Back from 10 day Goenka retreat and stuck in the dark night of something...

Jorge Rojas, modified 7 Years ago.

Back from 10 day Goenka retreat and stuck in the dark night of something...

Posts: 30 Join Date: 2/14/14 Recent Posts
On the 7 day or so of a 10 day retreat I slowly started to experience pressure in the heart area. It would build up during the day and I started to loose feeling in the body. Here is a list of things I experienced or noticed:

[indent][/indent]1) I had a difficult time meditating & sleeping because of this loud ringing in my ears

[indent][/indent]2) I was barely eating

[indent][/indent]3) After speaking with the assistant teacher, many a times, I would burst out into tears and the pressure would be released and I could feel tingling sensations in my hands

[indent][/indent]4) I was loosing a sense of my personal history. I could remember my dogs, gf, house, job, etc...


On the very last day when silence was broken I experienced this huge release in my chest. Everything that seemed cold and pale was full of color. My vision was very strange in that the scenery was not flat but "bubbly" like looking through 3 or 4 big soap bubbles that pulsated.

On the ride back to the airport very interesting... I experienced a huge emotional release when the driver asked me if I like my job. My hands and chest were shaking for about an hour or more. The driver explained it as a panic attack. I missed my flight and had to reschedule. The tension kept getting worse and worse as time went on. It seemed that my body burned a ton of calories and I needed food so I forced myself to eat pizza because of the protein. There came a point where I couldn't take it anymore and was scared out of my mind that I would not be able to get home. I asked to go the ER where everything turned out normal and was given an anti-anxiety medication which helped. I finally slept for more than 4 hours!

Back home... when I made it back home I missed 3 days of work and then was able focus for 2 days with no problem.

A week later I started to have these mental break downs where everything seems pointless. Talking about this helps with my GF and releases built up emotion.

2 weeks later and still struggling with my identification. I see how my mind keeps trying to grasp onto "doing" and keeping "busy". There is still tension in the heart area, hard time staying "motivated", and trudging through life. I am trying my best know that this pain is part of the process but not sure how to move through this.
Jorge Rojas, modified 7 Years ago.

RE: Back from 10 day Goenka retreat and stuck in the dark night of somethin

Posts: 30 Join Date: 2/14/14 Recent Posts
I started watching Dan Ingram's pod casts and things are starting to become very clear with my experience and how to keep moving emoticon . Here are the links:

#1 https://vimeo.com/28182419
#2 https://vimeo.com/28182458
#3 https://vimeo.com/28182481
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William Golden Finch, modified 7 Years ago.

RE: Back from 10 day Goenka retreat and stuck in the dark night of somethin

Posts: 558 Join Date: 11/17/13 Recent Posts
Hi Jorge,


Welcome. One idea might be to slow down on practice for a while, take it easy, go for a lot of walks outside, exercise, talk with friends. If you are going to practice my suggestion, and it's worth what you paid for it, would be to do more somatic oriented practices as they tend to ground one and so spinning off on anxiety is less likely, or to begin a practice of metta, or both. I do not think heavy insight practice will be useful at this time. No need to share this information, but if there is a history of mental health issues it would be a good idea to continue or seek treatment for those as well as certain stages in the path can illuminate and exacerbate dormant mental health issues.

Bill
Jorge Rojas, modified 7 Years ago.

RE: Back from 10 day Goenka retreat and stuck in the dark night of somethin

Posts: 30 Join Date: 2/14/14 Recent Posts
Bill,

Thank you for your response as this helps a lot. I also got back into my regular exercise routineemoticon

-Jorge

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