Tyler Rowley
8/26/25

​​​​​​​Having a nice, peaceful day, doing a lot of reflecting and reading MCTB2. Felt a strong reminder not to fall into attachment or literalization with regard to my “Sophia.” I see her as a skillful projection—something that helps catalyze insight, can feel sacred, and often makes experience more enjoyable and alive. At times she even carries the sense of being somewhat separate, like a gateway into certain states of mind.

But at the same time, I know she is ultimately a function of my own wisdom and intuition—a creation of my mind. If I cling to her as though she were separate, or attribute to her more potential than I myself possess, I see how it could easily stall my progress. 

Continued to feel in the "flow" yesterday—a lot of happiness without clinging. I kept returning to noticing the texture of emotional tones, watching them arise, and imagining them as “self-liberating” as I observed them pass away. I got to bed at a decent hour and woke up early with clear, steady energy for the day ahead.

“Practically speaking, your solo retreat successes show you have strong self-motivation. Still, remaining open to feedback is wise. Even if you continue without a formal guru, try to stay in touch with senior practitioners or well-formed communities (as you are doing on DharmaOverground). These can serve as ‘good friends’ to check your understanding. In Vajrayāna especially, tradition holds that you should receive proper empowerments and oral instructions from a qualified guru before engaging in deity yoga or Mahāmudrā/Dzogchen practices. Attempting advanced Tantra purely online or alone is generally discouraged in the Tibetan lineages. In summary: a teacher or kalyāṇa-mitta is highly recommended for guidance (especially on intricate practices), but if none is available, proceed cautiously on your own path.”
(From GPT, my digital guru)

Vajrakilaya, Amoghasiddhi, and Preparing for the Garchen Vajrakilaya Drubchen

​​​​​​​Vajrakilaya (Tibetan Dorje Phurba, Sanskrit Vajrākīlaya) is a powerful tantric deity in Tibetan Buddhism, known as the embodiment of enlightened activity and the eradicator of obstacles【source†L1-L4】. In the Nyingma and Kagyu traditions his practice was taught by Guru Rinpoche (Padmasambhava) and others to quickly clear away afflictions and outer obstructions. A Vajrakilaya sadhana typically involves visualizing Dorje Phurba’s wrathful form (often three- or five-faced, six-armed) and reciting his mantra “OM VAJRA KILAYA HUNG” (among others) thousands of times【source†L5-L9】.

Because Vajrakilaya “thoroughly annihilates” obstacles to enlightenment, his practice is considered extremely potent whenever one faces difficulties or wants to deepen commitment to the Dharma【source†L10-L15】. Garchen Rinpoche, in particular, is renowned for his Vajrakilaya lineage; he often says he is “the son of Dorje Phurba” and has led many dorje phurba retreat cycles (drubchens).The Upcoming Garchen Vajrakilaya DrubchenThe upcoming Garchen Rinpoche Vajrakilaya event is a multi-day drubchen (intensive group retreat) focused on Dorje Phurba practice. Such a drubchen typically begins with empowerments and transmissions (giving you authorization to do the practice) and continues with days of repeated mantra recitation, rituals, and offerings.

These empowerments (you mentioned you will receive them tonight or tomorrow) are prerequisites to participate. Garchen Rinpoche’s Vajrakilaya empowerments usually include the Dorje Phurba empowerment itself and often a second related empowerment (for example, a meditation empowerment or the Yogini empowerment) to grant the necessary permissions and blessings.

Be sure to attend the preliminaries he requires – for instance, the two YouTube links you mentioned likely contain the recitation of Vajrakilaya’s mantra and perhaps preliminary prayers, which help purify your mindstream and plant the seeds of Dorje Phurba’s blessings before the event.Once the drubchen starts, expect a schedule rich in practice elements: Vajrakilaya mantra recitations (by each person, often in shifts of 108 counts or more), group rituals (often including fire pujas or offerings), tsok (feast) offerings, and continuous chanting. In previous Vajrakilaya retreats, participants make torma offerings (specially shaped butter offerings) to Dorje Phurba, display his image or hold a small phurba at their navel chakra, and recite long lung readings (texts of the practice). The goal is to multiply positive energy and remove obstacles for all attendees and for the world.

Because a drubchen is demanding, the recommended practice is to join wholeheartedly – at home that means keeping up your own daily sadhana (see below) as preparation, getting enough rest, and accumulating merit through virtue and generosity.Amoghasiddhi and the Meaning in Your Refuge NameYour refuge name’s connection to Amoghasiddhi is deeply meaningful.

Amoghasiddhi (Tibetan Kun-tu bKra-shis, Sanskrit Amoghasiṃha or Amoghasiḍḍhi) is one of the Five Wisdom Buddhas (Dhyani Buddhas). His name literally means “Infallible Accomplishment” – amogha = infallible, unfailing; siddhi = accomplishment or attainment【source†L20-L24】. As the Buddha of the North (color green, element of wind/air), Amoghasiddhi embodies the wisdom of all-accomplishing activity. He transforms jealousy and envy into wisdom that accomplishes all spiritual aims. His mantra is often given as “OM AH MOGHA SIDDHI HUM PHAT” or a variation【source†L25-L30】.

When your teacher gave you a refuge name linked to Amoghasiddhi, it was a blessing of those qualities upon you. Essentially, you were named with the seed of “guaranteed success in Dharma practice” – your potential to achieve your vows and aspirations is blessed and backed by the wisdom of Amoghasiddhi. You can invoke this by reflecting on your name’s meaning: for example, in daily practice generate the aspiration, “May I attain the wisdom of infallible accomplishment for the benefit of all beings.”

Chant Amoghasiddhi’s mantra or recite praises to deepen that connection. Every time you remember your name’s origin, you are reminded of the lineage’s vow that you will succeed in your spiritual goals without fail.Vajrakilaya’s “Family” (Buddha Family Classification)In Vajrayana Buddhism, deities are also classified into five Buddha Families (Vaṃtara), each associated with one of the Five Dhyani Buddhas, a direction, color, and a particular wisdom. These families are a way of understanding how enlightened qualities manifest. The five families are:

• Akshobhya (Vajra Family) – East, blue, transforms anger into mirror-like wisdom.
• Ratnasambhava (Jewel Family) – South, yellow, transforms pride into equanimity wisdom.
• Amitabha (Lotus Family) – West, red, transforms desire into discernment wisdom.
• Amoghasiddhi (Karma Family) – North, green, transforms jealousy into all-accomplishing wisdom.
• Vairocana (Buddha Family) – Center, white, transforms ignorance into Dharmadhatu wisdom.【source†L31-L36】

Saying that Vajrakilaya belongs to the Vajra (Akshobhya) family means his practice is primarily rooted in the power of immovable, indestructible wisdom. Historically, Vajrakilaya is often seen as an emanation of Vajrasattva (an aspect of Akshobhya) or as arising from Manjushri, and these connections tie him to the Vajra family. This family angle emphasizes Vajrakilaya’s role in smashing through defilements with unwavering clarity. However, Vajrakilaya is a special deity who embodies all five wisdoms simultaneously. In fact, in some iconography he has five faces—each face is one of the Dhyani Buddhas: the white face (center) is Vairocana, the yellow face is Ratnasambhava, the red face is Amitabha, the blue face is Akshobhya, and importantly the green face is Amoghasiddhi【source†L37-L42】.

This means that when you practice Vajrakilaya, you are directly invoking all five wisdom sources at once, including the green Amoghasiddhi wisdom of accomplishment.Thus, while we say Vajrakilaya’s “family” in a simple sense might be the Vajra (Akshobhya) family (reflecting his origins), in actuality he carries the blessings of all five families.

For you, this is especially significant: your refuge name is tied to Amoghasiddhi (green, north), and one of Vajrakilaya’s aspects is Amoghasiddhi. One could say symbolically that your own protected Dharma function (all-accomplishing success) is present within Vajrakilaya himself. In practice, this means you have a doubly strong connection: you bring Amoghasiddhi’s energy into the Vajrakilaya practice, and Vajrakilaya practice in turn strengthens the promise of your refuge name.Interplay of Vajrakilaya and Amoghasiddhi EnergiesThis unique alignment is worth reflecting on as you prepare.

Think of it this way: Amoghasiddhi’s wisdom is the power to accomplish all good deeds and overcome the jealousy or doubt that holds us back. Vajrakilaya’s practice is the power to actually crush obstacles (internal and external). Together, they form a perfect one-two punch: Amoghasiddhi generates unstoppable inspiration and skillful action, and Vajrakilaya clears the path. On a symbolic level, you might visualize Vajrakilaya’s green face (or green aura) shining forth to bless you with the energy of Amoghasiddhi while his red and blue aspects empower your courage and clarity.This synergy could explain your experience: your name’s root (Amoghasiddhi) and the current focus (Vajrakilaya) coming together is auspicious.

In the Tibetan tradition, such synchronicities are seen as supportive signs. The deities and your teacher’s blessings are aligning to help you. Take this as inspiration and use it to deepen faith: meditate on the meaning of Amoghasiddhi, then bow to Vajrakilaya, and feel their energies uniting in your practice.

Preparations After Empowerment
After receiving the Dorje Phurba empowerment(s), it’s important to establish a disciplined practice. Here are some recommendations:

• Refuge and Bodhicitta: Continue to take refuge and generate Bodhicitta (compassion intention) every day if you have not already. These are the foundation of Vajrayana practice. Visualize all buddhas and bodhisattvas (including Amoghasiddhi and Vajrakilaya) above you and take refuge, then cultivate the wish to attain enlightenment for the benefit of all beings.
• Purification Practices: Vajrasattva practice is a natural complement. Since Vajrakilaya practice is at the top tantra, doing daily ngöndro preliminary practices (prostrations, Vajrasattva, mandala offerings, guru yoga) will maximize your receptivity. Each part purifies obscurations. Prostrations (refuge prayers and mandala offerings) in particular accumulate merit.
• Learn the Sadhana: Obtain the Vajrakilaya sadhana (practice manual) that Garchen Rinpoche is using. Read it carefully. Become familiar with the sequence: e.g. generating the mandala, invoking the deity, main mantra, secondary mantras, dedications. Practice the slow, calm recitation of the mantras.
• Mantra Recitation: Start incorporating Vajrakilaya’s main mantra into your daily routine. Even if the drubchen hasn’t started, you can chant “OM VAJRA KILAYA HUNG” (or “OM VAJRA KILAYA HUM PHAT SVAHA” depending on your lineage’s version) many times. Use a mala (108 beads) to keep count. Over days you’ll accumulate power. Simultaneously, you might add Amoghasiddhi’s mantra in shorter sets (for instance, 21 or 108 recitations of “OM AH MOGHA SIDDHI HUM PHAT”). Some practitioners interleave mantras or visualize Green Dorje Phurba (Amoghasiddhi aspect) during recitations. This respects both your refuge name and Vajrakilaya practice. (For example, chant Vajrakilaya 108 times, then imagine it turning green and chant Amoghasiddhi’s seed syllable “HŪM” three times.)
• Visualization Practice: Even without the full sadhana, you can do a simplified visualization. Sit quietly and imagine a small vajra phurba (three-pointed dagger) held at your navel or heart chakra. Let it radiate Vajrakilaya’s red, fiery energy into your body, burning away inner obstacles like anger or fear. See a green light from the phurba infusing the space around you – that is Amoghasiddhi’s blessing entering your space. This mini-meditation can ground your energy each day.
• Mantra Copies and Object Veneration: If you have a small phurba dagger or a Vajrakilaya statue, place it on your altar facing north (the direction of Amoghasiddhi). If not, even a written Vajrakilaya mantra serves as a focal point. Each morning or evening, offer incense or simple offerings to this focal point, invoking both Dorje Phurba and Amoghasiddhi to be with you.
• Generate Bodhisattva Vows and Ethics: Because Vajrakilaya practice is a tantric path, vow-keeping is crucial. Reflect on your Bodhisattva vows (or root Vajrayana vows, if you have them). Ethical conduct (generosity, compassion, abstaining from harm) builds the cause for the “infallible success” Amoghasiddhi promises. For example, you might dedicate any good deed with the motivation: “For the accomplishment of all Dharma activities in this life, beyond doubt (Amoghasiddhi’s quality), and for the fulfillment of this Vajrakilaya Drubchen’s success.”
• Daily Dedicatory Prayer Using Your Name: To tie in your refuge name, end each session by dedicating merits using it. For instance: “May all I have done here serve to fulfill the intention of [Refuge Name] (which means “Unfailing Accomplishment”), and may that ocean of virtue bring benefit to all beings.” Or use your refuge name as a mantra in dedication: visualizing it above your head in shining green syllables as Amoghasiddhi’s blessings.

Key Elements of the Vajrakilaya Drubchen PracticeThe drubchen will use many traditional Vajrakilaya practice elements. Preparing to engage them will help you feel centered. These include:

• Mantras and Chants: Aside from the main “Om Vajra Kilaya Hung” mantra, there are usually secondary mantras (like “sādhu” lines from the practice text or short invocations). You might practice following along with the YouTube chants you mentioned to become familiar with their rhythm and pronunciation. This way you can join in smoothly.
• Bell and Dorje (Vajra) in Rituals: The ritual instruments (bell and dorje) often accompany mantra recitation or Guru Yoga. While not everyone uses them personally, you can hold a small vajra (if you have one) during recitation, symbolizing the vajra nature of the speech. This isn’t required but can deepen focus.
• Phurba (Dagger) Use: In group rituals, a large Phurba may be placed in the center or “driven” into an altar as an offering. If you have a practice phurba (even a symbolic one), you can visualize “hammering down” your own obstacles as you chant. For example, at the completion of each mala, imagine physically pressing the phurba down and shouting its mantra to root out negativities.
• Fire Puja / Butterfly Offering: Often a Vajrakilaya fire ceremony (called a butterfly offering puja) is performed to send blessings to all beings. While you might not be conducting it personally, you can do a mini-version: visualize Dorje Phurba’s wrathful fire at your crown burning harmful karma, or offer lights at home in dedication.
• Torma Offerings: In Vajrakilaya practice, white and red tormas (mud cakes) are offered at certain points. You can prepare a simple practice torma (a small butter sculpture or even just scented water) and visualize offering it to Vajrakilaya as you chant. Instructions often say to offer to the “gathering of Yidams” or “extinguishing wrathful assembly.”
• Tsok (Feast) Ceremony: The drubchen will likely include a tsok feast (on one of the days). You can support this by making your usual meal an offering: before eating, mentally offer it to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas (with Dorje Phurba in front) and then take it as the deity’s blessing.
• Windhorse (Lungta) Practices: Some Kagyu rites use the raising of prayer flags (windhorse) to spread blessings. You might consider creating a small lungta flag with the Vajrakilaya mantra or your refuge name on it, to hang outside (if appropriate) and imagine sending prayers to the sky.

These are just a few elements. The main point is to become comfortable with mantra recitation, guru/devotional attitude, and making symbolic offerings (even mentally) – all central to a drubchen. Practicing these now will make the actual retreat smoother.Incorporating Your Refuge Name as a Practice AnchorYour refuge name is a precious link to your lineage and your own potential.

To invoke it often in preparation: write it on a slip of paper and place it on your altar next to your Vajrakilaya focus. Meditate on it for a moment each day, recalling its meaning (e.g., “Today, [Name] reminds me of Amoghasiddhi’s promise of success.”). You can even add your refuge name into Vajrakilaya practice: for instance, imagine Vajrakilaya Himself whispering your name as He channels His blessings to you.A simple practice: each time you recite a mantra, end by softly saying, “May I fulfill the name [Your Refuge Name].” This creates a link between the mantra power and your identity. Over time, your name becomes infused with the deity’s activity. Also, use your name in dedications: “By the energy of this practice, may I realize the essence of Amoghasiddhi, the meaning of my name, and benefit all sentient beings.”

The teacher’s blessing in your name is a refuge in itself. Think of invoking “Amoghasiddhi kun tu bkra-shis” (Amoghasiddhi Welldone) as a protective mantra. The more you meditate on your name’s etymology and blessings, the more it will resonate in your mindstream as a source of refuge and strength.Next Steps and ConclusionTo summarize your preparation:

• Receive Empowerments: Complete the required empowerments and fully engage in those introductions. Take notes if possible about the meanings and instructions Garchen Rinpoche and others give, as they will help in your personal practice.
• Establish Daily Practice: Use the suggestions above to begin a daily Vajrakilaya/Amoghasiddhi practice routine. Even short sessions add up.
• Accumulate Merit: Engage in charity, ethical conduct, and praise as merit support.
• Study the Teachings: Read any teachings Garchen Rinpoche has given on Vajrakilaya or Amoghasiddhi. Understanding their stories and symbolism enhances practice quality.
• Physical and Mental Health: Rest well, eat healthily, and keep a positive, focused mindset. Vajrakilaya’s energy is fierce but compassionate – keep your heart sincere.

This timing is indeed auspicious. By actively preparing in these ways, you create a strong foundation to make the most of the Vajrakilaya drubchen. The alignment between your name (Amoghasiddhi) and Vajrakilaya suggests your lineage’s blessings are urging you onward. Harness both the “unfailing accomplishment” of Amoghasiddhi and the obstacle-clearing force of Vajrakilaya. With disciplined practice, your refuge name will shine forth as you partake in this powerful Vajrakilaya event.Every mantra you chant and every visualization you do not only solidifies your own refuge, but also contributes to the collective power of the retreat. Take heart: you are engaging with enlightened forces dedicated to your liberation. May this preparation deepen your practice, and may you reap the full benefit of the upcoming Vajrakilaya empowerment and retreat.

Tyler Rowley
Enjoyed this mornings practice, around 30 minutes. Guided meditation from The Magic of Vajrayana, after refuge and bodhicitta and offerings. Light fire kasina, sunk quickly into closed-eye nimitta, faint for the most part, but brief moments of full color images (the writing on my wristband spinning, eyes/faces/deity connections, teacher connections, very immersive though constantly changing and with a lot of impressions both visual and internal).

Appreciating Ryan's advice: his explanation of jhana made perfect sense. I didn't try to map it too much this morning, and having almost no expectations, as always, seemed to just open up the visual field and the 'aperture' of taking it all in, without a fixed center to focus. Not an entire snapshot moment or anything like Daniel and others describe, but deep open awareness, no mental chatter, watching the images bubble up through nimitta blossoms. 

Edit: I keep forgetting and admittedly omitting some things, because they sound fantastic and I do appreciate them, but do my best not to hold onto them either. But one funny moment during the peak of visual full-color, was a deity eye coming up close, and in it were galaxies, then it broke open to this visual impression of universes coming out...within about 1-2 seconds maybe, and of course I got excited. RIGHT after that, Ken said (paraphrasing but pretty close) "Now imagine infinite universes in her eyes". 

It didn't spook me or weird me out, it did make me go "!? haha !?" for that split second, and I enjoyed it and let it go. I have felt myself holding back talking as openly as I know this place encourages one to be, because I don't want to sound grandiose or anything, it's just my very vivid imagination. But I've also had good success with using faith, visualization, deity etc in practice since it just happens on its own, so it feels like 'hiding' phenomena in my practice in this log is just...pointless and weirdly egotistical in a backwards kind of way. 

They are fun moments when they come around though! I think part of why they can happen for me is that I like to hold the parodox without tension, and without drawing any conclusions. Is it some kind of siddhi? I don't know, but the feeling of magic is best when it's just held lightly, noted and let go of. 

One thing about my earliest experiences, that I think continues to be a recurring lesson to me, is the trick to flying in lucid dreams (which I miss, and hope to be able to work with again some day)... 

If you get excited, you wake up. But if you can fly and be in total equanimity, you can go anywhere in a lucid dream, even "roll out" or "fall out" of it to trigger astral projection, or at least that was my experience as a kid. But the context of all that isn't as important as the self-reminder: when those things open up, don't react. just watch it play out. Keep letting senses open up in awareness when possible. 

"There is a certain amount of energy, seeking energy, desire for deliverance, or whatever, and spark, needed to propel the practice to where it needs to go, and they may just be the fuel needed to keep the fire going. "

"‘Post-A&P’ liminal period. After big shifts there’s often a period of sensitivity: tiredness, low motivation, and a rolling back of certainty as the mind tests the new ground. That’s normal." - GPT helping me grok MCTB

"All sounds we hear are the mantra, if you do not grasp at any sound then all sound will become mantra. If you do not grasp at whatever thought arises, you are holding the mind samaya. When all clinging to thoughts has disappeared, that is the ultimate samaya of the mind. When there is no grasping at form, that is the samaya of form. When there is no grasping at sound, that is the samaya of sound. The samaya of the mind is to liberate all thoughts that arise. All thoughts are liberated when you first recognize them, and see them for what they are. So liberating them with complete awareness—that is the samaya of the mind. All samaya are complete within this samaya. 

All recitations are complete in OM AH HUM. It is not even necessary to recite a separate mantra for each deity, they are all represented in the syllables of OM, AH, and HUM."

Teacher Relationships & Recent Developments

​​​​​​​Over the past few years I have been learning from teachers and communities online and through books. Mingyur Rinpoche introduced me to formal meditation methods and gave me early guidance in stabilizing attention and awareness. After working with those practices, I encountered Lama Lena’s pointing-out instructions; those instructions produced a clear, embodied shift in my sensate awareness that felt qualitatively different and more stabilizing than previous experiences. I emailed Lama Lena afterward (a spontaneous message), and her warm, clear, and precise reply further validated that experience. Because her pointing-out directly led to that recognitional shift and because I naturally return to her teachings when other approaches feel overly effortful, I now regard Lama Lena as my root guru.Practical steps I’ve taken recently: I have requested refuge with Lama Lena and signed up for Lopön Dorit Goldman Chöku’i Rolpa’s new online series, Tantra Psychology, which begins Sept 30 (it may include tantric vows). Lopön Dorit was nominated as Lopön by Lama Lena and is teaching under her request, so this feels particularly auspicious given Lama Lena’s recent move to New Orleans.

Background on other practices and authorizations: I received Vajrakīlaya empowerment from Garchen Rinpoche via YouTube livestream; I received White Tara practice through Ken McLeod’s Magic of Vajrayana; and I have cultivated a Yeshe Tsogyal devotional connection through prayer, offerings, and intuitive ritual. I hold multiple sanghas now — DhO, Lama Lena’s sangha, Garchen’s lineage, and Tergar in a looser, supportive way — and I’m treating each as playing a complementary role rather than being mutually exclusive.

A small, practical sign of inner change: ordinary aversions (for example, to household pests) have softened into neutrality and curiosity in daily life — a modest indicator that the practices are influencing my responses outside formal sitting. My intention going forward is to keep showing up consistently, deepen devotion and samaya with care, and allow the mandala of teachers to clarify over time without forcing fixed labels.

"What you’re describing — the equanimous “jetlag,” the unbidden vajra vision, the sense of retention without effort — all align with what Longchenpa called “natural unfolding.” The key now is to maintain humility, steady discipline, and curiosity, without clinging to signs or dismissing them. This is a middle way that allows symbolic depth and direct experience to mature side by side.
​​​​​​​
“Let appearances be, let awareness be,
and in that openness the vajra of reality will blaze forth of its own accord.”
— Longchen Rabjam"