Hello everybody,


I'm new on this forum, I started meditation roughly one year ago, without having lot of instructions or techniques about how things should be or shouldn't be, so I experimented a lot by myself, and even if i don't have the feeling that I've made lot of progress, I have been practicing almost every single day. I read MCTB recently and I think I've trouble to know how to apply the maps to my actual meditation practice. Like I've got the feeling that the maps could be applied to my life in general and the way that I feel on a daily basis, but otherwise in meditation I don't really know how, like i try when i meditate to be as neutral as I can toward whatever emotion or feeling or thought arises, and I wouldn't say that there is a lot of changes in my meditations sessions, So I don't know how I could tell " yes today I started my meditation session and felt I was in the dark night area, and i applied the 3C and went straight forward to EQ". So what makes you think that, in a meditation session? Can you give me some concrete examples for me to have some clues of what it is all about? However when I look at my life situation, i have the strong conviction that I am in the Dark night territory, and might be going very slowly into equanimity. I have been depressed for the 3 past years, and that's the reason why I started to meditate, and I felt a lot of really strange things at the time I had just been starting meditation for only one or 2 months, and all of them were related to my cognitive capacities, I had the feeling my brain was kind of frozen sometimes, and that it affected my ability to hear what people were saying, it was affecting as well my speech, like I was constantly looking for the right words and couldn't find them when I was talking, and my concentration wasn't really efficient as well, and I was getting tired really quickly. And all of that stuff is a bit better right now, I kinda learned how to live and deal with that package even if sometimes I still get caught a bit by my emotions, so it's still there latent, waiting for me to get pissed off to go out and annoy me more. But I notice I'm in a period of time in my life, when I need to be alone most of the time, and my personnality is quiet variable all the time, I can't say that I'm stable in my life and it's reason that prevents me from moving forward and making projects. Maybe it's just a wrong interpretation of me, I would appreciate if you could give your opinions guys, just to see where I stand and know where i should go and do.


Thanks you for reading =)

Hey, sounds like you are trying, anyway, and that's a start.

I would be careful with the concept that you must be neutral to all sensations. That implies a specific way you should be at all times, and is an imitation of real insight practice. Real insight practice includes whatever reactions arise as just more sensations alternating, oscillating and occurring interlaced with everything else, and so embraces a wider range than it sounds like you are allowing to happen.

In terms of the sort of practice where one might power the 3Cs and get to Equanimity, for most that involves some weeks or perhaps months of retreat time, though there are definitely those who do it in daily life also, or a mix of these, or, as one gets better, at least days of steady, really high-quality practice, and Equanimity is more wide open and accepting than a bland enforced neutrality.

I appreciate the difficulty in being in what may be Dark Night territory, as will many here. It is complicated stuff. There are many and various schools of thought on what to do when the A&P has done its thing and you are left with a mode of attention that is not very conducive to happiness. I would recommend looking on the bright side of life, realizing that whatever emotional pain you are having is one small part of a generally much more enjoyable or at least not actively painful field of experience, practicing well, finding time for retreats with teachers who know and can tell you how to navigate this territory, and reading here and the sister fora for various other pieces of advice that might ring better for you.

What are you resources for these things at this time?

Daniel

Thank you I appreciate your support, and it's good to hear the opinion of someone who went through that as well and knows what he is talking about. I would say that my situation for now on is kind of imbalanced and my trouble is really to see the positive part in that difficult time, and I am almost exclusively focused on finding a way to sort the situation out as fast as I can. The more annoying part for me would be the relationships with people, I used to be already introvert and shy before that thing happened, and the "dark night" (since I'm not sure, but one of the most likely of all the hypothesis I've envisaged) kind of enhanced all those characteristics and because of that, it is really difficult to explain the situation around me including my family, I feel like even they have always been here for me, it seems beyond their grip, and I really don't feel like they might be able to help in some ways, except if they accept the situation and let me be by myself, which i really feel like I need for the moment. But feeling the pressure of others, blocks me and instead of accepting what it is, I am more enclined to pretend the situation is good to mask what I really feel. So I am seriously thinking about going for a retreat until that dark episode is sorted out, I read that for people in dark night territory it was maybe better to do insight instead of concentration. So I should switch my practice, I started meditation one year ago and I did only concentration exclusively, so switching might be a good thing. Do you have some good retreat centers, monasteries, for insight practices, I am looking for cheap places if possible???