Warning!
With tenderness. If you don't read the whole text, you will misunderstand it. The text is a whole text, like a word is a whole word. Please be aware, so that you have your best chance to understand. If you don’t have time to commit, please stop reading. This text contains extreme content. Warning ends!

I’m diagnosed ADHD, mild. My sleep problems are probably genetic. Age 35 during my time of psychoses, 3 years ago.

Weeeeeooowweeeeeooow! The psychiatric ambulance comes. It comes directly to the scene instead of you having to drive to the psychiatric emergency room. Such an ambulance not only has the function of healing the patient in a rough sense, it also says that there is love in society, we come to help you. I have never been on a psychiatric ambulance, but it seems to be a good solution for trying to reach people in mental distress. A bit of invoked publicity.

When you are in psychosis, you cannot get to the psychiatric emergency services yourself, you don't understand. Or if you are in a milder state and understand, you might doubt…

When my sleep problems started and I had a strong dream with beings that felt like aliens and looked like children, they were teasing extremely. I saw one standing in a corner and staring, in shock, with her mouth sewn shut. Then a being came lightning fast and sewed my feet to the floor, with the thread through the flesh. I furiously tore my feet free and ran after the being. In the midst of my rage, a divine light opened within me, empty, infinitely indescribable. It formed like the arms of an angel, embracing me in total forgiveness, peaceful love. Forgiven for my rage, saved in the lost world of hell. The embrace and the opening were like one, non-dualistic. I was infinitely grateful. I have never experienced anything like it, it is impossible to imagine.

So why do we have emergency psychiatry when it is within us, perfect? It is a question worth reflecting on. But please don't think that psychiatric care is then unnecessary. We need to do our utmost to reach our innermost.

When I woke up from the dream, I turned into fear and I thought these creatures lived in my head and they thought it was fun to drive me mad, then shaking and dehydration. After a couple of barren hours of hell in bed, it started to subside and I could get out of bed. I soon called the psychiatric emergency services and I received fantastically committed support, for instance hot baths to calm the shaking body that couldn't sleep or absorb water. The water went through to the bladder very quickly. After the next psychosis, I called and wanted to go to the psychiatric emergency room, then I talked to someone who didn't want to talk to anxious people at that moment. How can people be committed to their job without being blinded by formalities? I know it is challenging! The person said I had an existential crisis and that I had to drive myself to the ER if I wanted help. What kind of emergency room is that? How do I get there? Do I need help? My brain wasn't really working. Then, in the bathtub, I called a couple of friends who sang and played guitar like angels. Thank you! I'm surrounded by such wonderful people. But is there anyone who isn't, lying in their barren bed in another world?

Should we have chips implanted in our brains to alarm? So that we can be reached in the dark night of the soul. Sensitive area. When I was psychotic, I was alone in bed, at night, at the home of the most loving woman I've ever met. But she couldn't help me because she didn't know I was psychotic, she was probably in her bed sleeping. When you're in hell, you're always helpless, that's a definition. Even if we were to have chips implanted. Is it possible to mentally ignore the chip like “evil” so that it doesn't work? Can the chip entice us to raise the alarm when it's time, through frequency technology or substances? Does it make us addicted? Does it freak the system out?

When I was in the hospital after a psychosis, I told a nurse that I had just heard a voice in my head. He then suggested that I go to the emergency psychiatric unit, in another close town (which I earlier had passed by because I thought a relative was working there and I didn’t feel like going into our sensitive relationship at that time ]#•$:S!?=||| Wrong decision? I kept quiet to the driver who I was guiding and she drove by. Days later when I was calling my national health line, she answered, new job!) Instead, I felt that the right path was home, and I dealt with more psychoses and other symptoms on my own. If I had gone to the emergency psychiatric room, I might never had experienced the cleansing light?

When I later told a friend about one of my psychoses who had just been to the emergency psychiatric room, and saw her reaction, I quickly regretted telling her something so sensitive to someone who had just been in a similar state. Even though I'm usually so careful about things like that, I still say it! It made me see it from a new perspective. Just a new perspective. I know for myself that I have endured immense pain/experiences on my own many times. She had too, but not as absurd as me, her reaction spoke. I think it may be true. How do you measure infinite pain? Absurd idea perhaps, but it is also the development of the twining branches of compassion. Please walk, don't get stuck, lost. Let nature's change be unsatisfactory as it is, don't try to understand.

We need a society where we compassionately give everything we can for each other, ourselves. But we must understand the paradoxical and absurd value of these experiences when reality consumes us, and admit that we don't know what to do...

P.s.
​​​​​​​I have told you as clearly as I can about the time when I had psychoses. If you, like me, are interested in spiritual and psychic experiences, please do not try to explore these areas of psychosis by, for example; not sleeping. It may seem like something you can get through, but it is incredibly painful! It is far more painful then a really bad trip, because the body is weakening. The pain cannot be observed skillfully, maybe because of ADHD. I have no egotism in this other then my effort to get this message to you. Also I cannot stress enough how I wish you to be careful about claiming that you understand how psychosis feels like (intensity varies a lot). However, listening attentively and compassionately is positive.

Furthermore
Could this be partly induced by past resolutions of wanting to experience hell/psychosis in compassion for others? These resolutions have been occasional, not deep in my understanding and not repeated, since that I understood the danger, difficulty and unwise. Even as a teenager I wished for it, but as I remember I was a bit doubtful and didn’t fully understand.

P.s.p.s
Now, I suffer less. Actually last night I had unusually little sleep from trying a new sleep aid; melatonin pills. Overall I’m doing fairly well, even I developed a lot, cool, it is changing. You’re welcome to give any advice or other input!

 Glad you're doing better. And it's great that you are warning about neglecting sleep based on your experiences.

It really is common for people to get in a bit of a manic loop of "trying hard to fix their problem" and they wind up being over-aroused and unable to sleep well -- and if they don't change their approach at this point, then big trouble happens. The "insights" or visions or intuitions at this point can become very strong and seductive, the body's survival mechanisms kick in and there can be a lot of adrenaline, and if someone is strong-willed the tendency is just to keep pushing and trying harder...

I hope more people understand that the solution is to hit PAUSE on trying to make progress and SLOW DOWN the momentum of the body/mind. It feels like a step backward, but it actually is the best (and most direct) approach. When things get challenging and we become even more frantic... it's rare that the actual problem is being solved, using it's just becomes making more problems faster!

But remember that even the buddha fell into this trap. He started doing extreme ascetic practices and basically his body wasted away until he was almost dead. Thankfully, the milk maid was walking by and gave the poor man some nourishment otherwise he would have probably died. Sujata (milkmaid) - Wikipedia  Ultimately he learned/remembered that the Path is not about extremes, but rather the Middle Way.

Let's all make sure we are a milk maid to ourself and keep our body and mind healthy, both for ourselves and for the benefit of others. 


"Could this be partly induced by past resolutions of wanting to experience hell/psychosis in compassion for others? These resolutions have been occasional, not deep in my understanding and not repeated, since that I understood the danger, difficulty and unwise. Even as a teenager I wished for it, but as I remember I was a bit doubtful and didn’t fully understand."

I really don't think the world works that way exactly. But it could be that some of the ways of thinking that led to the obession-psychosis has its roots from early in life. Of course I don't know the answer, but I do know that many times young children and teenagers will take on responsibilities that are inappropriate for their age. (A teenager should really be working on developing the skills of a teenager rather than trying to fix the world.) Usually this is because they don't have the nurturing/support they need at the time (for example, the world seems overwhelming and they don't have an adult/parent that will discuss these things with them)... and they are just trying to be good kids and intending to do good things.

A big part of psychotherapy and mental health is understanding these early childhood dynamics and seeing how they set up patterns in our adult life. There can be a lot of things we do with unclear motivation that originates through barely understood early beliefs... but once again, this is something to explore slowly and patiently -- and ideally with a therapist -- rather than just turning it into another obsession.  The middle path is appropriate for therapy, too!









 

Yes, I did that. I was determined to not begin with sleeping pills, I tried to meditate through it since that worked before, I tried with sleep restrictions, supplements and food for sleep improvement. But then I gave up after not being able to sleep regularly. It might be related to my age, my mother got sleeping problems too at my age.

Thank you shargrol, for your committed answer. The reason I made the first post is also to try to find a way for community engagement. I think it's essential for happy living. It's just like, sometimes like these I just got to try something to find a way. I'm in a life transition. I felt deeply for engaging in emergency psychiatry/spirituality. In the same time I live with ADHD and have my needs to function and be in good spirit, which I think is essential in psychiatry. It's frustrating, I accept it..... ok, I don't know at the moment