Unfamiliar waters...

Joshua Sw, modified 9 Years ago at 12/9/12 3:17 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 12/9/12 3:04 PM

Unfamiliar waters...

Posts: 86 Join Date: 9/28/12 Recent Posts
I think I got stream entry three days ago. I believe I had been in equanimity for five or six days, could see vibrations very easily, and felt pretty good, and was somewhat indifferent to everything. For the first time I was getting to the arupa jhanas too.
I wasn't sure it was even equanimity, because I felt like I had been in dissolution for a whole month with no progress, so it felt. But once I took up jhana practise again, I breezed through. I don't think I ever consciously felt the re-observation at the time. In my mind it was dissolution for ages...then a strong go in a jhana session and I went through the whole lot and came out in equanimity. It wasn't a great jhanic afterflow, it was just a matter of fact difference.
Anyway, after reading a map which in theory implied that forcing through to high arupas and investigating them would be an effective strategy for me, I attempted it, saying aloud just prior 'I'm going to get stream entry' (not absolutely believing it).
Boundless space is the last relatively clear jhana for me, afterwards, they were muddy but I could still tell, I think, when going ahead.
I got to 7th or 8th, because I felt clear differences between the jhanas, and then I got an evil stiffness in my neck, and an intensifying of a pain in my foot from continuing from earlier.. but I didn't want to break the jhana, so I persisted and persisted. I felt very heroic.
The last clear sensation was my being (my head area) being pulled in, pulled in, pulled along by a smokey wisp.
A minute or so later, my drunk roomate knocked on the door to let him in and I was relieved to move my neck and foot. My eyes were blurry and unfocused from being in the jhana so I didn't notice any change. My hands were sweaty even though it was cold. At some point when my eyes went back to normal, I noticed, whereas before, when I looked in the mirror, from the middle of the room in this certain way, it looked more like a cctv camera before, than now.
I then considered it, stream entry? I had many many times this year where I was blissed out, non-dual and all that. However now it was only a slight, almost indistinguishable alteration. But then I could see it everywhere, everything was arranged differently, but I didn't feel any particular pleasure. I turned the television on, there was a soap on. I am familiar with this show on in the background, but now it was absolutely different, as if they were using completely different lenses, or something.
An hour later I listened to some music. I was feeling complete A&P pleasure, that shot me right back to my time last june.
An hour after that, I was in reobservation, which I never experienced the first time round. I was curled up in my bed, head buzzing, swearing over and over like I had tourretes. I considered that all that had happened was that I had had jhanic afterglow, and then fell back to dark night.
But, then after fifteen minutes of that, I was in calm, calm waters again, and I laughed. Was this cycling?
I considered the question put to me months ago, when I was in the a&p, suspecting that then, to be stream entry, or something. It was 'what is your experience of sensations phenomenologically'. Now when I close my eyes and observe my sense of a body, rather than an upper body and lower body, it's like a messed up image, where my foot sensations may be near my head et cetera.

I don't know about review exactly. I can't enter a nana at will, I don't think. But on the whole, I feel like the whole thing is...doing it's own thing? For months since I hit dissolution, I have felt this clear sense of where I was, and the work I must do to move forward.
Now, when I just relax, I feel like things are happening without me putting my hand in it.
I feel a bit like a child again, I can laugh at things, the absurdity. Whereas before I was focussing on breaking it down and analysing it. The next day after it happened, I contemplated the whole thing, and, I'm not sure if this is what a fruition is, I felt really grateful, and some deep pleasure went through me. I feel I worked for it, and earnt it, but It was still given to me, and I never snatched it.

It was a few days ago, and it hasn't rang hollow. Of course, I know once should wait a year or so, but .....I can't help myself.
This this sound like SE to any of you guys?


PS: My mental faculties seem to have just... improved also. I have been doing these listening skills, telling between eights of a tone, and recognizing frequencies simultaneously. For the last year I have been consistently getting between 20 and 40 percent correct. The last two days I have been getting over 90 percent. I just seem clearer and better.
Russell , modified 9 Years ago at 12/9/12 10:26 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 12/9/12 10:26 PM

RE: Unfamiliar waters...

Posts: 92 Join Date: 10/19/11 Recent Posts
You do not speak of any fruition that you noticed? A fruition is not just gratitude and deep pleasure. Are you Review cycling where you start at A&P right when you sit and cycle up to EQ and have a fruition and bounce back to A&P? After paths for me I could almost just think about meditating and I would go right into A&P.

To be honest it sounds like you passed through another strong A&P, but I don't know your history. Give it some time. Try to be clear (talk about phemomenon) on your explanations of what you are experiencing now.

Also, I didn't have access to the Arupa jhana's until after 2nd path and that seems to be how it goes for a lot of people, but once again, I don't know your history.
Joshua Sw, modified 9 Years ago at 12/10/12 6:08 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 12/10/12 6:03 AM

RE: Unfamiliar waters...

Posts: 86 Join Date: 9/28/12 Recent Posts
I'm not sure what sensations I am looking for, as far as fruition goes. I haven't had any great pleasure or unitive experiences, aside from two separate episodes of deep gratitude. I feel that my will has strengthened. Normally, I was typically a little afraid of the dark, but last night I went out in the dark and just closed my eyes and observed. I was getting pretty good insight, I felt with very little effort. I could hear the looping of the vibrations and the ringing in my ear. And I could see, with little effort, a progression through different vibrations.
I don't think I only passed through a strong a&p, there was no spectacle at any point, as my past experiences of that nature have been.
Arupa jhanas. Fifth jhana, I experienced an endless field in all directions very strongly. Sixth jhana, I felt like I was at the bottom of a massive chamber filled with water. I certainly felt those strongly even If I cannot recall very well anything beyond that.
If I was to continue assuming I had gotten path, I would highly suspect it to be via suffering. Concentration practise has done me well. Also, I remember a feeling of being sucked in, as my last conscious memory, while I had great bodily pain.

I have always been heavily slanted towards concentration, rather than pure insight practises. This may be why I have difficulty in summoning nanas at will.

When I observe bodily sensations, I used to feel first - foot, sensations in foot.
Now, I can just see a mass of sensation, without considering it's relation to foot, or chest, or elbow.
Russell , modified 9 Years ago at 12/10/12 8:33 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 12/10/12 8:33 AM

RE: Unfamiliar waters...

Posts: 92 Join Date: 10/19/11 Recent Posts
Give it time and go sit and see what happens. Report here on a phenomenological level.