Barros's Pratice Log #5

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ANDRE BARROS, modified 5 Days ago at 11/29/24 4:38 AM
Created 5 Days ago at 11/29/24 4:38 AM

Barros's Pratice Log #5

Posts: 537 Join Date: 7/25/23 Recent Posts
Today I meditated for an hour, influenced by Shargrol's latest post, where he talks about this pure awareness that perceives everything, regardless of where attention is or how it is—whether focused on something vague or on a clear mental state. The important thing is to be aware, to notice this greater awareness.
I started the practice with a very curious mind, eager to explore this. The initial phase was marked by great clarity and focus, capturing everything. After about 30 minutes, when the mind entered a phase of lack of control, there was simply no distraction. Confusion would arise, but at the slightest hint of doubt or uncertainty, this greater awareness would take over, and it was as if I sought refuge in it. The confusion disappeared the very moment it was recognized.
It was like taking a step back, adopting a broader awareness of what was happening. I could see myself observing the object, which was the confusion, and it simply dissolved. At one point, I started having a mental conversation, a comment about the practice, but this greater awareness took over again. By taking this "step back," I noticed the murmuring of thoughts dwindling until it vanished.
This greater awareness took over practically 90% of the practice, maybe even more. I don’t have much else to comment on beyond that. It was as if the entire session had been permeated by this pure awareness. I didn’t notice any dukkha; there was a deep sense of relaxation and security in knowing that this awareness was present the whole time.
At the end of the practice, I considered extending it for another 10 minutes, but the reminder came that it is persistent, not heroic practice, that should be cultivated.
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Bahiya Baby, modified 5 Days ago at 11/29/24 8:03 AM
Created 5 Days ago at 11/29/24 8:03 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Very nice 
Martin, modified 5 Days ago at 11/29/24 10:05 AM
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RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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ANDRE BARROS
At one point, I started having a mental conversation, a comment about the practice, but this greater awareness took over again. By taking this "step back," I noticed the murmuring of thoughts dwindling until it vanished.


Noticing how this happens is very useful. Dwindling and vanishing are two priceless treasures. 
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 4 Days ago at 11/29/24 1:19 PM
Created 4 Days ago at 11/29/24 1:18 PM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Commenting on @shargrol's response.

And this looseness comes from trusting how the mind is aware, regardless of what is in attention.
Yes, this has become very clear to me in recent days.

As you get familiar with the mostly-centerless state of awareness, you'll notice there is  still a tiny bit of the basic "self orientation" of "I am here and experience is there". There is still the tinyest sense of being a-self-that-is-aware.
Yes, I still see myself as separate from the experience.

This is a very paradoxical and odd experience, but it hints as a way that the mind can go beyond awareness too. As always, there is nothing you need to force beyond staying playfully curious about the nature of mind.
Yes, I can’t imagine what that’s like. Nor do I want to. Now I trust my mind to find the way, and this greatly simplifies and facilitates the practice.


Triyng  to get rid of the self or try to get rid of the centerpoint just creates another self and another centerpoint.
Yes. I’ve noticed this happening a lot in recent days, and now, when I notice it, I just let go. I only focus on being aware of the experience, whatever it may be.

Thank you so much, Shargrol!
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 4 Days ago at 11/29/24 1:25 PM
Created 4 Days ago at 11/29/24 1:25 PM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Thanks @bahiyababy and Martin! :-)
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 4 Days ago at 11/30/24 3:56 AM
Created 4 Days ago at 11/30/24 3:56 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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I meditated for an hour and twenty minutes. Like yesterday, I had the intention of observing this pure awareness of being conscious, regardless of where the attention was or the mental state. The desire was for this awareness to arise. The purpose was to expand this pure awareness. However, unlike yesterday, I didn’t have the same enthusiasm as before. I was more relaxed about it.
I had a moment of clarity and a moment of semi-consciousness, which happens in the phase of lack of control but with less presence of this pure awareness. There wasn’t that intensity of pure awareness like yesterday. Today felt more normal. Even so, I noticed and remained calm about it. Practice varies, and intensity varies. What’s important is to persist and seek to understand the mind.
In the final phase, I experienced moments of doubt and confusion. I observed them and thought: the importance lies in just being aware of them. I saw the confusion, looked at it, and it went away. I have been identifying less and less with confusion and doubt. No matter how strong they seem at the moment, this pure awareness arises, observes, and allows it to pass.
Today, for instance, I experienced doubt about what I needed to do, as if I were required to act in some way. But then I remembered, because this awareness took over. I simply looked, and that was enough. Just observing allowed it to pass, and a great sense of tranquility emerged.
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Bahiya Baby, modified 4 Days ago at 11/30/24 4:24 AM
Created 4 Days ago at 11/30/24 4:23 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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All things are impermanent. 

​​​​​​​You have developed a great approach to practice I think. Well done. Keep it up.
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 3 Days ago at 12/1/24 2:56 AM
Created 3 Days ago at 12/1/24 2:56 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Ok Bahiya. Thanks! :-)
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 3 Days ago at 12/1/24 4:33 AM
Created 3 Days ago at 12/1/24 4:33 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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I meditated for one hour and twenty minutes. I started by reflecting on how my life, my daily routine, has been changing—without much worry, without wanting to reach anywhere. There is still, of course, this desire, but it feels light. I’ve realized that it’s the practice, the trust in the mind, and the fact that I’m doing the work that will make progress happen. This has made the desire for progress much lighter.
With this in mind, I sat down wanting to understand the mind, seeking this pure awareness, trying to understand what this pure awareness is. I had moments of clarity, and before thirty minutes, I entered the phase of lack of control, of semi-consciousness. I tried to notice moments of pure awareness more clearly. I observed them and asked myself: “What is this pure awareness? Who is behind this?” But I did so gently, stimulating curiosity.
I stayed with this approach throughout the practice, without changing the focus much. I remained in this process of observing and exploring, with curiosity and gentleness.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 2 Days ago at 12/1/24 5:31 PM
Created 2 Days ago at 12/1/24 5:31 PM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Stop meditating! 
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 2:24 AM
Created 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 2:24 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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I didn't understand.
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 3:35 AM
Created 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 3:35 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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I meditated for an hour. Reading Dusko's post, where he suggested I stop meditating, ended up influencing the beginning of my practice. I reflected on what he was trying to convey and interpreted it as a proposal to give up manipulating meditation or "doing" meditation in the conventional sense. I understood the suggestion as stepping away from the common idea of meditating and opening my mind more in that direction, rather than stopping the practice altogether. With this perspective, I started the session.
During the phase of semi-consciousness, I tried to expand the moments of pure awareness, noticing them as they occurred. I also experienced moments of confusion, where I realized I was trying to manipulate the meditation or control what I was experiencing. For example, I felt the need to have more moments of pure awareness and noticed I was trying to make this happen instead of simply observing what was happening at the moment. When I became aware of this, I let go.
By letting go, I had more moments where I could step back and simply see the experience as experience, the observer watching the object.
​​​​​​​
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Bahiya Baby, modified 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 3:56 AM
Created 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 3:56 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Very good. Every thing is impermanent.. even pure awareness. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 6:31 AM
Created 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 6:31 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Nice! Now keep at stopping meditating and then even stop that stopping to meditate emoticon 

Good stuff Barros! Best wishes! 
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 7:03 AM
Created 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 7:03 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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:-)
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 7:03 AM
Created 2 Days ago at 12/2/24 7:03 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Hehe.. your humor is great, Dusko!
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 1 Day ago at 12/3/24 3:43 AM
Created 1 Day ago at 12/3/24 3:30 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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I meditated for an hour and ten minutes. During the phase of lack of control, I noticed that I was trying to have control, trying to meditate, trying to give instructions, wanting the instructions to persist. For example, I wanted to maintain awareness, pure awareness. Then, I wanted to maintain the observation of raw, bare sensations in the body. After that, I wanted to practice Vipassana. Then, I wanted to know if I wasn’t falling asleep, if I was truly meditating. Doubts and confusion arose.
Finally, I had an insight that I don’t have control over meditation. Perhaps this is what Dusko meant by "stop meditating," because, in reality, we have no control over meditation—we don’t truly meditate. Sometimes, we are aware, we observe it, and we note it.
After that, I felt a sense of relaxation and began to perceive this more clearly. I had never seen this so distinctly before. I had had this perception in the past, but now it became even clearer: this lack of control, the fact that there isn’t a “self” behind meditating, and that mental states are impermanent. None of them are satisfactory, and none of them are the final answer.
I also understood that the most we can do is set an intention, pay attention to that intention with awareness, and then let go. The mind does the rest. When we establish a purpose, it stimulates the mind to follow through. That’s the most we can do.

If we have no control, why rush? Peace!​​​​​​​
shargrol, modified 1 Day ago at 12/3/24 5:48 AM
Created 1 Day ago at 12/3/24 5:48 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Perfect!

I remember very clearly when I had that same realization. It's never something you can "do" or make happen and you never know when it will happen... which is actually really great news! That means it's not up to you, you don't have to worry about creating a perfect practice --- because you can't know what will make it happen --- which takes a lot of the striving and performance pressure away. All that's left is humble, respectful, non-heroic daily practice.

It can feel like trying to swim up a flowing river, but when you practice everyday and journal your sits, it's very clear that progress is happening. Despite the flow of the river, you are slowly swimming upstream.

But intention is important, so it can be helpful to state an intention at this point, something like "I intend for my practice to lead to Stream Entry when it is the most beneficial for myself and all beings. May my practice lead to Stream Entry when it is the most beneficial for myself and all beings."

Play around with the words you use until they feel good and pure and true. 
shargrol, modified 1 Day ago at 12/3/24 5:55 AM
Created 1 Day ago at 12/3/24 5:55 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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It's probably also good to point out that the PATH TO stream entry does a lot of the transformation, not stream entry itself. So questing for stream entry itself can often be a distraction. The gold is found on the path to stream entry, not something that comes from the path moment. 

People often underestimate the Equanimity nana. It isn't just a matter of chilling out in EQ, there is actually a lot of maturity and wisdom that is learned in EQ. Especially the letting go of being an ego-in-charge-of-everything and an ego-that-makes-everything-happen. emoticon

In EQ we sort of learn how we meet experience halfway, in a kind of participatory intimacy. And we learn that we have to drop a lot of our willful demands, which can feel a little bit like dying. But our heart/soul becomes lighter.

And ultimately SE is sort of like when we have a light enough heart/soul to let go completely... but really it just happens like a flower opening up, you can't tear at the petals to make it happen. And it "knows" when to happen, so you don't have to do it.
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 21 Hours ago at 12/3/24 2:17 PM
Created 21 Hours ago at 12/3/24 2:17 PM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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All that's left is humble, respectful, non-heroic daily practice.
Very good!

It can feel like trying to swim up a flowing river, but when you practice everyday and journal your sits, it's very clear that progress is happening. Despite the flow of the river, you are slowly swimming upstream.
Yes!

But intention is important, so it can be helpful to state an intention at this point, something like "I intend for my practice to lead to Stream Entry when it is the most beneficial for myself and all beings. May my practice lead to Stream Entry when it is the most beneficial for myself and all beings."
Play around with the words you use until they feel good and pure and true. 
Good!

Thank you so much, Shargrol!
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 21 Hours ago at 12/3/24 2:21 PM
Created 21 Hours ago at 12/3/24 2:21 PM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Very valuable and reassuring words!Thank you very much, Shargrol!
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 17 Hours ago at 12/3/24 7:03 PM
Created 17 Hours ago at 12/3/24 7:03 PM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Stop opening all the cards for him Shargrol! emoticon Where is fun in that!? emoticon 
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 9 Hours ago at 12/4/24 2:12 AM
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RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

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Hehe.
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ANDRE BARROS, modified 8 Hours ago at 12/4/24 3:31 AM
Created 8 Hours ago at 12/4/24 3:31 AM

RE: Barros's Pratice Log #5

Posts: 537 Join Date: 7/25/23 Recent Posts
I meditated for an hour and ten minutes. I started by setting the intention to practice in order to become a better person for my benefit and the benefit of all beings. During the phase of control, everything felt very light. I experienced a great sense of lightness, applying very little effort.
In the phase of lack of control, there were moments when I tried to disrupt the practice. I thought: "If I’m not in control, I shouldn’t even be able to disrupt it." I let it happen—I tried to disrupt the practice but realized it wasn’t possible. In fact, I became even more attentive, more aware, and noticed that I was out of control while things simply happened.
I noticed a great sense of humility in today’s practice. There were daydreams and moments of confusion, but everything was very light, without guilt. When they happened, I saw them as mere events that quickly passed.
Overall, today’s practice was marked by lightness, awareness, and a consistent presence throughout the session.
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