What's going on? (got confused by "just seeing")

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faB, modified 11 Years ago at 12/28/12 11:01 AM
Created 11 Years ago at 12/23/12 10:56 AM

What's going on? (got confused by "just seeing")

Posts: 34 Join Date: 6/10/11 Recent Posts
Hi everyone,

I'm writing here looking for guidance. After getting a bit frustrated with meditation a couple years ago I explored the nonduality books, and self enquiry. I think there have been a few realizations, however I haven't ascertained for myself yet on the existence/nature of the self.

Something changed, but I don't know where to go from here.

- I noticed that at some point the frustration with "not being present" disappeared. I used to go for example in the shower challenging myself with "being present", but now not only have i lost complete interest in being present, it seems a little odd to try to do so, AND.. I am in fact not present in the technical description: there may be a daydream, or plans... random thoughts... It doesn't bother me at all. For many years ever since I learned about meditation it was a frustration.

- I kinda lost interest on reading Buddhist literature, and even nondual teachings. I'm trying to get back into it, but it feels like it's of no use, because it seems to me to be all a "code" so to speak. It feels as though everything, all meaning, happens in thought, and thought keeps referring to other thoughts through all sorts of fancy labels. Whether it is vipassana teachings, or philosophy, or anything really. I feel it especially with images. Like advertisement, photographs of wealth, or even costumes... even a Buddhist monk.. I just see someone wearing purple cloth.. a movie star.. I see someone with nice looking clothes, there is no lonegr the feeling of whatever they used to represent to me. Maybe none of that has to do with nonduality and maybe I just grew up lol?

I'm wondering if I haven't gotten stuck on a realization where thought is seen to point to nothing. ie. there seems to be a world out there, but there is nothing "beyond" the thought about the world. So when I am quiet, I might feel like this room here is small, and my reality then simply stops there. I mean it seems to be what nonduality is pointing to, but the "self" part is not resolved.

Did I take the direct experience advice a little far without balancing with other enquiries? Should I go back to sitting?

Edit:

Ohhhh I think I see where this is going. Just recently I was looking at "my" YouTube user page with the playlist thumbnails... and it seemed kinda weird, like going back from a 10 day retreat and being a stranger. I wondered "what is there in this that is "me"? just thumbnials, little pictures, there is nothing "personal" or "owned" at all there. So then maybe it was the feeling of "me" in the pictures, advertising, or just a username on a screen, that apparent "loss of meaning" which i thought was maybe related to confusion or "dark night". That kinda answers my earlier question.
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faB, modified 11 Years ago at 12/24/12 4:56 PM
Created 11 Years ago at 12/24/12 4:56 PM

RE: What's going on?

Posts: 34 Join Date: 6/10/11 Recent Posts
Oh dear oh dear... it's starting to make sense (so to speak). The challenge is to have faith that the apparent meaninglessness in direct experience is indeed not a dead end. This seems too stupid to be true. Thart's the challenge. Continued later.. as "I" am back in full force lol.
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Bailey , modified 11 Years ago at 12/24/12 5:27 PM
Created 11 Years ago at 12/24/12 5:24 PM

RE: What's going on?

Posts: 267 Join Date: 7/14/11 Recent Posts
This is why I don't like the non-dual approaches. It can get its' meditators into fancy paradoxical thought loops.

Whereas when you have a satiphattana insight practice (noting or goenka style) you simply work hard, cling to your life preserver and automatically end up in the right place.


-d
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faB, modified 11 Years ago at 12/25/12 10:22 PM
Created 11 Years ago at 12/24/12 7:27 PM

RE: What's going on?

Posts: 34 Join Date: 6/10/11 Recent Posts
Edit:

Now I realize actually what I described is similar to the advice in Bahiya Sutta:
http://awakeningtoreality.blogspot.be/2010/10/my-commentary-on-bahiya-sutta.html

"in the seen just the seen (...)"

Thing is, despite having a a glimpse last year after intently looking at something (which I didn't know how to "frame" it) ; when I came across the Bahiya Sutta I didn't think of it seriously, I thought it was just a story meant as a kind of summary.

Does anyone literally practice "just seeing" "just hearing" etc. throughout the day?
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Rotten Tomato, modified 11 Years ago at 12/28/12 5:39 AM
Created 11 Years ago at 12/28/12 5:39 AM

RE: What's going on?

Posts: 22 Join Date: 7/24/12 Recent Posts
Fabrice D:
Edit:

Does anyone literally practice "just seeing" "just hearing" etc. throughout the day?


Bahiya did!
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faB, modified 11 Years ago at 12/28/12 10:52 AM
Created 11 Years ago at 12/28/12 10:48 AM

RE: What's going on?

Posts: 34 Join Date: 6/10/11 Recent Posts
Very funny.

Anyway I think I found the answer elsewhere, thanks to AnEternalNow's blog and journal.

Thanks for nothing. <-- here, make another pun!
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Jason , modified 11 Years ago at 12/28/12 12:15 PM
Created 11 Years ago at 12/28/12 12:15 PM

RE: What's going on?

Posts: 342 Join Date: 8/9/11 Recent Posts
Fabrice D:
Very funny.

Anyway I think I found the answer elsewhere, thanks to AnEternalNow's blog and journal.

Thanks for nothing. <-- here, make another pun!


I'd be interested to hear about the answer you found, although I'm a little unclear on the question.

One thing that jumped out at me from your original post was the statement about Vipassana teachings being among the things that just point to other ideas and words. In fact, they point to *practice.*

I'm not sure I've experienced what you're describing, but if it's leading to frustration or confusion, the prescription from a Vipassana perspective would be to apply bare attention to frustration and confusion. Although the mental faculty that assigns meaning has become quiet, at least for now, you're still stuck with a sense of self that's reacting to an experience. Look at that.

Hope that's useful.
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faB, modified 11 Years ago at 12/28/12 3:10 PM
Created 11 Years ago at 12/28/12 3:10 PM

RE: What's going on?

Posts: 34 Join Date: 6/10/11 Recent Posts
Yes you're right despite there being no truth (in the conventional sense), the words can point to *practice*.

AnEternalNow contemplated on that sutta and talks about it in his ebook here

My later question had to do with whether I can investigate and resolve that sense of self (whether it is there or not) by pursuing this simple bare looking like in the Bahiya Sutta.

I'm just attracted to that for some reason. Or maybe I'm stuck trying to reproduce the "seeing" of the previous glimpses.

In any case there's still some crap going on in my body that feels like it's really bubbling under the surface especially when I'm doing self inquiry so I think I'll go back to daily Vipassana for a while.

Thanks.
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