Dear fellow seekers,

Since the name of my last practice log was a bit misleading for me being stuck al the time, i thought it would be a good time to start a fresh log with some additional information.

A little about me:
I go by the name of peter and i'm walking this earth since 1988, which would make me about 185 dog years old. The reason i got into meditation is because there were some beautifull moments of non-duality in my life and since then i have been searching for a way to stablily acces them again. I also hope to gain enough knowlege to one day integrate meditation into work, where i work with children in the age of 12-18 with special needs.

My daily practice:
About 45 minutes walking meditation and 1 to 2 hours of seated meditation each day. 

Both meditations use a combination of noting and open awareness practice, where i would note if awareness has a habit of drifting away and use open awareness practice if the mind is stable in the present moment.

My meditation history.
1st year: Counting the breath to 10
2nd - 3rd year: TMI, to about stage 7-8 where jhanic mindstates were available and i had clear insight into the impermancence and non-self nature of sensations. This event started the POI which led me to MTCB & this website.
4th year: Mahasi noting practice. Did my first 5-day silent retreat.
5th year: Noting and open awareness practice. 

Guess where i am on the POI right now:
Somewhere in equanimity would.

Have fun reading and thanks for all the help! i really appreciate all you people hanging around here and giving advise!

Previous log

Walking meditation:
awareness feels wide, without borders. Sensations in the legs are clear. When the foot accidentally touches the ground I notice the emptiness of where the sensations arise from. Awareness feels refreshed with about a second intervals. Sounds are noticed in the background. 

Seated:
Mind is still, occasionally a thought comes by and is noticed. Awareness is spacious with tactile sensations of breathing, hearing and sensations of touch happening all in the same space. There is no difference in the essence of sensations. They are the same experience/stuff, but are noticed independently.

Daily life:
Moments where awareness shifts into a more open panoramic view are getting more common and i easier to rest in.

Nice ! A brave new log. 

Monday
​​​​​​​
Walking: 
Subtle fear is back together with an occasional vision of a face on the ground in the beginning of the first walking meditation. Fear is noted as fear, faces are noted as seeing. Later today feeling of fear is absent. lots of sensations are noticed when walking. Arising and passing is seen, sensations follow each other quickly. awareness feels broad and open. Time in meditation gets less meaningfull as a feeling of time passing isn't noticible when awareness keeps 'refressing' every couple sensations.

Seated:
Mind stays present, sensations and thoughts are noted quickly. There is an almost perfect quietness in meditation except for some mild expectation/clinging to let go. Some moments minds almost seems to absorb into a layer even more quiet but when this happens awareness jumps back to this very subtle clinging to letting go. Awareness felt awake. feeling of timelessness. 

Hey Bahiya Baby, nice to still see you sticking around in my logs!

Laying in bed last evening, doing open awareness practice, there was a sort of reverse lightning sensation which I think may have been a sort of small cessation. When noticing a very mild grasping instead of pushing it away I instinctively let it be and then for a a short moment there was a stutter in awareness. The moment afterwards I was aware again and felt a huge relief coming over me like all my worries just slowly fell away.

Walking:
​​​​​​​Walking tempo slowed down significantly, there is nowhere to be and that’s just perfect. All the small sensations in the feet/leg are noticed. The very minute sensations of balancing, lifting en putting the foot down are noticed in a rapid tempo (about 5-10 per second)

"lifting en putting the foot down are noticed in a rapid tempo (about 5-10 per second)"

Next time this happens (or a similar experience) try to describe it all in a more detailed way. What exactly is going on within those 5-10 seconds ... try to lock into those frames of reference and describe them. If you want that is  

So, wrote this directly after walking meditation this morning and will try to be as precise as possible. Note that to discribe this i have to use contextual language. this is just a example of a single movement from left to right foot. but it will feel different each step. Most movents like the lifting of the ball of the foot consist of multiple sensations, so the bending of a toe can consist of about 3 sensations following each other where pressure and touch change.

The sequence described is Standing -> Shifting weight -> Lifting -> moving -> putting

Standing
When standing still there are sensations of the body doing micro adjustments to stay balanced. these are individual sensations that go from 'left' to 'right' to'front' to 'back' but are experienced more in a way of small individual movements. Then there is a mental thought of bringing the feet in motion, followed by a bodily/gut feeling of wanting to move.

Shifting weight
when starting movement, the weight shifts to one foot, awareness moves between  the sensations of movement of the body and presure on the bottom of the foot.

​​​​​​​Lifting
When lifting the back foot the sensations are as followed. sensation of movement in hip, sensation of pressure in heel L, sensation of pressure in ball of foot L, sensation of presure in foot R, sensation of presure in toe L, Absense of sensation of presure in ball foot L, When this 'awareness of absence' happens awareness automaticly jumps to the next most prominent sensation. sensation of presure sole foot R, sensation of touch in leg L, tactile sensations of 'balancing' the foot R.

Moving the foot forward.
In this fase awareness shifts between the tactile sensations of my pants touching my leg in the moving foot, and the sensations of balancing and presure in the right foot. movement in the leg L is only noticed when sensations of touch (pants) are noticed, when the bottom of foot L 'accidentaly' touches the ground mid movement, the sensation of touch emerges out of a nothingness.

Putting the foot down:
sensation of pressure in heel foot L, sensation of pressure foot R, sensation of shifting weight, sensation pressure ball of foot L, tactile sensation of touch in legs (pants), sensation of pressure foot L, Sensations of 'shifting' weight to foot L (this is not one sensation but multiple sensations)

These are accompanied by visual awareness (seeing, and the noticing of a new moment of seeing), and the sense of self (contracted, expanded, expanding, contracting, contentment), hearing (and silence) and thoughts (and absence of thoughts). When doing this meditation this morning with reporting it this way in mind, the were more 'am i doing this right' thoughts than usual. 

Then there is also this quietness/absence which is sometimes noticed where sensations emerge from, or a quiet echo/absence of a sensation that has passed.

Hope this detailed version makes some sense.