Can someone explain to me what (if anything) happened here?


Eric - 2014-05-06 14:29:35 - Can someone explain to me what (if anything) happened here?

Iíll keep the background information as brief as possible, and Iíll describe things as they happened as best I can.

For my past few meditation sessions, Iíve had occasional sensations of a subtle but definitely present ëpulseí of soft light or something slightly in front of my face. It starts small and expands a little bit as it moves toward me over the course of two or three seconds. This repeats itself several times, usually until I get distracted by my own thoughts.

This morning I noticed, as I often do, that I was distracting myself with thought in the form of language that does not have an internal auditory component, sort of ëbehind the scenesí thoughts about what Iím supposed to be doing during mediation, or even about mundane things. It hit me a two days ago while meditating that if pay no attention whatsoever to the ëbehind the scenesí thought, and REALLY put all of my attention on my breath and stop chastising myself for getting distracted, that another observing part is noticeable, but it doesnít feel like me somehow. As soon as I actively search for that observation or observer, itís gone.

This morning the pulses of light came again were a little more noticeable than usual, but they were still fairly subtle. My 'behind the scenes' thought vanished and the observer/conscious thing that doesnít quite feel like itís me kicked in. I felt something, maybe or maybe not me, ìaskî how could it be the case that I wasnít thinking about anything, but at the same time there was an observer/consciousness thing here.

Then, something shifted suddenly, and I was conscious of being conscious. It was like nothing Iíve ever experienced in my four years of on and off practice (mostly Zen, but as of very recently some insight practices too). It was very pleasant, and very strange. I had an intuition that something had fundamentally changed, but I canít be sure that wasnít a wishful projection on my part. The consciousness of being conscious sensation lasted maybe thirty seconds, maybe four or five minutes - I donít know. I think it went away because I started to marvel at how strange and exciting it was.

Often, itís everything I can do to not fidget or notice how physically uncomfortable I am during meditation. I still noticed the discomfort during and after this incident, but somehow it didnít distract me or even matter anymore. A few minutes later, the timer on my computer went off, but I didnít want to stop meditating at all (about half the time I canít wait to stretch my legs).

Iím concerned that I might be reading too much into this, as I think we all do sometimes, but this felt different. If anyone can help me understand what, if anything, happened, Iíd appreciate that. Thanks!

-------------------

Dream Walker - 2014-05-06 19:11:03 - RE: Can someone explain to me what (if anything) happened here?


Gonna guess it was the Arising and Passing away stage...4th Òana
Links to read - 
An Idiots Guide to Dharma Diagnosis
MCTB 4. The Arising and Passing Away
Knowledge_of_the_Arising_and_Passing_away_of_Phenomena_Stage_4
See what you think.....and read up on the dark night that follows.
Good luck,
~D

-------------------

Pawe? K - 2014-05-06 21:20:54 - RE: Can someone explain to me what (if anything) happened here?

sounds like nice A&P and insight going on
I can totally relate to your experiences

anyhow, keep good practice going and don't cling to those states as they won't last

-------------------

Richard Zen - 2014-05-06 23:24:21 - RE: Can someone explain to me what (if anything) happened here?

It sounds like A & P but the important thing to notice is if any cool experiences are impermanent.  Noticing the ending of experiences is a good noting objective too.  I've had lots of mind-blowing lights and lamp-head experiences but they always fade to normal again.  Mindfulness with consistent concentration will create these experiences.

-------------------

Psi Phi - 2014-05-07 04:35:55 - RE: Can someone explain to me what (if anything) happened here?

sounds like 1st Jhana, The light would be a nimitta , or a sign, a sign that the mind is settling in to the natural state of 1st jhana, that's what the mind does when it settles down, not everyone experiences the same sign , some minds are more sensation oriented, some minds are more visually oriented.  If you want to enter 1st jhana , keep doing what you are doing with the breath, let your thoughts arise and pass away and gently keep bring your mind back to the breath, watching the breath is a method, like a key to open a door.  When your mind is on the breath and the pleasant sensation arises, let the mind's attention roll into the pleasant sensation and remain with just the pleasant sensation, if the mind slips and is distracted by anything, use the breath as the anchor, and go back to the breath, until the pleasant sensation arises.  When the pleasant sensation arises verbal thoughts will have subsided, mostly. But, like a ball bobbing in the water, the mind can "bob" in and out of 1st jhana.

This is a good skill to learn, when coming out of jhana, or any pleasant experiences, watch the feeling fade away, and notice that the pleasant sensation is impermanent(anicca), it is dukkha (because you can't keep it forever and it is based on causes and conditions), and because you can't keep it, it is not yours(anatta).  Also, notice that the pleasant sensation that arises from within is as good or better that the pleasant sensation that is derived from seeking material things in the "outside" world.  once one sees that joy can arise independent from external conditions and material things, one starts to break down the fetters that the mind clings to in the world around us.  

Mostly, just relax and do some of your meditations , "just for the fun of it", this really lets the pressure cooker off of the mind to have to "do" something in meditation.

Anyway, sounds like you are doing great.

Also, alot of people here have some really great advice , what some people know here really blows my mind, you can  learn a little from everyone, but in the end it's a "Do it yourself" job, which you probably already know.

Anyway, Welcome!

Bryan

Just a quick note to to all of you who took the time to comment on my question - 
Thanks! I found your comments helpful, especially since I'm coming from a school that avoids telic or "map" oriented approaches.