Thank you for indulging my questions. Your answers help me to better understand your actual situation. Having been a monastic myself, I am familiar with the kind of "pecking order" that evolves in such situations, notwithstanding Nikolai's ignorant comment. And I do not want to be stepping on anyone's toes who is in charge of your training. If you have a meditation teacher who is experienced beyond at least second path, normally I would defer any inquiries to him as he should be qualified to answer your questions. But, if he is still working through the training himself...he may not have the level of experience to help you. I asked the questions because I am not there with you in order to obtain their answers first hand, and so I have to rely upon you to fill me in.
Dhammadinne T:
I'm newly ordained within the Theravada tradition in Sri Lanka. As you might know they focus heavily on literal knowledge rather than meditation. When we study the discourses it’s more the ones that help the general public and not so much about meditation, yet.
There's nothing wrong with focusing on reading and understanding the Dhamma as it is taught in the suttas, as I'm sure you would agree. But, yes, I think it should be combined with actual meditation practice which helps develop and cultivate mental abilities. If you have an opportunity and are able to obtain it, I would recommend reading Bhikkhu Nanamoli's translation (as edited by Bhk. Bodhi) of the Majjhima Nikaya, as it contains a veritable gold mine of information (much of it in the footnotes) about meditation. Along with that, if you can obtain a copy of Ven. Analayo's book
Satipatthana, The Direct Path to Realization, you will put yourself in good stead and in position to be able to figure out much of this for yourself, with of course some timely help from your friends (teachers/guides) as needed.
If you don't have contact with either of those two resources, there are some online resources of which you may avail yourself. The Thai Forest Ajahn Thanissaro Bhikkhu is one very trusted resource that I often recommend to others. His book
Wings to Awakening in PDF format is excellent as well as his other online book
Mind Like Fire Unbound. You will find some interesting thoughts of his (with reference to the suttas) regarding the process of entering absorption if you read the passage
Precepts & practices through to the next section break at "Doctrines of the self". It might help you to see more clearly into a process you may use in order to enter jhana more smoothly and without the rough edges you describe.
Dhammadinne T:
I do have a very good teacher who helps me, and we are looking for a temple that is more focused on meditation in combination with studying the texts, rather than the other way around which is the norm in Sri Lanka. As far as my earlier practice goes it’s been on and off before, a little here, a little there but never sticking with it for longer periods and no clear insight meditation. I spend most of my time at a meditation center outside of Kandy where I do have a schedule that could be described as mostly Goenka style. Currently I’m temporarily back home in Europe because of family matters but will be going back to Sri Lanka again mid march.
Ah. Well, that explains why you chose to pose a question here. That's what I was confused about. You're not with your teacher.
First, let me ease your mind regarding the pressure that you experience inside your head. This is normal for a meditator to experience. And, no, unless there is some physiological malady that you are unaware of, you shouldn't have to fear triggering any kind of brain hemorrhage. I experience the same kind of pressure you are recounting, and so I know what you are experiencing.
But the kind of thing you describe as having occurred as a result of practicing for entry into absorption seems to strike me as perhaps having a psychological origin. It depends upon how you react to the pressure that you experience. For myself, I always used the pressure as a nimitta (a sign) that I was entering absorption, and so I welcomed it. Sometimes it did get pretty intense, but not very often. Usually, it stayed on the good side of not developing into a headache.
Ideally, what you are endeavoring to achieve with absorption is a quieting of the mind (of the mental chatter and so forth that can go on) such that you experience the peace of
passaddhi, which as your teacher should be able to confirm for you is a "mental calm and tranquility" (what I like to describe as a "profound inner peace") that proceeds beyond the formal meditation session itself (kind like the way you described in your initial post). In order to arrive at
passaddhi you have to calm all mental formations and just "be" in the peaceful space which results. This begins with calming all formations as a direct intention during meditation while maintaining that intention afterward. Ideally, you should be in a physical atmosphere (meaning secluded and peaceful) that is conducive to this as you are first learning how to accomplish this.
Dhammadinne T:
Question is, how do I handle this pressure or energy that keeps building inside my head? Instinctively it feels like I haven’t mastered how to handle that much energy yet and that in due time it’ll get better, but any tips and tricks would be appreciated! It has gotten better lately when I’ve let go and let the Jhanas arise. Seems that the buildup is wider than before and I think that if I would simply try, going into Jhanas would be much easier now, at least I get to entry point faster.
You've actually answered your own question here. To help yourself enter absorption in a more smooth manner, pay attention to the pleasant feeling or sensation of entering into absorption and just "let it happen" in the beginning. Later, as you gather more experience and realize that you have more control over this process than you first were aware of, you can take control of the process through initiating a strong intention beforehand to enter absorption "softly" so to speak. Ideally, this should also help to alleviate the strong sense of "energy" that you talk about with regard to the pressure in the head. That pressure should never be
more than just on the doorstep of a headache. If it is going to occur, it should be firm but bearable, and not distracting. It then can become a harbinger of the development the mental ability of concentration. That's how I use it. It lets me know that the mind is now fully concentrated on any subject or object I wish to avert it toward. This is a good thing, as it allows for "seeing things as they actually are," or the development of
sampajanna (otherwise translated as "clear comprehension" or "clear seeing").
Dhammadinne T:
My question then is; did I enter equanimity and stay there which then might have had a profound effect on me which in turn explains why I feel so different. Or did I experience fruition when the lightning hit? At first I thought it must have been fruition since I felt so different the second it happened. But at the same time I might have simply used that as my excuse to get out of the Dark night (if that was what it was?). Not that I consciously would be able to do that but I acknowledge that my mind could use that as a significant event and kick me out of whatever state I was in. Also talking against fruition is that the equanimity part must have been short to the point of minutes, although I don’t know how long theses states usually lasts?
This is difficult to answer over the Internet as I do not have access to you directly to ask other qualifying questions and to obtain your response. But, what you hypothesize to have occurred may well have occurred. If it did, what you describe afterwards indicates that you need more maturity with the Dhamma in order to overcome the somewhat unwholesome effect of "indifference" which seems to have transpired. What I'm endeavoring to differentiate between is the difference between "evenmindedness" or
upekkha and an "indifference" or "not caring" toward phenomena (if you can understand the subtlety that I'm describing). Evenmindedness implies being neither too joyous nor too depressed by outcomes (having an evenminded outlook with regard to phenomena), whereas indifference (in the way I am using it here) implies not caring for the outcome at all, being rather cold and aloof and disinterested.
With regard to the last points brought up in the quotation above, and as a point of interest, it is advantageous to know and to understand that often (if not always) fruition attainments only last for short durations in time. When I first "entered the stream" in a way that was unmistakable to me, I experienced a few moments wherein I KNEW what I was realizing was a profound realization. It lasted but a few moments (based upon the mind's affectation to the emotion of what was taking place) and then gradually faded over time. I was never again to experience such a profound moment surrounding the thought of having "entered the stream." I couldn't even recreate it with all the intent in the world if I wanted to. It was a "once in a lifetime" moment. But the memory of that moment lives on in my mind. This is not something that is easy to describe, and unless one has experienced it, one may not recognize what I am referring to.
I hope that helps you to begin making some sense out of the experiences you have described. It sounds as though you are making good progress. Continued reading and contemplation of the discourses should help in your maturity and to smooth out the rough edges of your practice, and to bring you the final realizations you seek.
In peace,
Ian
