Difference between having disorder and normality is not acting on what you feel in a way that people would see as crazy and the difference here is just a matter of priorities. It shows you lack self control. Society only matters about your self control and don't care for socially accepted behavior.
Talking strange things is okay if you do not seem to suddenly decide to get in to a daze and do something irresponsible because voice told you and you don't know what you are doing because are literally fully asleep. Put your priorities in correct order.
In mind itself it is also what I care about. I have colorful mind that has million ideas and I let myself express them internally and even talk to people about them but when I need to be serious I just am and there is no "but this stuff feel good and being serious is boring". There is no discussion! And why despite I sometimes talk strangest of things to people no one calls me crazy. Its playtime and serious business time.
It causes people most discomfort to be around someone whose priority is not social norm.
Some people overdo it, even thinking there is relief in following them and then some may put all bets on it and have sad realization it was a lie and might start pushing it away, this social mind. Not want to deal with it wanting to indulge in all the things they didn't gave oneself opportunity to think. It is understandable but it is not the way.
The way is to do what you need do, behave how you need to act and regarding ideas try to make them work with what actually comes out of your mouth. The same ideas seed for you have in your mind can be made very interesting but you need to give them time, cook them correctly until they feel the right color. For now it seems your mind lost its priorities and by the way is making the same mistake as it did before - indulging in something to get relief that cannot technically exist by pushing ideas out as soon as they arrive. There is no relief in anything. The satisfaction your mind looks for doesn't exist. And this is fine because you actually just jump at first thing that you feel you want/need. You don't want this first thing. The thing you want is like all good ideas - to know what it is you also need to give it time.
Andy (Samuel) Thai (Wiest)
It wasn't until 2018 I was introduced with cannabis being high opened my eyes to new possibilities like I could be this happy. I realized I'm a highly anxious person and cannabis is allows me to relax.
To me personally cannabis/thc/etc are literal torture. I can adjust to make it kinda ok-ish but still it is the last thing I would describe this state as the relaxation. More like subtle massage of something that is stressed for the purpose of let this movement go somewhere where it won't cause issues.
My brother is avid fan of that stuff and always feels very relaxed.
Subtle continuous movement consciousness cannabis causes and keeping mind near neuron's control panel doesn't play well. I have control panel like in the movie Inside Out and when I let Canna inside it then all the emotions starts weaving hands around and if they are close to control panel it just don't work that well. If I put some tension in my mind then changing tension up and down does cause some relaxation compared to this tension being constant. I don't like putting tension in mind. My brother is walking tension. In this aspect we are polar opposites.
Though despite not liking it I would in heartbeat if situation required it. As much tension/relaxation/whatever as its necessary.
It might sound strange but this is the the right attitude for my mind - there is no time for silliness when there is unresolved stress.
It works like that - we ignore stress/dukkha, maybe pondering about what should be done and when alarms ring it has to be resolved asap then we do first thing that comes to mind that has nothing to do with what was thought about.
That is why we need to start acting early when the issue is not too serious. Then decisions made can be well thought and just better.
You said you have bipolar. I had that too.
What helps is just observing oneself but never force oneself as that only exacerbates issue (look POI - its literally bipolar disorder in a nutshell). Just like with social norms - treat it as important to be mindful to observe mind as much as you need to. When it feels like you are doing it for relief literally stop and wait it out like you had micro panic attack*, wait until you observed mind just because it was itself blissful. Once you learn to not indulge in relief but rather operate mind on bliss you will find there was never any need for any relief, any release, any need to push ideas under-cooked, no need to struggle with yourself. Mind just flows and whether it flows there is this same comfort that has millions of different shades of colors.
No Relief,
Ni
*) I mean treat it as what it is...
