Practice Log- Jazzi

Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:44 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 8/12/12 1:17 PM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Adam . . 8/12/12 5:26 PM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi katy steger,thru11.6.15 with thanks 8/13/12 10:47 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:45 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi This Good Self 8/19/12 7:30 PM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:46 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:46 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:47 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:48 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:48 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 12/18/12 8:30 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:49 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi katy steger,thru11.6.15 with thanks 1/23/13 9:36 PM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi katy steger,thru11.6.15 with thanks 1/23/13 9:43 PM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:50 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:50 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Tommy M 1/27/13 11:21 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 1/31/13 7:38 PM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi This Good Self 3/1/13 4:38 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/1/13 9:26 PM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:52 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Lara D 3/2/13 10:05 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi katy steger,thru11.6.15 with thanks 3/2/13 7:09 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/20/13 12:54 AM
RE: Practice Log- Jazzi Jasmine Marie Engler 3/18/13 2:01 PM
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:44 AM
Created 10 Years ago at 8/10/12 4:46 AM

Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 10 Years ago at 8/12/12 1:17 PM
Created 10 Years ago at 8/12/12 1:17 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
Somebody today asked me how it is that I am always so happy. I asked him if he'd noticed yet that there wasn't a cloud in the sky; that it had been the bluest blue all day. He said, "Yeah, but clouds keep away the sun, and I hate being hot." So I asked if he'd be happy if it were cloudy. And he said "As long as it doesn't rain. I really don't like the rain."
So, here's the lesson: Be happy for the sunshine, for soon, you'll have to deal with rain. And enjoy the rain, for soon, it will warm up again.
The situation does not make the happiness; the happiness makes the situation. So be happy, and it will always be your very own perfect day! :-)
And, if you're not happy, then it will never be a good day, let alone a perfect day, for you will always feel only the absense of what you don't have, and not the presence of life itself.
So, did ya have a good day? ;-)
Adam , modified 10 Years ago at 8/12/12 5:26 PM
Created 10 Years ago at 8/12/12 5:26 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 613 Join Date: 3/20/12 Recent Posts
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katy steger,thru11615 with thanks, modified 10 Years ago at 8/13/12 10:47 AM
Created 10 Years ago at 8/13/12 10:47 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 1740 Join Date: 10/1/11 Recent Posts
What Adam said : )
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:45 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/18/12 3:11 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
This Good Self, modified 9 Years ago at 8/19/12 7:30 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/19/12 7:28 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 946 Join Date: 3/9/10 Recent Posts
I get small twinges of national pride, Jas, but not too much. I watched quite a bit of the Olympics and was loving the action from most countries, even though Australia was having its worst Olympics in decades (medal wise). All I need to do is observe the Chinese or North Koreans on TV to see how ugly and serious they are about being on top, and it's a real turn off! As an outsider, the US looks to be becoming a bit softer on the win-at-all-costs mentality, after the 2008 financial meltdown. Even with his high medal count, Phelps is a great example of sportsmanship and ease.
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:46 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/20/12 4:47 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:46 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 11/14/12 11:44 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:47 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 11/14/12 3:59 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:48 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 11/15/12 9:10 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:48 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 12/18/12 8:23 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 12/18/12 8:30 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 12/18/12 8:30 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
And it's not constant, of course, more of an overriding sense of something, that appears whenever I question it too closely.
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:49 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 1/23/13 7:57 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
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katy steger,thru11615 with thanks, modified 9 Years ago at 1/23/13 9:36 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 1/23/13 9:29 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 1740 Join Date: 10/1/11 Recent Posts
Hi Jazzi--
12/18/12 8:23 AM
(...)
And for the most part, this doesn't feel like a stressful state, just as though I don't fit in anywhere. Not truly, not even when I am at home by myself. I guess that one could say that there's a mild sense of dissassociation with myself, as though I don't fully comprehend myself anymore, either. So, I am going to start writing this down in here, to "crack the code", so to speak.


1/23/13 7:57 AM
(...)
But I should have just taken a deep breath, released my desire for Life, and just been okay with it. I mean, the worst that could happen happened; I gave up my personal sense of control in the situation, and, of all things, I gave it up to him. He got exactly what he was after- my fear. I took the easy way out then, and again with the hearing. I wonder how I can ever forgive myself.


I have seen dogs do amazing things, to identify with other species more than their own, but they can't, for example, avoid their noses and sense of smell. Even if they don't dig it up, they will always know when there's something cool to be had two feet under the soil.

Me, human. So I have a mind that is curious and not omniscient about its own existence and I have a body that basically cares about survival and pleasure. It would simply be an insane and short-lived existence if the two didn't work together constantly and more cooperatively than not. So mind agrees to pursue things that aren't too threatening to the animal (or it even ONLY pursues objectives that the animal nature likes) and the animal nature can sometimes be subdued or lured into trying new things or expanding its boundaries (like the walk-on-coals folk).

Frankly, if I don't know these aspects of my existence -- this curious and mostly unknowing mind working from this animal physiology that would like to live and be happy -- and, further, if I am letting one aspect shame the other aspect, then I could not know what I actually am. This is what I am. There may be more to it, but it's really tricky for me to think for one instant that there is not an animal instinct waiting to protect me and the wandering mind at any moment.

Am I making sense to you?

Forgive yourself? I'd applaud. To me, these things have to be recognized. If you're me, then over and over and over again. :]

A spiritual practice doesn't have to be dropped or flunked when the animal aspect takes over.
Piano practice isn't dropped or flunked because someone learns it's just a piano at the end of the day.

Someone posted this hilarious clip of "King of the Hill"'s Hank telling a visiting buddhist monk that he was "talking like a fortune cookie"* and "to cut it out." So I will.

Good luck. Stay safe and well.


*okay, i got that wrong... :]
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katy steger,thru11615 with thanks, modified 9 Years ago at 1/23/13 9:43 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 1/23/13 9:43 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 1740 Join Date: 10/1/11 Recent Posts
Also, I think everyone of us who've been practicing something or another and discussing it here, we've talked about the latest limit we hit where our practice doesn't quite cover the bulges.

There's a huge difference in an outgoing "protection" that pre-emptively strikes and when one is protecting oneself reactively. I wouldn't chastise that latter protection. From the little I can see, there are a few humans that have this dignity of "ce sera, sera" even in the midst of great fear and threats, but, if I have to, I take a very long (speculative) view on how that's cultivated or endowed.

Soo, I see that my philosophy is not to chastise your reaction to protection. It's just another perspective and I hope I haven't stepped on your toes!
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:50 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 1/24/13 11:32 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:50 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 1/26/13 10:40 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
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Tommy M, modified 9 Years ago at 1/27/13 11:21 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 1/27/13 11:21 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 1199 Join Date: 11/12/10 Recent Posts
Hiya Jazzi,

Im trying to work on letting it go, and allowing my mind to be free, but i keep wondering if this means that, under it all, im just a coward.

For a start, you're not a coward nor are you any less of a person for admitting your weaknesses as well as your strengths. I've put a couple of bits in bold in your quote above as, to me, it implies that you may benefit from a change of perspective on how you approach and deal with these areas of your life.

The whole "letting go" thing is paradoxical 'cause there is effort involved, but it's a certain kind of effort that's required and it's not over-exertion, stress or trying to push yourself. It's more like an active acknowledgement or recognition of what's happening at that moment, realizing that holding on to it or pushing it away is doing you no favours, is not beneficial to you and is causing you to become more upset or anxious. In that moment, you simply notice that this is what's happening without trying to get to the root of it there and then; trying to let it go creates a goal when all you need to do is acknowledge it, which causes it to self-liberate, no requirement for "you" to do anything.

i just wish i could find a way to make my instincts become more aggressive- less fearful, and more aggressive. And then maybe i could overcome being a victim for others.

Those instincts are deeply rooted conditioning that would have been imprinted in your early childhood, changing them is a task in itself which would probably require professional help, e.g. psychotherapy. I don't know that meditation or other methods would allow you to make significant changes in a reasonable amount of time in this area, but I do know that it's possible to re-condition that mechanism through martial arts so that's maybe something else to look into.

I am going to try to figure out how to control my emotions, in all situations. Maybe this control will bring a distancee from the situation.

Know this: Control is an illusion. Emotions in and of themselves are simply patterns of sensation, empty and transient but, due to our habitual conditioning, we identify with them and think they're "my" emotions, "my" happiness, "my" sadness; you don't need to distance yourself from emotion, that's not helpful at all in the long run (and I know a lot about this!). It's not easy, I know, but learning to understand the true nature of those sensations delivers a massive blow to their ability to perturb you and is much more effective than trying to avoid, repress or them away.
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 1/31/13 7:38 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 1/31/13 7:35 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
I have taken up knitting again. In the time that I do not need to study, when the words of my books no longer make sense, or grow wearying. There is a methodical simplicity in it- a peace, a contentment, not unlike meditation. A feeling of usefulness, and love, at the same time. The mind fills itself with thoughts of those in my life that I have seen work with their hands- my mother, always calculating the numbers and figures to make her latest dreams turn themselves to rooms, or projects. Sawing, hammering, staining; hers were also the first hands to teach me to crochet, and to sew. And this leads to memories of my grandmother, beautiful in her calmness, forever wise, as she would rock gently in her chair with a piece of sewing in her gnarled hands, or laugh at a joke, as she cooked a large dinner for her family of farmers. Or of sitting in the car, watching my sister struggling to crochet a perfect piece, as she learned to start a business making purses and other containers, from leather, cloth, and cotton. Of my other sister, and the beautiful pieces that she would crochet effortlessly. Of sitting with my neighbor, laughing and sipping lemonade after mowing the lawn, watching her hands create beautiful quilts with a few quick seams. Watching my father, gazing upon a piece of cross-stitching with a sad longing, saying, "Oh, yes, I made that when your mother was pregnant with your brother, so that I could give it to her." Of watching my brother, who would sew so impatiently, and still make such useful creations, twisting a lug nut tighter on a tire, his hands grimy as he works with such calm thoroughness to repair my car. Due to the grace and lessons of these loved ones, I have learned patience, and gentleness- that a firm, gentle touch can create such beauty and brilliance. It is worth a great deal to remember these gifts, to feel that gratefulness, and fondness, rise within my heart as my hands turn a shapeless ball of yarn into a thick, strong pattern of fabric. To give that gift away to someone else, that they may feel that same wealth of wisdom, and beauty, within their own hearts. To realize that any can create, and give something meaning, that beauty exists in all things, is a lesson that is so close to my heart when my hands move with the yarn, finding a dexterity that I cannot lay claim to. Perhaps this piece will amount to nothing, and I will unravel it before it is finished. Perhaps it will become a gift of love, for a friend, that they may always know that I hold them in my heart. But the end does not matter, for, in the journey, this gift of creation for the sake of creation has reminded me of so many good, wholesome hearts, and of a legacy that is much greater than my own could ever be. Of the power that true effort can bring, of a pleasure that one will never find with rich, elegant pieces that were bought from a store. Of the ability of any person to give something back to the world, even if they start with nothing. I have bought yarn for fifty cents, and seen it be created into something that will bring warmth and joy. I treasure those around the world that have given this knowledge to those of us who continue it, and every stitch, or hook, or seam, I will do with love and tender thoughts of gratitude towards them. There are so many great gifts in this world, and I think that those of love and knowledge are truly valuable.
This Good Self, modified 9 Years ago at 3/1/13 4:38 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 3/1/13 3:36 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 946 Join Date: 3/9/10 Recent Posts
Hi Jas,

Can you imagine your mother, with her gentle loving ways, turning to you and saying "it's ok to have this fear" and you could believe her words because you could see in her eyes that she had no desire to alter your experience in any way. You could feel her warmth and compassion and acceptance of everything about you, including this experience of fear. Imagine she just sat nearby you with this attitude.

[edited]
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/1/13 9:26 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 3/1/13 9:26 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
Thank you, CCC. Very interesting perspective. I'll try a meditation from that take. Thank you- I appreciate your advice.

Jazzi
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:52 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 3/1/13 1:17 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
Lara D, modified 9 Years ago at 3/2/13 10:05 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 3/1/13 10:26 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 54 Join Date: 1/29/13 Recent Posts
Hi Jasmine,

I haven't read all of your posts, but I've seen a few. In regards to your more recent bits: abuse is abuse. I'm sorry that you're dealing with trust issues. I have my own experiences too, though not to the same degree.

One concept that I've recently discovered is that people can hurt you, they might even kill you. But, when it comes down to it, you still have autonomy over your life and your decisions. You can chose how to react or, if you want, how to not react. No one can take this away from you. Meditation training, in my opinion, is all about learning to view yourself from a distance, with compassion and understanding. You are you, but at the same time, you are not you. Meditation is also about learning the truth behind the sensations that make up our reality. What I've been learning more and more is that emotions and these physical bodies and even our thoughts are nothing more than sensations. It doesn't make the pain go away, but it can ease the suffering involved when we open ourselves up to it. When we accept reality as it is, it loses some ability to hurt us. But taking that leap of faith is difficult. Don't beat yourself up if you're not quite ready yet. Given the circumstances, it's more than understandable.

It took me a long while to be able to stop running away from big issues in my life. I thought for awhile that ignoring problems would help them go away. Do you remember the ostrich with its head in the sand? That was me. Big mistake... problems that I thought I had buried would always come back with a vengeance. I'm doing my best now to tackle everything as it comes up and being honest with myself. But it's taken a lot of reflection to get to this point.

Anyhow, I guess what I would say is that... try considering your situation from the perspective of a 3rd person. What advice would you give yourself if you were a stranger listening to your story? Would you show compassion? Would you embrace this stranger, including their faults? Would you recognize the common humanity in them and act accordingly?

Another interesting thought experiment is this... imagine that you are all of the people in your life. Your mother, your father, a friend from high school, a random stranger on the street, etc... put yourself into their shoes. Imagine that you are someone who had something stolen from them. Then, imagine you are someone who stole something. How might you feel in each of these cases? For example, the next time someone acts rudely or in a spiteful manner, ask yourself- what is it in their lives that makes them react in such a way? My mom was telling me a story about how a driver had been tailgating her and it was very frustrating. However, later that day, she really had to go to the bathroom and was racing home. She realized that she had been tailgating someone else! This allowed her to take a moment to reflect upon the notion that we very rarely fully comprehend the intentions of others. Each of us suffers in our own way.

Anyhow, I am not saying that you should allow an abusive situation to continue. However, treating everyone with compassion (even those people who lie, steal, cheat, or manipulate) can be helpful in your own healing process. I highly recommend it.

Take care... sorry I wrote you a small book. emoticon

Edit: Make sure to apply that compassion to yourself, too! In many ways, that's the most important one! You'll have trouble making progress until you can forgive yourself and accept yourself for being who you are. Once again, it doesn't mean don't try to improve if you feel there is something that needs improving, but do so out of compassion, not out of self-hatred or self-loathing.

One last thing... I remember reading in the Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama that self-hatred is, in some ways, a uniquely western concept. He didn't even know what it was, let alone how common it was. I point it out because it was a huge eye-opener to me. It basically let me know that the neurotic self criticism that I engaged in was not a universal thing. Hence, I could put a stop to it.

http://www.rebelbuddha.com/2011/01/buddha-nature/

Maybe the knowledge will help you too... emoticon
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katy steger,thru11615 with thanks, modified 9 Years ago at 3/2/13 7:09 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 3/2/13 7:08 AM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 1740 Join Date: 10/1/11 Recent Posts
HI Jasmine,

I don't care if they cost me my life.
There's a lot going on here, so forgive me if my priorities are more mine than yours. My priority is that I do want you to value your life, firmly and fairly.

So, if you're dealing with a person/people who are abusive, do get law enforcement involved, try to stay away physically and communicatively, do pay attention to your surroundings/little red flags (there's a huge difference between pathological paranoia and naturally checking the windows and doors and questioning changes in your environment, especially if you have an abusive relation), do create safety tools (e.g., canine companion, reasonable roommate, etc), do initiate law enforcement and start this kind of log ASAP. A lot of law enforcement officers are in that career because they do want to help; it's an incredibly hard job and, yes, there are some seriously rotten apples in there, too, but if you have cause to start that log, please really consider getting law enforcement involved ASAP.

Why get law involved? An abusive person who gets by with transgressive behavior starts to feel superior in intelligence and superior to the community's law and so they tend to escalate their behavior, getting pleasure from expanding their world of control and seeing a successful universe of their own making grow. So when anyone takes a stand against transgressive/abusive behaviors, that's also helping to uphold a restraining community that can prevent a criminal/narcissist from going from petty crime to violence. There are a lot of adults and children and animals who don't need to become criminals nor victims, simply by our choosing to correct or stand against their initial, early transgressions.

____

Your practice: I just wanted to say thanks for bringing a theistic practice to the forum. Several people have theistic practices here; for myself, I had no idea that theistic gratitude was going to grow from practicing buddhist meditation.

Your studies: good luck. I hope you're getting sleep and exercise and nice friendships along the way.
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/20/13 12:54 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 3/3/13 10:17 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
All my posts are being edited to preserve personal professionalism. I apologize for any awkwardness that this might cause those who are truly here to learn of themselves- I shall try to preserve those posts that do not post personal information. It has finally occurred to me that there is such a thing as being too open, and that it is time for me to grow up and keep my personal life personal, and realize that people can use information given with openness and trust to manipulate and/ or to harm those who trust. I do respect and appreciate the value of this forum, but, as I aspire to become a professional, I cannot afford to partake in it anymore. I hope that this does not create the feeling of a lack of integrity- I am merely learning the exact meaning of maintaining a "private life".
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 9 Years ago at 3/18/13 2:01 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 3/18/13 2:01 PM

RE: Practice Log- Jazzi

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
I think that moving out is the best therapy I could have. It's not easy, but it is as though, with each box that I pack, each room laid bare, there is less anger and bitterness in my heart. It is as though, finally, I am able to move beyond that man and memory, and see only bare walls and rooms. It is as though the closer I get to leaving the state behind, the closer I get to being fully freed from the spell of fear and anguish and confusion. There is a triumph in it- a sense of full victory from my hate. I will be able to get on with my life, and leave this chapter of trauma behind. If you have something that you are trying to get over, I highly suggest cleaning house. You may find that, when you are through, your heart feels cleaner too, and your thoughts more pure. I guess it really is the simplest solutions that help us to find our way back to Love and Light.

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