Welcome DhO!

Any input will help and is greatly appreciated

I'll be updating this practice log quite often. It's going to be a daily account of my practice from now until I've become fully liberated. It'll be full of nonsense like accounts of dreams and out-of-body experiences. Mainly it will be a way for me to see the progression and pit falls of my practice.

Background Info:
I've been meditating for a couple years on/off. However, now I'm taking my practice seriously. I've done 2 retreats. A 10-day Goenka & a 90-day with Wat Phra Dhammakaya. I'm currently practicing Vipassana observing sensations at the Anapana spot. I'm aiming for stream entry and mastery of first Jhana as my current goals. I'm a California LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist) in an apprenticeship with a Taoist healer. The training I'll be doing with him emphasizes the development of psychic powers for the purpose of healing others. I'll be documenting the unfolding of those practices and attainments once I have returned to Los Angeles. Right now I'm in Bangkok, Thailand and I'll be heading east to the city of Khoen Kaen to stay with a family friend. I'll be in retreat mode at the end of Sept. preparing for a 60-day silent stay at Panditarama that starts on Dec. 1st. I have a Goenka retreat in mid Oct. and another one in mid Nov. I'll be staying at Panditarama in silence for 4 months max. I'm sure that's plenty of time to attain SE and get a strong foothold in the 1st Samatha Jhana as foundation for the Taoist training I'll be going through in the future.

Khoen Kaen Retreat Prep Schedule

3:00am Wake Up
3:20am-4:00am Standing Meditation
4:00am-5:00am Meditation
5:30am-6:00am Breakfast
6:00am-7:00am Meditation
7:00am-7:30am Stretch & Walk
7:30am-8:30am Meditation
8:30am-9:00am Stretch & Walk
9:00am-10:00am Meditation
10:00am-10:30am Stretch & Walk
10:30am-11:30m Meditation
11:30pm-12:30pm Lunch & Stretch
12:30pm-1:30pm Meditation
1:30pm-2:00pm Stretch & Walk
2:00pm-3:00pm Meditation
3:00pm-3:30pm Strech & Walk
3:30pm-4:30pm Meditation
4:30pm-5:00pm Stretch & Walk
5:00pm-6:00pm Meditation
6:00pm-6:30pm Stretch & Walk
6:30pm-7:30pm Meditation
7:30pm-9:00pm Internet/Reading/Social
9:00pm-9:40pm Standing Meditation
9:40pm-10:00pm Shower/Sleep



Log Days 8/16/12 - 8/17/12
I can stay with the object without getting distracted for 20-30 minutes. I'm observing sensations arise on the Anapana spot. Joy arose as my concentration deepened. I felt that I was entering a very tiny hole and I began losing awareness of my body. Then I got distracted. After that my mind became tired. Probably pushed it a bit too much haha. The noting is gonna take some time getting used to, but I'm really enjoying it. Mindfulness through out daily life has increased exponentially. The main hindrance I deal with is sloth & torpor, especially in the early morning.

If anyone has advice on Stream Entry and mastering a super-hard (as opposed to a soft) first Jhana PLEASE share.

Saturday 8/18/2012 Bangkok, Thailand

During sitting sessions I practicing Anapanasati.

Observing sensations on the anapana spot as an anchor for mindfulness. Once my directed and sustained attention were firmly fixed I eased up on the effort and began observing the length of my breath, as well as the pauses in-between breaths. I allowed joy to arise. The state changed into a more solid experience. A small amount of bliss was felt. I could describe it as the relief that comes from a sigh at the end of taking in a deep breath, however that feeling was prolonged and transformed into a slight bliss. The breath began to tranquilize my body. I began to lose bodily awareness as I became more relaxed and fixed on the breath. I found my breathing too be incredibly deep and gentle. I maintained this state for about 10-15 minutes.

I'm going to keep at it with Anapanasati. Aiming for a strong foothold in the 1st Samatha Jhana as taught in Shaila Catherine's "Focused and Fearless". I think it will help immensely with the Vipassana practice at Panditarama. All the time spent in access concentration, even if I don't attain 1st Jhana by the time the retreat begins, will lead to greater clarity and sensitivity when observing sensations on retreat. Through out the day I'll be practicing noting and the observing of sensations as taught in, "Practical Insight Meditation", by Mahasi Sayadaw. Since I've begun practicing noting my mindfulness during daily activities has increased exponentially. It's really made a difference in my experience during sitting sessions. It seems doing this is more efficient than trying to stay with the Anapana spot for the whole day. However, when I hit those 2 Goenka retreats I'll do my best to be at the Anapana spot at every waking moment.

Another reason I'm writing this log is so that one day in the future a seeker will be able to read and learn from my experiences. Hopefully people will be able to avoid the stupid & common mistakes that I've made by reading up on my personal encounters with them.

*Understandings
-When practicing Samatha use as much effort as needed to sustain mindfulness with the object, without turning effort into force. It will create tension head aches. However if you're emphasizing too much on relaxation you'll never strengthen the first 2 of the 5 Jhana factors. Directed attention and sustained attention will give rise to rapture, bliss, and equanimity. What's worked best for me is a balance of mindfulness, concentration, and relaxation. I develop those factors in that order. Once I'm established on the object of concentration then I begin to deeply relax. On my 90-day retreat my teaching monks kept telling me to deeply relax even though I didn't have strength in mindfulness to stay with the object for longer than 10-15 minutes to begin with. So I would relax into a trance which strengthened the hindrance of sloth/torpor/dullness. However, there were people on the retreat that had success with simply relaxing and letting go. I'm not one of those people. Once I'm gently locked on the object than I can let go and relax.

Sunday 8/19/2012
St. Louis Hospital Rm. 1617
Bangkok, Thailand

I've decided, since I haven't had any formal instruction on the Sattipathana practice, that I'm gonna go for the 1st Samatha Jhana as taught by Pa Auk Sayadaw. My guides are the works and talks of Shaila Catherine, Tina Rasmussen & Stephen Snyder. The 1st Jhana taught in their works seems to differ from MCTB's description of 1st Jhana in depth and intensity of absorption. A fully absorbed state is defined by being so immersed in Jhana that not even a single thought enters the mind. Mastery of Jhana is defined by entering Jhana on will and exiting at a predetermined time. I'm aiming for that, however not mastery. I have faith that 3 months accumulating up to about 800 hrs of practice is enough to enter the 1st Jhana. Mastery may take more time that I don't have. 1st Jhana will create enough mental refinement and purification of mind necessary for successful insight practice. If I don't attain Jhana then oh well At least I went for it with everything I had. It'll be great prep for Panditarama regardless. So far the practice is going very well. My dreams are becoming devastatingly vivid and last night I only slept for 4 hrs. I'm sure I'll get tired after a couple meditation session. It's 3am I know I will be facing the hindrance of sloth/torpor/dullness as soon as I get off this computer. :/

Although I'll be keeping my mind on the Anapana spot 24/7, I'll still be noting mind states, mental objects, and physical actions through out the day. It really helps create the continuous stream of mindfulness that's necessary for Jhana. I'm going for 1st Jhana instead of beginning my Vipassana practice now because I feel that I haven't given enough time & dedication for absorption to arise using any technique. In the past I became caught up in the hindrances and began switching techniques on retreat as a reaction to my doubt. I was on the verge of Jhana as a bright light had appeared in my mind and the 5 Jhana factors strengthened to an incredible almost unbearable extent. At that point Mara deceived me. I became a victim to great doubt and began switching techniques hoping I'd "get back there".

*Please don't ever do that*

"The best you can do is bring your attention to the Anapana spot and keep your attention at the Anapana spot. From there the practice evolves on it's own." -Stephen Snyder

If some people can hit stream in 2 months off retreat then surely I can put in the necessary effort to attain SE on retreat. I'll have 3-4 months. That's plenty of time.

May all my efforts benefit the lives and paths of all beings in the Universe. May I become liberated from the ignorance and the poisons of the mind. May I know & see Mara the deceiver as illusory when he/she/it arises. My I attain enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings.

If you experienced anything unbearable or unpleasant or aversive at this point, this suggests that you weren't experiencing the counterpart sign in access concentration, so not as close to absorption as you thought.

Other possibilities: A&P (see MCTB ), or a lesser level of concentration producing light and jhana factors. (These possibilities can overlap.)

A general suggestion for concentration practice: don't worry about whether you'll get absorption or not, just keep doing the practice. Have confidence that the practice will have a "purifying" effect on you, and will benefit your future meditation as well. If you worry about it, or if you're eager for it, you're that much less likely to get it.

A specific suggestion: if you need feedback from a forum, you might want to investigate other forums to see where there are more practitioners with the kind of experience in Visuddhimagga-style concentration that you need. I don't think there are many at the DhO (due to a strong preference for vipassana?). I have some experience with absorption, but nothing like mastery, so there's a limit to how much advice I can offer you.

It was almost unbearable meaning there was almost too much bliss & joy. Lacking on the equanimity though. Not unpleasant at all. If it had been so I wouldn't have tried to get back to that state.



Yes that's definitely true.



Of course Thanks for that reminder.



Do you know of such a forum?!

I remember hearing in MCTB that Bill Hamilton, "Died an arahat and a master of the formless absorptions". I assume there are a few people on DhO who are also Arahats with mastery of the formless realms as well. I could be wrong, but I hope I'm not! I love DhO because the people on here are awesome. I get to talk to guys like you with actual experience of this stuff! It's helped so much. My practice will turn to Vipassana in a couple months. So I figured I'd begin documenting my practice now even though I'm not actually practicing Vipassana yet.

Hi Ryan,
Thanks for your interest in our teaching on the Buddhist Samatha / jhanas meditation practice. As you requested, we have added you to our email list and will send announcements periodically.

Regarding your questions--I appreciate the discernment and refinement of your description of your practice, as well as your dedication. It's great that you want to take full advantage of this great opportunity you have for intensive practice.

There is a case to be made for building your concentration, as a platform for the Vipassana practice. This is really what the Buddha recommended, if possible. The downside is that it's very hard to practice intensive Samatha without the guidance of a teacher. Yogis can get into some weird / fearful places when going "solo" or having inadequate guidance as the purification of mind happens. Also, it's easy to mistake deep access concentration from full jhana absorption, and delude oneself as to what's really happening. However, since you are using this as a basis for further Vipassana practice, you will certainly get benefit from intensive Samatha practice, whether jhana arises or not.

While you are on the Vipassana retreat at Panditarama, I would really recommend practicing Sattipathana Vipassana, not Samatha. They don't really teach Anapanasati Samatha there, so it could confusing and they probably wouldn't like it. The same may be true for the Goenka retreats, I'm not sure. You are much more likely for jhana to arise if you stay with the Anapanasati, rather than moving to body scanning or noting. It is pretty much guaranteed that full jhana absorption will not arise, if you are going back and forth between practice.

So, as always, we suggest that you follow your own heart as to what is best for your practice. In all cases, you will see benefit!

With metta,
Tina Rasmussen
www.JhanasAdvice.com

Thanks for replying so fast!
I plan on following instructions to the key at Panditarama! You're right formal instruction is crucial. If I had a Jhana teacher I'd go for it, but after considering what you've said I'm deciding otherwise. I'm sure starting my Vipassana practice now would be a better idea. I can go to Pa Auk Sayadaw's monastery for a month or two and establish the mindfulness of breathing practice with a teacher after my 90 day stay at Panditarama.

There's an Abbott at a forest monastery here in Khon Khaen, Thailand. He's super cool, fluent in English and has practiced Vipassana with Goenka. I'll go to him today and ask for advice and instruction on Vipassana. The method I'll be practicing at Panditarama doesn't emphasize Samatha Jhana's, but Vipassana Jhanas. Quite different from what I've read concerning Ven. Pa Auk Sayadaw's approach.

Thank you Tina so much for your time. It's really helped I'll be sure to attend one of your Samatha retreats in the states. Hopefully the 25-day retreat in 2013 that you're arranging will be held when I'm on break from college.

With Metta,
Ryan Burton

P.S. You and Stephen are the world's most awesome couple. Seriously!

So as most of you from Dho have urged me to do...

I'm beginning my Vipassana practice now and will not pick up Ven. Pa Auk's 1st Jhana until after I've become a stream enterer. Even if I have to stay at Panditarama in silence for 4-6 months. It would be better for me to begin my Vipassana practice now and in the way that I will be instructed to do so on retreat.

Any experience of or judgment of "unbearability": probably not access concentration.



Unfortuately, no.



I can't speak about Bill Hamilton's attainments, but "arahant" in MCTB is pretty far from the traditional conception (i.e. MCTB arahants still experience sensual desire, anger, etc. quite commonly), and mastery of concentration in MCTB does not include the ability to meditate until the counterpart sign appears, and then to enter the unique state of absorption on the basis of the counterpart sign...which is the kind of skill you've been talking about. (The idea that there is a "maximal" state of concentration called absorption which is distinct from everything that comes before it is not even well-accepted around here.)

Anyhow...now you've switched to vipassana. Sounds like a plan, but it makes me wonder if this is just your old tendency to switch methods resurfacing. From here on out, I would suggest committing to not switching methods any more until you reach your goal, or your teacher on retreat tells you to, or you find that your method isn't helping you after giving it a fair trial, or your retreat ends, etc. That way you'll be protected from that tendency.

Yeah I switched back to Samatha for a couple days because I noticed my concentration strengthening beyond what I've experienced before. The tendency to switch techniques arises from attraction to whatever technique seems to be working better. Yesterday I really saw through how this trap works in my mind. I made a strong resolution to practice Vipassana only until I enter stream. Yesterday I spent a lot time reflecting, noting, and practicing Vipassana. A lot sadness, suffering, despair arose with the noting of my thoughts. I never experience this during Anapanasati because I'm concentrating on one thing to exclusion of all else.
It was really interesting. An hour and a half went by very quickly.

I still don't understand what is meant in MCTB as noting 10-40 sensations per second.

Could you help explain that a bit?

Thanks End

If you note long enough, it should become obvious (and it's probably not helpful to explain it in advance of that).

Are you practicing according to MCTB or according to Mahasi Sayadaw's instructions? Both are fine, but, again, you'll probably be asked to do the latter on retreat, so I think it would be better for you to start that way so you won't have to switch.

Sayadaw's instructions I'm reading practical insight meditation.

None of those instructions involve measuring or thinking about your noting speed, so don't worry about it

So I was practicing noting while sitting and noticed that my mind kept wandering away from the sensations at my anapana spot.
I can't feel any subtle sensations aside from pressure when I observe the rising and falling of my abdomen. I know I know I said that I specifically WOULD NOT do this, but I did it anyway and charged my concentration with Anapanasati. Suddenly I was able to perceive sensations with greater clarity and precision. I noticed these fast vibrations arising and disappearing at my anapana spot. I mean CRAZY FAST like datdatdatdatdatdatdatdat. My perception starting spiraling as soon as I began investigating and locking my attention onto the vibrations. Everything felt very "rough" that's the only word I could use to describe it. Very unusual. Is this what is meant in MCTB by 10 sensations per second? But yeah when I try Vipassana from the get-go it seems I have serious monkey mind, but once I calm down and collect my attention these sensations are much clearer and easier to perceive. For now I'll keep stabilizing my concentration before noting, because without doing so I'm kinda just sitting there scatter brained.

Any thoughts End? What's up with the spinning?

I've felt that my body was spinning in a circular motion before, but this was different. I felt that my perception was spiraling inward as I focused on the vibrations. It was really choatic shit.

Spinning? Open your eyes.

I've received my meditation visa for the 60-day retreat from the Myanmar embassy. I'll be flying out of Bangkok on Sept. 4th. I have 6-8 months to attain Stream and hopefully higher paths. I'll be in silence during most of my stay at Panditarama. Excluding calls to my parents so they know I'm still alive haha. After my time at Panditarama is finished I'll come back to Bangkok. I'll take my daily journal and copy & paste everything I experienced onto this thread. Thanks so much for the input everyone. The DhO has truly led to transformation in the way I approach my practice and the spiritual path. If any of you happen to be come to Panditarama within the next 8 months be sure to wave hello at me!

With Metta,
Ryan Burton