RE: Antei’s Practice Log - Discussion
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Auntie Antei, modified 20 Days ago at 1/20/25 9:47 PM
Created 20 Days ago at 1/20/25 9:47 PM
Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
Here it begins. I've been practicing formally, daily since 2018. Just finished my first three month retreat and just started doing vipassana with context for it and guidance from an Ariya spiritual friend and teacher.
Someone please lmk what info is helpful to share about myself and my background, I have a tendency to overshare.
Earlier today I posted my notes from the retreat and here I will post my practice log following the retreat. Prior to retreat I would sit two hours each morning, all day on Thursdays and infrequently at other times. Aiming now to add evening sits of at least an hour each night no matter how tired I am and find more time throughout the week to bring weekly average closer to 30+ hours.
Slowly deprioritizing social and professional pursuits without sabotaging or neglecting career and existing relationships, just trying not to pursue any big new projects. Recognizing my conditioned tendencies towards attachment and the "greedy" type of meditator. The practice is letting go, letting be...
21:50-22:40 at first noticing emptiness and the joy of my first sit in the house post-retreat as the beginning of a new journey, watching the slow blossoming of the practice and seeing who is this new person since this transformative time? Lost sense of time and contact with awareness but it didn't feel like torpor, returned to senses and indulged in old habit of peeking at timer before it went off and kept going with newer practice of ending the sit at that point. Old habits die hard.
Someone please lmk what info is helpful to share about myself and my background, I have a tendency to overshare.
Earlier today I posted my notes from the retreat and here I will post my practice log following the retreat. Prior to retreat I would sit two hours each morning, all day on Thursdays and infrequently at other times. Aiming now to add evening sits of at least an hour each night no matter how tired I am and find more time throughout the week to bring weekly average closer to 30+ hours.
Slowly deprioritizing social and professional pursuits without sabotaging or neglecting career and existing relationships, just trying not to pursue any big new projects. Recognizing my conditioned tendencies towards attachment and the "greedy" type of meditator. The practice is letting go, letting be...
21:50-22:40 at first noticing emptiness and the joy of my first sit in the house post-retreat as the beginning of a new journey, watching the slow blossoming of the practice and seeing who is this new person since this transformative time? Lost sense of time and contact with awareness but it didn't feel like torpor, returned to senses and indulged in old habit of peeking at timer before it went off and kept going with newer practice of ending the sit at that point. Old habits die hard.
Auntie Antei, modified 20 Days ago at 1/20/25 10:18 PM
Created 20 Days ago at 1/20/25 10:18 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
According to Chuang-tzu: Ch'ui the artisan could draw circles with his hand better than with compasses. His fingers seemed to accommodate themselves so naturally to the thing he was working al that it was unnecessary to fix his attention. His mental faculties thus remained One (i.e., integrated), and suffered no hindrance. To be unconscious of one's feet implies that the shoes are easy. To be unconscious of a waist implies that the girdle is easy. The intelligence being unconscious of positive and negative implies that the heart (hsin) is at at ease . . . And he who, beginning with ease, is never not at ease, is unconscious of the ease of ease.
Jure K, modified 19 Days ago at 1/21/25 3:45 AM
Created 19 Days ago at 1/21/25 3:45 AM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 503 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
What i like to do currently is, drop all effort for something needing to be any other way other then what it is right now. When the sense of control for things to be different arises, observe if and where tension in the body arises. You can follow breath or you can just be present with the body, gently observing tension and the need to control. Even if "stuff is getting difficult" don't control anything, just notice. Notice even how the mind says, "Ok this is difficult I'll try to breathe through this". Notice anything that tries to take control.
You could also note. Noting is basically dropping practice provided you're noting phenomena at a rate of at least 1 thing a second and not getting caught up on specific things. You can note sounds, smells, physical sensations(hot, cold, pressure, buzzing, thoughts(imagery, auditory, both). You can even note stories your mind creates. You can note the desire to understand, explain or plan something. You can note emotions, fear, anger, disgust, excitement etc
You can note how awareness itself contracts on parts of the body, what that feels like in terms of vibrational qualities and what the "mind" perceives that sensation to mean. You can note how awareness broadens out and how that presents itself. You can note or notice how things come into front and center of attention and yet there is awareness of things going on in the background.
You can also ask questions like. What is perceived to be the self right now? What is awareness? How big is awareness? Is it broad or has it contracted somewhere? How is this contraction me? What is perception? Where does perception occur? What location is the mind at if it is located anywhere at all? When does perception occur? Why does awareness contract and expand?
The questions do not need to be intellectually answered, they're there to guide insight and knowledge.
Dont forget to have fun!
You could also note. Noting is basically dropping practice provided you're noting phenomena at a rate of at least 1 thing a second and not getting caught up on specific things. You can note sounds, smells, physical sensations(hot, cold, pressure, buzzing, thoughts(imagery, auditory, both). You can even note stories your mind creates. You can note the desire to understand, explain or plan something. You can note emotions, fear, anger, disgust, excitement etc
You can note how awareness itself contracts on parts of the body, what that feels like in terms of vibrational qualities and what the "mind" perceives that sensation to mean. You can note how awareness broadens out and how that presents itself. You can note or notice how things come into front and center of attention and yet there is awareness of things going on in the background.
You can also ask questions like. What is perceived to be the self right now? What is awareness? How big is awareness? Is it broad or has it contracted somewhere? How is this contraction me? What is perception? Where does perception occur? What location is the mind at if it is located anywhere at all? When does perception occur? Why does awareness contract and expand?
The questions do not need to be intellectually answered, they're there to guide insight and knowledge.
Dont forget to have fun!
Auntie Antei, modified 19 Days ago at 1/21/25 11:58 AM
Created 19 Days ago at 1/21/25 11:58 AM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent PostsAuntie Antei, modified 19 Days ago at 1/21/25 12:01 PM
Created 19 Days ago at 1/21/25 12:01 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
Oh shoot I wrote a log entry for my sit this morning but didn't hit Publish and now it's gone. Anyway for the record I sat 5-7:05am til body discomfort starting developing then did zhan zhuang. About to sit some more but I'll hit publish on this first.
Auntie Antei, modified 19 Days ago at 1/21/25 1:14 PM
Created 19 Days ago at 1/21/25 1:14 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
13:05-14:10 nice postprandial sit, very much nothing remarkable to note about it, almost no activity in the mind. I suspect I drifted off into torpor and came back when my back started hurting but it happened faster than usual and I don't remember it. I suspect it because I have that slightly groggy post-torpor feeling right now, which is not totally unpleasant.
Auntie Antei, modified 19 Days ago at 1/21/25 8:57 PM
Created 19 Days ago at 1/21/25 8:57 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
20:50-21:55 similar phenomenon as earlier, within minutes of starting the sit consciousness faded and stayed gone until just before I finished. Def could've gone longer but happy to go to bed and continue in the morning. Feeling calm and comfortable.
Auntie Antei, modified 18 Days ago at 1/22/25 4:07 AM
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RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent PostsJure K, modified 18 Days ago at 1/22/25 4:30 AM
Created 18 Days ago at 1/22/25 4:30 AM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 503 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Its not pretty alot of the time. Quite often when coming out of those kinds of sits I feel like I've done a big workout and sleep like a log! Despite the heaviness and torpor notice how there still is some level of awareness, just another day in the office!
Auntie Antei, modified 18 Days ago at 1/22/25 7:05 AM
Created 18 Days ago at 1/22/25 7:05 AM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
6:30-8:00 I laid down on the couch for an hour and a half and got back in the chair to sit some more, with the desire to stay awake throughout whatever's happening and notice everything I can without exerting any effort, continuing with the method of no effort. But again my ability to stay conscious and notice anything faded, this time returning with noises from neighbors. Just going to keep going and see what comes.
Auntie Antei, modified 18 Days ago at 1/22/25 7:09 AM
Created 18 Days ago at 1/22/25 7:09 AM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
Re how much sleep I'm getting -- on retreat I slept 4-5 hours/night and had some days without any torpor although most days there was at least some. Since coming home I've slept about five hours/night, waking up without an alarm and feeling refreshed and motivated. So idk I could try and make myself stay in bed longer but that feels more like effort to me at this point than getting up and practicing.
Auntie Antei, modified 18 Days ago at 1/22/25 7:18 PM
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RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
18:20-20:00 sitting with music and other thoughts faintly floating at the edges of awareness, noticing v mild nasal congestion and snot slowly running down nose to lips and beyond, dropping expectations while setting intention to really notice what's happening and maybe 10-20 min in the pleasant body sensations return same as earlier in legs and chest, not even as much as a blanket, just a light feeling of a v gentle touch. This triggers a reminder to pay attention pay attention although sure enough soon afterward consciousness fades out, coming back in much later with awareness of the feeling of the body sitting in a chair, feet on floor, etc. Remained sitting for some time idk maybe 20-30min with only awareness of body sensations, sounds, and the absence of thought until deciding to get up. Feeling alert and relaxed.
I remember at one point when remembering to "pay attention" noticing the visual field and how it goes from seeing a dark, blank-seeming panorama to noticing very faint amorphous movements of slightly lighter fields changing in size but all very dimly and vaguely. Somehow I want to pay attention with the eyes more than any other sense. I remember noticing an awareness of the paradoxical difficulty of trying to vigilantly observe and remember as much as possible while relaxing and letting go of everything as much as possible.
What could be going on with these periods of losing consciousness and not being able to remember what's happening? I assume it's torpor and sometimes I'm sure that's what it is and other times like just now I'm really not sure.
I remember at one point when remembering to "pay attention" noticing the visual field and how it goes from seeing a dark, blank-seeming panorama to noticing very faint amorphous movements of slightly lighter fields changing in size but all very dimly and vaguely. Somehow I want to pay attention with the eyes more than any other sense. I remember noticing an awareness of the paradoxical difficulty of trying to vigilantly observe and remember as much as possible while relaxing and letting go of everything as much as possible.
What could be going on with these periods of losing consciousness and not being able to remember what's happening? I assume it's torpor and sometimes I'm sure that's what it is and other times like just now I'm really not sure.
Auntie Antei, modified 17 Days ago at 1/23/25 9:12 PM
Created 17 Days ago at 1/23/25 9:12 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
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1/23 - Retreat Day
4:30-6:30 similar to yesterday but with the intention to stay awake the dropping out feels less deep yet there’s still a distinct sense of disappearing and returning and it doesn’t feel like falling asleep and waking up. I noticed the visual field getting very slightly brighter, from a dark black to a slightly lighter black, maybe even with some hints of red and blue. Body stayed comfortable throughout until a few minutes before ending. I’m willing to endure discomfort but I can focus more effectively on the process without it so intend to Goldilocks my setup a little more. I did notice the body slouching so would sit up to stay awake and another anti-torpor strategy I thought of this morning is to keep my bedroom warmer — I always though I slept well in a colder room but I need to try tweaking that and see.
6:40-7:20 Zhan zhuang wk6d4Wu chi 14min balloon 12min Wu chi 3min
8:50-10:25 variation on the same torpor theme. Definitely sank in and out of it this time and valiantly attempted to stay awake, straightening up each time I caught the body slouching, head drooping and mind disappearing but it’s like a groove has been carved and the mind just can’t stay out of it. Coming out of the sit feeling slightly groggy though pleasantly peaceful. Not sure if there’s anything to do about it other than keep going. I’m very open to suggestions.
11:55-13:15 sitting in the attic for the first time since coming back from retreat and it’s cold but I have a blanket and heating pad for feet. Up here while a couple workers are replacing the front and back doors on the house and sitting through it is kind of like being in the dentists chair with local anesthetic. So I could feel the pleasant oncoming of torpor but due to the constant unpredictable intermittent noise of drilling banging and shouting I never lost awareness. Could be a strategy for future sits, just have the doors to the house replaced every time I want to stay awake?
13:50-15:10 is it possible for me to make progress in a semi noisy environment? I don’t know but I can try. Just surrender to the moment. No torpor but some v mildly pleasant sensations as usual. Occasional doubt as to whether I’m “doing it right” or if I’m getting in my own way too much, then zooming out and seeing how much easier it’s gotten. SOOOOO much easier even since the start of the retreat. It’s like the mind knows what to do and I just have to yeah get out of the way. Let the work do itself. Yet there’s still a question of watching the work — K said to drop the watcher and merge with awareness and I’m on board with that but haven’t found the balance yet of dropping the watcher and not losing awareness.
15:25-16:10 walking, feeling feet, knees, shoulders, etc etc some music and other thoughts, interactions with people in the neighborhood and also just noticing sounds and sights always changing, feeling the cold physically and a sense of delight and contentment, sort of a loving neutrality about it all, plenty of moments without any thought or watching, just being.
16:20-18:00 sitting for a good stretch like this with no torpor, no pains, and no expectations is really where it’s at. Mind a bit busier than usual, maybe 50/50 stillness vs mental activity or possibly more mental activity than stillness but for the most part it’s not sticky. What actually got me up and ending the sit was the same musical fantasy that’s been bugging me for a few weeks, and now that I’m back I know it’s achievable. So music is still sticking and pulling me out of stillness.
19:25-19:40 started sitting and got interrupted by door installers finishing up and leaving, spent a while cleaning up after them and then taking a bath, gonna go straight to bed as it’s been enough for one day and I want to make sure I’m getting enough sleep.
4:30-6:30 similar to yesterday but with the intention to stay awake the dropping out feels less deep yet there’s still a distinct sense of disappearing and returning and it doesn’t feel like falling asleep and waking up. I noticed the visual field getting very slightly brighter, from a dark black to a slightly lighter black, maybe even with some hints of red and blue. Body stayed comfortable throughout until a few minutes before ending. I’m willing to endure discomfort but I can focus more effectively on the process without it so intend to Goldilocks my setup a little more. I did notice the body slouching so would sit up to stay awake and another anti-torpor strategy I thought of this morning is to keep my bedroom warmer — I always though I slept well in a colder room but I need to try tweaking that and see.
6:40-7:20 Zhan zhuang wk6d4Wu chi 14min balloon 12min Wu chi 3min
8:50-10:25 variation on the same torpor theme. Definitely sank in and out of it this time and valiantly attempted to stay awake, straightening up each time I caught the body slouching, head drooping and mind disappearing but it’s like a groove has been carved and the mind just can’t stay out of it. Coming out of the sit feeling slightly groggy though pleasantly peaceful. Not sure if there’s anything to do about it other than keep going. I’m very open to suggestions.
11:55-13:15 sitting in the attic for the first time since coming back from retreat and it’s cold but I have a blanket and heating pad for feet. Up here while a couple workers are replacing the front and back doors on the house and sitting through it is kind of like being in the dentists chair with local anesthetic. So I could feel the pleasant oncoming of torpor but due to the constant unpredictable intermittent noise of drilling banging and shouting I never lost awareness. Could be a strategy for future sits, just have the doors to the house replaced every time I want to stay awake?
13:50-15:10 is it possible for me to make progress in a semi noisy environment? I don’t know but I can try. Just surrender to the moment. No torpor but some v mildly pleasant sensations as usual. Occasional doubt as to whether I’m “doing it right” or if I’m getting in my own way too much, then zooming out and seeing how much easier it’s gotten. SOOOOO much easier even since the start of the retreat. It’s like the mind knows what to do and I just have to yeah get out of the way. Let the work do itself. Yet there’s still a question of watching the work — K said to drop the watcher and merge with awareness and I’m on board with that but haven’t found the balance yet of dropping the watcher and not losing awareness.
15:25-16:10 walking, feeling feet, knees, shoulders, etc etc some music and other thoughts, interactions with people in the neighborhood and also just noticing sounds and sights always changing, feeling the cold physically and a sense of delight and contentment, sort of a loving neutrality about it all, plenty of moments without any thought or watching, just being.
16:20-18:00 sitting for a good stretch like this with no torpor, no pains, and no expectations is really where it’s at. Mind a bit busier than usual, maybe 50/50 stillness vs mental activity or possibly more mental activity than stillness but for the most part it’s not sticky. What actually got me up and ending the sit was the same musical fantasy that’s been bugging me for a few weeks, and now that I’m back I know it’s achievable. So music is still sticking and pulling me out of stillness.
19:25-19:40 started sitting and got interrupted by door installers finishing up and leaving, spent a while cleaning up after them and then taking a bath, gonna go straight to bed as it’s been enough for one day and I want to make sure I’m getting enough sleep.
Auntie Antei, modified 16 Days ago at 1/24/25 9:56 PM
Created 16 Days ago at 1/24/25 9:56 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
1/24
Sleeping time is increasing, slept 22:00-4:00
4:30-6 following same pattern as usual, nothing to say about it, trying to create good conditions for sitting and then let go and not fight the torpor if it comes. That said, I didn’t experience any heavy torpor in this sit.
6-6:40 Zhan zhuang wk6d5Wu chi 14min balloon 12min Wu chi 3min
7:25-9:10 no expectations but accepting and grateful for this feeling of ease!
21:10-22:50 came home from a full day culminating w sauna and had a deeply peaceful sit. Lost all thinking for a good while and before ending when thought returned I wasn’t sure whether it was evening or morning for a minute and there was a moment of heightened emotion, almost anxiety around that confusion that I observed and let go of but then was like omg it’s late!
Sleeping time is increasing, slept 22:00-4:00
4:30-6 following same pattern as usual, nothing to say about it, trying to create good conditions for sitting and then let go and not fight the torpor if it comes. That said, I didn’t experience any heavy torpor in this sit.
6-6:40 Zhan zhuang wk6d5Wu chi 14min balloon 12min Wu chi 3min
7:25-9:10 no expectations but accepting and grateful for this feeling of ease!
21:10-22:50 came home from a full day culminating w sauna and had a deeply peaceful sit. Lost all thinking for a good while and before ending when thought returned I wasn’t sure whether it was evening or morning for a minute and there was a moment of heightened emotion, almost anxiety around that confusion that I observed and let go of but then was like omg it’s late!
Auntie Antei, modified 15 Days ago at 1/25/25 8:30 PM
Created 15 Days ago at 1/25/25 8:30 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
1/25
4:30-6:30 peaceful calm stillness with a fair bit of thoughts rolling around but not much music. There was no music last night btw! Didn’t get to sleep til after midnight, being around people gave me a lot of energy and stirred up a lot of longing and clinging that needs letting go of. I really love everyone that was there and kept thinking about how I don’t want to hold onto anyone or make any effort to keep myself in their thoughts, or rather I recognized that pattern that I’ve had for such a long time and hope I’m beginning to loosen my grip on that feeling which I understand is coming from the conditioning of being raised in a highly restrictive household with a scarcity mindset.
6:35-7:15Zhan zhuang wk6d6Wu chi 14min balloon 12min Wu chi 3min
Driving home from the sauna last night I listened to Zencast 461 How Are You by Gil Fronsdahl which I found helpful as a reminder that I’m not doing this to get anything. “Getting enlightened” is a matter of letting go of everything. He shared the aphorism “Nothing needs to happen,” which works great for remembering there’s no need to strive for anything. I also interpret it as, “in order for progress to take place you need to experience a lot of nothing” which comforts me as this phase of practice has a lot of nothing and I find myself unintentionally concerned as to whether I’m wasting time and searching for signs of progress.
8:10-9:30 just more of the same, feeing grateful for this ease and comfort.
20:50-21:30 was going good just got too sleepy to keep sitting still
4:30-6:30 peaceful calm stillness with a fair bit of thoughts rolling around but not much music. There was no music last night btw! Didn’t get to sleep til after midnight, being around people gave me a lot of energy and stirred up a lot of longing and clinging that needs letting go of. I really love everyone that was there and kept thinking about how I don’t want to hold onto anyone or make any effort to keep myself in their thoughts, or rather I recognized that pattern that I’ve had for such a long time and hope I’m beginning to loosen my grip on that feeling which I understand is coming from the conditioning of being raised in a highly restrictive household with a scarcity mindset.
6:35-7:15Zhan zhuang wk6d6Wu chi 14min balloon 12min Wu chi 3min
Driving home from the sauna last night I listened to Zencast 461 How Are You by Gil Fronsdahl which I found helpful as a reminder that I’m not doing this to get anything. “Getting enlightened” is a matter of letting go of everything. He shared the aphorism “Nothing needs to happen,” which works great for remembering there’s no need to strive for anything. I also interpret it as, “in order for progress to take place you need to experience a lot of nothing” which comforts me as this phase of practice has a lot of nothing and I find myself unintentionally concerned as to whether I’m wasting time and searching for signs of progress.
8:10-9:30 just more of the same, feeing grateful for this ease and comfort.
20:50-21:30 was going good just got too sleepy to keep sitting still
Auntie Antei, modified 14 Days ago at 1/26/25 9:45 PM
Created 14 Days ago at 1/26/25 9:45 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
1/26
Sleeping time is increasing. Slept 21:30-4:30 last night. Felt so tired after spending the afternoon painting pottery w an old friend and her family. Skipped PT this morning which is highly unusual for me.
4:45-6:15 that was fine, a bit sleepy and distracted in the end by the humidifier running out of water.
Lay down on the couch for a bit, feeling disoriented and deeply ambivalent about spending time with people vs practicing.
7:20-Zhan zhuang wk6d7Wu chi 14min balloon 12min Wu chi 3min
8:35-10:25 had another v brief moment early on in this sit of noticing I’d forgotten what time of day it was. Hearing neighbors making noise I wanted to associate it with morning or evening and wasn’t sure which it was. Otherwise peaceful and calm as usual.
21:40-22:40 I’m still not used to going through a whole day without any sitting meditation. It’s unfamiliar and I’m noticing a tension between wanting to make time to meditate more and wanting to just relax and let whatever happens happen.
Sleeping time is increasing. Slept 21:30-4:30 last night. Felt so tired after spending the afternoon painting pottery w an old friend and her family. Skipped PT this morning which is highly unusual for me.
4:45-6:15 that was fine, a bit sleepy and distracted in the end by the humidifier running out of water.
Lay down on the couch for a bit, feeling disoriented and deeply ambivalent about spending time with people vs practicing.
7:20-Zhan zhuang wk6d7Wu chi 14min balloon 12min Wu chi 3min
8:35-10:25 had another v brief moment early on in this sit of noticing I’d forgotten what time of day it was. Hearing neighbors making noise I wanted to associate it with morning or evening and wasn’t sure which it was. Otherwise peaceful and calm as usual.
21:40-22:40 I’m still not used to going through a whole day without any sitting meditation. It’s unfamiliar and I’m noticing a tension between wanting to make time to meditate more and wanting to just relax and let whatever happens happen.
Auntie Antei, modified 13 Days ago at 1/27/25 8:31 PM
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RE: Antei’s Practice Log
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1/27
Slept 22:30-4:10
4:45-6:50 deep relaxation and probably some torpor for the first 100 min or so and then that blind searching tentacle of the mind starts casting about for something to hold onto, narrating, noticing physical discomfort, thinking about tasks and ideas, but continuing to meditate through this has gotten easier and that’s what happened with just a tiny body shift or two and some yawning.
6:50-7:30 Zhan zhuang wk7d1Wu chi 15min balloon 13min Wu chi 3min
20:05-21:25 feeling sleepy at the end of a nice sit. No real struggle to mention during sitting, it’s pretty much all off cushion by now. Feeling tension around not sitting all day long, it doesn’t feel quite right. Spent most of the day making work phone calls and looking at the computer screen. Felt positive and productive and also less heart in it than ever. Not opposed to doing the work but just really indifferent. Noticing desires for success and for loving friendships and remembering the conflicting desire of letting go of everything that’s not essential.
Slept 22:30-4:10
4:45-6:50 deep relaxation and probably some torpor for the first 100 min or so and then that blind searching tentacle of the mind starts casting about for something to hold onto, narrating, noticing physical discomfort, thinking about tasks and ideas, but continuing to meditate through this has gotten easier and that’s what happened with just a tiny body shift or two and some yawning.
6:50-7:30 Zhan zhuang wk7d1Wu chi 15min balloon 13min Wu chi 3min
20:05-21:25 feeling sleepy at the end of a nice sit. No real struggle to mention during sitting, it’s pretty much all off cushion by now. Feeling tension around not sitting all day long, it doesn’t feel quite right. Spent most of the day making work phone calls and looking at the computer screen. Felt positive and productive and also less heart in it than ever. Not opposed to doing the work but just really indifferent. Noticing desires for success and for loving friendships and remembering the conflicting desire of letting go of everything that’s not essential.
Auntie Antei, modified 12 Days ago at 1/28/25 9:27 PM
Created 12 Days ago at 1/28/25 9:27 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
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1/28
Slept 21:30-3:30
4-7 first 1.5-2hrs peaceful as usual, then about half an hour of desires and discomforts popping up like popcorn and triggering involuntary big breaths and/or mini stretches (straightening the back) followed by awareness of that and the desire to calm that activity, let it go and allow that energy to move elsewhere, remembering to surrender to the process and let thoughtless awareness take over. For the last half hour or so there was less physical discomfort and less mental activity though some still present. Pleased to have sat three hours but also already feeling somewhat annoyed that I probably won’t be able to sit again like this today.
7:15-7:55Zhan zhuang wk7d2Wu chi 15min balloon 13min Wu chi 3min
21:30-22:25 just not enough time in the day for everything. So tired. Cutting nonessentials out is so hard but I know it’s right.
Slept 21:30-3:30
4-7 first 1.5-2hrs peaceful as usual, then about half an hour of desires and discomforts popping up like popcorn and triggering involuntary big breaths and/or mini stretches (straightening the back) followed by awareness of that and the desire to calm that activity, let it go and allow that energy to move elsewhere, remembering to surrender to the process and let thoughtless awareness take over. For the last half hour or so there was less physical discomfort and less mental activity though some still present. Pleased to have sat three hours but also already feeling somewhat annoyed that I probably won’t be able to sit again like this today.
7:15-7:55Zhan zhuang wk7d2Wu chi 15min balloon 13min Wu chi 3min
21:30-22:25 just not enough time in the day for everything. So tired. Cutting nonessentials out is so hard but I know it’s right.
Auntie Antei, modified 11 Days ago at 1/29/25 9:45 PM
Created 11 Days ago at 1/29/25 9:45 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
1/29
Slept 22:15-3:45
4:15-7:15 similar to yesterday but felt more awake during first part and had less physical discomfort and mental activity and hence fewer deep breaths and back straightening in second part. Towards the end I noticed some very vague lightening of the visual field and at the very end there was a small dim shape that was repeatedly appearing, growing and disappearing which I noticed and tried to not get attached to, really didn’t seem very important but it was the last thing I noticed.
7:20-8:05 Zhan zhuang wk7d3Wu chi 16min balloon 14min Wu chi 3minSlightly less easy than before, some mild trembling towards the end, lingering tingling in soles of feet afterwards
8:45-10:00 after last night’s zoom group w K I’m feeling more inspired to try less and drop more in professional and social life although I’m avoiding anything too abrupt. This sit had me thinking about work I need to do and dropping that sense of need although in the end I did end it sooner than initially intended because there are tasks on the to do list for today.
22:00-22:45 feels late but I’m not falling asleep in my chair but I’m going to bed so I can hopefully wake up wo an alarm and sit for a long time before breakfast
Slept 22:15-3:45
4:15-7:15 similar to yesterday but felt more awake during first part and had less physical discomfort and mental activity and hence fewer deep breaths and back straightening in second part. Towards the end I noticed some very vague lightening of the visual field and at the very end there was a small dim shape that was repeatedly appearing, growing and disappearing which I noticed and tried to not get attached to, really didn’t seem very important but it was the last thing I noticed.
7:20-8:05 Zhan zhuang wk7d3Wu chi 16min balloon 14min Wu chi 3minSlightly less easy than before, some mild trembling towards the end, lingering tingling in soles of feet afterwards
8:45-10:00 after last night’s zoom group w K I’m feeling more inspired to try less and drop more in professional and social life although I’m avoiding anything too abrupt. This sit had me thinking about work I need to do and dropping that sense of need although in the end I did end it sooner than initially intended because there are tasks on the to do list for today.
22:00-22:45 feels late but I’m not falling asleep in my chair but I’m going to bed so I can hopefully wake up wo an alarm and sit for a long time before breakfast
Auntie Antei, modified 10 Days ago at 1/30/25 8:04 PM
Created 10 Days ago at 1/30/25 8:04 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
1/30 - Retreat Day
Slept 23:10-4:10
4:35-7:20 increased tolerance for discomfort or just decreased sensation w pain in butt for last idk half hour or more. At start I noticed several shorter cycles of catching myself slipping away and slouching and straightening back up, maybe 3-5 times, as opposed to the usual one big one.
7:25-8:10 Zhan zhuang wk7d4Wu chi 16min balloon 14min Wu chi 3min
8:50-10:45 the usual plus new sensation unlocked just towards the end — a pulsing needle like yet pleasurable feeling just above or maybe to the right of the navel, only happened a few times, total duration a few seconds I’m guessing
12-13:30 sat through pain in back and butt, watched some thoughts come and go, many long moments wo thought, and eventually got fixated on wondering how long I’d been sitting and ended it there.
14:00-14:45 that was nice. Ended early bc I have a mtg w K at 15:00
Notes from mtg w KIt’s really all about listening to your heartLearning to orient ourselves more and more in alignment w the heart of our being. The more we listen to it the more it guides us. Landing ever more fully in the present moment which is more fully alive the more open the heart is. Discerning what is supporting the practice and what is going against it may take some trial and error. Getting stuck in things that don’t support it will feel more dead and things that do will feel more alive. The closer you get to the center of your being the closer you get to life itself so you’ll just feel it when there’s misalignment. Re torpor: Every time there’s further opening there’s darkness and dullness that takes over. It’s ok, you fall asleep and then you can handle the more subtle territory.
15:50-17:00 def no torpor, mind pretty active, body comfy, just watching the parade of thoughts come and go, occasionally remembering the process of opening and letting go.
18:20-19:35 why stop there? Conditions were good for a longer sit but for whatever reason ended I think bc of some discomfort in the back. Also getting sleepy
20:15-19:00 lovely short sit, nothing remarkable. Time for bed
Slept 23:10-4:10
4:35-7:20 increased tolerance for discomfort or just decreased sensation w pain in butt for last idk half hour or more. At start I noticed several shorter cycles of catching myself slipping away and slouching and straightening back up, maybe 3-5 times, as opposed to the usual one big one.
7:25-8:10 Zhan zhuang wk7d4Wu chi 16min balloon 14min Wu chi 3min
8:50-10:45 the usual plus new sensation unlocked just towards the end — a pulsing needle like yet pleasurable feeling just above or maybe to the right of the navel, only happened a few times, total duration a few seconds I’m guessing
12-13:30 sat through pain in back and butt, watched some thoughts come and go, many long moments wo thought, and eventually got fixated on wondering how long I’d been sitting and ended it there.
14:00-14:45 that was nice. Ended early bc I have a mtg w K at 15:00
Notes from mtg w KIt’s really all about listening to your heartLearning to orient ourselves more and more in alignment w the heart of our being. The more we listen to it the more it guides us. Landing ever more fully in the present moment which is more fully alive the more open the heart is. Discerning what is supporting the practice and what is going against it may take some trial and error. Getting stuck in things that don’t support it will feel more dead and things that do will feel more alive. The closer you get to the center of your being the closer you get to life itself so you’ll just feel it when there’s misalignment. Re torpor: Every time there’s further opening there’s darkness and dullness that takes over. It’s ok, you fall asleep and then you can handle the more subtle territory.
15:50-17:00 def no torpor, mind pretty active, body comfy, just watching the parade of thoughts come and go, occasionally remembering the process of opening and letting go.
18:20-19:35 why stop there? Conditions were good for a longer sit but for whatever reason ended I think bc of some discomfort in the back. Also getting sleepy
20:15-19:00 lovely short sit, nothing remarkable. Time for bed
Auntie Antei, modified 9 Days ago at 1/31/25 8:09 PM
Created 9 Days ago at 1/31/25 8:09 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
1/31
Slept 22:10-3:30
3:50-5:40 usual pattern, stillness for a good while then a bit of fidgeting
Lying on couch no deep sleep but a funny dream
6:35-7:20 Zhan zhuang wk7d5Wu chi 17min balloon 15min Wu chi 3min
8:00-9:55 a bit busier mentally than usual, prob due to upcoming meetings with exciting people but still remembering to let go and surrender.
20:35-21:10 too much activity today and not enough down time before sitting so it seems like better conditions to just go to bed early and wake up early.
Slept 22:10-3:30
3:50-5:40 usual pattern, stillness for a good while then a bit of fidgeting
Lying on couch no deep sleep but a funny dream
6:35-7:20 Zhan zhuang wk7d5Wu chi 17min balloon 15min Wu chi 3min
8:00-9:55 a bit busier mentally than usual, prob due to upcoming meetings with exciting people but still remembering to let go and surrender.
20:35-21:10 too much activity today and not enough down time before sitting so it seems like better conditions to just go to bed early and wake up early.
Auntie Antei, modified 8 Days ago at 2/1/25 9:19 PM
Created 8 Days ago at 2/1/25 9:19 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
2/1
Slept 21:50-3:40
4:10-6:20 really experiencing the coming and going of all phenomena and the stillness or the absence of phenomena, that’s always there and it’s obscured by the arising of phenomena and revealed in their passing. Moments with that stillness felt deeper and more stable than usual though there were still lots of thoughts and musical ideas coming and going.
6:20-7:05Zhan zhuang wk7d6Wu chi 17min balloon 15min Wu chi 3min
8:05-10:10 peaceful calm, plenty of thinking just watching the thoughts come and go, a few deeper moments of stillness and a couple of very brief very mild waves of pleasurable sensation passing through the body
21:35-22:15 aiming to sit an hour before bed is kind of arbitrary but also as I understand it the minimum for actually making any progress? Idk I’m just too tired but I had some peaceful feelings and also some brief needle like sensations in right armpit and left big toe that were a little bit surprising but not totally unpleasant
Slept 21:50-3:40
4:10-6:20 really experiencing the coming and going of all phenomena and the stillness or the absence of phenomena, that’s always there and it’s obscured by the arising of phenomena and revealed in their passing. Moments with that stillness felt deeper and more stable than usual though there were still lots of thoughts and musical ideas coming and going.
6:20-7:05Zhan zhuang wk7d6Wu chi 17min balloon 15min Wu chi 3min
8:05-10:10 peaceful calm, plenty of thinking just watching the thoughts come and go, a few deeper moments of stillness and a couple of very brief very mild waves of pleasurable sensation passing through the body
21:35-22:15 aiming to sit an hour before bed is kind of arbitrary but also as I understand it the minimum for actually making any progress? Idk I’m just too tired but I had some peaceful feelings and also some brief needle like sensations in right armpit and left big toe that were a little bit surprising but not totally unpleasant
Auntie Antei, modified 7 Days ago at 2/2/25 8:30 PM
Created 7 Days ago at 2/2/25 8:30 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
2/2
Slept 22:40-3:00
3:30-6:30 a couple of moments catching the body slouching and a few yawns and minor fidgets but no serious torpor. A few moments of briefly getting caught up in thoughts but for the most part lots of lovely stillness and even a few moments of the visual field brightening slightly.
6:35-7:20Zhan zhuang wk7d7Wu chi 18min balloon 16min Wu chi 3minReally felt the energy pumping in legs towards the end, not sure if it was trembling externally or just felt like it.
8:05-9:15 stillness and excitement as I’m meeting with an exciting person today. Thinking about practicing restraint and renunciation while also being fully human, practicing love without attachment, the risks and rewards and how there’s no need to hurry or worry, stay calm and be fully present.
Skipping evening sit tonight as it’s been a big day and tomorrow is a big day and the morning is usually the best time for me to sit anyway and I don’t want to be overly rigid about the practice as I’ve already sat over four hours today and I want to sit more but I’m going to listen to my body and go to bed. Meeting w exciting person went about as well as could possibly be imagined, feeling calm yet energized, content and sort of proud of myself for all the work I’ve done to get to this place in life.
Slept 22:40-3:00
3:30-6:30 a couple of moments catching the body slouching and a few yawns and minor fidgets but no serious torpor. A few moments of briefly getting caught up in thoughts but for the most part lots of lovely stillness and even a few moments of the visual field brightening slightly.
6:35-7:20Zhan zhuang wk7d7Wu chi 18min balloon 16min Wu chi 3minReally felt the energy pumping in legs towards the end, not sure if it was trembling externally or just felt like it.
8:05-9:15 stillness and excitement as I’m meeting with an exciting person today. Thinking about practicing restraint and renunciation while also being fully human, practicing love without attachment, the risks and rewards and how there’s no need to hurry or worry, stay calm and be fully present.
Skipping evening sit tonight as it’s been a big day and tomorrow is a big day and the morning is usually the best time for me to sit anyway and I don’t want to be overly rigid about the practice as I’ve already sat over four hours today and I want to sit more but I’m going to listen to my body and go to bed. Meeting w exciting person went about as well as could possibly be imagined, feeling calm yet energized, content and sort of proud of myself for all the work I’ve done to get to this place in life.
Auntie Antei, modified 6 Days ago at 2/3/25 8:08 PM
Created 6 Days ago at 2/3/25 8:08 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
2/3
Slept 22:00-2:50
3:15-5:35 no torpor at all not even any slouching but several yawns and fidgets interrupting the usual flow of thoughts and stillness. Noticed a few brief moments of visual field brightening v slightly. Going to lie down for a bit.
5:40-6:50 no sleep or dreams or at least didn’t feel like it. I’m a bit confused as to what took place there.
6:50-7:35Zhan zhuang wk8d1Wu chi 18min balloon 16min Wu chi 3minTried not counting breaths and systematically going up and down the body observing the balloons and breathing today and although I still had the vibrating/trembling in legs same as yesterday it was much easier mentally just doing the thing, noticing thoughts coming and going and not trying to direct the mind. I was still consciously relaxing the muscles esp the butt muscles whenever I thought of it.
8:25-10:05 it’s hard for me to imagine experiencing greater contentment beyond what I’m experiencing now except for seeing the people around me suffering less. I’m so happy to let this process take shape at whatever pace, I’m almost indifferent to progress at this point except for the eagerness and devotion that obviously comes through in my actions. I’m worried that going out of town tomorrow for work will disrupt this flow but I don’t want to be attached to it either. Whatever has come can go and come again.
18:40-19:30 allowing and accessing stillness but not chasing it or holding onto it. V mild back pain present the entire time.
Slept 22:00-2:50
3:15-5:35 no torpor at all not even any slouching but several yawns and fidgets interrupting the usual flow of thoughts and stillness. Noticed a few brief moments of visual field brightening v slightly. Going to lie down for a bit.
5:40-6:50 no sleep or dreams or at least didn’t feel like it. I’m a bit confused as to what took place there.
6:50-7:35Zhan zhuang wk8d1Wu chi 18min balloon 16min Wu chi 3minTried not counting breaths and systematically going up and down the body observing the balloons and breathing today and although I still had the vibrating/trembling in legs same as yesterday it was much easier mentally just doing the thing, noticing thoughts coming and going and not trying to direct the mind. I was still consciously relaxing the muscles esp the butt muscles whenever I thought of it.
8:25-10:05 it’s hard for me to imagine experiencing greater contentment beyond what I’m experiencing now except for seeing the people around me suffering less. I’m so happy to let this process take shape at whatever pace, I’m almost indifferent to progress at this point except for the eagerness and devotion that obviously comes through in my actions. I’m worried that going out of town tomorrow for work will disrupt this flow but I don’t want to be attached to it either. Whatever has come can go and come again.
18:40-19:30 allowing and accessing stillness but not chasing it or holding onto it. V mild back pain present the entire time.
Auntie Antei, modified 5 Days ago at 2/4/25 9:49 PM
Created 5 Days ago at 2/4/25 9:49 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
2/4
Slept 23:15-3:10
3:40-6:00 less effort and more pleasure though discomfort in butt still present intermittently. I’m not making it as easy as I could by continuing to involve myself in mundane affairs as much as I am. I still see value in cultivating meaningful relationships and performing good deeds but I suspect that will eventually fall away to some extent and probably also return later on. I’m seeing further how even wholesome thoughts and actions are dukkha as they are conditioned and have to arise and pass away.
6:00-6:45Zhan zhuang wk8d2Wu chi 19min balloon 17min Wu chi 3min
7:40-9:40 familiar pattern of settling into a deep state of calm awareness that eventually gets interrupted. In this sit the interruptions were more subtle than usual, there were the usual thoughts and music but a lot more harder to identify feelings of restlessness or desire for activity, just some sort of rebellion against the stillness.
22:00-22:45 so tired… so glad I brought my heating pad w me. I’m having a hard time doing two of the things I intended to do at the end of the retreat: keeping my mouth shut about the dharma as I’m not a dharma teacher, and not starting anything new with anyone. With the second item I’ve been coming up with reasons why it’s ok but it’s really not benefiting the practice and I can always look for relationships another time, it’s just old patterns of clinging and scarcity mindset coming up. Letting go of it is incredibly difficult.
Slept 23:15-3:10
3:40-6:00 less effort and more pleasure though discomfort in butt still present intermittently. I’m not making it as easy as I could by continuing to involve myself in mundane affairs as much as I am. I still see value in cultivating meaningful relationships and performing good deeds but I suspect that will eventually fall away to some extent and probably also return later on. I’m seeing further how even wholesome thoughts and actions are dukkha as they are conditioned and have to arise and pass away.
6:00-6:45Zhan zhuang wk8d2Wu chi 19min balloon 17min Wu chi 3min
7:40-9:40 familiar pattern of settling into a deep state of calm awareness that eventually gets interrupted. In this sit the interruptions were more subtle than usual, there were the usual thoughts and music but a lot more harder to identify feelings of restlessness or desire for activity, just some sort of rebellion against the stillness.
22:00-22:45 so tired… so glad I brought my heating pad w me. I’m having a hard time doing two of the things I intended to do at the end of the retreat: keeping my mouth shut about the dharma as I’m not a dharma teacher, and not starting anything new with anyone. With the second item I’ve been coming up with reasons why it’s ok but it’s really not benefiting the practice and I can always look for relationships another time, it’s just old patterns of clinging and scarcity mindset coming up. Letting go of it is incredibly difficult.
Auntie Antei, modified 3 Days ago at 2/6/25 7:35 PM
Created 3 Days ago at 2/6/25 7:35 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
2/5
Slept 22:50-3:35
4:00-5:05 surprisingly noisy in this small town. Gonna try lying down and restarting, hopefully get some more sleep
7:05-9:15 glad I brought earplugs. I’m thinking a lot about the illusion of control and how to effectively let go of it. I first have to recognize it for what it is and not confuse conditioned desires and reflexes with the right effort of consistent practice. Eg the differences between the internal dialogue of “that’s enough sitting for now!” Vs “just a few more moments” and wanting to control other people for their own benefit (which would be gratifying to me.) It also helps me to remember the question “And then what?” when considering any action — if I cultivate meaningful relationships and perform good deeds at the expense of cultivating wisdom and awareness, what comes from that? More karma. If I control someone else and that improves their life and strengthens their own practice that’s still generating more karma for me. Minding my own business is what’s needed and I keep looking for ways to get out of it. It’s irresponsible and unnecessarily risky to get involved with other people’s business because even with the best intentions there’s no way to accurately predict the outcomes.
9:20-10:05Zhan zhuang wk8d3Wu chi 19min balloon 17min Wu chi 3min
11:05-12:25 letting go feels so good. At the same time I’m recognizing a need to grieve for the life I had imagined, to really let go of those patterns and expectations
Slept 22:50-3:35
4:00-5:05 surprisingly noisy in this small town. Gonna try lying down and restarting, hopefully get some more sleep
7:05-9:15 glad I brought earplugs. I’m thinking a lot about the illusion of control and how to effectively let go of it. I first have to recognize it for what it is and not confuse conditioned desires and reflexes with the right effort of consistent practice. Eg the differences between the internal dialogue of “that’s enough sitting for now!” Vs “just a few more moments” and wanting to control other people for their own benefit (which would be gratifying to me.) It also helps me to remember the question “And then what?” when considering any action — if I cultivate meaningful relationships and perform good deeds at the expense of cultivating wisdom and awareness, what comes from that? More karma. If I control someone else and that improves their life and strengthens their own practice that’s still generating more karma for me. Minding my own business is what’s needed and I keep looking for ways to get out of it. It’s irresponsible and unnecessarily risky to get involved with other people’s business because even with the best intentions there’s no way to accurately predict the outcomes.
9:20-10:05Zhan zhuang wk8d3Wu chi 19min balloon 17min Wu chi 3min
11:05-12:25 letting go feels so good. At the same time I’m recognizing a need to grieve for the life I had imagined, to really let go of those patterns and expectations
Auntie Antei, modified 3 Days ago at 2/6/25 7:41 PM
Created 3 Days ago at 2/6/25 7:41 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
2/6
Last night I decided to drive home through an ice storm and predictably enough got into a wreck and now my car is totaled and I’m in the hospital recovering from brain surgery. Seems a fine enough place to practice as I can’t move anyway although a nurse has to come in every hour and make sure I know where I am, right from left, etc. Everyone says I’m healing well and I should be out of the ICU by Monday. I’m not experiencing much pain, just embarrassment and impatience. Planning to make the best of it til I can go home.
Last night I decided to drive home through an ice storm and predictably enough got into a wreck and now my car is totaled and I’m in the hospital recovering from brain surgery. Seems a fine enough place to practice as I can’t move anyway although a nurse has to come in every hour and make sure I know where I am, right from left, etc. Everyone says I’m healing well and I should be out of the ICU by Monday. I’m not experiencing much pain, just embarrassment and impatience. Planning to make the best of it til I can go home.
Auntie Antei, modified 1 Day ago at 2/8/25 7:52 PM
Created 1 Day ago at 2/8/25 7:52 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
2/7
Got home from hospital a few hours ago, had a bath and shower and sat for an hour, now bed.
Not feeling much different about mortality or anything, v grateful for the practice and for the friends and family who jumped to help.
Got home from hospital a few hours ago, had a bath and shower and sat for an hour, now bed.
Not feeling much different about mortality or anything, v grateful for the practice and for the friends and family who jumped to help.
Jure K, modified 23 Hours ago at 2/9/25 1:38 AM
Created 23 Hours ago at 2/9/25 1:38 AM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 503 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Holy molly bro! Please look after yourself after head knocks, the body really keeps the score on those. I haven't had brain surgery but have had concussions multiple times, id imagine what you went through was worse. Take care of yourself.
All the best bro
All the best bro
Truth Seeker, modified 16 Hours ago at 2/9/25 8:52 AM
Created 16 Hours ago at 2/9/25 8:52 AM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 137 Join Date: 2/27/21 Recent Posts
Oh wow, that sounds intense. I am unfamiliar with what recovery is like for something like this, but whatever it is, i hope yours goes smoothly without issue
Auntie Antei, modified 4 Hours ago at 2/9/25 8:37 PM
Created 4 Hours ago at 2/9/25 8:36 PM
RE: Antei’s Practice Log
Posts: 35 Join Date: 12/20/24 Recent Posts
2/8
Slept 21:00-4:50
5-5:50
Lying down for a bit
7:40-8:25 I’ve lost some of the momentum for longer sits I’d developed on retreat and the experience doesn’t seem as deep anymore but I haven’t lost any enthusiasm, and with the doctors orders to rest body and brain I expect to be sitting a lot in the coming days/weeks.
10:20-11:20
Zhan zhuang wk8d4 - recovery modeWu chi 7min balloon 5min Wu chi 3min
17:20-18:35 facing the desire to pick up wherever I left off along with the possibility of unintentionally fabricating states of mind. Could I really be doing that? Well it was a peaceful, pleasant sit regardless.
Slept 21:00-4:50
5-5:50
Lying down for a bit
7:40-8:25 I’ve lost some of the momentum for longer sits I’d developed on retreat and the experience doesn’t seem as deep anymore but I haven’t lost any enthusiasm, and with the doctors orders to rest body and brain I expect to be sitting a lot in the coming days/weeks.
10:20-11:20
Zhan zhuang wk8d4 - recovery modeWu chi 7min balloon 5min Wu chi 3min
17:20-18:35 facing the desire to pick up wherever I left off along with the possibility of unintentionally fabricating states of mind. Could I really be doing that? Well it was a peaceful, pleasant sit regardless.