Scary anatta perspective

Umberto Trinchero, modified 11 Years ago.

Scary anatta perspective

Posts: 6 Join Date: 9/25/09 Recent Posts
Last september, after a 'good' meditation session, I returned back to daily activities and went to a pleasant (and very profound) state - already known.
I always believed it was A&P (bliss, easy noticing). Observing usual consciousness by outside, with thoughs (and sounds and gestures, open focus style) arising & passing away in a wider space of awareness.
Now I'm starting to think it was Witnessing/No Dog perspective, just reading descriptions of that state.
So this is kind of a first What was that? question...

After I while the outside/not me perspective became stronger, and even the Witness was constantly disappearing.
I labelled that as the passing away of the observing mind (the object and the noting mind both pass away one after the other), a stage I mapped to Dissolution (but Daniel Ingram corrected me about the nature of the Dissolution stage in a previous post).
I welcomed that, thinking that I was observing anatta in real time... but suddenly there was ALMOST no observer at all, and I was not more that a robot, perceived but a tiny observer, the one that started to be very worried about facing a total dissolution of the ego.

I started to recollect my self at all costs, to gain the usual (deprecated) self-perspective, the one we are trying to debunk with the practice.
The fear, too, arose and passed away, in those few seconds I was able to observe it as an object.

My initial understanding of the whole dynamic was A&P-Dissolution-Fear.

Now I'm not sure that the initial stage was A&P, so I just want to know if this is a very specific episode, easy mappable, or just one of the many experiences occurring during the progress of insight.
It was very profound, even if scary. It never happened again.

A very advanced yogi (3rd Path) told me that this is what he calls The One Big Fear (see KFD), happening 'brief few seconds from Fruition'... but I still don't know if we are talking about the same experience (I'm pre-Stream Entry, don't know how far/close to the end of the first path).

I remember than trying to having back my ego it came to my mind the word 'surrender', and just did the opposite... emoticon
Surrender/welcoming is the key word to deal to such perspective, or my attempt to escape was I a good idea?
Is it likely that I will encounter it again? I'm not clingin' to it, definitely, at the moment.

[edited for typos and clarification]
J Adam G, modified 11 Years ago.

RE: Scary anatta perspective

Posts: 286 Join Date: 9/15/09 Recent Posts
The robot-mechanical-no-observer could be pre-A&P stuff. It kind of sounds like Cause & Effect, Three Characteristics land. Though I could certainly be wrong. It could be dissolution, but I thought that dissolution was more like "seeing the ends of vibrations" instead of "ego-dissolution." Can someone with more experience please clarify that?