I am new here, new to mapping the insights, and would like some help in understanding the following 3 experiences I've had. I'll try to be brief yet thorough.
1. I was on retreat and had done something I felt ashamed of yet in this state of self deprication I remembered teachings of causality, non-self, etc. This help relax the mind and the current stress as well as such strong identity to the "shameful" behavior. The mind kept relaxing the identification to the point that there was simply the awareness of thoughts and body sensations as simply like two rivers. Just flowing with no me, I, or mine. It was also very clear that any identification with even a single passing moment would be a disturbance of sorts. At the time there was total equanimity yet I knew that in order to engage in the world, to share thoughts, etc., that I would by habit re-identify with the thought or body moments. Anicca was clear, dukkha of identification was clear. Anatta of thoughts and body sensations clear. What was not clear is whether there might be a sense of "I" in the observing. This experience happened twice within a few weeks time.
2. I was listening to a Dhamma talk that all there is is now and for a while, I got it. Everything was now, now, now, now, now... A constant collision with now. At the time it seemed difficult that after seeing life this way, that it'd be hard to ever see it any other way. This lasted a couple hours and then did change. I was excited about the experience and tried to simply observe that too.
3. I was meditating in a monastery when sensory perception all came very close, none of it like sight and sound were "out there." Actually there were just these sense doors (4 obvious ones at that moment) being constantly bombarded by their respective sense objects as well as simply a knowing and a being known. It occurred that simply having sense doors, objects, and contact was dukkha. Not in the aversive way but simply seemed like a burden. Seemed like it would be possible to set the burden down but I felt still somehow attached to it, sticky still a bit like glue but that the glue was weakening. Existence as a "self" seemed tiresome, wearisome, and there was a desire for an experience that was "not this."
The confusing thing to me is that these seem to be combinations of different insights I've read about and also that they seem to be such and such insight yet I have no clear experience of having the preceeding insights. Reading some of Daniel's book has helped so far. My two sources before have been "Map of the Journey" by U Jotika and a discourse by Mahasi Sayadaw as far as understanding the insights. My training has been 15 years of Goenka and 2 years at Shwe Oo Min under U Tejaniya.
All views welcome and especially from those that feel adept with identifying different presentations of insights stages.
