Two "events"

mario pasquato, modified 8 Years ago at 12/8/13 2:16 AM
Created 8 Years ago at 12/8/13 2:16 AM

Two "events"

Posts: 2 Join Date: 12/8/13 Recent Posts
Hi everybody, I just signed up. I will be brief.
I had two unusual events in my life. First one, 4 years ago. I had absolutely no meditation experience. I was talking with a friend about who I really am and why do I like what I like. He strongly objected when I was saying that there are some unchangeable things deep down that make people what they are. He said all those things are perceived as untouchable because of fear. All of a sudden I had a strong feeling of realizing something that was in a sense obvious. I felt free and happy and thought I was being stupid all along for not noticing that. Afterwards I would describe this as realizing that I am not my personality/habits/preferences an so on. What was I then? I thought I knew but realized I didn't. There was some fear some hours afterwards. Not much and not related to anything specific. Two years and lots of changes to my life later I was sometimes happy, sometimes experiencing a great emptiness but functioning in life overall. I started doing some yoga and some mindfulness meditation, without any further insights. I longed for that moment of realization to take place again. So I signed into a forum (truthstrike) were I was led to observing my thoughts and in a matter of days it was clear they were just taking place, without "me". So I got the answer to the question: I don't exist. Again there was fear, much more than before, with shaking. Then happiness, a feeling that whatever happens just happens and that's it. I moved on with my life, but still feel like it's not over 100%. Any suggestions?
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Dream Walker, modified 8 Years ago at 12/10/13 5:36 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 12/10/13 5:36 PM

RE: Two "events"

Posts: 1430 Join Date: 1/18/12 Recent Posts
mario pasquato:
Any suggestions?

Read MCTB....then see what you think... - Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha, an Unusually Hardcore Dharma Book, by Daniel Ingram
My best guess is you experienced A&P and then got to Knowledge of Fear....Check it out in the book and see what you think.
I like to reread MCTB as each time I have changed and focus on different things. It's chock full of good stuff..
Good Luck,
~D
mario pasquato, modified 8 Years ago at 12/11/13 12:21 AM
Created 8 Years ago at 12/11/13 12:21 AM

RE: Two "events"

Posts: 2 Join Date: 12/8/13 Recent Posts
Reading it... thank you. I'll get back to you when I'm done.