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What I don't have

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What I don't have
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4/14/14 4:10 PM
Despite all the insights that I have had over the past several years, and the peace that has been afforded me with regard to my mind, there is something I don't have that many people do.

When I talk to my "faith following" Christian friends, they tell me that they are not scared of the fires and misery of hell.

Despite all my spiritual practices, I am still very scared of such a prospect and am also aware of certain "bad" actions that I commit on a daily basis. My sila once seemed quite (dare I say completely) pure and my suffering level quite high. Now my suffering level seems quite low, but I have never felt more unclean and dirty, a bad person, than I do now.

RE: What I don't have
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4/14/14 5:09 PM as a reply to Sleeping Buddha Syndrome.
I have no idea why this occurs (the remorse thing), but the experience is not uncommon and I experienced exactly the same thing.

When I first came to this place I became certain that I was going to hell and deathly afraid. I began to freak out and started essentially to panic.

But this was not rational panic, as far as I could recall I had not done anything morally reprehensible, in such a way that it would be a blockage for me, and furthermore I didn't just feel bad, I WAS bad.

This is what Richard talks about, you are bad to your core. And there is no changing this, the parasitic nature of your existence is in fact painful.

It seems extremely difficult to go extinct, but it can be done, one must first be sincere.

"But how James? How, how, how? Everything I do seems insincere, I am bad to the bone, I am a liar, and a fake."

Exactly, you are false.

But the point is the little bastard (as McKenna calls it) who tells you what to do, the burning desire to be real is in fact your pure intent.

And that is the way, extinction.

emoticon

RE: What I don't have
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4/14/14 9:07 PM as a reply to Sleeping Buddha Syndrome.
I'm not scared of any suffering after death. Before death, I make sure that I have a comfortable enough lifestyle by working and having enough money and savings for the future.

Neither does sila bother me.

RE: What I don't have
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4/14/14 9:35 PM as a reply to Sleeping Buddha Syndrome.
There is a stage prior to Sotapanna that can be relieved of the 4 lower realms of existence. It is called a cula-sotapanna. What makes one a cula-sotappana I am not sure. It is also said that a cula-sotapanna will automatically reach sotapanna in at most 7 lives. Work hard, keep sila, you'll be fine

\http://mahajana.net/texts/kopia_lokalna/MANUAL08.html

"Cula-sotapanna or the Virtuous One

To understand Dependent Origination or to gain Knowledge in comprehending the Law of Causality enables one to discard the three aforesaid Wrong Views of No-cause, Unjustified Cause of Creation, and misleading belief in past-kamma alone. In fact this Knowledge equips one to be a virtuous one, ever freed from the ignoble destinies of the Four Lower Worlds, a Cula-sotapanna, a future-stream-winner' - so the Commentaries say. Hence a goal well worth striving for."

RE: What I don't have
Answer
4/21/14 2:02 PM as a reply to Sleeping Buddha Syndrome.
In the process of trying to help a friend who was quite messed up, I happened upon a meditation process for addressing moral discipline more directly. I will add the caveat that lots of people disagree with me about this, but mostly they haven't tried it and/or misunderstand what I'm suggesting.

Basically one meditates on remorse, which I tentatively define as compassion plus regret for past moral failing leading to resolve to improve one's moral discipline. I would stress that this is not about guilt or blame, but rather one examines one's own moral failings in order to develop compassion and resolve that have a real world context. When examining one's own faults, one should also have compassion for oneself. In fact, the main goal here is to purify one's own sila and karma, so compassion for oneself could be the driving motive for examining one's own moral failings, and one should definitely cultivate compassion for oneself in order to be able to continue this practice.

My theory is that this practice of meditating on remorse "burns up" negative karma much more effectively than, say, dedicating merit from pujas. You are addressing the negative seeds within your mind before they ripen, while simultaneously replacing them with positive seeds. For me this seems more expedient than waiting for negative seeds to ripen and then just trying to react positively so as not to create more negative seeds.