Hello fellow practitioners!

It feels like the time is ripe for me to start a practice log. A new year has begun, the days are growing longer, and hope fills the air like the scents of spring... I'm excited! A few weeks ago, I started a thread with some vague questions, but as kindly suggested by others, a proper log seems more appropriate.

Some background info:

    23 years old.
    The seeds of my interest in spirituality and meditation were planted during my backpacking trips through India over the past two summers. (Thank U, India!)
    Last summer, I completed a 10-day Goenka retreat in Kathmandu. I didn’t have much of a practice foundation before going in, and I don’t think I accessed any major insights or deep concentration states, but hey, it was still quite the experience! I'd love to do it again at some point.
    I’m a medical student in my intern year. Working hours are irregular (just got back from a 24-hour shift at the ER—into Daniel’s footsteps! ).
    I currently use TMI as my primary guide and MCTB2 to a lesser extent. Podcasts like BATGAP have also been a source of inspiration.

Around December last year, I was confidently practicing at Stages 4-5 of TMI, sitting 1-2 times per day for 20-45 minutes. I could keep the breath at the center of attention about 95% of the time, with some subtle distractions and the occasional gross ones. Gross dullness wasn’t really a factor anymore, and subtle dullness was quite… subtle.

The last few weeks, however, have been more challenging as I transitioned from student life to working in the hospital, trying to find a way to structure my days. Right now, my schedule is:

    Working days: A 45-minute sit after waking up at around 5:45-6:00 AM.
    Non-working days: A 45-minute sit after a mid-day nap.

Early morning sits are a real challenge due to gross dullness. I usually splash cold water on my face and do two rounds of Wim Hof breathing beforehand, but dullness is still there. I’m hoping this can be overcome completely by continuing to practice and applying the appropriate antidotes from TMI. Does that sound reasonable? Practicing after work isn’t really an option, as I want to keep my evenings free for exercise or seeing friends.

On non-working days, dullness is less of an issue, but after these inconsistent weeks, it's much harder to catch distractions early and maintain introspective awareness. It’s a bit frustrating to be back at Stage 3-4, but given how busy things are right now, my goal is simply to stay consistent, enjoy my sits, and create a stable base for future practice.

My plan is to log updates every week or two. Looking forward to hearing from you!!

Metta and mystic vibes to all )

I used to be clearly awake in the mornings, I regressed a bit recently into dullness. This morning was pretty good though.

I tried to do a little exercise/yoga and deep breathing before sitting. A cold shower. That works. This morning I did only deep breathing before sit and I was not dull, even though I know I can get better samadhi, so I will see if I can find out my needs for that through being alert and mindful. What's most important is to drop expectations, which contradicts theory and formal practice. I try to experiment and see what it is that I need right now.

About your evenings; you can meditate just before bed. I use to sit and meditate for a while before laying down. Even if you just sit 5 minutes, it's good. You can try and see. Or laying down meditating before sleep, see what works for you.

Hey,

First off, good luck with your practice and med school.

A few thoughts came to mind about early morning dullness. In general, I never had much luck meditating immediately after waking. These days my sitting/walking practice happens on lunch breaks, but that's easy because I work from home and resting my brain is imperative.

Thinking back when meditation was part of my morning routine many years ago, I found the best order was breath work -> morning exercise (more cardio/health focused, these weren't bodybuilding/strength training workouts) -> meditation all before taking in caffiene. I did try placing meditation at the start and at least at the time (this was some years ago), it really wasn't skillful. 

A second routine I used last year, was to just do 20-30 minutes of walking meditation while doing Metta. This worked really well and would frequently lead to carrying awareness of metta into work without any percieved effort. Not to mention light morning cardio is better than no morning cardio.

If meditation must be done when fatigued, I do find that there's a curve I have to go through. The mind might start feeling relatively awake (or not), but the posture will gradually slump, something like snoring might occur (though I am aware of it), and the mind can get going on a sort of dreamlike state. I find that if I can both relax into that (i.e. don't resist the relaxation quality here) but not literally fall asleep, there can be very nice things on the other side of that. I would say at minimum, I tend to feel like I had a very deep nap but without any of the mental/physical dullness/heaviness associated with a normal nap. Beyond that, some of the most profound states of concentration or insight experiences came after going through that curve. I recently had a taste of non-dual concious experience, and though I don't read too much into the set up for that, the only meditation I had done that day was what I call "napitation"; where I lay down and incline the mind towards an object (in this case, metta) but let myself fall asleep if need be. 

Not familiar with TMI at all so I can't comment directly there.

"On non-working days, dullness is less of an issue, but after these inconsistent weeks, it's much harder to catch distractions early and maintain introspective awareness. It’s a bit frustrating to be back at Stage 3-4, but given how busy things are right now, "

Progress has always been extremely nonlinear for me, and thinking too much about stages, ranking sits/experiences, maps/models, and progress in general has been detrimental to my practice during the actual sits. The benefit of it is inspiration and interest, but the downside is that I can carry that dualistic modelling/goal seeking/efforting approach that gave me just about everything good in this life into a situation where I need to relax and let go. I was taught mostly samatha/shamatha instead of dry vipassana though so there are some biases.

I live a very busy homelife working a remote programming job from 5:30am - 1:30pm, doing most of the house work, and cooking for my partner (she happens to be a physician) who is too busy, tired, and stressed out to help with much of that. So my formal practice these days has a very strong emphasis on relaxation. I cannot say that is what is best for you, but consider exploring that emphasis as your life gets busier. 

Now to do that annoying but hopefully helpful thing that people do/did to me:
"I’m hoping this can be overcome completely... "

There's a mental frame here that might be worth looking at. If you're like me, some amount of physical tiredness (generally from sleep deprivation) and mental dullness (generally because I put my brain through hell solving programming problems and sitting through hours of zoom meetings) is expected. Work with it with kindness as much as you can; be wary of aversion to it.

"It’s a bit frustrating to be back at Stage 3-4, but given how busy things are right now"

You're doing great! Maps/models/stages are great but fuck maps/models/stages. I once went through a three day period of feeling psychological suffering evaporate every time it came up without any percieved effort. I really felt like "this is exactly what I have wanted after 10 years of practice!" Then I got into an argument with my partner and started from baseline again. Mind you, baseline now is very different from baseline 10+ years ago and totally worth it.

"my goal is simply to stay consistent, enjoy my sits"

That's the stuff! Best of luck, from one busy house-holder trying to navigate spiritual practice to another.
 

Best wishes and looking forward to reading your journey! 

Two weeks later.

The early morning sits have gone from me feeling absolutely terrible and wishing every second my alarm goes off to actual, somewhat enjoyable sits. I'm mainly still fighting dullness but now I feel like I did when I first started doing TMI. I'm happy with that. The sits on non-working days are at the better end of stage 4.

Something I've noticed in daily life is how un-mindfull I actually am. Like for example at the hospital I'll look at the patient's files and when I'm standing in their rooms a couple of minutes later, I've forgotten most things. Or at night I'll make dinner and use the wrong dressing sauce for a dish and only notice this when I'm cleaning up the kitchen after eating. It's like I didn't give any amount of attention to the taste of the food when eating. Or I'll still drive the wrong way to the hospital even though it's the sixth time going there because I used Google Maps before and didn't pay attention to the actual surroundings. I hope I'm just more aware of these things now and not somehow becoming less mindfull...

Thanks all for the replies. Using this thread as my log has been a real motivation so far. Hopefully I can find more time in the coming weeks to update more regularly. Metta!!

​​​​​​​Noticing this is excellent practice !! Nice

Yes! Note note note every sensation. Every blink of your eyelids. Every moment. Every thing. Awareness! Observe! Mindful! Relax into being.