My ex-partner and I got married in 2021, bought a house together in 2022 and separated in 2023. The divorce just went through as official a few months ago, and the judge ordered my ex to return me the funds that I had put into buying and fixing up the house within 60 days or else the house would be put on the market. It's been over 60 days and I haven't received anything.

Now, I am not struggling terribly in life. I am technically living below the poverty line but I have a house and a car, no kids and no expensive habits so I don't really need that money for myself. However, most of it came from my parents and I want to pay them back asap. They've said they're all right and there's no rush, and I love that they're so easygoing about it but I'm not comfortable owing anyone money for any longer than is necessary.

If the house were put on the market I don't think my ex would be homeless or destitute but I don't really know anything about their current life as we haven't been in contact at all for the past year and a half.

I would love to just say you know what, it's not worth the energy for me to bother about it and move on with my life, even though it is a large sum, much more money than I've ever had to my own name. But it feels disrespectful to my parents to make that decision on their behalf. On the other hand, I truly hold no resentment or ill will towards my ex and I don't want to make their life miserable. (They can do that without my help.) And I would ask, What would the Buddha do? But the Buddha was a wealthy prince who gave up everything and I've never been wealthy nor do I intend to give up all my material possessions. So what would a responsible and compassionate practicioner of our times do?

In one short sentence - what exactly do you think the root cause of this suffering is?

Get that house on the market, sell it, and then pay our parents back with the proceeds. Honestly, this seems like an easy problem to solve, so what's the purpose of posting it here? (That's another way of asking the same question Geoffrey asked.)

I believe the point is to work on Sila

Let's give the original poster space to answer.

To be clear, I'd like to see the OP's answer to gain insight into the issue as they view it. 

Thanks for these responses. I'm posting it here in case anyone else is dealing or has dealt with a similar situation and to see if anyone can offer perspectives I hadn't considered or simply offer support, as I imagine one might do in a community forum.

The root cause of the suffering in this case is most likely attachment to a wholesome self-image -- I like to see myself as a caring, responsible, considerate person who avoids deliberately causing harm whenever possible. I'm currently going through a period of experiencing and integrating Anatta, and I find it comforting to keep in mind that all of these worldly phenomena are arising due to prior causes and conditions, nothing to do with "me" since there is no actual "me." 

And absolutely the point is to work on Sila, I intend to continue working on Sila as long as I'm alive regardless of any other attainment. Sila is the first and last training.

We have no history on you or your practice - can you fill us in? When did you start? What practices do you typically do?

It is good to cultivate wholesome mind states towards both yourself and others. One core therava teaching I love (pun intended) are the four divine abodes - loving kindness, compassion, finding joy in the joy of others, and equanimity 

the best meditations I've found for this are on the waking up app (which costs money, but if you email support@wakingup.com they will give it to you for free if you can't afford it)

Check out Metta (loving-kindness), from the Waking Up app:

https://dynamic.wakingup.com/pack/PKDE1VB?source=content%20share&share_id=E12F8C7F&code=SC46F1D12

It could be worth checking out how Manuel of Insight talks about wholesome states. You can find it easily by hitting control+f and looking for wholesome

https://wisdomexperience.org/academy/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2016/07/Manual-of-Insight-for-Course.pdf

If you were the one with the house, and court ordered to return the funds to your ex, would you abide by the court order?

How would abiding by a court order be making a decision? And how would that be on your parents behalf? And how would that be disrespectful?


More deeply perhaps, does worth actually apply to energy?
In regard to 'making their life miserable' - what if any, is the direct experience of 'their life'?
​​​​​​​And what is the truth of the experience of, misery?

On what would the Buddha do... it was Siddhartha ("​​​​​​​he who achieves his aim") Gautama which was a wealthy prince, not the Buddha. For all we know, The Buddha is alive & well, living below the poverty line, questioning respect, worth, autonomy and the true nature of energy. 

Or what would Jesus do?

'Release. Fruitful in the southwest.
With no place to go,
To turn round and come back is good fortune.
With a direction to go,
Daybreak, good fortune.'To 'release' is to liberate, to solve problems, to untie knots. The first step towards release is a move 'southwest': no longer battling on to pursue the mission, but going back to your roots and reconnecting with home and allies. When you know where you're coming from, it becomes a lot easier to be clear about where you're going.If your path has no real destination, turn back; if it has purpose, start your journey as early as you can. If you have no good reason to continue on as before, come back to your starting point and let that cycle reach its end; if you have a goal in mind, why not start exploring ways to attain it right away?This would be such simple advice, if only we didn't spend our lives being 'pulled' down paths that lead nowhere, as if by invisible strings.