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Dharma Diagnostic Clinic, aka "What was that?"

Still problems of where I am on the maps!

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Hi guys,

I already had one thread down the list, where I described my experiences, but I am still stuck
what to do next. There is this longing to just sit. In daily activities with people I am more passive
watching the peoples faces for signs of the little kid in them and Iam happy if that happens and oftentimes sad,
if thats not the case. I have an I-sense at the moment, but oftentimes if I go out and drink and being ecstatic
about the time and the people, the I-sense gets lost and control aswell. This is all happening and the emotions change
very often, now I am sad, so iam writing this, because I dont know what to do next. On the plan is a traineeship as a kindergarten teacher in one week, but Iam not sure if I can just do this, because I have this longing to just sit, until something happens.
Its very weird, as I had for 8 days in daily activities the experience Daniel describes here and now its again different and normal
life just seems to be suffering most of the time, with exception to the things I described on top.

Daniel Ingram:

Emptiness can mean that phenonema, all of them, arise on their own, vanish on their own, and, as they occur as just a part of the universe unfolding and doing its thing, rather than some separate self creating them or being them, they are empty of a permanent, separate self, and instead are just a part of natural reality.


I have the feeling I will go into the dark night, or maybe I am mentally ill with derealisation.
Its maybe also important to mention, that sometimes if I meet people there seems to be a very good concentration and
I have the feeling people are drawn to me or so, yesterday I went out with younger kids and they got into trouble with
some others and there was nearly this fight and I went to that troublemaker and just looked into his eyes and he calmed down
completely. This 8 day experience changed something really extreme, because I am not afraid anymore in a sense like it was before. there is still fear as emotion, but in a different context.
A lot of words, the point is iam oftentimes sad and I dont want that so often,
The character Ricky Fitts in American Beauty and his words represent perfect, what I have seen in the experience and
this deep sadness or appreciation of beauty is now very much of my ongoing experience.
Iam very grateful for hints and tips,

Thank you very much!

RE: Still problems of where I am on the maps!
Answer
1/24/10 3:26 AM as a reply to benucci benassi.
I am not quite sure how to answer as before, as your post has many aspects, but, from a simple map point of view, some grand unitive, wonderful glimpse of something grand that fades to dark stuff could be A&P to Dark Night.

While there is lots of conflicting advice on what happens next, technical, skilled, precise, open, accepting, Three-Characteristics-focused meditators tend to better than those who are not, in general terms, and plunge further. If you want more of the good stuff, try that.

RE: Still problems of where I am on the maps!
Answer
1/24/10 10:17 AM as a reply to Daniel M. Ingram.
Daniel M. Ingram:
I am not quite sure how to answer as before, as your post has many aspects, but, from a simple map point of view, some grand unitive, wonderful glimpse of something grand that fades to dark stuff could be A&P to Dark Night.

While there is lots of conflicting advice on what happens next, technical, skilled, precise, open, accepting, Three-Characteristics-focused meditators tend to better than those who are not, in general terms, and plunge further. If you want more of the good stuff, try that.


Yeah,

Thank You for your reply,

I was thinking the same, that it should be just accepting the moment as it is.

I have a few questions concerning Arising Passing event, if thats whats happened to me.

I mean rational speaking this experience I had is very much not explainable to people, as
it was really the sense, that the universe is just doing its thing and there is emptiness everywhere, which was
in a sense beautiful. In this time I was very active, less sleep, lots of energy and these releases in the brain stem,
social interaction was like it was never before, concentration was completely different than anything before and it was just everything perfect not depending on any outer circumstances. It was all just happening without any doer.
This experience changed something really radical in my world view! In the end of this time there was this planning of great
schemes and messiah like rational conclusions, because I was in a sense on high performance, but I dropped that pretty fast and are way more drawn to down to earth explanations. Every dogma and guru like things are now for me a big joke and all these spiritual god like shiva, raising the level of consciousness and chakra things are now in a different understanding.
There are just concepts and mental conclusions in a reality, which you cannot describe in words.
Regarding to Arising Passing,

Is Arising Passing seeing emptiness in real time?

What is enlightenment then?

Is is it the cessation from everything?

I am just asking this, because now I have deep down the view, that there is no doer anyways?

I will try to keep my practice simple accepting reality and try to live a healthy lifestyle without smoking and sports,
because I want that all feelings should come up, without repression due to smoking or coffee.
I let it happen,

Thank you! Daniel

RE: Still problems of where I am on the maps!
Answer
1/24/10 8:28 PM as a reply to benucci benassi.
Hi Daniel,

I found this site about a description of a jhani after enlightenment.
I know these are all just concepts, but the description of my worldview
after this experience I had is totally in touch with what is described
there and my ongoing experience now. So all these concepts about
Arising Passing and get me more confused. I know there is no doer and
my life seems to be I am just witnessing as a mirror all the time, absent of a thinking
mind and very spontanious, But there is still this desire to have more pleasant feelings,
which is the reason, why I posted. Hmm, I dont know very confusing for me all this emoticon

Here is the site, please read this:

http://www.kktanhp.com/Comes_After_Enlightenment.htm