a little bit excited a little bit scared!

William David Bodell, modified 11 Years ago.

a little bit excited a little bit scared!

Posts: 4 Join Date: 4/21/10 Recent Posts
I think I've been cycling through Dukkha Nanas and my sits getting 'boring' and sometimes I was thinking low equanimity and sometimes thinking concentration draining away and falling back. So I noticed outside of sitting aversion to 1hour sits because some pain was happening (similar to 3 Characteristics nana) and noticed the craving for progress so on my next 2 sits I opened up noting aversion and craving.

Then this morning I experienced this:

1) periods of mindfulness longer than I have ever known very little verbalisation a little wandering towards the end of the hour
2) peace, but not the peacefulness of sukkha, more the absence of anything to be stressed about
3) an expansion of the boundary - so much more space
4) an inward crushing pressure on my head as if being condensed to a point (no distress / fear / suffering)
5) an observer (me - here) 'looking' at a witness (there) connected but seperated
6) the observer being on the edge of a spinning disk adjacent to another spinning disk (direction of spin opposite to my Disk) with something on the other disk, and me and it matching positions once or twice but loosing it and want to 'synchronise'.

I'm a little bit excited because I think it may be 11th nana and I'm getting close to 'something big' but I'm a little bit scared I am just kidding myself and its going to be very disappointing So:

If any one with knowledge and experience of (high ?) equanimity of formations etc can look at my list of points I would appreciate it. I hope I can treat those two imposters success and failure just the same so go for it.
Dan Bartlett, modified 11 Years ago.

RE: a little bit excited a little bit scared!

Posts: 46 Join Date: 7/20/09 Recent Posts
Great work! From what you've written, this sounds very much like equanimity to me. Interestingly I first experienced that inward pushing pressure in my head during my first round of equanimity as well. It was also some insight attained by paying attention to something I had missed before that first got me into equanimity.

You seem to be right on track. Some tips:

- be prepared to slip back into the dukkha nanas. It can and often does happen. Don't worry, you'll get back and eventually feel confident enough to just rest there and stay focused.
- don't make this harder than it needs to be! It kind of does itself - what it needs is for you to just stay on it, loosely concentrated, without grasping onto the new spacious qualities of awareness that arise. It's a pleasant down pour of sensations. Let them all fall and disappear without holding on.
- formless realms may arise. Good fun, but not fruition. Apparently some people get all caught up in these although I enjoyed them without getting "stuck" cultivating them.
- get a feel for any tension between a watcher and sensations apparently being watched. At this stage it's not really a case of "penetrating" anything - that's kind of done, and what's needed now is just to stay with what's happening, resting. As for subtle frustrating feelings of watcher/watched, see how they are all part of this same sensate field in a gentle, inquisitive way that doesn't compromise the wide loose concentrated focus.

In short: relax, stay on it, let it sync itself.

Good luck :-)
Constance Casey, modified 11 Years ago.

RE: a little bit excited a little bit scared!

Posts: 47 Join Date: 9/21/09 Recent Posts
I'd watch for any clinging to the equanimity state itself,
allow for just being This, knowing that This is You and you are All, right now, You are being shared.
Let this knowing drop down low in the body.

with metta, Constance
Nikolai S Halay, modified 11 Years ago.

RE: a little bit excited a little bit scared!

Posts: 1650 Join Date: 1/23/10 Recent Posts
Make sure you note all those mind states...anticipation, excitement, worry, fear......note them all....note curiosity...note EVERYTHING!
William David Bodell, modified 11 Years ago.

RE: a little bit excited a little bit scared!

Posts: 20 Join Date: 11/28/09 Recent Posts
Thank you all for your replies. It is the quality of support such as this both for my own posts and in replying to the posts of others that has helped me (and many others I'm sure) make whatever progress I have. Long may it continue.