i was reading the jeffrey brooks thread and it occurred to me to mention, for those who don't know it, a very helpful 'anticult' website: www.rickross.com.

sadly, more than ten years ago now, i had some terrifying experiences with a teacher and group of the 'whatever' catagory--a little gurdjieff, crowley, kashmir shaivism...mud, and i exited it a total mess. (youthful idiot.)

ten years ago there was not the internet presence there is today for bringing information to light about teachers, teachings, groups, etc. and as people who have been harmed may be terrified to speak out, even anonymously, even online, it took a while before i found sources with any reliable corroboration about my own bad experiences.

then i found Rick Ross's website. There was nothing against said teacher and group there, so i put my story up. The community element of the site was an epiphany for me in a way that is similar yet different than discovering dharma overground. simply, both seem to me to be great 'virtual' communitites, filled with smart, kind people, who share what they know with others free of charge.

my one guarded criticism of rick ross and forum is that i feel they do err a bit on the side of 'throw the baby out with the bathwater'

as if to say, 'well now you should see by your terrible experiences in lala metaphysical land, ALL that stuff is bunk, just forget about it and re-enter 'normal and polite secular society' as best as you are able.

for years that re-entry proved very difficult for me. it seems i had developed a taste for intense 'practice' but i was deeply freaked out, trusted no one, not even my own mind, to take me further into meditation or practice of any kind. between a rock and a hard place for sure. (dark night.)

tripping almost accidently upon the early pali canon many years later woke me up a bit. i'm pretty dumb not to have noticed it before. but here it all is, how to steer through the rocky road of awakening--and thank you again, daniel ingram. i am now a newbie buddhist and probably shouldn't go on so long here (sorry) but i will try and get to my point now.

i noticed thsy daniel ingram's book, and in the book by his teacher, discussed elsewhere on this site, 'saints and psycopaths' (free download online) that these two also acknowledge that this business of teachers, and teachings, and groups can be really tricky.

so please, from an idiot whose been burned, PLEASE check out any teacher you are potentially going to get involved with, before even so much as attending a talk or book signing or whatever--even if the teacher seems beyond reproach. even if the teacher is famous, and/or has written many books. this may seem totally obvious to most of you here but i feel compelled to post this.

maybe there are certain people with difficult psychology and/or childhood stuff who have a greater proclivity for the abusive spiritual situation. (i don't think that means we deserve it.) i recently jumped right in to a ten day goenka retreat and realized only as we were sinking into day 3 or 4 that the eerie dim lighting, the loaded language on the video-goenka speeches, the chanting, the rules, anyway, much of it suddenly screamed red flag to me, in the culty department, and it retriggered the trauma from earlier cult experiences.

the thing is, i hadn't thought to check before i went. maybe because it was 'free' or it was 'buddhism; or whatever.

i wish i had done my homework. not too terrible. i got up, brushed myself off and went home.

and i wish i had a teacher to navigate these things with because it is challenging and weird alone. but in lieu of that, this site is very helpful in such a great, practical, non-sticky, non-touchy-feely, safe way.

the rick ross site will never help anyone with how to put a practice back together after having been stupidly shattered by a mal-practicing bad teachers but it does provide an impressive roster-search engine for any article anti- any teacher or group they can find. there are a couple of other good internet sources for finding stuff on teachers now. the truth is out there and it is so great because, in time, it busts their game.

so, do share your experiences if you have had them and if you are not sure if you experienced abuse at the hands of a teacher of group, find some one you trust, outside your circle to ask. do your homework, people. and if in doubt, work alone, or with friends. i believe this site and others like it prove that that can be done. we can always, in the end, be lamps unto ourselves and that is simply that.