Mike's concentration/insight in tandem log - Discussion
I was inspired by Richard Zen's log here to actually start my own. Very quick background - meditating for 3 years and became aware of MCTB about 1.5 years ago. I have an in person teacher that I sit with occasionally but I haven't done any long retreats. Meditation used to be awful, awful, awful. Now it is generally calming, but it varies also.
My goal is to be pretty phenomenological here and stay close to present experience.
My current practice is focused on jhanas 1-4, as I understand them from Ayya Khema's and Leigh Brasington's work. It has taken time to get here, but I am honest when I am in these and when I am not. The sense of sound is really muted and not at all a focus when I am doing well. It might seem bold to claim jhanas without retreat experience, but then again, this is DHO
Jhanas 5-7 are sort of experimental right now. There are times though, when I do have an experience of these jhana states and it is very calming and expansive.
In terms of insight, I will usually finish a sitting by trying to do vipassana within a jhana state or just coming out of one. But the start of my regular jhana practice (and ability to do so) in the last few months also makes it harder for me to attribute any benefits to progress in insight. I feel much calmer, quieter, and more dispassionate though.
My day to day insight practice lately varies. I cannot tell if that is bouncing around between equanimity and dark night symptoms or what, but I do get pretty distinct feelings of dissolution, fear, misery/reobservation, and then more positive times which could either be AP or equanimity. No idea really, which is why I am trying to be phenomenological and close to my present actual experience.
In terms of daily life, I do some noting during the course of the day or focus on the breathing in the background. Part of that is just natural and part is an intentional effort. I try to follow some tenuous idea of morality, although there is a ways to go, and I do also try to be aware of what my eyes are doing.
If anyone has thoughts, feel free to add them.
My goal is to be pretty phenomenological here and stay close to present experience.
My current practice is focused on jhanas 1-4, as I understand them from Ayya Khema's and Leigh Brasington's work. It has taken time to get here, but I am honest when I am in these and when I am not. The sense of sound is really muted and not at all a focus when I am doing well. It might seem bold to claim jhanas without retreat experience, but then again, this is DHO
Jhanas 5-7 are sort of experimental right now. There are times though, when I do have an experience of these jhana states and it is very calming and expansive.
In terms of insight, I will usually finish a sitting by trying to do vipassana within a jhana state or just coming out of one. But the start of my regular jhana practice (and ability to do so) in the last few months also makes it harder for me to attribute any benefits to progress in insight. I feel much calmer, quieter, and more dispassionate though.
My day to day insight practice lately varies. I cannot tell if that is bouncing around between equanimity and dark night symptoms or what, but I do get pretty distinct feelings of dissolution, fear, misery/reobservation, and then more positive times which could either be AP or equanimity. No idea really, which is why I am trying to be phenomenological and close to my present actual experience.
In terms of daily life, I do some noting during the course of the day or focus on the breathing in the background. Part of that is just natural and part is an intentional effort. I try to follow some tenuous idea of morality, although there is a ways to go, and I do also try to be aware of what my eyes are doing.
If anyone has thoughts, feel free to add them.
