till it was in every part of the body. I stopped noting. When I smiled because of the pleasantness I saw a sort of sunlight with my eyes closed. There was only this glow and pleasantness. Sometimes I thought I stopped breathing because it was very faint. But when I shifted my attention to the breath I could still feel it very clear. After the meditation times I felt energetic and mindfulness was sharp for a few hours after.
23-7
morning meditation. Focussing on sensations of the breath. Not much mind wandering. Relaxing.24-7
Didn’t log some days because of the starting of a new school year. which means a lot of preparations for work
2 days of 2x30 
1 day 45 min & 4x15 minutes 

27-7
Metta meditation. Focussed on the pleasant feeling of well wishing for others. Feeling of metta feels like the energetic warm buzz I get with the other meditations, that feeling is my meditation object. Return and smile when getting distracted. not many distractions. no mind wandering. Later in the meditation when the warm buzzy feeling spread in the whole body there is a loss of breathing. I don’t know if I subconsciously stopping my breathing. There is no shortness of breath but still there is an urge to check it.

I too went through a phase of confusion regarding which practice to do. Then shargrol kindly helped out by suggesting a "structured meditation" and do it no matter how much doubt or uncertainty would arise. So I just do that structured meditation now without questioning it. 

maybe Shargrol can say more about it if you are up for it? 

​​​​​​​Best wishes! 

@che thank you for the advise. I looked up shargrols post on the structured meditation. I think i'm gonna follow that one in my afternoon meditations. for the morning meditations i will stay with metta because the dukkha thats currently present in daily life.

I don’t really know how to word this feeling that is there for a few weeks but I’m gonna try anyhow. During the last couple of weeks there has been a shift in perspective that’s getting more noticeable. More and more I’m seeing urges and greed as things that I can objectively observe during the day. This observing gives a certain distance to the thoughts and it hinders me from identifying with them. Sometimes when I’m less mindful I still identify with them. So im now in conflict from being both the observer and the observed. there is a cognitive dissonance. Being able to observe the thoughts I notice that what I think I want/need is not what I want, because the thing that wants is not me (I hope you follow). Still there is a feeling of needing the things that I want. This is I think a perfect observable form of suffering.Also, being more aware of sensations, I have the impression that there are less positive and negative feelings coming up with them. For example: first i thought that a bite of food whould give a pleasant sensation. but it's mostly chewing, tasting, feeling texture, temperature and movement. Also, there is less to reminisce because i feel the sensations disapearing into nothingness. So the cognitive dissonance, together with the fleeting nature of sensations makes the suffering very observable and present.

So a little loving-kindness to start the day is more then welcome.

Yes, loving kindness indeed is helpful. 

May you be free from harm, may you be free from suffering, may you awaken, may you be truly happy. 
May practice lead the way. 

Best wishes Peter!  

@che and best wishes for you to!

28 -8
Metta 45 min
Structured 45 min
Easy to get centered. Body sensations not very clear but noted the ones most presentAfter that noted positive neutral and negative feeling. This feelings are longer in duration. Positive feels warm, negative feels like a subtle sinkingUrges and emotions were also noted on breath. What to do when it’s not exactly clear what I’m feeling?During the free noting sensation started getting more clear. There seemed to be a gradual shift to sensations being more separated from each other. Sometimes there was a sensation popping up, being there and passing away without leaving a residue. Evaporated into nothingness. 

29-8
Morning metta 30 minutes
Lunch 15 minutes 
Structured meditation 45minutes
Grounded pretty quick-on outbreath 3-4 consecutive sensations-on outbreath lots of sensations on abdomen area. -there are not always thoughts or emotions 
What to look for. Daniel is talking in mctb about body sensations and mental impressions following each other quickly but for me there is the sensation and the knowing simultaneously.

30-8
Structured meditation 2x45minutes
Grounded pretty quick
​​​​​​​While noting sensations I had the thought that I shouldn’t look for sensation to note but rather to let them come and observe them. This made me relax a whole lot more and brought a tranquil feeling in the background. After noting some emotions and hindrances there was the insight that emotions as fear and pain in meditation are essential to see the harmlessness in them. This insight turned what use to feel like negative emotions into a sort of friends that tried to learn me something. I didn’t know if I set my meditation timer but I could now easily just let the feeling of ‘having to know’ with all its bodily sensations be in awareness without having its desired effect, it even had something funny to it. After this there was this feeling of chilling in the sun, my vision mostly a golden glow and there was a bodily tranquility. There was no tears of joy and shaking what I used to have, but rather a restful warm glow of allrightnes with sensations and emotions still coming up, unfolding and passing away in awareness. 

31-8
2x 45 minutes structured meditation
Body Sensations are a bit overlapping.
​​​​​​​Sometimes my mind chooses just to notice instead of noting. It’s not mind wandering because I’m still fully aware. It seems like I’m getting deeper and deeper relaxation while sensations are getting clearer. 

​​​​​​​So going to start logging again. Had some difficulty meditating. although i managed to meditate every day for about 30-60 minutes, most of the sessions felt awfull. pain in the face, urge to move and get up, no patience to sit. I almost started to hate it and just give it up for a time, luckily it seems like it was just a fase to go trough. it feels like the clearness of awareness is back, and there is a calm and quiet awareness off the cushion

Sunday30 minutes:Am I mindful right now. 
I breathe in, on the out breath I ask myself: “am I mindful” and the next 3 sensations I feel have to pass a test of mindfulness. After noticing 3 sensations I repeat it. it worked like a charm. For the full 30 minutes I was engaged with sensations. They were crystal clear. The sensation of breath was broken down into an expansive feeling with small tingling sensations where my belly touches my shirt and sensations of coolness entering my nostrils. Feeling of happiness was broken up into warmness, floatiness and a golden glow. when fear showed up, there was a twisting sensation in the stomach, a feeling of shaking and space narrowing, when investigating it falls apart and fades away. When my mouth filled with saliva I first noticed the wetness and a sucking feeling, then a restlessness with a contracting of space followed by a mental urge to swallow. when swallowing there was the feeling of contraction of muscles, the saliva going down my throat, passing of the tactile sensation and the feeling of relief. near the end of the meditation there were short formations. For example I noticed a sensation arising out of nothingness, being there in full clarity and passing into nothingness. It was only the sensation had passed I knew was a sound.

there were no hindrances during the meditation.


Monday:40 + 30 minutes:
Am I mindful right now.Within seconds I’m concentrated. During meditation there is no mind wandering, no dullness and no distractions. I was engaged with sensations. The concept of inbreath is just tingling, expansion, pressure temperature etc. an itch in the face is broken into the sensations of pressure, tingling, and moving sensations. There was a certain calmness during meditation. Like it didn’t matter what sensation would come up. It was welcome to be there and show itself and pass away. Sounds, tactile sensations thoughts, the spaciousness of awareness. All is broken down into observable sensations.At first I thought there were pauses between sensations. when investigating deeper I noticed this pauses were just moments of either spaciousness, subtle craving (waiting), feeling tone. Etc. Although there was a calmness there was also a feeling like there was something about to happen in the background. a feeling like a curtain was about to drop. I’ll try to investigate this further when it will show up in the future.

Tuesday:2x30 minutes:
Am I mindful right now.After a short period of noticing sensations there is a feeling of calmness getting stronger. Sensations are easy to note. When inspecting this calmness I tried to notice when thought would arise. The calmness is there, sensations are noticed. Thoughts are more like formless blabla coming up. They are not concrete thoughts but they feel more like thoughts to be. As I continue doing noticing thoughts the periods of calmness get deeper and longer. I also noticed if there were any feelings of dullness but mind was sharp and very awake. The “room” of awareness seemed to get larger. like a 5x5 meter room of consciousness.

Wednesday:1x30 minutes
Am I mindful right now.I think there are little feelings of doubt. Mind is mindful of sensations. sometimes my mind wandered off for a few seconds. off the cushion there is a noticeable absence of blabla thoughts. It is easier to be mindful and I can sometimes notice the exact moment my mind jumps to another thought. Its like watching mind wandering 3rd person view..I notice there is a sudden urge to meditate more, and meditation feels more natural. some moments it feels like the most important thing in the world. The itching sensations in my face are gone.

Thursday:1x40 minutes
​​​​​​​Am I mindful right now.Meditation is effortless. I can just let awareness notice and observe. Very few distraction. feelings of very awake calmness. When trying to catch my next thoughts I notice they don’t have a place to stick to and stay preverbal. Sometimes a thought sticks but I can notice it and it fades instantly. when I focus on where the thoughts should stick to the calmness  deepens. it feels like I could just meditate and notice sensations without ever getting tired of it. There is no wanting to go deeper, just being aware of the sensations is perfect as it is.  When the meditation timer goes off I don’t get startled. the moment I heard it I thought: “that was to be expected" without expecting it.

Log 
Friday45 minutes:
Am I mindful right now. Noticing sensations. calm feeling. Tense forehead at beginning, goes away after a period of meditation

Saturday:Broke my little toe. 

Sunday:
55 minutes:
Am I mindful right now. 
Noticing sensations. Awareness feels open. Pain.

Monday
30 minutes:
Am I mindful right now. 
While driving I try to notice when my mind jumps to random thoughts and try to direct all my awareness to driving. (getting lost in thoughts is reduced to only a few times a day). While driving there was a calmness of mind in where I could see the absence of a self controlling the driving. My footwork, handwork and looking all happened without there being someone who does it. Steering, braking, using signals all happens without the need to think. It al just happens out of itself, there was both the feeling of being in control and also being on an automatic pilot at the same time. 

Wednesday
30 minutes:
Am I mindful right now. It’s easy to stay with sensations. meditation feels like I’m right awake and paying attention. nothing special. There were feelings of sadness, didn’t get lost in thought.  

Thursday.30 minutes:Mahasi noting.
was tired after a long day of work. Did noting meditation.I just take the sensation that’s most present. I group the sensation. All the small sensations in my belly, shoulder and chest when taking a breath are noted feeling just one time. 

When I look back at when I began meditation the difference is that sensations are now noticed in much smaller pieces. Mind is clear and I’m In a very stable mood. When meditating I count my breath to 10, three times in a row. when I first started out this was very hard. Now, when I sit down I already know I am concentrated. 
For me there are some questions about jhana, or absorbtion states. Sometimes there are very pleasurable feelings when meditating. These are mostly of joy, a quiet calmness that has a nice feeling in the background or a 
I hope to have some longer moments of meditation this weekend. 

Weekend:
3x45 minutes.
​​​​​​​Meditation feels like nothing is happening. It’s just noting and noticing sensations. Sensations have a good clarity. When meditating it doesn’t feel like I go deeper or something. I will try to investigate this expectations when they will arise next time. I can sit down, watch sensations without any gross distractions or getting lost in thought which is pretty neat and something special. Still it feels really normal when I’m doing it. 

>>Still it feels really normal when I’m doing it.<<

That sounds like a good thing. 

>>Sensations have a good clarity. <<

That sounds like a very good thing. 

One thing that I have noticed is that progress is not linear. Practice can have sudden results, and can have imperceptibly gradual results. Not seeing any change is not always the same as not making any progress.

I stopped using my ADHD medication, this has some effect on concentration and emotional availability. 

Saturday:
1x30

Sunday
2x30
Monday Felt like shit. So didn’t do anything all day.

Tuesday1x30

Wednesday
1x45 minutes
Noting sensations of the breath
Meditation was relaxed and easy going. ​​​​​​​Got centered quickly, terrible itch in legs, after noting it went away. After a couple of minutes got a fearful feeling, noted it and went away. After this only a happy, calm noting. When sensations are less clear, I make intention to watch them more closely with more curiousness and then sensations are clear again.   When noting sensations of the breath, on one in breath the sensations are something -like feeling the touch of my belly on my shirt times on ten different points - the rising of the abdomen - the mental impression of being aware of them and seeing them clearly - the positive feeling tone that follows it. the tactile sensations are grouped together as “in”, the feeling tone is noted as “positive”. Sometimes there are small moments of pure calmness between sensations, these have spaciousness, are silent and have a neutral feeling tone. Sometimes, my mind gets a dip, as if consciousness drops and jumps to a sensation very quick. These are micro moments and feel very short. Meditation in itself is rewarding enough, don't feel the need to get deeper or bliss out or something like that.

Really great phenomenological descriptions and practice in general. 

You're cooking. Keep it up.