I've had pain all my life. My life has been lived in between appointments with pain people.

In the last quarter of 2024 things were going badly in general. I started doubling down on my practice, again and again. In December I was basically meditating all the time. Around this time something randomly changed in my "off the cushion" posture. I'm not sure whether it was the meditation, emotional distress, or a response to a massage. I thought it was a good thing at first, but I have been physically effed, ever since. My body no longer knows how to keep my torso upright and my head straight at the same time. I have been unable to practice. I have devoted my energies to somatic techniques, adapted from Feldenkrais, with some success. 

Around the same time as this physical onset, I also had a deep realization of what an ignorant/unskillful dufus I've been, and how absurd my life has been, on the whole, and I've had that playing in front of me often as I try and navigate my way out of what seems like primarily a physical concern.

At the time of writing I've been practicing for 9 years, primarily in Chogyam Trungpa's Shambhala tradition, Sam Harris' app, and "choiceless" meditation at home.

Physical and psychological discomfort at the same time is tough! I have noticed that physical discomfort can make psychological discomfort worse. The crappiness of one overflows into the other. 

Have any Shambhala teachers suggested anything for working with both together? 

Have you tried reclined meditation, such as on a yoga mat?

Hi Jai, welcome to the forum. It sounds like you're in a challenging situation. What type of help are you looking for? 

Hey Jai, welcome to the forum.

not sure if I will be of any help, but, I've had some minor experiences and successes in dealing with physical tension.

My #1 plant medicine recommendation is Turmeric- get a big bag of it (cheaper than the pilled versions) and then a spoonful if it's bothering you - do your own research but I think it's harmless.

Secondly, what is your attention focused on during this painful experience? In Other words, what is the 'aperture' of your focus like - wide narrow etc?
Focused directly on the painful sensations or wider? When you say 'choiceless', I think wider focus.


 I think physical and especially physiological pain is tied to attention -  (and focus) - reason why I'm asking. Not that I have an answer. But perhaps it's a question that might help? I hope, at least.

welcome friend!

@Martin V - I haven't been to the centre since this started. Re reclining - it seems obvious now that you ask, but no that's not really how I've ever practiced so... I didn't think of it. duh. @John L - I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I have a hard time explaining to people what happened/what's wrong with me. It's not like I got in a car crash. There was a convergence of things, and I became partially crippled. I don't mention to people that one of those convergent things was a serious deepening in my meditation practice. @J W - I haven't been practicing during this time, but when I was, yes, I would say it was broad. Thank you all for the warm welcome.

Reclined meditation is great. Or any other posture or furniture that suits you.

If you'd like our opinion on whether you're in a particular insight stage, you could tell us some more about your practice. But that's not really important, in my opinion. On the information you've given us, I don't see anything strongly suggestive of a particular stage.

Unsurprisingly, I think meditation is a great tool for addressing suffering, so if you have any particular questions about your practice, I'm happy to chat if I know anything relevant. Another option is to start a practice log here, which is a nice opportunity to reflect on your journey and gain the support of the community. 

I had nine months of unexplained physical suffering once, and another time I had seven months of psychological weirdness. Both passed, of course. I still don't know why they came or why they went. I hope yours passes and you begin to feel less uncomfortable. 

There are meditation techniques that are used to increase calm and reduce tension. If you are interested, I'd be happy to post some links.

ok, I practiced and I've started a log. Please send tension reducing techniques. Thank you for the encouragement.

I liked your log entry. It's detailed and matter-of-fact, which is great.

Here is one course aimed at cultivating the skill of relaxation:
https://midlmeditation.com/how-to-meditate-for-calm

Stephen Procter is a very organized teacher who presents things in a step-by-step way. He has further meditation courses, and he always emphasizes relaxation, but the one linked makes a great starting point. It's also specifically designed for reclined practice. 

Thanks Martin.