I'm setting up this log on the occasion of starting to collaborate with a new teacher.
Hoping for accountability and also for some feedback here.

My current usual practice consists of going to a zen sangha twice a week. That involves 2x30 minutes sitting with a 10 minutes break of walking meditation.
This week, I haven't been to the zen sangha yet as I'm on sick leave with a cold.

I'm usually practicing observing my thoughts and somewhat detaching from them, seeing them as something that happens on its own.

During the walking meditation, I'm keeping to the instructions by the sangha, namely to synchronize the walking with the breath.

I also sometimes practice the observing of thoughts throughout the day or spend a bit time on my meditation bench. But I haven't had a regular routine for either in quite a while.

The practice my teacher suggested is meant to help get me back into a daily routine.

It consists of

• one daily 20 minute formal seated practice, split into
  • 5 minutes metta (repeating phrases like "may I be happy", "may I be peaceful" in the mind - I'll experiment with which ones to pick)
  • 15 minutes sitting without goal - using body sensations as something to return to if e.g. bored, but otherwise, only sitting
• at least one daily 1 minute informal practice of simply observing what's going on in the mind and body
• writing a meditation log
• as a bonus, keeping going to the sangha

2023/10/14, 20 minutes (5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling (using a meditation bench)

I found the metta part difficult. Not really due to the metta - saying the mantra caused some pleasant tingly sensations in the back - but more due to the form of practicing it. I felt like I should go more for the notion of it than the words, but I couldn't do that while continuing the mantra, and that lead to tension. It also felt like a too abrupt start of the sit. Kept up the mantra (once per exhalation, which means like 4 times a minute). The 5 minutes were over faster than expected.
I alternated between "may I be happy" and "may I be peaceful" for the mantra.

The just sitting part had a similar issue, though not as strong - I started by aiming to relax the tension that had built, but kept wondering whether that's not too much of an activity to be in line with the practice. Didn't want to fight it, though.
There was also a lot of thinking about what to write in the log. Besides that, there was a bit of thinking about something on today's todo-list (cleaning) and about some song lyrics and an episode of a show I watched yesterday.
Feeling decisively more tense and agitated than before the sit.

2023/10/14 (part 2)

Did two 1 minute meditations throughout the day.

2023/10/15, 20 minutes (5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Spent some minutes before starting the timer sitting and relaxing.
During the metta part, I took longer breaks between the phrases, saying each only 3 or 4 times total. That was significantly more comfortable. Again some pleasant tingly sensations in the back and also the upper arms.

During the just sitting part, I mostly thought about meditation and what to write here.
Occasionally seeing these thoughts as just happening, which lead to pleasant tingly sensations in the upper back/neck.
Also often enjoying the notion and sensations of kneeling.

Let's go :pray:.

Thanks! :pray:

2023/10/15 (part 2)

Did one of the 1 minute meditations.

2023/10/16, 20 minutes (11 metta, 9 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Did the metta for 11 rather than 5 of the 20 minutes, because Insight Timer doesn't play sounds with screen turned off and that's when I checked on it.
Stuck to only the phrase "may I be happy". It caused some unpleasant sensations in the throat/upper front chest area, though, besides a bit of pleasant tingling in the back.
At one point, I got distracted for a bit by thoughts about the bureaucracy of sick leave notes.
Also tried rather using the notion than the words, which seemed to work better.

During the just sitting, my mind often went to the sounds of the heating pipes in the wall which made it hard to sleep last night.
Otherwise, mostly thoughts about planning (the day and one soon event) and about describing what's going on.

2023/10/16 (part 2)

Did one of the 1 minute meditations.

2023/10/17, 20 minutes (5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Metta: On recommendation of my teacher, I tried inclining more towards the pleasant sensations, but without much success.
Sometimes distracted by varous thoughts.
Got an idea afterwards when rereading the recommendation now - when I was, a while ago, doing shamatha with repeatedly counting to 10 in the mind as the object, I looked for where I'm "hearing" the numbers. Which tended to lead to pleasant tingling there (located in the head). So, maybe less going for trying to connect the words more strongly to the meaning and more for letting that happen or not if it will and for feeling the form rather than the meaning.

Just sitting: Frequent kriyas (spontaneous twitchy body movements) due to letting go of control of the body.
Haven't had those in a while during sits, as I usually (i.e. when going to the zen sangha) sit in public and suppress them there for the most part.
Wasn't sure whether to stop them, but I prefer not to, so I didn't.
Sometimes pleasant tingly sensations in the back, particularly at the start of this part. Often stronger than those during the metta.
Sometimes aiming to detach from what the mind is doing. But not putting much intentionality in that.
Thoughts mainly describing what's going on, on one occasion about a recent conversation.

2023/10/17 (part 2)

Did one of the 1 minute meditations.

2023/10/18, 20 minutes (5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Metta: Repeated "may I be happy" fairly frequently but it had basically no effect. Towards the end, tried with "may I be peaceful", which caused some pleasant sensations.

​​​​​​​Just sitting: Feeling cold and tired. Many thoughts of planning and recent memories. Body did some movements, particularly some rocking back and forth.

2023/10/18 (part 2)

Did one of the 1 minute meditations.

2023/10/19, 20 minutes (5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Metta: Alternated between "may I be happy" and "may I be peaceful". Strong pleasant sensations from either, like jolts. Waited for it to dissipate and leaned into keeping it up, before continuing with the next mantra repetition. Thoughts almost only about what's going on.

Just sitting: Some kriyas, mainly at the start, but not much. Sometimes twitching in reaction to jolts of pleasant sensations. (Well, just gonna use the term piti for the pleasant sensations, when I'm now starting to use technical terms anyway). Thoughts often describing what's going on, but often also about various other topics. Occasionally interrupting thoughts when they took up much mental space, but wondering whether I should or shouldn't. Sometimes mind also went to sounds or, less often, body sensations. Having back pain but that was more in the background. Some tingling in the hands and forehead. Now and then wondering about the time, but opting to just relax. I like to use the mental image of a statue that isn't going to get up anyway, against restlessness.

2023/10/19 (part 2)

Did one of the 1 minute meditations. (Well, technically on the 20th as it was after midnight already.)

2023/10/20, 20 minutes (5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

A lot of piti during/from the metta.
Occasionally short distractions by thoughts.

Some piti at the start of just sitting. Hardly any kriyas.
Sometimes listening to sounds from outside, sometimes to thoughts about various things. Some wondering as to what without a goal means.
Also some thoughts for encouraging relaxing and enjoying the posture.

Tried out a different timer app, which also works with screen turned off.
It's simply called Interval Timer and is meant for workouts, but it seems to work well.

2023/10/20 (part 2)

Did none of the 1 minute meditations, forgot about it. Set a reminder.

2023/10/21, 20 minutes (5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Metta: Some minor piti at the start, otherwise uneventful.
Just sitting: Sleepy. Lots of thinking, mostly planning.

2023/10/21 (part 2)

Did one of the 1 minute meditations.

2023/10/22

One 1 minute meditation.

20 minutes (5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), afternoon, kneeling

Had a lot of chores today, so I meditated after most of that was done.

Metta: Sleepy and a bit restless. Some slight feeling of warmth from the mantra. Checked for the time right before the 5 minutes bell.

Just sitting: Sleepy and a bit cold. Ongoing discomfort from rather wanting to lie down and nap. Often not much besides that in the mind, often also thinking, including both planning and disconnect pieces of thoughts.
Took a nap after the sit.

While sitting and doing nothing there is always something arise-passing. 
The sleepy feeling can have a sense of space maybe? Where is it? Some body sensations might be involved in this sleepy feeling? Maybe some mind images of these body sensations perceived in connection to the sleepiness? 

What happens Just Before the actual checking of the timer? Just before the actual body action of doing it? 
No need answering me  
Next time when such restlessness arises look at how "this leads to that" etc ... follow the "stream" of consciousness. 

Ignore if of no interest. 

Best wishes with your practice! 

Thanks for the input!
The body sensations of sleepiness are that discomfort I was describing.
I observed what lead up to the restlessness, just didn't write it down here. Can't write down everything I observe xD (Particularly since I drafted most of that entry while nodding off.)

2023/10/23, 20 minutes (5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Metta: Piti, not very strong but fairly continuous. A bit sleepy, as still a bit under the weather.

Just sitting: Mostly spent thinking. Sometimes getting pulled to body sensations - either some light piti or the sensations of a sore throat and a slight headache.

2023/10/23 (part 2)

One 1 minute meditation.

2023/10/24, 20 minutes (5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Lots of procrastinating this morning due to a huge mental block in regards to exercising.

Metta: Not really into it. Just did it to check it off the todo-list.

Just sitting: Spent much of the time observing the body. First, lots of tension/clenching and then additionally constant kriyas. Didn't do anything to relax the clenching as that would make it worse. Also some thoughts involving planning, but mostly describing what's happening.
Still a lot of stimming afterwards.

2023/10/24 (part 2)

One 1 minute meditation.

2023/10/25, 22 minutes (2 warmup, 5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Added 2 minutes of warmup to my timer for getting settled.

Metta: Some frequent pleasant sensations from it.

Just sitting: Much tension in the body, mainly the upper body and arms, later also the legs. Related to emotions from various thoughts, which caused discomfort.
Some kriyas towards the end.

2023/10/25 (part 2)

One 1 minute meditation.

2023/10/26, 22 minutes (2 warmup, 5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Metta: Overall pleasant with some light piti. Sometimes distracted by thoughts, which meant the mantra was ongoing but awareness of it was reduced. Twice I took a short break from the mantra due to a stronger jolt of piti.

Just sitting: Much thinking, though not much clenching or strong emotions. Writing a log kinda implies the aim of remembering what's happening during the sit, though didn't intentionally aim to keep track of it. At the start of that part, I unintentionally kept doing the metta for a bit.

2023/10/26 (part 2)

One 1 minute meditation.

2023/10/27, 22 minutes (2 warmup, 5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), noon, kneeling

Metta: Some pleasant sensations. Occasionally thoughts either interrupting the practice or taking up a larger part of awareness.
For the record, currently mantra is still "May I be happy. May I be peaceful".

Just sitting: Pleasant sit with frequent piti in varying degrees. Kriyas on two short occasions.

2023/10/27 (part 2)

One 1 minute meditation.

2023/10/28, 22 minutes (2 warmup, 5 metta, 15 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Metta: Pleasant piti from the metta. Only minor distractions.

Just sitting: Very pleasant sit. A general sense of the satisfaction from a letting go that happens when it will. Sometimes thinking took up the main part of awareness, sometimes other things. At two occasions kriyas of the facial muscles. That's not that common.
Went back to bed after the sit to catch up on some sleep.

2023/10/28 (part 2)

One 1 minute meditation.

2023/10/29, 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Metta: Increased the time for the metta part on my teacher's suggestion. Might also increase the overall time a bit.
Experimented with also using a different mantra for a couple minutes - something based on bhakti rather than metta. Inconclusive results as to whether it makes a difference. There might have been stronger pleasant sensations from the metta-version.
My teacher also suggested looking out for what are the exact sensations I feel, but I didn't feel particularly motivated for keeping track of that.
A lot of distraction during the last couple minutes.
At one point early in the sit, I reached down to move my phone out of my visual field (it was charging, so the screen was displaying something, which was a bit uncomfortable in the dark).
The time was over faster than expected.

Just sitting: A lot of tension due to doubts about the practice.
It seems like something to do for fun and relaxation in addition to a practice, but not something that's gonna lead anywhere on its own.
Plus I'm not sure whether I'm doing it right - like, how to determine whether one is really sitting without a goal? What counts as a goal? What to do about it if there is a goal?
My teacher is going to give me a list of practices I could try out instead. He also mentioned that people tend to find it harder than I do to just sit around - which is also giving me doubts about the effectiveness.

Had been planning to practice during a train ride today, but as I got up earlier than planned, I did beforehand. Might still do some just sitting around there; train rides are nice for that as they are really a situation of, nowhere to go, nothing to do.

2023/10/29 (part 2)

One 1 minute meditation.

2023/10/30, 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Had a lot of piti and also kriyas this morning before the sit.

Metta: Piti both in general and from the mantra. Sometimes distracted., though not wanting to do much about that.
Piti seems to currently center more around the lower end of the spine (usually it's more in the upper back and neck for me).

Just sitting: Pleasant sit. Piti and thinking.

My teacher recently mentioned, if I want to make this part of the sit a bit more active, I could stop narrative thinking when I notice it.
But I'm not feeling particularly motivated to do that because it's not quite clear to me what's the benefit. And it's also not really clear to me how to even do it. Probably because I'm finding it hard to determine what mental activities are narrative thinking and which aren't. I think I'd have to first get a better understanding of that.

2023/10/30 (part 2)

Attended the zen sangha: 30 minutes sitting, 10 minutes walking, 30 minutes sitting

I arrived a bit late and the room was quite full, so I just picked the nearest cushion instead of trying to find a spare bench in the storage room.
I was surprised there were so many people there today, as tomorrow is a public holiday. I had expected it to be almost empty.
Sitting on the cushion cross-legged went better than expected. Had to only adjust posture once really during each 30 minutes sit (in the first case, merely my leg fell asleep but I was worried I'd have trouble walking during the walking meditation if it gets too numb, and in the second case, my knee and the inside of the upper leg of the other leg (I had switched sides) started to hurt and I wanted to make sure I don't injure myself, as I have some medical problem with that knee).

I mostly just sat without a plan. Sporadically, I did some detaching from thoughts, but mostly at the start.
Nothing eventful, just thinking and various sense impressions. One jolt of piti early in each sit.

After the second sit, there was a discussion round.
I'm still having some trouble with the zen terminology and theory, so I'm finding it hard to know how to express myself in that setting.
I feel I'd first have to provide an essay of context ^^"

Also did the daily 1 minute meditation just now, though I'm having trouble seeing much benefit in it.

2023/10/31, 20 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Keeping procrastinating on meditation (and thereby on getting up) because I kinda feel like I first wanna take care of a bunch of other things, and therefore end up doing neither.
Metta: Fairly distracted - the mantra kept going for the most part, but thoughts took up much more space in awareness. 
Just sitting: Pleasant but spent most of the time thinking. A bit of piti, but there was much more when lying in bed doing stuff on my phone beforehand.

2023/10/31 (part 2)
One 1 minute meditation.
2023/11/1, 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 sitting without goal), morning, kneeling

Metta: A lot of thoughts about doubts about meditation practices, and unpleasant sensations/tension in the upper body related to that. Mantra going on in the background. 

Just sitting: Thoughts mostly about other topics, planning for most of the sit.

My teacher @sigmatropic gave me some suggestions on what to change about the practice:
At least two 1 minute meditations.
Replacing the just sitting with noting out loud.
Maybe giving visualizing a try at a future point.

2023/11/1 (part 2)
Two 1 minute meditations.

2023/11/2, 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting out loud), morning, kneeling

Metta: The mantra caused jolts of piti.
Sometimes distracted, increasingly so over time.

Noting out loud: Used the sense doors as categories for the labeling. Noted mostly hearing and feeling, though also a couple times thinking, which was rare when I did noting silently in the past as it was even more in the background then.
As I'm breathing quite slowly, particularly during meditation, I found it a bit exhausting/straining to note out loud despite not hurrying with it. Sometimes I also had to wait for the 10 or 15 seconds till I had finished the next inhale before I could continue the practice.
I think the noting encourages a mindset of not trying to hold onto what happened in order to use it later, because the label is about what just happened, not what happened 2 seconds ago.
When noting thinking, that also encourages a detachment from it.

2023/11/1 (part 2)

Two 1 minute meditations.

Also, went to the zen sangha: chanting, 30 minutes sitting, 10 minutes walking, 30 minutes sitting. Used the meditation bench there again. It's fairly comfy, but the bench at home is more comfy.
Did some deteching from thoughts, particularly during the first sit.
More thinking/planning during the second sit. Felt like thinking about how to get or make a wall calendar for next year, so that happened.
Though, letting that happen without particularly aiming for it leads often to thoughts moving to other topics. Not all that surprising, as thoughts which don't feel like one is thinking them but that happen in the background are often about all kinds of random topics.
The closest the content of a thought is to the here and now, the stronger the identification.

2023/11/3

Procrastinated on the main sit all day. Did the two 1 minute meditations.

22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting out loud), evening, kneeling

Metta: Some minor pleasant sensations, but mostly thinking while the mantra went on on auto-pilot.

Noting: Again mostly noted "hear" and "feel". Occasionally "taste", and also "see" for mental images. No noting "think".
My right ear made some weird popping noises when speaking. Wasn't always sure whether to note it as "hear" or "feel" as it involved both.
Sometimes I unintentionally interrupted a noting because the mind had shifted to another sense door in the meantime.
Again took long breaks for inhaling. Sometimes noted silently during that.

2023/11/4 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting out loud), morning, kneeling

Metta: Some piti. Slightly less distracted than yesterday. Leaning into the piti might help.

Noting: 

Noted almost only feel and hear.
Occasionally confused the two due to something also going on in the other sense door. E.g. my tinnitus is something I mainly hear but also somewhat feel, and so I one time noted it as feel, despite the hearing aspect taking up more mental space.

Again found it uncomfortable to do the noting out loud and having to take long breaks for inhaling. Also tried inhaling after every note or so, but that felt like hyperventilating. More often also noted in my mind during the long inhales. More mental content to note during those.

:pray:

2023/11/4 (part 2)

Did the two 1 minute sits.

2023/11/5 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), early afternoon, kneeling

Sleepy, gonna take a nap now. 
Also did the two 1 minute sits already. 

Metta: Lots of thinking and hypnagogia; mantra ongoing in the background. 

Noting: Did the noting mentally because didn't feel like doing it out loud after 2 or 3 spoken notes. 
Often noted mental images, as "see". Otherwise again mainly "hear" and "feel". On some occasions, I noted verbal thought, but I categorized it as "hear".
Sometimes mixing up sense doors due to different things going on simultaneously. 
Once or twice a short break because mind wanted to use the mental channel of noting for some other thoughts. 

2023/11/6 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Metta:
Much less distracted by thoughts than yesterday, except at the very end.

There is some tendency for the breath to align with the mantra; tried to keep the two separated.

Pleasant piti throughout.

Noting: 
Switched to noting mentally rather than out loud after a short time.
Went quite well, I think.

Remained seated for another minute or so enjoying feeling really good. The piti wasn't even strong in the body, so I guess that was rather sukha than piti.

2023/11/6 (part 2)

Did the two 1 minute sits.

2023/11/7 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), evening, kneeling

Late today because I had an early appointment. Did the first 1 minute practice already.

Metta: Fairly balanced amount of attention between thinking and mantra. Some minor pleasant sensations.

Sometimes slured the mantra a bit. Despite saying in mentally, again usually alignment of breath with mantra.

Kriyas on one short occasion, and earlier a case of scratching and one of shifting the posture, which both didn't feel like my mind asked me beforehand.

After the kriyas, some tingling in the palms.

Noting: Did it out loud again. It's okay, but mentally is more comfortable. This time did with inhaling after every one, sometimes two, labels.
Almost all noting was hear or feel. Hear was often the static sound from the heating, later also some blopping sounds in the right ear which again occured after speaking. Feel was often either sensations of the legs or of the hands on the legs or the sensations of those blopping sounds.

​​​​​​​Occasionally a bit restlessness.

2023/11/8 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), noon, kneeling

Yesterday, I also did the second 1 minute sit.

Today, I took a long time to get up, therefore the sit only started around noon.

Metta: Continuous mantra, but mind mostly on recent memories.

Noting: Did the noting out loud again. Restlessness towards the end, mostly due to being tired of speaking.
Again mostly "hear" and "feel", same content as yesterday.

2023/11/8 (part 2)

Did the two 1 minute meditations yesterday. Already did the first of today's.

2023/11/9 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Metta: Mind was mostly on some fairly loud static sound from the heating. Mantra ongoing.
Occasionally moving around, e.g. for adjusting my blanket.

Noting: Did the noting silently again. Sometimes a bit imprecise or starting to go full auto-pilot and shift into the background; probably due to a slightly too fast speed. Mostly hear and feel, sometimes see (for mental images).

2023/11/9 (part 2)

Did both 1 minute sits.

Went to the zen sangha (30 minutes sitting, 10 minutes walking, 30 minutes sitting)

Aimed a bit for detaching from thoughts. A decent amount of wondering what to do. Some sleepiness.

Over the last 10 minutes or so, I gave breath counting another try, as the (what's the female term for zen master? zen mistress? guess I'll call her the zen master's wife) who was leading the zazen spoke a bit about observing the breath at the start of the practice. Counted 43 breaths, but don't see much benefit in the counting. When I later asked her about it, she also confirmed what my teacher had said, that if I don't lose track of the count but it doesn't seem to get me anywhere, I should practice something else.

There was some discussing after the sits, and as the zen master's wife encouraged asking questions, I talked a bit with her while/after the others left about what's my current/recent practice. 
I'm feeling a bit reluctant in regards to the discussion rounds at the zen sangha in general, as I feel I'm not taking much useful from them due to not understanding what they're talking about. Also in that case, the replies I got were more about the goal than the way there. Like, she spoke about action without intention, sense impressions that don't lead to thoughts,... I don't know what to do with that. I don't know whether it describes anything I have experienced before nor do I know what to do or practice that would aim for it.
Either way, there'll be another person leading the sits as a stand-in next time, maybe I'll also ask him a bit.

2023/11/10 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), afternoon, kneeling

Very sleepy during the sit. Also a bit in general.
Lots of procrastinating happening currently, not only regarding meditation.

Metta: Almost continuous mantra, but mind kept being drawn into thoughts and too sleepy to do something about it.

Noting: Doing the noting silently now. It was hard with the sleepiness but there were no long interruptions. Noted mostly "see" (namely the hypnagogia) and occasionally "feel" (the body slumping when nodding off for a moment), sometimes "hear".
​​​​​​​Some fantasizing about being forced to do the sit first thing in the morning xD

2023/11/10 (part 2) Did both of the 1 minute meditations. Or maybe three. Did the last one just in case as I wasn't sure whether I already did two.

2023/11/11 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), late morning, kneeling

Quite sleepy again during the sit, though not as bad as yesterday.
Again procrastinated for hours before practicing.
Felt a bit cold.

Metta: The mantra was sometimes not quite as much in the background than usually recently.

Noting: Mostly hear and feel, but also frequent see (hpynagogia) and taste (I'm wondering whether I'm getting a cold). Also sometimes think. Think was mostly summarizing what's happening, though at one point I noted think a couple times in a row while the other mental voice was saying something more or less incoherent.

2023/11/11 (part 2) Did both of the 1 minute meditations.

2023/11/12 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

A bit of procrastination, but mostly the productive kind (tidying up etc.).
I'm clearly getting a cold. Tiredness probably at least in part due to that. Though not very strong tiredness.

Metta: Piti during much of it. Long time span of being drawn into thoughts in the second half, but mantra continuing. Less piti during that.

Noting: Mostly noting hear and feel, but also some see and a decent amount of think. Think is often just single words - when thinking longer phrases, it doesn't happen in a way that I would note, and noting also interfers with the thoughts noted. Sometimes thoughts took up much of awareness while noting of hear or feel went on in the background.

Some restlessness towards the end due to increasing tiredness and starting to feel a bit cold.

2023/11/12 (part 2) Did both of the 1 minute meditations.

2023/11/13 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Having a cold. Wrapped myself in blankets.

Metta: Some pleasant piti. Mind sometimes on the mantra, something on thinking.

Noting: Larger amount of noting of thoughts than before. Sometimes also full sentences (often of, well, not gibberish, but nothing that I consciously know the context of). Noting a thought tends to lead to piti sensations.

2023/11/13 (part 2) Did both of the 1 minute meditations.

Went to the zen sangha (30 minutes sitting, 10 minutes walking, 30 minutes sitting)

Aimed a bit for detaching from thoughts at the start. Otherwise mostly just sitting around and seeing what'll happen. Thinking was primarily planning, often about work.

Some backpain. A little bit sleepy.

It's easier to detach from a thought than from the emotion it causes.

2023/11/14 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Went back to sleep after the sit, only writing the log after.

Metta: Some piti.

Noting: Some interruptions in the noting due to thoughts and sleepiness.

2023/11/14 (part 2) Did both 1 minute sits.

2023/11/15 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Metta: Some minor piti. Distracted by the static sound from the heating that already bothered me when falling asleep the evening before. Twice or so even didn't continue the mantra because of thoughts.

Noting: Quite pleasant sit. Noting thinking (which wasn't that often) always had noting feeling afterwards because it always lead to a jolt of piti. A few times, the noting continued on autopilot in the background while mind was on thoughts.

I think I'll practice metta and noting when going to the zen sangha next time.

2023/11/15 (part 2) Did both 1 minute sits.

2023/11/16 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Got myself to practice (almost) first thing in the morning as I have to get out early today.

Metta: Continuous piti. Mind sometimes on the piti and the mantra, sometimes more on thoughts with mantra ongoing. Not wanting to use pressure for being more with the mantra, just some mild leaning from time to time.

Noting: Occasional interruptions of the noting by thinking. I feel more like there is a delay between what's going on and me noting it than when starting with that practice. Frequent piti. Now and then noted thinking, but mostly feeling and hearing.

2023/11/16 (part 2) 70 minutes (30 metta, 10 walking, 30 noting), evening, kneeling

Practiced at the zen sangha.
Only 2 other people were there today.

Some backpain and a bit sleepy, but otherwise pleasant sit. Only minor occasional piti.

Mantra and noting weren't interrupted but often went into the background.

Also, did both 1 minute sits over the course of the day.

2023/11/17 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), evening, kneeling

Procrastinated all day due to low mood (without specific cause).

A bit sleepy. Only rare and minor piti. Metta and noting sometimes went into the background.

Something I forgot to write down yesterday evening: There are forms of verbal "thinking" that I wouldn't really consider thinking. Like remembering what someone else said and hearing it as a mental voice, or like earworms. Counting those are "think", though.

2023/11/18 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), evening, kneeling

Late sit, but more due to taking care of chores than due to procrastinating.

Metta: A bit sleepy. During the metta, mind was more on thoughts and the mantra went into the background. Piti was fairly jolty and not very continuous.

Noting: Some noting of thoughts, besides the usual feeling and hearing. Also some getting dragged into thoughts.
My teacher suggested I could try out occasionally more specific labels than the sense doors. Might do that particularly with things that re-occur frequently. Otherwise, I think I'd spend more time trying to find the right label than noting.

Also did the two 1 minute meditations throughout the day.
I discussed with my teacher whether to change something about those as I'm not really seeing much benefit in them and we agreed that I could do noting instead, also e.g. during activities.

2023/11/19 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Still a decent amount of procrastinating. Gonna move my day's plans by ~2h due to that.
Any suggestions on how to get oneself to sit first thing in the morning?

Metta: Much daydreaming with mantra continuing in the background.

Noting: Tried out using more specific labels for recurring things (mainly for specific sensations, including sitting, tingling in the palms and piti). Mistook the sound of the heating for a plane when it started - it actually is less uncomfortable when I treat it like a plane sound because that's something far away that I can't do anything about. So I kept labeling it as plane xD
Using more specific labels seems to increase the likelyhood of the mind picking out that same thing next for focusing on.

Try meditate while you lay in bed. Particularly if you're that kind of awake where you won't fall asleep. I used to sit first thing when I was very disciplined, I tend to wait til the afternoon these days. 

I wouldn't worry too much about the specifics of labels for noting. First thing that bounces out of the brain is fine. Noting without labeling at all is valid too. You will ultimately be able to note much faster than you can label.  

Good stuff!

I can't do formal sitting meditation first thing in the morning. My morning skills are mostly limited to drinking coffee and looking at the internet. My work is flexible, so I usually sit late in the morning, after getting a few hours of work done, when my mind is at its brightest. So I guess my tip would be, find your favorite time. 

It's fun how the same basic sound feels different depending on how we interpret it. 

Thanks for the suggestions!

Hm, not sure whether staying in bed would make it any easier to get started.
I don't wanna spend 22 minutes lying in bed without moving. So that'll cause resistance.

I can note faster, but I can't categorize that fast. And I don't quite see how there's any benefit to fast noting without labeling.
​​​​​​​
If I just pick the first label that my mind comes up with, it's often wrong. My mind tends to confuse the sense doors because there are always several things going on simultaneously in different sense doors, often even related (like, hearing something also involves sensations at the ears, so I might note "feel" if not careful, despite the auditory aspect being more central).

Thanks!

​​​​​​​First thing in the morning would be my favorite time.

I used to practice in the evening primarily, but that involves a lot of sleepiness.

And I can't really take a meditation break in the office. At least not that easily.

"fast noting without labeling."

"Noting" is an introductory practice. When we get at noticing without labelling we start to develop the kind of speed and inclusivity of perceiving required to wake up.

You'll probably know yourself when the time comes to drop most of the labelling. If it's not helpful now keep doing what works.

2023/11/19 (part 2)

Off-the-cushion practice: Tried noting during bus rides and during walking outside.

2023/11/20 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

A lot of tension today, which kept me from engaging with the mantra or noting. So it often went into the background.
Some urges for kriyas during the noting, but kriyas make noting a lot harder, so I wasn't sure whether to let them.
A bit of piti towards the end.

Yes, maybe I just don't understand yet how it's supposed to look like when it does work as I can't do it yet.

​​​​​​​The descriptions sound like fast noticing is very easy, but when I try replicating it in a way that fits the descriptions, I don't see why it would have a benefit.

I can attest that over time it starts to have some benefit. Come back to this if ever you need it. 

Say for example I were to stand on the precipice of some great cliff and over look the ocean on a fine summers day. Captivated by the beauty I might desire to absorb every photon of sunlight, every whisper of sea air and every jewelled wave crashing on the shoreline below. So I try, but when I do so, I notice that my attention is choppy and unfocused it can't consistently percieve any of my surroundings without interruption. I know the waters are breathtaking and deserve my attention yet I can't help get caught up in my own internal conflict. My attention is scattered across various tumultous emotions and bodily grievances. Even though I might intuit that these nuisances are ultimately a part of the entirety of the landscape before me they're still rather bloody annoying and seem to occupy an inordinate amount of my experience.

So I start to really look at them, I point at them and say "Ahh look, this is suffering." "This thought is suffering, I know that it is suffering." "This emotion is sadness, I know that it is sadness." This helps as we begin to understand our attention and how it moves around between the phenomena that catch and bind it. Yet as I categorize these experiences I might notice that the list grows ever more encyclopedic. There's so much to experience how could I ever name it all? Is the light shattering brilliance of the ocean sufficiently communicated by "Blue", do I need to compose a sonnet every time I attempt to label a transient discomfort in my right elbow, at some point do I have to begin labelling the labelling process and each individual component of the thought stream? 

I can certainly try, but deep down I know I'm not any closer to embracing the spectacle of this particularly lovely day and am still very much absorbed in intellectual activity. 

So, I begin a little investigative phenomenology...

I begin to notice without labelling how each of these phenomena in my experience are impermanent, they have no solidity, every feeling is just a wave of shimmering particles. I see that shimmer and know that it is impermanent. 

After more time, I might start to notice without labelling how each of these phenomena in my experience are dissatisfactory, though my thoughts are captivating they never seem to lead me towards any lasting joy and even in my sweetest moments there is a subtle unease. I feel that unease and I know it is dissatisfactory. 

Then I notice without labelling how each of these phenomena in my experience are not-self, the waves crash and the winds howl, yet this carries on without any interference from me. I hear the howling wind and know it is not self. 

Through cultivating this manner of practice my attention becomes more fine tuned. Over time I might learn to include more and more of the world into my perception. I might start to see how it truly is and gain insight into it, into the nature of self and the cause of suffering. 

... and as that journey unfolds, slowly, I get to spend more and more time, just enjoying the ocean, the bird song and the breeze.  

I don't think that noting increases perception in any significant amount. 

There are anyway way more things one is aware of than one could ever note. Even what is in attention changes so often that one can't keep up with labeling it.

But maybe something different is meant by the perception it's said to increase?

Noticing the 3 characteristics in what one is aware of seems unrelated to inclusivity of perception. But I'm confident that noting (with labeling at least - can't attest for noting without labeling to have an effect) is going to help with seeing at least not-self more clearly.

2023/11/20 (part 2)

Off-the-cushion practice: Tried noting during most of my 3km walk to work, and sporadically on other occasions.

At the zen sangha: 30 minutes metta, 10 minutes walking, 30 minutes noting.

Had some longer interruption of the noting towards the end due to wanting to not feel back pain and then ending up getting lost in thoughts.
Also overall fairly distracted.

What is it that notes? And can you see that it is also not-self? How do you know something is not-self? What does not-self feel like?

I occasionally have to stop myself during practice from noting the noting. 

One can know something is not-self by observing that it's happening on its own, as a result of causes and conditions. 

2023/11/21 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Fairly distracted, but no significant interruptions of either the mantra or the noting.
Some jolty piti, particularly towards the end.

2023/11/22 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Again fairly distracted. Mantra and noting often went into the background and there might have occasionally been interruptions in the noting.

2023/11/23 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Quite distracted. Several long interruptions of the noting.
Some strong piti right before starting the metta; I felt like starting the mantra might interfer a bit with it.

I've also been practicing noting during bus rides and short walks the last two days. I feel like it's easier to do there than on the cushion in regards to not getting lost in thoughts.

2023/11/23 (part 2)

At the sangha: 30 minutes metta, 10 minutes walking, 30 noting, evening, kneeling

Metta: Again fairly distracted. Mantra pretty continuous, with some phases of mind being more on in and other phases of mind being more on thoughts. Some shoulder pain which lead to wanting to avoid feeling it by insead thinking about other things.
Some wondering whether there wouldn't be other methods more efficient at relaxing and building piti.

Noting: 2 full interruptions (though, the first one at least included some kind of noting without labels, but very much in the background), otherwise varying amounts of being with the noting.
I think noting goes better and also catches more thoughts when I do it in a fairly slow pace.

I like this. How gentle and relaxing can you make the practice of noting?

2023/11/24 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Metta: Not really feeling motivated for that practice. Continously ongoing mantra, but mind more involved with thoughts.

Noting: Tried the more deliberate approach, but it's hard to keep up. No real interruptions but frequent slips into autopilot/more fuzzy noting due to not able to keep up the effort. Feeling uncomfortably tense.

Oh, that's not about making it more gentle and relaxing - rather the contrary. It's about putting more effort and intentionality in it and hindering it at going as fast as it usually would.

Relaxing would mean letting it go into autopilot.

​​​​​​​Not like that approach seems to work all that well, though.

Hey, I can't in good faith recommend that as an approach to meditation. 

99.9% of meditation is relaxation and that means relaxation of our dependency on cerebral gymnastics. To whatever degree we add technique, we do so to get at deeper levels of relaxation. That's really the whole thing of it.

You seem confident you know what you're doing so... I will leave you to it, by all means follow your instinct and test your assertions. 

It may be worth sometime checking out a practice like this: https://www.dhammasukha.org/the-6rs

I get the feeling it might serve you well. I don't really endorse these guys as a whole but this particular practice would be my go to recommendation for a lot of people. 

Best of luck.

Thanks!
It's not like I'd feel confident with that approach. As I wrote above, that doesn't seem to work well.

I have encountered the 6Rs technique before, but it wasn't really applicable to what I was practicing then as most of my distractions weren't thoughts and I don't know how to release the pull of attention to things that aren't thoughts.

I took another look at the instructions. Well, that first step would happen very often as my attention is often not on the noting or metta. But I get a lot of resistance if I try to do something about that, as I don't require attention in order to keep up the practice.

So I rather don't bother with attention. During noting, I note where attention is on, I don't usually have attention on the noting.

It's only if it gets too far to the edge of awareness that I do something about it.

2023/11/24 (part 2)

At the zen sangha: 20 minutes metta, 10 minutes walking, 20 minutes noting, evening, kneeling

Metta: Mosty daydreaming with mantra continuing in the background.

Noting: Occasionally some piti. Used only some minor effort if any. Two interruptions in the noting, one fairly long. Sometimes noted thinking, but rarely.

2023/11/25 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), evening, kneeling

Late sit due to some procrastinating in the morning.

Metta: A decent amount of piti, which helped with staying a bit more with the mantra.

Noting: I now and then semi-intentionally thought of how I'm sitting there - the notion of being kinda stuck in place feels quite nice. That helped with not getting lost in thoughts for long. Also a fair amount of noting thoughts. Besides these planned thoughts, there were many visual thoughts, mostly related to memories about the day (met up with some people and afterwards went shopping, so there were a lot of new impressions to process).

2023/11/26 32 minutes (2 warmup, 15 metta, 15 noting), morning, kneeling

Sat more-or-less first thing in the morning (At least before checking social media apps and similar time-consuming stuff.) Opted for a longer sit today due to having the time.

Metta: Quite pleasant, though I did a lot of fantisizing, which might have contributed more to the piti than the mantra did.

Noting: Very pleasant, though the piti was a bit jolty. Often noted thinking (in part due to continued fantisizing). It's really nice to approach thoughts as something that will take care of itself.

2023/11/27 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Not quite first thing in the morning, but still somewhat reasonably early.

Fairly distracted. Rare and very short actual interruptions of mantra/noting, but mind frequently on thoughts, which I seldom noted. Quite a decent amount of piti.

2023/11/28 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling


Metta: Mostly spent daydreaming with the mantra ongoing in the background.

Noting: Mostly on the noting, only occasionally went into the background for longer timespans. Sometimes noted thoughts, which usually lead to piti (which also was present now and then otherwise).

Thoughts often start building before they actually get into attention, and so I keep noting some sensations or sounds while most of my mind is preoccupied with thinking while the part in charge of the noting hasn't paid attention to those thoughts yet.

2023/11/29 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Very distracted sit.

Metta: Mantra ongoing but pretty much always in the background while planning.

Noting: Occasional notes but huge interruptions. Mostly distracted by thoughts, but also, well, I shouldn't open my eyes when not facing the wall, but there was a squirrel outside xD

2023/11/30 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), morning, kneeling

Lots of procrastination before starting.

Metta: Ongoing mantra, but most of the time spent planning or thinking about the practice.

Thoughts seem way more interesting and important that the practice.

Noting: Only short interruptions, but sleepiness started right when switching to this part. Frequent thinking and some restlessness.

2023/12/1 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), very late morning, kneeling

Again lots of procrastinating.

Ongoing mantra/noting but frequently drawn into thoughts. Sometimes noting them.
Some restlessness towards the end.

2023/12/2 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10+? noting), very late morning, kneeling

Pretty late sit, but mostly due to having gone back to bed due to sleepy, and only to some degree due to procrastinating.

Metta: Spent the sit trying variations of the mantra. Only rarely distracted from that activity. Gotta experiment a bit more (also outside of the practice time) to find what feels best.

Noting: Decided at some point to also name thinking (if verbal) as "hear" rather than "think" as I kept mixing up those two for both sounds and thoughts occasionally.
Very smooth practice afterwards and it felt good to not distinguish between mental activities and external sensory input.
I continued practicing for a couple more minutes after the timer chimed. Some dip in concentration towards the end of that.

2023/12/3 22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), late morning, kneeling

Again a lot of procrastinating but I didn't try fighting it. That only hurts anyway. Just worried I won't be able to finish my chores that are due today if I don't struggle more. 

Metta: Tried out other mantras. I think that the "may I" part is putting a bit of a damper on it; I rather feel like going for affirmative statements currently. 

Noting: It feels amazing to label thoughts as "hear" and not to distinguish them from external sounds. 
​​​​​​​Some sensations of sleepiness, but they didn't really affect the noting. 

2023/12/4  22 minutes (2 warmup, 10 metta, 10 noting), late evening, kneeling 
Metta: Continuing experimenting with mantra options. Phrases that point to anatta seem most efficient in leading to strong continous piti.

Some kriyas.
Piti lead to some tensing up now and then which I tried to counteract.

Thoughts mostly about describing the practice. 

Noting: 
A fairly high amount of piti from the noting. 

Got lost in thoughts to the point of not continuing the noting during the last couple minutes, related to sleepiness.