Ah, I remember well the day I achieved enlightenment after an intense 30-day stretch of no-holds-barred hardcore butt-to-the-cushion meditating. Everything changed that day. I immediately became free of all suffering and anxiety. My emotions were 99% positive, super joyful and happy all the time from then on. The 1% being the slightest vapourous whiffs of negative emotion from time to time - because you know, I'm still human after all. My life since then has basically been a series of spontaneous dharma teaching events, attended by crowds of devoted students, well-wishers, and curious on-lookers. In fact as I'm writing this now, one of my students is massaging coconut oil into my back, made from the finest Himalayan coconuts--a gift from the Dalai lama in recognition of my services to the Buddhadharma.
