Okay, so following instructions on here I started investigating space and the sense of the distance between subject and object. This led to some cool stuff happening. Like A&P experiences that filled the whole area of space around my body with fractally cascading explosions. For a while, I began to perceive how my mind was constantly shooting out little lines of mental sensation between my body and anything else in order to create a sense of separateness. Eventually, I was able to dissolve these in real time in daily life. After this, whenever I fully dissolve an object into impermanence it expands beyond my body to fill the whole space bubble around me, which is pretty interesting. Two nights ago, I did the taste of chocolate, and it became a whole orbital solar system of chocolate taste sensations. Very unusual!

Then I started becoming aware of a basic structure of centre-periphery. I started seeing how this basic structure permeates all my experiences. It’s like there’s a little ball in the middle orbited by a big sphere or torus. I took up this structure as a vipassana object, and it revealed impermanence by collapsing in on itself. The first few times that the periphery collapsed in on the center, I just went straight into fruition and didn’t see what happened next. However, eventually, I was able to watch how the moment the periphery got too close to the centre, then the centre expanded to become a new periphery. It was a switch that happened very fast. I started noticing how every time I’d try to look at the centre in order to investigate the observer, then the centre just expanded to become the periphery, but now a new centre was there. I guess this illustrates the idea that trying to see the observe is a game of hide and seek.

So last night I managed to let the switch between centre and periphery oscillate back and forth really fast with strong mindfulness so that the whole structure dissolved into impermanence. It felt like a big a insight, and I took it through to a very satisfying fruition. However, this leaves me with the question of what next? I suppose there is a sense of being an observer standing outside of the whole orbital system and watching it collapse and expand, so I’m trying to bring attention to that. It sometimes feels like it’s turtles all the way down, which is frustrating! I’ll also just practice to get up to speed on the centre-periphery dissolution to be able to do it in real time in daily life. But if any of you out there have any other insights or subtle tweaks that might help, I’d love to hear them!

Avi

Yeah, that turtles all the way down thing is a really common frustration even amid all the cool stuff.

It is not quite turtles all the way down, in that the fractal, while really vast and frustratingly complex for some, is Not infinite, meaning that you can actually uncover all the structures and get fluent and clear enough about all the patterns and basic aspects and habituate them self-liberating and self-untangling such that the center untangles and stays untangled eventually, and it is just a question of learning the same old lessons again and again and again for new layers as they come up, new subtle dualities, new turtles, and finally, after doing this way, way more times than you think you should have to (for most people), all turtles realize they are just the turtles, and not the Observer Turtles, not the Controller Turtles, not the Turtles of Duality, and the whole things does flip over finally and the field is just simply the field all the way through, just empty, transient, causal, non-dual turtles all the way down, so just keep at it and have fun and settle in and revel in the subtleties and keep gently inquiring about the core processes, such as what is inquiry, what is effort, what is a mood, what is questioning, what is subtle fear, what is subtle anticipation, what subtle habits are there that presume this is not it, that separate out things in time or progress from this moment or whatever, as eventually they are all seen through if you just keep at it.

This space integrates with itself, settles into itself, achieves its timeless, synchronized 1:1 parity with itself, meaning simply is, simply happens, simply untangled, simply clear, simply effortless, simply natural.

The "see through all layers" paradigm must merge with the "space integrates with itself naturally and settles into itself" paradigm for the perceptual convergence to realize its completeness.

Daniel,

Thanks so much for the perspective, instructions and encouragement! I will certainly keep at it!

Also, since this is the first time we've interacted directly, I want to offer a very heartfelt thank you for your work on the dark night. It's such a profound service and I hope we'll see the day when this information is available to everyone before they set foot on their first retreat!

All the best,
Avi