Letting go is a typical instruction and experience of 2nd to 3rd path. A shift in emphasis toward off-cushion practice also seems common. As I watch these changes occurring in my practice, my ego is taking advantage and enjoying a bit of a break from the vipassana grind - which leads to fear that I'm really just slacking off and wasting time. If I'm not pushing it, am I losing it? What if I "let go" and years go by before I get path? I've been riding the jhanic arc an hour or two a day. It's not as if I'm doing nothing. But there's a sense of ease and aimlessness that I enjoy and distrust.
Perhaps tangentially related, I find myself second guessing my thoughts a lot. If I'm not basing behavior on thoughts and reflex reactions, sometimes there's a void. What is the prime directive? I can really see how a "code of conduct" imposed from outside could be useful. I know at least on one occasion, in a strong 2nd gear state, I really equanimously shot myself in the foot by being too serene when the situation called for... something else. Generally, I make my life work by being cautious and anticipating possible problems. I'm pretty analytical, and that helps defuse my own BS. Living in the moment seems to pose a whole new set of risks and variables. The notion, which I've heard more accomplished yogis proffer, that things pretty much take care of themselves, sounds like an article of faith not yet backed up by my own experience.
So, in addition to awareness and ease, there's confusion and some fear. According to the handbook, that's just where I should be. Reading over the above, it reflects that sense of chasing the tail you get when observing the self only to step back and see the observing self, and then step back again.... But taking that practice into daily life is more like walking toward a cliff. A leap of faith? I'm out of hackneyed metaphors. Thoughts?
