Eric's Practice Log

Eric's Practice Log Eric M W 4/7/14 12:29 PM
RE: Eric's Practice Log Dream Walker 4/7/14 5:02 PM
RE: Eric's Practice Log Eric M W 4/7/14 6:50 PM
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RE: Eric's Practice Log Eric M W 4/19/14 8:55 AM
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RE: Eric's Practice Log Dada Kind 4/25/14 1:00 PM
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RE: Eric's Practice Log Eric M W 4/26/14 5:41 PM
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RE: Eric's Practice Log Karalee Peltomaa 9/4/14 12:21 PM
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RE: Eric's Practice Log Eric M W 9/8/14 7:04 AM
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RE: Eric's Practice Log Eric M W 9/10/14 5:19 PM
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RE: Eric's Practice Log Dada Kind 9/10/14 6:13 PM
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RE: Eric's Practice Log Eric M W 9/13/14 3:38 PM
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Eric M W, modified 8 Years ago at 4/7/14 12:29 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/7/14 12:29 PM

Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
I felt that making a practice log would give me some more motivation to meditate on a regular basis, so here it is.

Long term goal: 4th Path

Current goal: Stream entry

My current practice consists mainly of soft jhana/metta for sanity purposes. emoticon I also dabble in second gear type practices with an emphasis on anatta, eg Maharishi's self-enquiry, some Tibetan "peaceful abiding" practices, and some of Eckhart Tolle's techniques. This is also mostly for sanity purposes, but it also comes in handy when cushion time is sparse, which it most assuredly is. Flickering impermanence is awesome, but I need some solid cushion time to really get to that point. Adopting a more natural, open, equanimous attitude throughout the day seems to help move things along, and I suspect these techniques helped me cross A&P two years ago.

Practice History

I've always been really "into" spirituality for as long as I can remember. When I used to go to church I would always be interested in some of the concepts, especially ones revolving around personal experience of God. My parents attended a Baptist church so personal revelatory experiences like that were rare and often viewed with suspicion. It's almost as if the whole congregation felt that religion is supposed to suck, but somehow it would stop sucking if you read the right holy text and and ended up in heaven.

I was always frustrated when my peers would talk or text during sermons. Why weren't they as interested in this stuff as I was? This was eternity we were talking about! In hindsight, I suspect I may have crossed the A&P when I was really young, because I've always felt I was looking for something. But that's just speculation now.

Fast forward a few years. Christianity is no longer a part of my life, but my interest in personal experiences of a spiritual nature were still there. I became interested in earth-centered traditions, especially because they emphasized travelling out of body to see the spirit worlds for one's self, rather than reading about it in a holy book.

I experimented with lucid dreaming and OBE techniques but had only limited success. I found Robert Monroe's books and found his cosmology fascinating.

At some point I ran into a psychic online who offered to "coach" me. She did, over email, and it worked. I started giving readings online at a reasonable rate of success that often surprised even me. However, while this made me happy, I felt like the experiences were too vague, like there was some kind of wall in my mind that I kept running into. Thus, the efforts to explore lucid dreams and the like continued.

I also began meditating, with the vague expectation that this would somehow sharpen my experiences. I found myself experiencing Mind and Body and soft first jhana. The experiences were so cool that I studied more about Buddhism and Hinduism.

I found and read the first part of MCTB at this point. The three characteristics really caught my attention, and I decided to experiment with some of the techniques and see if I could pick up on them. I guess I must have. I went to bed that night and had a very vivid, colorful dream where I was the Buddha. I was sitting on a hill, and this creepy army of darkness was on another hill. They charged, but instead of running away, I decided to sit down and note them. This decision felt spontaneous and natural. They surrounded me, but as long as I noted them, they couldn't touch me. I realized that they represented reality. As long as I noted reality, it could not cause me suffering. There was a sound like rushing water, and all of reality exploded.

I thought it was a pretty crazy dream. I also felt a little concerned about how it seemed to happen on its own. I hoped I didn't start anything that could not be stopped, but of course, I had.

I never read through the rest of MCTB. We all know what happens after A&P. I didn't realize what had happened or what was about to happen. I also had some pretty difficult ordinary life circumstances. Thus, I got really, really screwed up for a while. I managed to hit EQ last spring by looking at a Huichol mandala. A knot untied in my chest and a fog lifted, and everything sort of became the same thing for a little while.

So, for about a year, I've been in this weird place where I'm technically pre-path, but I'm too far to go back. Thankfully, I re-read MCTB and realized what had been going on all this time.

If I'm not meditating or relaxing in the sunshine, I very quickly drift into this angsty, bitter place where I feel dark about everything. Not the OMGWTFBBQ dark of the dukkha nanas, but more like a mild depression, where everything is unsatisfying at a deep level.

Oh, and I don't bother with siddhis anymore, the Dark Night kinda messed with that aspect.

Current Practice

Like I said, I'm pre-path, but post A&P and DN, so I'm in a frustrating place. I feel like I don't have a baseline anymore, my mind is just kind of all over the place. My most immediate goal is to cross A&P again and give it another shot, but cushion time is limited. I have three kids and one on the way, and a day job.

At any rate, I look forward to logging some more time on the cushion and posting about it here.
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Dream Walker, modified 8 Years ago at 4/7/14 5:02 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/7/14 5:02 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

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Eric M W:
I experimented with lucid dreaming and OBE techniques but had only limited success. I found Robert Monroe's books and found his cosmology fascinating.
I too liked his concepts. Then I found the work of his student who continued the work/exploration. I recommend it highly but it is a bit long....three books in the series where it could really be edited down to one. "My Big Toe" by Thomas Campbell check out his youtube ....you'll be hooked...Youtube Link
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Eric M W, modified 8 Years ago at 4/7/14 6:50 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/7/14 6:50 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
Dream Walker:
Eric M W:
I experimented with lucid dreaming and OBE techniques but had only limited success. I found Robert Monroe's books and found his cosmology fascinating.
I too liked his concepts. Then I found the work of his student who continued the work/exploration. I recommend it highly but it is a bit long....three books in the series where it could really be edited down to one. "My Big Toe" by Thomas Campbell check out his youtube ....you'll be hooked...Youtube Link

Oh, I've seen one of his videos before! I was watching videos about consciousness on youtube and one of his popped up, he talked about the double slit experiment and how it shows that this is a virtual reality. Interesting stuff. I had no idea he was TC Physicist, I will have to check out his stuff.

You know, Bob Monroe's views on reincarnation and afterlife environments are very similar to certain Buddhist teachings. For example, "Last Timers" winking out after their final sojourn on earth, and generating escape velocity to escape the space/time illusion.. It's kind of eerie how some of it lines up.
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Dream Walker, modified 8 Years ago at 4/8/14 12:10 AM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/8/14 12:10 AM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 1448 Join Date: 1/18/12 Recent Posts
Eric M W:
Dream Walker:
Eric M W:
I experimented with lucid dreaming and OBE techniques but had only limited success. I found Robert Monroe's books and found his cosmology fascinating.
I too liked his concepts. Then I found the work of his student who continued the work/exploration. I recommend it highly but it is a bit long....three books in the series where it could really be edited down to one. "My Big Toe" by Thomas Campbell check out his youtube ....you'll be hooked...Youtube Link

Oh, I've seen one of his videos before! I was watching videos about consciousness on youtube and one of his popped up, he talked about the double slit experiment and how it shows that this is a virtual reality. Interesting stuff. I had no idea he was TC Physicist, I will have to check out his stuff.

You know, Bob Monroe's views on reincarnation and afterlife environments are very similar to certain Buddhist teachings. For example, "Last Timers" winking out after their final sojourn on earth, and generating escape velocity to escape the space/time illusion.. It's kind of eerie how some of it lines up.
Yes it seems like they do talk about some of the same things. Tom Campbell talks about the Buddhist maps of the 36 non material planes as accurate in his out of body explorations...he goes much further down the rabbit hole than Robert Monroe or Buddhism. I found it very interesting stuff. Bruce Moen is another author that has some good materiel as he was a student of Robert Monroe and continued explorations...not as deep as Tom's stuff though. Tom has a forum on his web site much like here...there are some interesting conversations there. I found the information here about meditation and enlightenment to be much better than Tom's but he goes very far in understanding the greater reality of physical and nonphysical planes.
Good luck,
~D
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Eric M W, modified 8 Years ago at 4/19/14 8:55 AM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/19/14 8:55 AM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
I haven't written much of anything in here. That is because there isn't much to say. The stomach bug made a third pass through our house this past weekend and I seem to be suffering from some kind of chronic nausea. If I stand up and walk around too much, I get queasy. I also have some abdominal cramping, and going number 2 on the toilet is unpleasant. Maybe I need to take some pro-biotics? This sort of constant bodily discomfort is difficult to work with.

I did do some fast choiceless awareness noting yesterday, for about twenty minutes. Oftentimes I get ahead of myself with fast noting, so I alternate with some gentler body scanning practice. I'm not sure if this is a wise thing to do, alternating two techniques in a single sit, but I always find myself doing so.

Interesting things did start to happen. I got some weird tingles and phantom itches, and there were a few points where it felt like someone was pushing on the top of my head and my sinuses, a weird pressure. This seems consistent with the 3rd nana, but that's a little strange because I don't remember passing through the first two. Oh, well, I'm almost ready to throw the maps out at this point.
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Dream Walker, modified 8 Years ago at 4/21/14 6:38 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/21/14 6:35 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

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Eric M W:
This seems consistent with the 3rd nana, but that's a little strange because I don't remember passing through the first two. Oh, well, I'm almost ready to throw the maps out at this point.
Follow your own path not a map. Knowing the map doesn't change what happens in your experiences it just helps put things into perspective. If you find yourself starting from where ever you are...well just do that. Don't try to force it to do the map based "right" things....just check out what is happening right now and at each moment while meditating with as much clarity as you can muster.
Good luck
~D
Edit: and yes, take some probiotics alternate with tumeric, ginger and garlic to kill the bugs.
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Eric M W, modified 8 Years ago at 4/21/14 7:15 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/21/14 7:15 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

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I started a probiotic that seems to be doing the trick, but I will keep those other things in mind in case I need them.

Did about twenty minutes of metta practice today. I can feel a warm spot grow in my chest area, and I take the warmth as an object, but I can't seem to get into jhana this way. I got into brittle, soft first jhana last night using the breath, but then when I switched to metta it went away. I also seem to have a hard time cultivating metta towards myself. Interesting...
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Dream Walker, modified 8 Years ago at 4/23/14 12:20 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/23/14 12:20 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 1448 Join Date: 1/18/12 Recent Posts
Eric M W:
Did about twenty minutes of metta practice today. I can feel a warm spot grow in my chest area, and I take the warmth as an object, but I can't seem to get into jhana this way. I got into brittle, soft first jhana last night using the breath, but then when I switched to metta it went away. I also seem to have a hard time cultivating metta towards myself. Interesting...
Combine the methods....take the warm spot in your chest area and expand it with each inbreath. "may we be filled with loving kindness" I don't bother to individuate myself or other very often....it's about feeling.
Good luck,
~D
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Eric M W, modified 8 Years ago at 4/24/14 6:55 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/24/14 6:55 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

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Between kids, work, and chores, I have a ridiculously short amount of time per day for formal meditation. Daily mindfulness isn't so great either-- I can start being mindful of my body, or my hands, or something of that nature, but then half an hour later I realize I am no longer being mindful.

Right around the time I crossed A&P, this stuff was so easy. I could incline my mind to mindfulness of my body and be filled with warmth. I could visualize an object and see it clearly. My mind would be crisp and clean throughout a sit. I could read about spiritual experiences and feel that I deeply understand them. I guess this is all in keeping with the symptoms of A&P.

Now, meditation is boring and difficult, even when I do have time for it. I have a lot on my plate as far as daily life is concerned and that just adds to the frustration. I seem to alternate between primal frustration and spiritual inspiration of some kind... Man, I'd cut my left hand off just to A&P again and get back on the ride. emoticon

I need more structure, I think. I've picked up the Mahamudra meditation manual from Spirit Rock again and am starting on the second practice cycle-- investigating mind itself. What is its shape, what is its color, etc. I've always had a proclivity towards the mind and the thought sense door. Now if only I can stay awake and pay attention to reality...

I can still hit first jhana fairly regularly, if my mind is clean enough. It's nice, but it feels fake.
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Dada Kind, modified 8 Years ago at 4/25/14 1:00 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/25/14 1:00 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 633 Join Date: 11/15/13 Recent Posts
Have you tried noting during the day? Whenever you remember, try a two to three minute burst of concentrated noting. Doing this at least three times a day does wonders for establishing mindfulness and removing built up tensions/ganglia.

Good luck on hitting the A&P again!
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Dream Walker, modified 8 Years ago at 4/25/14 5:02 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/25/14 5:02 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

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Eric M W:
Between kids, work, and chores, I have a ridiculously short amount of time per day for formal meditation. Daily mindfulness isn't so great either-- I can start being mindful of my body, or my hands, or something of that nature, but then half an hour later I realize I am no longer being mindful.

Set a timer ap that rings every 15 minutes thruout the day on your phone to remind yourself to get back to mindfulness. I play with Noopept sometimes to increase daily mindfulness.
Formal meditation consistancy is the key...let evyone know your schedule and then stick to it...they will help remind you after a while.
Eric M W:
Right around the time I crossed A&P, this stuff was so easy. I could incline my mind to mindfulness of my body and be filled with warmth. I could visualize an object and see it clearly. My mind would be crisp and clean throughout a sit. I could read about spiritual experiences and feel that I deeply understand them. I guess this is all in keeping with the symptoms of A&P.
Dark night is not fun...it doesn't seem like your getting anywhere...but you are. keep it up and get to EQ. It's better than A&P in some ways. Contentment and deep stresslessness is a fantastic reward for getting out of Re-Ob.
Eric M W:
Now, meditation is boring and difficult, even when I do have time for it. I have a lot on my plate as far as daily life is concerned and that just adds to the frustration. I seem to alternate between primal frustration and spiritual inspiration of some kind... Man, I'd cut my left hand off just to A&P again and get back on the ride. emoticon
Ha Ha...good luck choreographing this....what happens happens...start with whereever you are....you can't start anywhere else.
Eric M W:
I need more structure, I think. I've picked up the Mahamudra meditation manual from Spirit Rock again and am starting on the second practice cycle-- investigating mind itself. What is its shape, what is its color, etc. I've always had a proclivity towards the mind and the thought sense door. Now if only I can stay awake and pay attention to reality...
well if noting got you here keep on keeping on...it is frustrating and you may wish for another tool in the DN but this is usually because nothing feels like anything is happening...but it is...keep with it.
Eric M W:
I can still hit first jhana fairly regularly, if my mind is clean enough. It's nice, but it feels fake.
ya, the DN can make it feel a bit miserable and disgusting but really focus on the bliss and positive stuff that comes with it...it is helpful to counteract this stuff.
Good luck,
~D
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Eric M W, modified 8 Years ago at 4/26/14 5:41 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/26/14 5:41 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
Thanks to everyone for the encouragement. It is very much appreciated. emoticon

I would gauge my baseline state of being as a mix between needing to find something and primal frustration... not OMGWTFBBQ primal frustration like Re-Observation, but more subtle, like even the most enjoyable things seem to be lacking something fundamental.

I admit that I have done very little noting or any kind of formal meditation over the past few weeks. I feel defeated, like there is no way I can pull this off without some kind of big retreat, which is simply not going to happen given my situation. But, I try to remind myself that I made it all the way to EQ without much time spent meditating or even knowing what was going on, so I must have what it takes.

I did some choiceless awareness noting at various points today. I feel MUCH better after I do this. I had a few phantom itches and pains crop up, but they were duly noted. My attention also wandered off into la-la land a few times, but I noted the thoughts when I caught myself.

My plan is to turn off the computer and just do some breath awareness instead of hiding in the internet like I usually do... we shall see what happens. I will also try some dream yoga tonight, if I'm not too tired, but I admit I rarely have success with it, probably because my concentration is pretty dull. emoticon
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Eric M W, modified 7 Years ago at 9/4/14 12:01 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/4/14 12:01 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
Time to update this ancient practice log.

I seem to operate in two modes lately, two "me's" if you will.

The first me is called Eric the Dark Renunciate. This me is a miserable mess, constantly feeling dark about the world. He wants to leave his job, leave his family, and go to the remotest location possible to either meditate or die. Despite these feelings, he is the sole worker in the family, and has three kids plus one on the way. So the world in which he lives is constantly rubbing the wrong way, like everything is the opposite as it should be. This results in constant and intense frustration. He hates his life and just wants to be alone.

This is me about 90% of the time, I'm sad to say.

The second me is called Eric the Jhanic Bliss-Junkie. This me arises after I do some good metta practice, usually resulting in a very soft jhana, plus some good noting. This me is pretty hyped-up and in a good mood. The things that usually bother me ain't no big deal with Eric the Jhanic-Bliss Junkie is at the wheel. I suspect this is the dawning of immature A&P, as I certainly haven't recrossed the thing yet.

Interesting side-note: when Eric the Dark Renunciate dives right into fast noting, it makes things much worse. A bright mind and a good mood seem to be necessary prerequisites for successful insight practice.

I have two sits I'd like to record...

Yesterday, 30 mins

Started focusing on the rise and fall of the breath, not strictly noting it, just letting my mind settle on it like a rock. Warmth arose in the abdomen. Did metta practice, especially towards one person I have been struggling with. Hit some kind of blockage, but managed to melt past it. Switched to noting after about ten minutes, mostly the abdomen but also on sounds and mental-images, which began rising in rapid succession. Was really "in the groove." A sensation would arrive, followed immediately by a mental impression, usually in the form of a mental image. 

Shifted towards noting in the heart center, with the person I've been struggling with in mind, and BAM! A whole shit-ton of images and emotions that are somehow entangled with this person. Love, guilt, confusion, disempowerment. Holy shit, I had no idea all this was there. Look at this interesting shit I get to note now! Noted it off, soon drifted off into la-la land but came back and returned to the rise and fall of the abdomen.

Towards the end of the sit, I felt that my chair had been tilted back and lifted up, like I was rising really quickly on an evelator. I guess this is "rapture"? I then got overwhelmed with feelings of anticipation, like wow, it's really happening! I was not successful in noting these off, and this seemed to end the sit.

About halfway through the sit, when my noting picked up, it felt as though someone put a really tight band around my head. It was being squeezed by some kind of invisible force. The feeling stopped when my noting slowed down, and ceased altogether when I stopped meditating. 

Eric the Jhanic Bliss-Junkie arose and stayed for most of the day.

Second sit, today, 30 mins

This one was much less productive. I have a head-cold that includes a sore threat, and every time I tried to focus on my breath, my scratchy throat tickled and made me cough. Ugh. I did some metta at first, then ended up focusing on the flicker on the back of my eyelids to block out my throat. Had a few good spots of staying on top of sensations, which resulted in that invisible band tightening around my head once again. The pressure went away when I stopped meditating... hooray for third nana?

I put honey in my coffee, hopefully it will help my throat. The Buddha said that health was the greatest treasure, boy was he right... 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 7 Years ago at 9/4/14 12:21 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/4/14 12:21 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

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Hello Eric,

I can relate with you on the health issues.  I've decided to follow a "Saatvic" (eating mostly alkaline forming foods) diet, and in November I plan to do a long water fast to handle some longstanding health issues.   My go-to guru currently for understanding the body is Dr, Robert Morse, ND.   He has many Youtube videos but not very organized.    Have been slowly weeding out all the processed foods and tainted, inhumane meats.   I can now actually feel the animal's death throes after eating.

In addition, of course, this work we do to quiet the mind reduces the mind's impingement on the body/brain system.   I know of people who at night before they go to bed will scan their body systems and correct it, so I'm sure we will soon be able to do that too if the body is still important to us.

best wishes for your practice,
colleen
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Dream Walker, modified 7 Years ago at 9/4/14 1:11 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/4/14 1:08 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 1448 Join Date: 1/18/12 Recent Posts
Eric M W:

I seem to operate in two modes lately, two "me's" if you will.
The first me is called Eric the Dark Renunciate.
The second me is called Eric the Jhanic Bliss-Junkie.  

This kinda sounds like re-ob and EQ. This is where I spent most of my time. Wake up in re-ob and meditate to get to EQ, hang in contentment til I slide back to re-ob...rinse and repeat. Your descriptions are very EQish.
Keep it up...diligence is the biggest key I found to getting it done. It's the getting to your cutting edge every day and pushing the rock inch by inch closer; if you miss days you don't get to the rock and it doesn't move forward often....so sisyphus the crap out of it.
Good luck,
~D
x x, modified 7 Years ago at 9/4/14 8:20 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/4/14 8:20 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 122 Join Date: 8/18/13 Recent Posts
Eric, I remember Kenneth Folk kinda ranting one time early in DhO about why there are so many post A&P dark night yogis in the the mindfulness tradition: basically everytime they started developing some concentration/jhana, they felt a kind of puritanical obligation to apply mindfulness/verbal noting which killed all their momentum. He said that people really needed to develop jhana and just cook up in it. Not bother with noting, just steep themselves in good old pleasurable jhana. It doesn't even need to be a clear or distinct jhana.  I'm not a jhana guy (ie.not wired the way Kenneth or Daniel seem to be wired) but KF was absolutely right, I allowed myself to cultivate a kind of vague hard to label bliss... things took on a life of their own and SE was just a month or two away.

As I read your posts above it sounds like you have tried a thousand different practice ideas, but it also sounds like you have all the tools you need. You should know that you have full permission to metta yourself to stream entry. The bliss junkie is probably the way to go right now for you.

No need to focus on negative sensations to label them or follow the breath. Just wish happiness for all beings. Allow yourself to feel pleasure in this wish and radiate this wish out to all beings. The more you feel it, the more you can give it away.

The only problem with the bliss junkie route is the frustration when bliss doesn't happen. The bliss junkie takes it way too seriously, wonders why he even tried blissing out, what a fool he is, etc. etc. But really there isn't a problem, it's not like any of us really has control over what arises.

It's enevitable that there will be times when things are tough. You might want to note, which is fine. You might want to follow the breath, which is fine. You might want to just watch the "difficulty" of thing appear on their own. Think of it as a purification happening right before your eyes. As the bad stuff leaving you, burning up right before your eyes. That scratch in your throat isn't a scratch coming, it's a scratch sensation flaring up before you and going away completely. Each sensation: comes and goes as quick as it comes; arises and passes as quick as it arises. And feel free to look for whatever pleasurable feelings are there. Within that scratch is a slightly pleasant feeling, that desirous thing a scratch has. Just like sadness has a bit of indulgence to it. Those little pieces are what turns the dark night into the third vipassina jhana. Accepting it all, but knowing and seeing traces of that oddly cold bliss that lies behind the hotness of dark night. The rough and turbulant nature of dark night, that wierd purification feeling, comes when that hot pain and empty bliss kind of alternate. Reobservation has this wild turbulance to a crazy degree.

But anyway, basically give up on trying to find a single practice method that will get you from AP through the DN. Instead cultivate just being where you are and really getting intimate with it. Trust yourself to shift gears and adjust your practice during a sit. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: If pleasure is happening, no reason not to get intimate with that. If metta helps pleasure arise, no reason not to do metta. Don't cut yourself off from enjoyment or momentum or pleasure or joy. 

When you really let that interest and joy do it's thing, it kinda leads you right through the nanas. You learn to trust it. No need to do anything much at all.

(This was kind babble-y and rant-y, but I hope it helps in some way.)
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Eric M W, modified 7 Years ago at 9/8/14 7:04 AM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/8/14 7:04 AM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
x x:
But anyway, basically give up on trying to find a single practice method that will get you from AP through the DN. Instead cultivate just being where you are and really getting intimate with it. Trust yourself to shift gears and adjust your practice during a sit. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: If pleasure is happening, no reason not to get intimate with that. If metta helps pleasure arise, no reason not to do metta. Don't cut yourself off from enjoyment or momentum or pleasure or joy. 

When you really let that interest and joy do it's thing, it kinda leads you right through the nanas. You learn to trust it. No need to do anything much at all.

(This was kind babble-y and rant-y, but I hope it helps in some way.)
This does help, thank you.

Not much practicing for the past couple of days... my "allergies" turned out to be a nasty cold. Cough, sore throat, body aches, the whole shebang. I was fully mindful of a few in-and-out breaths at some points, just so that I didn't have any "zero-days," but otherwise I've been wiped out. I've also been working longer hours at work with no days off (today is day seven). 

I just hope the kids don't get sick...

I did have an interesting experience yesterday morning, though. My body and mind were so exausted from being sick that my mind was very, very quiet. I watched the breath a few times and was able to penetrate very deeply. It would have been a great vipassana session if I wasn't so tired, and wasn't at work.
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Jenny, modified 7 Years ago at 9/9/14 11:41 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/9/14 11:41 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 566 Join Date: 7/28/13 Recent Posts
Hi, Eric. Oh, I'm glad to see you have a log out here. I'm commenting now (past my sit and bedtime) so I can find it later and read more. 

Jenny
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Jenny, modified 7 Years ago at 9/9/14 11:52 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/9/14 11:52 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 566 Join Date: 7/28/13 Recent Posts
Take heart. I got to stream entry even though I've never been on retreat and generally meditated only a half hour per day. And I meditated not much at all during the DN. If you get to low EQ again, don't push to note, etc. Do as XX advises and gently just be there, "gently curious," as Daniel says. In Daniel's new edition, he explicitly says to stop all the noting/pushing by entry to EQ. He says in the new edition that noting is for kindergartners. He said the same thing to me personally weeks beforehand. EQ is tricky because you keep feeling like you aren't meditating well and should be working harder at  . . . something, if only you knew what. Just keep showing up, if only for a 20 or 30 minute sit.
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Dream Walker, modified 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 1:01 AM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 1:00 AM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 1448 Join Date: 1/18/12 Recent Posts
Eric M W:
I did have an interesting experience yesterday morning, though. My body and mind were so exausted from being sick that my mind was very, very quiet. I watched the breath a few times and was able to penetrate very deeply. It would have been a great vipassana session if I wasn't so tired, and wasn't at work.
I got SE and third path while very sick. I think there may be access to the dukkha door that sickness can help identify...maybe. Or else there was a viral upgrade to the operating system. emoticon
Just "being" sick....totally....completely... thru and thru....it is very meditative in a sucky way, but it can be very deep. It's not you, it doesn't last, and it certinly doesn't satisfy.
Be well,
~D
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Eric M W, modified 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 5:19 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 5:19 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
Anxiety

I've been freaking out for no apparent reason. I think part of it is because we've scheduled the C-section for the baby, and the long recovery will mean I will be very busy at home and miss a lot of work. It is going to be very disrupting, especially with two toddlers and a teen already on our hands. 

Today some of the managers came in on their off day, went in the office and shut the door for quite a while. They were having a meeting, obviously, probably about manager-stuff. I immediately assumed it was all about me, and that I was going to lose my job any minute. My mind started spinning stories about what a horrible employee I'd been and how my family would never be able to recover financially from my job loss. It was like a paranoia/panic attack all it one. I hadn't done anything wrong and I'm considered a good employee, so there was no reason for my reaction. I sent a message to one of the managers saying that the meeting was obviously none of my business but I wanted to know if everything was okay. Turns out it was a good meeting related to something completely irrelevant to me.

It's not just work, either. I had the day off yesterday but still had a racing mind. I even had to leave my post at work today due to "anxiety shits." I still feel nauseous and uneasy.

I don't think it's meditation related... the 6th nana felt different somehow, like I could look around and everything would be different. But this is just a good ol' fashion freak-out, I think. I wonder if I need to talk to my doctor. I don't want any mind-altering medicines that could hurt my mindfulness, but I don't want to be a basket case either.

I'm hoping to stay up a little late tonight and have a good sit.
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Dream Walker, modified 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 5:50 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 5:45 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 1448 Join Date: 1/18/12 Recent Posts
Eric M W:
Anxiety,
I've been freaking out for no apparent reason.

Hey dude,
Sorry your freak'n; might or might not be Knowledge of fear but either way the content feeds the emotion and the emotion feeds the content. Notice the fear and don't shy away from the sensations but cut the content stories....this is the off the cushion practice in reallife....breath and follow breath, walk and notice the sensations of steps, clear the mind and just let the fear be itself without feeding it....it is easier said than done.
Go get some L-theanine a the health food store and some GABA. Suntheanine chewable tablets is what I started with. It calms yer shit down without tiredness. The gaba does it too but makes me tired a bit. My friend with twins hooked me up with it a couple years back and I've gotten use out of it off and on. Also add some magnesuim to your diet to calm you. it relaxes the smooth muscles. I use both when I need some calm or want a super chill meditation. If you like it you can get l-theanine in bulk much cheaper.
Metta yourself too when the crap hits....
Good luck,
~D

Edit - Read up on this stuff and don't overdose or cause any sillyness....by the way it mixes with coffe great for a super alert but calm meditation....don't tell anyone or everone will start cheating..
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Dada Kind, modified 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 6:13 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 6:13 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 633 Join Date: 11/15/13 Recent Posts
You might also want to check out phenibut. It's more potent than GABA and theanine, but it builds tolerance and can cause withdrawals. Tbh, I've got and use all three: GABA, theanine, and phenibut.

Good luck, man. Endure the suffering consciously and you'll find yourself in EQ
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Dream Walker, modified 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 6:41 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 6:41 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 1448 Join Date: 1/18/12 Recent Posts
Phenebut knocks me out unless I caffeine up a lot. It works good to put the wife to sleep.
x x, modified 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 7:34 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 7:34 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 122 Join Date: 8/18/13 Recent Posts
Eric, wishing the best for you, wife, and baby, toddlers, and teen! Hang in there.

It's good enough just to notice the freak out, how it happens on it own. You are different than it, even though it is also you, so don't repress it either. The tiny bit of mindfulness makes the difference and mindfulness during hard times is worth 1000x more than mindfulness during easy times.

Rooting for you!
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Eric M W, modified 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 7:58 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/10/14 7:58 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
Thanks everyone for your support and recommendations! This is why I started a journal. emoticon

On one hand, I can reason with myself and know that my fears aren't really genuine or cause for concern. On the other hand, there's this swirling storm of terror that seems to always be lurking just below the surface, just waiting for something to trigger it. I think I have a bad case of "badger in the basement."

Noting doesn't seem to help, but metta can loosen it up a bit if I get really into it.

I'm going to see my doctor on Friday and see what she thinks. My restless leg syndrome is driving me nuts, and I think it's directly related to all the stuff going on in my life. It's been a stressful year...
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Jenny, modified 7 Years ago at 9/11/14 12:06 AM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/11/14 12:06 AM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 566 Join Date: 7/28/13 Recent Posts
Hi, Eric,

When you see your doctor, ask about taking the generic prescription gabapentin. It is very calming, is very benign, and is a standard treatment for restless leg syndrome. I take it for migraine prevention, RLS, anxiety, and sleep. It produces a calm much like benzos, but without the horrible effects and addiction. It has a great safety profile and no side effects that I've noticed. No withdrawal. Like many drugs, it can be a drain on your magnesium levels, and magnesium is extremely important for fuction of every cell in your body, as well as for calm. I take ReMag, which is a high-potency elemental magnesium you add to your water. Also, you can try this magnesium L-theanine. Calming--gets magnesium into the brain.

I wouldn't take GABA. GABA is a large molecule that should not pass the gut barrier or the blood brain barrier. If it does, and you feel calm from it, that means you have leaky gut and leaky brain syndromes, which are problems. Some people take NAC to get their bodies to make the GABA where it doesn't have to cross the BBB. My holistic MD told me all this. If you get a gabapentin RX, it will help. I take 900 mg at night. My son takes 1200 to prevent his migraines.

You have a lot of responsibility for such a young man. Your wife's being scheduled for C-section for child 4 would affect nearly anyone in your place. Be kind to yourself. Take some time every day for yourself, even if it is just 20 minutes to sit and focus on stillness and breath energy.

Blessings to you and your family,

Jenny
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 7 Years ago at 9/11/14 8:19 AM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/11/14 8:19 AM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Jen, I can see that you are getting wise about how to manage your health, and especially realizing the dangers of magnesium deficiency.   Now, I just checked Wikipedia and apparently there are side effects:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabapentin

I
 get it that your doctor is holistic, however I respectfully point out there are less allopathic routes one can take towards health.   There is one website, http://www.rawfigs.com/, which is a search engine of information about different health issues from a more healing, rather than palliative approach.   Eventually, emergencies aside, there seems to be some wisdom in learning the truth for oneself about one's body systems and gradiently going in the direction of re-fitting the body into its natural balanced ecology.

Eric, your environment is impinging upon you with a lot of randomity right now -- from your mind's viewpoint.   How will you resolve your mind about that and with what practice tools and when?   All great questions.

I guess that is why in India a "householder" was usually not expected to really dig into free'ing himself from his mind until he was older and his children more or less independent.  I know I really did not get my feet on the ground and grooved in until I turned 60, but I don't think that in today's more enlightened world (in our circles at least) that one has to walk in a spiritual desert until he is 60,   

Also, as I look at this further, not pointing to you, Eric, I think one has to assess honestly their true egoic mental state in order to determine the best practice at the moment.   If one is OCD or neurotic then simply walking around and touching things, noting them (texture, color, temperature, etc.) would bring up a lot of stuff and, sticking with it, would end nicely for the person.  I started with this practice because of my mental state at that time.  I had a strong resistance to being "in the now", simply being here.  The mind is never in the now, but always in the past or futures and I was very strongly identified with my noisy, busy, list-making, compulsively creating mind and its (wrong) associations.  I got past that, thanks to grace and mercy, and now can more so sit quietly and do my Metta practice, squaring things with compassionate love.  

I wish this for all,
colleen
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Jenny, modified 7 Years ago at 9/11/14 2:10 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/11/14 2:09 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 566 Join Date: 7/28/13 Recent Posts
Hi, Colleen. 

Colleen:
Jen, I can see that you are getting wise about how to manage your health, and especially realizing the dangers of magnesium deficiency.   Now, I just checked Wikipedia and apparently there are side effects:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabapentin

W
herever clinical trials have happened, there will be side effects noted, but the fact is that gabapentin very, very rarely causes side effects. Three neurologists and the holistic doctor I went to say none of their patients have experienced any. I'm extremely sensitive to medication, so if there is a side effect possible, then I will tend to find it.

Conversely, the reason that supplements don't have a list of similar or worse side effects list is simple: they never undergo FDA testing for efficacy and safety. From hard experience, I have found that most supplements make me feel worse, not better. For example, I was urged to take 5-HTP for mood; bad idea: it made my anxiety skyrocket and caused horrible nightmares. I had so many of these problems with "natural" solutions, that I went back to allopathic medicine and basically fired my alternative doctor. It is great if it works for others, but I gave it a year, and the results emphatically were not good for me. I also went back on antidepressants, because they work and I have a proven neurochemical imbalance without them. 

Depression and anxiety are life-threatening, and migraine, for me, is debilitating. Gabapentin is a blessing, a benign one in terms of post-marketing side effect profile.

Eric, I do believe in getting minerals and vitamin levels tested properly. Mineral balance is the foundation of health. Most in the West are too high in copper and too low in its "opposite," zinc. Taking 15 mg of zince basically cured my chronic insomnia, for my copper is very high. Copper is well known to cause anxiety.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 7 Years ago at 9/11/14 3:31 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/11/14 3:31 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Hi, Jen, if you read my post again you will see I say nothing about vitamins and supplements and neither does my Naturapath.  My emphasis is on getting our bodies back into their natural ecology through a more saatvic diet (alakaline) and fasting as called for.   I don't take vitamins or supplements either and largely agree with you.   My diet is 80% raw fresh fruits and veggies.

And, after all it is merely a body which we do not take with us and advices here are only meant to help a person continue their sitting practice.   My own interest -- and forgive me for projecting it onto you or Eric -- in learning about the body and rehabilitating it back to its natural ecology is more an amends for my abuse of this "poor thing" (basically a hairless ape with an enlarged frontal lobe), lol.

I hope now you understand better where I'm at with this.   It is mostly our minds that impinge on the body systems and cause ill health.   Dr. Hamer's German New Medicine conclusively proved this for me through CT scans corresponding with certain types of incidents or trauma that occurred for the person.    I know of a few people who can scan their body and correct imbalances whenever needed.  I see that ability for all of us at some point in the progression of our practices.
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Eric M W, modified 7 Years ago at 9/13/14 3:38 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/13/14 3:38 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
I saw my physician yesterday. My primary complaint was restless legs, but I wanted to talk about my anxiety too. We talked for a while and she said my levels of anxiety were normal considering all the life changes I've been going through. She prescribed Flexeril (sp?) to take at night. It seems to help my legs, but I don't like that stuff at all. It's like the drowsiness of beer minus the fun. Part of me wanted to open up more about my anxiety, but I wasn't sure what to say. "Well, I started meditating two years ago and had a really weird dream with bright lights and some mythological thing about vanquishing reality, and then my life fell apart and I'm stuck in a really dark place. Sometimes I want to walk out on my family and meditate in solitutde in the wilderness. What do you think?" I'd probably wake up in the psych ward...

She also advised me to do yoga. She said my hamstrings are some of the tightest she's ever seen and wanted to send me to PT, but said to try yoga first. Does anyone have good resources on this?

On a practice-related note, I'm feeling better, and the story behind that is a weird one. My dharma books seem to follow me around. I glimpsed my book about Dipa Ma in the kitchen, but I swear that I left it downstairs. I pondered this for a few moments before picking it up and reading a few sections. I suddenly felt much, much better and more at peace with everyone and everything. There's a chapter about how Dipa Ma's presence seems to approach people even though she's dead... I don't really have an explanation. I've never met the woman. But I am glad to be feeling better. 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 7 Years ago at 9/13/14 4:06 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/13/14 4:06 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Hello Eric, and kind regards.

That is an enlightened doctor to prescribe yoga.  

Aleister Crowley, despite his reputation, was a decent teacher and I especially like his "Eight Lectures on Yoga".

http://deoxy.org/annex/Eight_Lectures_on_Yoga.pdf


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Dada Kind, modified 7 Years ago at 9/13/14 4:20 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/13/14 4:19 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 633 Join Date: 11/15/13 Recent Posts
It isn't exactly yoga, but this will almost definitely help. I'd try the grounding first, then the specific leg exercises.

Btw, the yoga book Colleen linked isn't hatha yoga, which I'm assuming you're looking for
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Eric M W, modified 7 Years ago at 9/13/14 6:14 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/13/14 6:14 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
Droll Dedekind:
It isn't exactly yoga, but this will almost definitely help. I'd try the grounding first, then the specific leg exercises.

Btw, the yoga book Colleen linked isn't hatha yoga, which I'm assuming you're looking for

Yes, hatha yoga, or anything that will really help me stretch out these legs.
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Dada Kind, modified 7 Years ago at 9/14/14 6:38 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/14/14 6:38 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 633 Join Date: 11/15/13 Recent Posts
Almost forgot this one. It's a short book that provides very simple ways to induce relaxation. I could write out a long plug for the book but I really don't feel the need. It works. Spend the hour to read it, try it once and you'll see. The main technique requires a helper, though. Perfect for mutual relaxation with a significant other
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Eric M W, modified 7 Years ago at 9/18/14 3:21 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/18/14 3:21 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
My life is crazy.

My boss informed me that I was not on the schedule for next week. She doesn't want to schedule me and have me miss my shifts if my wife goes into labor early. That means I will probably not be in the schedule the next week as well, and after that I will definitely not have work because my wife will have had her C-section and I will be on family medical leave.

We are looking at the budget and we just can't do it. We can't make rent. My son receives some social assistance because of his disabilities, but it's not enough to cover the bills. We don't know what we are going to do.

We've always been below the poverty line but it's never been this bad. 

I took a break from meditating for a few days. I feel like I've fried myself, pushing too hard. I spent some time reading the Actual Freedom website and tried some of the practices, because I'm tired of all these negative feelings. I do feel better, it's made me appreciate the present moment more. But reading the correspondence of Richard and Vineeto only reminds me that these folks are one fry short of a Happy Meal.

My dreams have become vivid. I'm not sure if it's because of the restless leg meds (I'm now taking Neurontin), but it's interesting nonetheless. I like dreams. They are like an escape of some kind, a vacation from the world of bills and rent and stress. They are also interesting because siddhis seem to be arising. I dreamt that I was at my wife's C-section, and I looked at the baby and clearly saw the gender. We haven't found out the gender yet, we want it to be a special surprise. But I feel that I clearly got a peek... And I had intense feelings of joy and wonder, like I was really holding my baby. 

I'm just looking forward to the birth, as stressful as having another child is. The experience of birth and caring for a newborn is joyful, scary, intense. I just want to hold my baby and let those crazy parental emotions run through me and make me feel alive, for once. After that, who knows what will happen. 

We always find a way to work finances out, maybe things will be okay. 

This is not what I want with my life. If I didn't have kids, I would go on retreat, hopefully get stream-entry, and solve my vipassana problem at least a little bit. I would be going to college and working towards a degree so I could provide for my family. I feel like there's a constant tension between what I want my life to be and what my life is, and it's incredibly frustrating and discouraging.

I see people going on long retreats and I'm filled with jealousy. I would do anything to go on retreat, even a two-day one. But with my wife having surgery and a new addition to the family, not to mention finances, a retreat is impossible.

To add insult to injury, I have been passed up for promotion twice, I even had to help train the new people in the higher positions. I was told it's because I have a lot going on in my life and my availability was not good enough. I had asked for certain days off because of my kids' schedules. 

The message I'm getting is clear: having a family was a big mistake. 

I hope it wasn't a mistake.
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SeTyR ZeN, modified 7 Years ago at 9/18/14 5:11 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/18/14 5:11 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 113 Join Date: 9/9/14 Recent Posts
Hi Eric; A message to say i feel for you, i read what you wrote and think you will navigate through this anyhow; I guess you are thinking alot about impermanence .  I admire your faith . Anyway, have courage; 
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Jenny, modified 7 Years ago at 9/19/14 1:53 AM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/19/14 1:50 AM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 566 Join Date: 7/28/13 Recent Posts
Hi, Eric

It sounds as if this both a both a highly distressful time in your (young!) life and an exciting one. Yes, having a baby is the most intense of intense happenings. Most people, when near death and asked what was the hightest point of their life, say the birth of their child. I hope that you and your wife have family or friends to help you through these turbulent currents roiling around the central joy of it all.

It probably will sound vapid of me to say this, but I'm twice your age and started meditating only 3 years ago. I was probably dark-nighting for decades. Barring premature death, you have time to get stream entry, a college degree, a career, alone time, and good income. None of the "to do" list of life is fast or easy, but I know plently of people who did all this in something other than the conventional "order."

So you have a little baby coming. That baby is your teacher, too, you know? Do what you can to release jealously and longing for retreat. That baby and your wife need you right now. And you need you to be there for them and to experience this birth and all the rush of love and rejoicing that comes with bringing a new baby into the home. You will never forget looking into this child's eyes for the first time. And when you do, you will know where you belong, and right now it is exactly where you are.

May love, safety, and peace envelop you and your family.

Now take your Neurontin/gapapentin and go nighty-night. emoticon
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Eric M W, modified 7 Years ago at 9/20/14 6:47 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/20/14 6:47 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
In light of the major life changes that are occurring for me right now, and the fact that none of it seems to be good, I was considering doing something that I haven't done in a long time: shamanic journeying. I've had mixed results with the technique-- I think I'm too "analytical" to really get into the right frame of mind-- but I have had interesting results in the past.

Last year I did a few journeys and felt that they weren't successful. I visualized a large lake near my home, visualized myself stepping in and swimming down towards the Lower World, but I could never seem to find the entrance. On one occasion I did seem to "break through," when I found myself suddenly sitting on a grassy hillside with jagged peaks around. It didn't seem any more vivid than a typical daydream, but it was unexpected.

Following this were a series of interesting dreams. One involved seeing a deer outside my house, a big wild-looking one with large horns. It entered my home and I chased it around trying to get it out. In hindsight, this could have been symbolic of a helper spirit "entering" my psyche ("home"). It was a very vivid dream.

My decision to try journeying was finalized when my daughter spent most of the morning vomiting. I have had that stomach bug three times this year, and I'm not interested in having it again. Fuck that. Theoretically, a visit to the Lower World could result in finding a helping spirit that could perhaps protect me from the illness. Fortunately my daughter is better tonight.

But now... my throat is aching and my nose is starting to fill up. Another cold! Damn it, I had one just last weekend, a nasty one. I will try to journey before it gets too bad, hopefully not falling asleep in the process. 
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Jenny, modified 7 Years ago at 9/21/14 5:11 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/21/14 5:11 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 566 Join Date: 7/28/13 Recent Posts
Eric, I sent you an email. Hope you feel better. 
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Eric M W, modified 7 Years ago at 9/30/14 9:12 AM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/30/14 9:12 AM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 288 Join Date: 3/19/14 Recent Posts
My son was born last week very unexpectedly. It was intense to say the least. He was born naturally because everything happened so fast that we didn't make it to the operating room. We didn't even make it out of the exam room, four nurses came running in with a crash cart. My son almost didn't make it, but he is doing very well now. It certainly makes you stop and think about the important things in life.

My practice will probably be spotty for a while, but I felt inclined to document this morning.

Brief OBE

I woke up at 4 am to change my son and then returned to bed. I couldn't fall back to sleep, probably because of financial worries. I tossed and turned for about an hour and a half, but I must have drifted off at some point because of what happened next. The memory is already hazy like a dream, but it definitely happened.

I remember seeing darkness and feeling everything vibrating. I had enough presence of mind to realize that I was in the vibrational state. The interrupted sleep patterns must have come into play. "Ah, I can travel out-of-body now!" I thought. But I couldn't seem to remember. I decided to just get up. I moved my hands and then slowly sat up in bed. It felt like I was literally just getting up with my physical body, and I felt foolish because I thought that's what was happening. But then I started to float. I couldn't see anything-- it's as if my eyes were glued shut-- but I felt myself floating.

I turned around to face my physical body. Still nothing. I strained to open my eyes but all I could feel was my physical eyes twitching, like being aware of two levels of consciousness at the same time. Very weird. I feared ending the experience by opening my physical eyes, so I gave up on trying to see and just let myself continue to float upwards.

Suddenly, I was high in the air, overlooking a city perched among mountains. I thought it was my childhood hometwon back in Tennessee, but I couldn't be sure. Looking back now, it was way too bright for it to be "real." I must have entered into some kind of dream-like state, and my lucidity was very low from this point forward. I vaguely remember swooping down and entering a large house with white walls and a very long hallway. I thought "Hey, if I'm out of body I should ask to see something really awesome." So, I mentally demanded to see God. This turned out to be a bad idea. The whole structure of the house instantly came crashing down and being sucked into some kind of void. The last thing I remember is screaming.
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Dream Walker, modified 7 Years ago at 9/30/14 10:30 AM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/30/14 10:30 AM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 1448 Join Date: 1/18/12 Recent Posts
Eric M W:
My son was born last week very unexpectedly. It was intense to say the least.

Congratulations!!!
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SeTyR ZeN, modified 7 Years ago at 9/30/14 10:44 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/30/14 10:44 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 113 Join Date: 9/9/14 Recent Posts
Congratulations Eric; Hope you feel better now
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Jenny, modified 7 Years ago at 10/8/14 5:41 PM
Created 7 Years ago at 10/8/14 5:41 PM

RE: Eric's Practice Log

Posts: 566 Join Date: 7/28/13 Recent Posts
And congratualations for giving birth to that OBE you've always wanted!

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