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Empty scratchpad P K 3/9/18 10:32 AM
RE: Paweł K practice log (mostly thinking outloud) Dream Walker 2/1/14 3:03 PM
RE: Paweł K practice log (mostly thinking outloud) Dream Walker 3/3/14 1:36 PM
RE: Paweł K practice log (mostly thinking outloud) John Wilde 7/10/14 5:33 PM
RE: Paweł K scratchpad Nikolai . 6/14/15 4:35 PM
RE: New level Tacitus Eth 10/6/16 4:11 PM
RE: Resistance to suffering is good Stirling Campbell 10/7/16 2:45 PM
RE: Random thoughts about 'stuff' Noah D 12/12/16 4:30 PM
RE: Random thoughts about 'stuff' Tacitus Eth 12/13/16 5:22 AM
RE: Paweł K scratchpad Noah D 6/15/17 9:48 AM
RE: Sense of Self v. 2.0 seth tapper 8/20/17 11:48 PM
RE: Sense of Self v. 2.0 seth tapper 8/31/17 10:24 AM
RE: Sense of Self v. 2.0 seth tapper 9/5/17 2:03 PM
RE: Sense of Self v. 2.0 seth tapper 9/6/17 11:29 AM
RE: Sense of Self v. 2.0 seth tapper 9/6/17 4:24 PM
RE: Paweł K practice log (mostly thinking outloud) Yilun Ong 9/6/17 8:44 AM
RE: Paweł K practice log (mostly thinking outloud) Yilun Ong 10/9/17 10:06 PM
RE: Delta-Sigma calculations Lars 9/22/17 7:35 PM
RE: Paweł K scratchpad Jamess 10/21/17 10:39 PM
RE: Paweł K scratchpad Lars 10/22/17 3:06 PM
RE: Rambling about 4th path seth tapper 2/16/18 2:29 PM
RE: Rambling about 4th path seth tapper 2/18/18 3:34 PM
RE: Rambling about 4th path Lars 2/18/18 4:10 PM
RE: Rambling about 4th path seth tapper 2/18/18 4:35 PM
RE: Rambling about 4th path Lars 2/18/18 5:02 PM
RE: Rambling about 4th path seth tapper 2/18/18 5:13 PM
RE: Rambling about 4th path Lars 2/18/18 5:22 PM
RE: Rambling about 4th path Jamess 2/18/18 3:35 PM
RE: Rambling about 4th path Yilun Ong 2/19/18 5:29 AM
RE: funny fact Lars 2/24/18 2:12 PM
RE: funny fact Lars 2/25/18 2:48 PM
RE: funny fact Lars 2/25/18 8:21 PM
RE: funny fact Lars 2/26/18 7:43 PM
Empty scratchpad
Answer
3/9/18 10:32 AM

RE: Paweł K practice log (mostly thinking outloud)
Answer
2/1/14 3:03 PM as a reply to P K.
Paweł K:

My next goal is unlocking 4th chakra as it is mess right now, much more mess than 3rd ever was... emoticon

I use metta to work the 3rd and 4th chakras. Happiness in the stomach and loving kindness for the heart. I start with words but then move to the actual sensations. I grow the sensation with each inbreath. I still have to be careful not to overwork the heart as it will get a bit ragged around the edges. Play with the flow rate, quality and pipe size of the love.
Great thread
~D

RE: Paweł K practice log (mostly thinking outloud)
Answer
3/3/14 1:36 PM as a reply to P K.
Paweł K:
Then I did some noting, some more feeling surroundings and had click, blip like consciousness loss. Unlike other fruitions there were no afterglow of any sort but it felt stronger like nothing from old consciousness remained. New one that appeared have nothing to do with equanimity I was experiencing. Its as sharp difference as can be. Perception too changed and visual changes were one of the first things I notices. Others was sound and sensation in everythingness new consciousness arising, kinda like being abruptly awakened. I was feeling awake before and after it though actually less awake after...

Like I said, there were no afterglow. New consciousness felt as old self centered one which itself isn't as bad but compared to being part of space in universe is feeling like dry toast. Its kinda reverse to what Daniel is describing in MCTB when it comes to afterglos.
Since my last baseline shift the fruitions have not had any afterglow. The vipassana jhanas feel much more subtle now. It kinda feels like review and I am still doing old territory or maybe this is just the way it is now...we shall see.
Paweł K:

It is though mostly in accordance with how I always felt fruitions:
1. new consciousness taking place of old with specific sensation accompanying it, especially if it is kinda taking longer time
2. new consciousness being clueless about essence of what previous one was doing and why. It know what was done but not deep enough like it was never really done, at least not with this new consciousness.
3. it have to find its own self-realization and its own EQ, its own pure abode. Old insights can be done but don't feel like answer to this new consciousness. Help yes but not answer, something have to be modified, deepened maybe... I have to went even deepen into rabbit hole... now I felt stoness and space. Wonder what will be next in my crazy-land jhana emoticon

Try going outside and looking out into the distance and opening your visual field to include everything into one thing and quiet the mind. I do this a lot nowdays. Just grooving on how reality looks without very much mind chatter to obscure it. Trying to stay in the now.
Good luck,
~D

RE: Paweł K practice log (mostly thinking outloud)
Answer
7/10/14 5:33 PM as a reply to P K.
Paweł K:
I have world happening on itself in the field before my eyes so kinda first significant level of enlightenment and it is imho pretty stable and lasting and orders of magnitude better compared with whatever crap I had going on before. Still there is something I am missing. Like there is this purity of sensations that I am unable to experience in any significant amount of time (like hours) but is enough to show me my insight is not completed and that there is important stuff to deal with. Its like some kind of selfing that is doing itself right there in the field of sensations. It imho represent subtler selfing that I do subconsciously.


Is there something standing in relation to the field ("world happening on itself") that is not part of the field?

Is there anything standing in relation to anything else?

RE: Paweł K scratchpad
Answer
6/14/15 4:35 PM as a reply to P K.
Paweł K
After months of contant pleasant presentation of reality I started to feel some unpleasant colors (which also were quite ugly looking instead of nice and vibrant) and there was nothing I could do from this perspective, no matter what I tried did not work. Those unpleasant sensations pointed to body areas around forehead, eyes, shoulders, etc. where there was tension. So I did "body sensations cessation" which is disabling of this layer of perception of body that deal with this specific type of sensations and presentation of body. Without it there is basically no external image of body, pure sensations of touch felt kinda from inside body should they be there and floating somewhere in three dimensional space. Then also weakening those remaining body sensations and after all that my color problem was fixed and they are pleasant and vibrant again. At least mostly, I have some more disabling/cessation to do, like not whole body presentation gets disabled at once, it probably relate to my crappy skill in that stuff.

It is comforting to know that there is this one place on web like DhO where people  practice the same methods of cessation that I am and have fruits of paths, abilities to do: cessation of body sense-being, emotional sense-being, mental sense-being, and being sense-being. Many are so advanced that they do not feel any need to discuss this or similar topics at all, it just doesn't exist as is their mind in constant state of cessation, so they can discuss things like eg. name of this site, what actualism is about and why certaint people take money for their work, be sarcastic constantly. Truly it is sign of great progress of those individuals that they have no more glaring issues of their psyche present, they conquered them and now only some issues of external world remained which they out of great compassion try to fix. Like Zen masters, seem quite ordinary but deeply enlightened within. I have yet to become advanced like that ^_^


Fixed it for you. 

P.S. Louis does sarcasm better than you.

Edit: Interesting tidbit: Sarcasm comes from the Greek word "sarkasein" which literally means cutting or ripping or stripping off flesh like dogs do when they attack their prey. 

Edit to include my emoji disclaimer: ;-)

Edited to add I think something happened to your post, it got deleted somehow. Lucky I hit 'Reply with Quote'. emoticon

RE: New level
Answer
10/6/16 4:11 PM as a reply to P K.
Pawel

I have been wondering. Will you at one point consider to create a summary/guide of your practice?

I find your practice highly interesting and I am certain many others here do, although I must say 90% is way above my head.

Did you reach the level you are at now simply through visualization?
Did you get Synesthesia "simply" from "opening" your mental eyes?
I recently read "moonwalking with Einstein" - When they reference unique "supermemory" persons, they all seem to have a synesthesia component. Have you noticed a marked improvement in memory?

Cheers

RE: Resistance to suffering is good
Answer
10/7/16 2:45 PM as a reply to P K.
Paweł K:
there is some crazy notion about surrendering to what is happening as form of making suffering less severe. This is imho retarded and last thing that needs to be done. One should resist with all his hear to any suffering. To be more specific resist so much that not even suffering as it is resisted but everything related to it, this presentation and each part of mind that is involved in making it, denying everything any form of validity.

Doing it that way mind will find bliss, ecstasy and other types of pleasure and it will feel like it was the sole purpose, that these pleasant sensations were there as potential to be experienced but mind didn't do that because this potential went elsewere and was wasted there and being experienced as suffering.

I tested this acceptance/surrender thing and it does create very specific type of experience and this experience is form of high quality silent suffering, it doesn't solve anything and it itself need to be fixed by resistance to it. I pity anyone who think enlightenment is about surrender. Worst thing is that people actually do mostly go in direction of acceptance instead of resisting suffering as much as they possibly can. Get destroyed in the process and not accept suffering, destroy oneself and not accept or surrender to it.

ps. If it does seem from my topics that everyone do everything wrong it is because everyone do everything wrong and exactly opposite needs to be done. If it wasn't true everyone would be enlightened. Surrendering to or accepting own suffering will never work and it is stupid to even try.

This is very interesting to me, as the practice that is currently occupying me and giving me the most progress is in working to find any tension or resistance in my mind and body and put awareness on it to melt it, and surrendering at any challenge or percieved danger,  and opening my "heart chakra", when I find any resistance there and letting whatever comes from there flow. Nobody told me to do this, it's just the practice that has arisen. The process feels natural and sort of simultaneously envigorating and calming... just, uh... right. How is what you are suggesting done, not that I'm going to take it up necessarily? emoticon

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RE: Random thoughts about 'stuff'
Answer
12/12/16 4:30 PM as a reply to P K.
Hey, what techniques or processes do you use to keep chakras in harmony?

RE: Random thoughts about 'stuff'
Answer
12/13/16 5:22 AM as a reply to P K.
Hi Pawel,

Somehow, bear in mind I am very much a freshman on the path, the following "documentary" resonate with what you write here.

The Awakening - Quantum Mechanics of the Human Brain and Consciousness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2baCg8SHGM

RE: Paweł K scratchpad
Answer
6/15/17 9:48 AM as a reply to P K.
This is good Pawel.  In terms of your vajra mind-world constructing mechanism, have  you also observed that influencing others to feel good in the moment is synergetically blissful?

RE: Sense of Self v. 2.0
Answer
8/20/17 11:48 PM as a reply to P K.
Pawel, 

I have read some of your stuff and am inspired by the flexibility and courage you bring to the table.   Have you tried doing a metta practice in the world?  Like I mean going out and helping some people- say serving lunch at a food kitchen?  I have found loving "real" people in the "real" world helps me feel real when things get too abstract and I feel disconnected.  

Seems like mind states in which self isnt fabricated as much create a sense of fakeness about things when I just want to be a human.  The only thing that works for me is the above.  Not sure if this is an issue for you. 
Sorry if this seems obnoxious. 

RE: Sense of Self v. 2.0
Answer
8/31/17 10:24 AM as a reply to seth tapper.
I think "real" isnt real.  That said, you can choose any reality as home.  The one with other people in it and interpersonal requited love - consensus reality - is one I am forced to deal with if I dont isolate myself.   I have chosen to use that as home and to try and construct a personality that sees it as empty of meaning and discontent, but full of love and suchness.  It seems to be working and I feel much more grounded and inetgrated than when surfing the mind alone.

I cant claim your attainments, so I am sorry if this seems like nonsense to you! 

RE: Sense of Self v. 2.0
Answer
9/5/17 2:03 PM as a reply to seth tapper.
You helped me alot.  My entire understanding of the mind shifted when I read your comments about a part of the mind always being in Jhana and when I started seeing fabrication as visualization.  Thank you. 

I am going to think about your current situation for a bit and see if I have any ideas.  I do think that Love with a capital L and contenment are there for you in your mind because they are there in my mind and I believe all humans are the same.  

RE: Paweł K practice log (mostly thinking outloud)
Answer
9/6/17 8:44 AM as a reply to P K.
Paweł K:
My practice lately consist of noticing without mind noticing, without self noticing, without any action made to notice. Just noticing itself. Apparently this is he way it should be done because I am able to notice every single sensations that way. Interresingly enough there are actually not so much sensations that we usually assume they are. Sensations about world that are missing in this moment are missing because they are not needed.
Would you recommend Mahasi-style noting or the above-mentioned form of 'correct' noting for beginners and people pre-MCTB 4th path?

RE: Sense of Self v. 2.0
Answer
9/6/17 11:29 AM as a reply to seth tapper.
I am going to try and take your advice on this. 

I am trying to understand why there is still disatisfaction in your mind.  I see what disatisfaction is for me and it is always irrational.  Why do you think your mind is still making it, despite knowing intellectually it is all empty? 

In my mind I see that i have completeley different personalities that take control of the mind based on circumstance.  There is no controller, they arise because of the stimuli the mind is confronting- some mix of subconsious muscle tension and other sensory stimuli.  Each personality is a hero in a narrative that I once beleived in and I can be very enlightened and satisfied one minute and full of suffering the next.  
       Does that match your experience at all? 

RE: Sense of Self v. 2.0
Answer
9/6/17 4:24 PM as a reply to seth tapper.
When I see something as "empty", I see that it isnt intrinsically important or real.   When I really accept that, then I automatically let go of stories that need those things to be real to have importance to me.  When I realized that the Tooth Fairy wasnt real, all my worries and desires about her disappeared. 

In my mind, I see that part of it is in the Nirvana layer all the time.  It is perfectly satisfied.  You taught me that.  The rest of the activity of my mind is just delusonal story telling.   The less I believe is real - not empty - the less story telling goes on.  The less story telling, the more the Nirvana layer shines through.  That is why I am struggling to understand why you still suffer. 

Is it possible that you have split your personality some.  That when you are in meditation mind, things make sense and when you are in everyday mind, things seem to suck?  That is what happened to me.  

RE: Delta-Sigma calculations
Answer
9/22/17 7:35 PM as a reply to P K.
Paweł K:
theory is that someone who had eg. 3rd path was reborn in this hell hole they would still have go through earlier paths but it would happen much more rapidly and they would intuitively know dharma up to their previous levels on their own without much help


So they wouldn't start cycling during childhood/youth? They'd still have to "regain" 1st path from practise or general insight before cessations would occur again?

RE: Paweł K practice log (mostly thinking outloud)
Answer
10/9/17 10:06 PM as a reply to Yilun Ong.
Angra Mainyu:
I cannot imagine getting enlightened without mastering above mentioned 'method'
but does anyone doing any method can imagine enlightenment without doing his/her method?

watching breath and doing mahasi noting (using labels) is very good to get a taste of them, how mind feels when doing them
then cultivating these tastes can have profound effects on their own
not exactly the same but actually much less side effects like cycles and other unpleasant things

also most things in mind have hardly methods you can do to have them and you absolutely need to knot how to work with mind on sublter levels

not everything can be brute forced...
Hi Pawel (Angra), I have these raptures (mostly going on around the head area)post-SE that goes non-stop, which requires simply switching from a 'mindless' mode to the next instant of being aware to perceive them clearly. I let them do their thing for 3 weeks or so and recently decided to manipulate them. I can move them in any pattern I wish, create complex movements all around the head at least 98% of the time. What are useful/skillful exercises that I can/should do with these 'guys'?

RE: Paweł K scratchpad
Answer
10/21/17 10:39 PM as a reply to P K.
How long till you reach tenth bhumi so you can light the way sir

RE: Paweł K scratchpad
Answer
10/22/17 3:06 PM as a reply to Jamess.
Angra Mainyu:
why else would I even be here in this reality?


Personally, I only stick around for the coffee.

RE: Rambling about 4th path
Answer
2/16/18 2:29 PM as a reply to P K.
I think it is possible to have "personalities" arise that are arhats and then have others arise that are not, particularly in the face of strong stimuli.  That said, I see an end state in which is 100% nirvana, no delusional personalities ever arise, and then you also have zeroish muscle tension.   What do you think? 

RE: Rambling about 4th path
Answer
2/18/18 3:34 PM as a reply to seth tapper.
I am not talking about tension as an issue or a form of suffering.  In my experience muscle tension is the result of subconscious concern.  This subconscious concern is held in the form of a narrative that the mind is holding onto as true.  In order to hold onto a narrative, the mind has to have a self as the principal of the narrative.  So, I think that a mind that has completely let go of all subconscious belief in a self would result in a body with no muscle tension.  That is my goal.  You think I am crazy? 

RE: Rambling about 4th path
Answer
2/18/18 3:35 PM as a reply to seth tapper.
Is 4th path the end of the road for you? do you assume the classic theravada view on the matter?. ......ss

RE: Rambling about 4th path
Answer
2/18/18 4:10 PM as a reply to seth tapper.
seth tapper:
So, I think that a mind that has completely let go of all subconscious belief in a self would result in a body with no muscle tension.  That is my goal.  You think I am crazy? 


When people die and all muscular tension is released, they usually make a real mess as all the fluids/solids being held in place make a sudden exit. As well, we use muscular tension to keep our spine erect, to walk, speak, etc. Not sure if complete lack of muscular tension is a practical goal. Very little tension? Sure.

RE: Rambling about 4th path
Answer
2/18/18 4:35 PM as a reply to Lars.
Yeah, I mean to completely empty the mind and body of anxiety and concern.  To see 100% of the time that this is it.  

RE: Rambling about 4th path
Answer
2/18/18 5:02 PM as a reply to seth tapper.
seth tapper:
Yeah, I mean to completely empty the mind and body of anxiety and concern.  To see 100% of the time that this is it.  


This relates to another question I was going to ask regarding your previous comment about "no more delusional personality" arising after unbinding.

seth tapper:
That said, I see an end state in which is 100% nirvana, no delusional personalities ever arise, and then you also have zeroish muscle tension.


Is your mind truly seperate from mine? If "your" mind achieves complete unbinding, but "my" mind is still mired in delusion, is "your" mind truly free from delusive personality, with none arising?

RE: Rambling about 4th path
Answer
2/18/18 5:13 PM as a reply to Lars.
Well, in my view, nothing is really arising or changing.   We start to get lost in paradoxes discussing it.  I do not think my delusions are meaningful or real and I do not think I am doing anything useful by ridding myself of them, it is just where logic and experience happen to be leading this nervous system.   Basically, I see humans as complex wind up toys and if you sit and let it, the system winds down.  

All of this is a construct and we can discuss it within our constructs, when I drop the constructs I stop being able to discuss it meaningfully. 

RE: Rambling about 4th path
Answer
2/18/18 5:22 PM as a reply to seth tapper.
seth tapper:
Well, in my view, nothing is really arising or changing.


Cool, that's part of what I was getting at. I'm not convinced that anything fundamentally changes upon enlightenment, so the idea that delusive personalities cease sounded odd.

RE: Rambling about 4th path
Answer
2/19/18 5:29 AM as a reply to seth tapper.
aнгра mайню:

I created my theories practicing making jhanas in my sight, meaning changing how I experience what I see. This skill is very similar to skill needed to make 'muscle tension' jhanic and experience it as pleasure. Change muscle tension to jhana, change trigger of this change to 2nd jhana and you won't see this muscle tension as an issue anymore. Issue solved. It do not even need going futher with it than 2nd jhana.


Dear Pawel. Recently discovered this to be true but have not mastered it. I've found that DN/unpleasant muscle tensions can be flipped to pleasantness simply by losing aversion, accepting them, going wide and 'telling' myself (better description will be making it pleasant) it is pleasant. This results in similar sensations with a tinge of previous muscle tensions but became pleasurable instead but I am stuck with the slight unpleasantness, which means failure to fully convert.

Any pointers? emoticon

RE: funny fact
Answer
2/24/18 2:12 PM as a reply to P K.
Pawel K:
also angra mainyu was destroyed today


Ok, i'll bite. If I recall correctly, entities like Mara are more of a temporary job position versus an immortal everlasting identity. Are the Zoroastrian spirits the same? In other words, was this a "shift change" or....

RE: funny fact
Answer
2/25/18 2:48 PM as a reply to Lars.
Pawel K:
Switching to 3-4 gave Angra what it thought it wanted so I had to open more connection to allow 'network' (3-4 one) itself to overpower it and destroy its current manifestation. Energy is not as easily wiped out however and it will get reborn, this of I am sure. It was satisfying though to see him get 'cessation', lol.


Is manipulating and then destroying sentient beings (even a demon's current manifestation) a skillful act?

RE: funny fact
Answer
2/25/18 8:21 PM as a reply to Lars.
Pawel K:
In this case it was not really an option because I changed my mind configuration to one where I had not such power and I had no energy to do it anyway and attacking it this way could end badly for me even if I changed back to 4-3 and did it


Makes me wonder if the late night visitor I mentioned had anything to do with your configuration shift. It almost sounds like you left the jail door open for a moment. emoticon

I'm curious, was what you were doing earlier similar to Tahmurasp "riding" Angra (Ahriman) for 30 years to prevent him from doing evil?

Jamasp Namak - Ch 4.3

He ruled over the seven countries (of the world) for thirty years. He kept the body of Ahriman like baggage under his thighs (i.e.,rode over him).

For thirty years he (i.e., Ahriman) could not commit any sin (i.e., harm). He (Tahmurasp) killed many (devs) demons, and fairies and devils, and he separated the demons from all connection and company of men.

RE: funny fact
Answer
2/26/18 7:43 PM as a reply to Lars.
Pawel K:
There are a lot of demons out there so please let's not blame everything on mine XD


Mostly kidding, as I mentioned before it was likely just your classic succubus experience, the body playing tricks while in that state between sleep and being fully awake. Just another odd experience in a very long list lol.

Pawel K:
I probably should read some books. Especially Yasna.


A little water to put out the fire? emoticon