Episodes of heart itch-explosion, patience and non-separatenes

Inge Jacobsen, modified 11 Years ago.

Episodes of heart itch-explosion, patience and non-separatenes

Posts: 4 Join Date: 5/26/10 Recent Posts
Hi.

I would like to relate some experiences that I had. First is a little of my background:

At age 15 I had strong feeling of the futility of ordinary life, of the quest for profit, fame, popularity etc. Had strong interest in UFO's and the paranormal. Cut off social activities, became isolated, later developed depressions and social phobia. Since then, strong feeling that this ordinary life can not be 'it' that absolute truth is always present, right in front of my eyes but at the same time out of reach. Very frustrating! Ever since, strong longing for enlighenment, little interest in mundane activities, but still heavily burdened by attachment to sense pleasures.

Episode 1. Since age 12 or 13 I've been bothered by a itchy sensation near the heart. Could become very intense, made it difficult to sleep and to sit still. Only way to get rid of was to move my body. After staying still for a while it always returned, and if not moving it just grew until I could not take it anymore and had to move around. In 2003 I finally decided that I was going to find out what this sensation was, I laid down and resolved not to move until I had figured it out. The sensation then grew and grew in intensity until I was sure I was going to die, then it exploded and waves of strange sensations spread throughout the body. It was pleasant but most of all strange and I started laughing uncontrollably, then I felt self concious about the laughing, that I might have gone insane, stopped and got up. Since then the heart itch was gone for several years. It has since returned but not as intensely of often as before, andI have not had the strength to 'push' through it again. Does anybody know what this is? And should I try to do it again?

Episode 2: 1,5 years ago. While reading "Most Rapid and Direct Means to Eternal Bliss" http://www.albigen.com/uarelove/most_rapid/contents.aspx - experienced a what felt like unconditional patience, a patience that said to me that it has always been there and will always continue to be there and that I could continue to mess around like I have been doing forever, but that this would only lead to endless suffering. I saw how unnecessary the suffering is. First my individual and then universal. Then followed a very soft, but deep sadness, I started crying in then it was over.

Episode 3: Same as episode 2 but less intense, happened while doing an exercise where two people was just sitting and looking at each other.

Episode 4: While listening to a teaching by a Tibetan Rinpoche. Noticed that there seemed to be no separation between me and her voice, It was as if she was speaking my thoughts. Looked around and experienced no separation between me and the environment. Then fascination arose and it was gone.

Another thing: while sitting, either tailors posture, burmese or half lotus, after approximately one hour the pain in the legs becomes very intense and I get waves of heat and cold sweating. The body starts shaking and I give up. After I feel cold and shaky for a while. Some say this is qi energy pushing through pain barrier and that one should just sit through them, others say that one should change position if it becomes to painful. Any views on this? Have you been sitting through any pain barriers?
Karma Tsultrim Tharchin, modified 11 Years ago.

RE: Episodes of heart itch-explosion, patience and non-separatene

Posts: 4 Join Date: 5/26/10 Recent Posts
Ok, I have now started reading MCTB. After reading the first few chapters of part I and then the first few chapters of part III I sat down on my cushion and made an aspiration to sit until access concentration. I sat with eyes closed and used the breath as object. After a few minutes I saw some weak light fields. There was a slight rush of numbness in the arms and I started sweating in the palms. There was a slight tickeling sensation in the groin area and then a wery pleasant state appeared. It felt good enough that I cryed and laughed at the same time. After a little while it disapeared and I was back to my normal state. I did the same again and was able to repeat the experience, this time without the crying and laughing. It lasted for a short while and then back to normal again.

What do you reckon this was? Access concentration?

Regards

Inge
J Adam G, modified 11 Years ago.

RE: Episodes of heart itch-explosion, patience and non-separatene

Posts: 286 Join Date: 9/15/09 Recent Posts
Sometimes the dividing line between first jhana and access concentration is thin. It seems that everyone has their own definition of access concentration. I personally like Kenneth Folk's explanation of getting to a tranquil state where concerns other than meditation (job, sex, music, money, TV, friends, etc.) seem to fade into the background along with undesired sensory input like sounds you can hear or light falling on the eyelids. When all that stuff is in the background and it's easier to stay with the meditation object, that's access concentration. (To me, at least.)

The pleasant state you're describing sounds like the beginning of first jhana. Lucky you, with that concentration ability... I wish I had that...

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