An old experience

Mary Thomas, modified 8 Years ago at 4/23/14 7:17 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/23/14 7:17 PM

An old experience

Posts: 5 Join Date: 11/29/13 Recent Posts
Just recently I recalled two experiences I had years ago that I now look at with new interest. It occurred to me there might be more to them than I had considered.

Of course they might be nothing more than brain farts or something and I'm now looking at them through spiritually colored glasses. Who knows? I find it interesting in any case and I'd love some input.

The first happened when I was sixteen. I don't remember what I was doing or any details other than it was during the day and I was awake and suddenly there was a (feeling?) of a big blackness and I was frightened of it, I couldn't describe it at the time other than to say there was a big blackness and there were no words/ I didn't know words.

When that experience happened I felt it wasn't new to me, it had happened before. It wasn't like blackness like I'm going to faint, not like that. It almost seemed there was substance to the blackness, I remember that.

I realize that is a lousy description, but I can only say what I said then since I cant bring the experiance back as sometimes we can do with memories. All I can remember saying is " there was a big blackness and I didn't have words" and I had negative feelings about it, mostly fear I think.

Something similar happened last year the very first time I meditated. There was a blackness and I was frightened and felt if I went any further I would die. It wasn't the same though. There was something about the blackness from when I was 16 that I would recognize if I can across it again, no doubt about it.

I remember years later thinking back about this and speculating that maybe this was a memory of being in the womb and maybe the big blackness was the inside of the womb and maybe I didn't have words because I hadn't learned them yet. Who knows?

The second incident happened about five years ago. I was walking down the stairs and half way down I forgot how to walk down stairs. I just stood there on the stairs knowing I had just been moving forward but with no idea how to continue. I just stood there for a few seconds like an infant.

I don't think it would have mattered what I was doing at the time, I wouldnt have known how to do it. I was in a perfectly clear aware state, but with no thoughts and after a few seconds everything was normal again and I proceeded down the stairs.
I was flabbergasted by that experience. I thought it was just the weirdest thing.
So if anyone has had any similar experiences I'd love to hear of it. Once again I'm not claiming these are anything of import, I'm just curious about them.

With Love, Mary.
Daniel M Ingram, modified 8 Years ago at 4/24/14 2:37 AM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/24/14 2:37 AM

RE: An old experience

Posts: 3254 Join Date: 4/20/09 Recent Posts

About the Big Blackness: was it a visual thing? Where was it? How big was it? How long did it last? How did you know about this Big Blackness? Did it move, shift, change, anything like that? Did it have volume to it? Where were you in relation to it?

About the moment of no thoughts that made such an impression: anything else to it? That on its own is a very fine state to experience.
Mary Thomas, modified 8 Years ago at 4/24/14 7:36 AM
Created 8 Years ago at 4/24/14 7:36 AM

RE: An old experience

Posts: 5 Join Date: 11/29/13 Recent Posts
Hi Mr. Ingram, unfortunately I can't add much about the experience from when I was sixteen. It wasn't visual, it wasn't outside of me. I can't say how big it was or anything like that. But I have this little memory that the blackness wasn't an emptiness, it had substance. I also have a vague memory of saying the blackness was going to overcome me, but I'm not sure of this. I believe it lasted a matter of seconds. It was over 25 yrs ago and the memory of it sticks with me but not the actual experience of it.

For some reason it came to mind recently and the way I had described it then struck me. I can kinda understand what I meant by a big blackness but I'm not sure what I meant by " I didn't have words". I do remember struggling at the time to describe it and felt I couldn't do it properly. And I know for sure that it scared me, but I can't say why.

The other experience when I was walking down the stairs, it was like suddenly someone switched my brain out for an infants. I was perfectly normal just walking, then I was there on the stairs like a baby not knowing how to proceed forward. It wasn't in anyway an unpleasant experience. I stood on the stairs not thinking or doing anything. I just stood there till everything was back to normal then I went down. I also cannot bring this experience back in order to explain it, the way we can with a lot of memories, I can't relive it, if you know what I mean.

I just thought maybe this might strike a chord with someone and maybe they'd know what I'm talking about. Maybe it was some kind of seizure or some physical thing, I mean I really have no idea. The first happened at a pivotal point in my life. Right before I started having children and spent the next 25 focused on raising them. I realize my descriptive abilities leave something to be desired, sorry I couldn't do better.

With love, Mary Thomas