Pushing through to equanimity pt. II; 'I made it (maybe?)'

Sindre Eskel Aspaas, modified 12 Years ago at 1/29/10 1:32 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 1/29/10 1:32 PM

Pushing through to equanimity pt. II; 'I made it (maybe?)'

Posts: 6 Join Date: 1/13/10 Recent Posts
I decided to make a new thread as a follow-up to this one: http://dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/345535
The question I'll raise follows naturally from there, so reading that might be helpful for answering this one .

I'm certain, now, that the Dark Night has faded. What I think did it was to pay attention to the very sensation of being in the Dark Night, and the associated sensations of misery, pain etc.

And just like that, it was gone. What came after, and is still here, is something that I suspect may be equanimity. This is what I want your opinions on.

Right now, everything feels like it's going correctly. There's a sort of constant awareness of pain, physical as well as mental, but it feels curiously numb. "It's just suffering", is the sensation I seem to be responding to it with. From re-observation, there's been an increase in awareness. As I mentioned, these sensations are 'constant' (I seem to be perceiving breaks in them, but they keep coming back).

In other areas, there are also tangible shifts. Morality feels a lot easier and more natural. There isn't too much aversion from doing stuff, and there's an acceptance that even if I do my best, I might wind up getting it wrong (e.g. I may tell a lie unintentionally, I may mess up my understanding of the stages of insight, et cetera). Concentration seems to be boosted, too. The vibratory experiences that are talked a about often in regards to insight training seem to be fluctuating in and out of awareness at times.

Does this sound like equanimity? Are there things I should look out for that might verify it further? Are there things I should look out for (aside from stopping to practice. I know that I should go on, and I'm actively doing that), and are there things I should focus on now?

I may be going at this with a bit too much enthusiasm (if there is such a thing), and I apologize if I'm asking questions with obvious answers.

Thank y'all in advance once again.
Daniel M Ingram, modified 12 Years ago at 1/31/10 7:55 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 1/31/10 7:55 PM

RE: Pushing through to equanimity pt. II; 'I made it (maybe?

Posts: 3231 Join Date: 4/20/09 Recent Posts
I was thinking it might be Equanimity also, so replied on the previous thread. See there.

Additional advice: move attention all through the center point, as if you were swinging a flashlight through your head, all around, through the sides, through the back, through your whole world, like a phantom samurai would swing a sword through your head, just naturally, around and around, feeling it sync up. This is my favorite way to get a Fruition when driving home after a long day of work on the straight, largely traffic-free country road I come home on. Don't do this when driving in any sort of traffic! ;)

Some integration of Subject, Object, Space, Attention and everything else is require and natural. Connect with just being yourself and then dissolving that for one moment. As strange as it sounds, it is actually a very natural thing to do. It is like remembering something good you have forgotten for a long time.
J Adam G, modified 12 Years ago at 2/1/10 4:35 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 2/1/10 4:35 PM

RE: Pushing through to equanimity pt. II; 'I made it (maybe?

Posts: 286 Join Date: 9/15/09 Recent Posts
I would encourage you to continue being enthusiastic, rather than apologizing for it. After the dark night, enthusiasm is probably just what you need here. If the enthusiasm is preventing you from being equanimous during your meditation time, whether formal or otherwise, then just observe how it's a form of desire. Just the same as you would do for other things that come up during insight practice. Please, no judgment about it -- that would be aversion. Just simply, and equanimously notice it with pure, bare mindfulness, and maybe observe if it's decreasing, increasing, or staying the same. After a few moments of doing that, just go back to whatever you had previously chosen as your desired meditation object. I imagine you're using the things Daniel advised you to meditate on.

Outside of meditation time, go ahead and be enthusiastic. Through your own efforts to follow the advice you received, you avoided becoming a dark night yogi! That's reason enough to celebrate, at least in a mundane sense.