Help Identifying where I'm at?

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Bronson Michael Miller, modified 9 Years ago at 7/2/14 4:13 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 7/2/14 4:12 PM

Help Identifying where I'm at?

Posts: 18 Join Date: 7/2/14 Recent Posts
***Background and side notes - Main questions are down by the next "****"
I have only been meditating formally every day for the last 3 weeks now. I have been focusing on Concentration meditation. Focusing on my breath. At first I would count my breaths to ten and start back at one. After about ten days I found that my concentration was much better and instead of getting lost in thought for a while before even realizing my mind was wandering I started to have brief thoughts that would automatically fade away. In the last couple of days I've stopped counting my breaths and just really concentrating on them the whole way through with as much solid concentration as I can. I've been averaging about 40 minutes of meditation per day usually in two 20 minute sessions though I sometimes only do one and sometimes I do up to four 30 minute sessions. 
I have read every single book about meditation at my local library (All two of them) and have spent countless hours on the internet reading about it. This community was an amazing find and I am so grateful to have this!

Ok now on to my background and questions:
I'm not sure that I've experienced A&P although I think I have when I was asleep. I have always had very vivid and often very weird dreams. More than once I have had such load popping sounds and bright lights that I have woke up with a scare! A couple years back I spent a couple months trying to "Astral Project" every night (more to prove to myself that it was impossible than anything...at least at first). I never was able to consciously do it but in that time I did have a few dreams that I was separating from my body and looking down at it and was able to walk through walls and fly and even fly into the earth. A few times just before falling asleep I would get VERY intense euphoria and my body would vibrate VERY intensely. This would usually be so intense that my heart would start racing and I would snap out of it which is too bad because this is the sign that you're about to separate from your body. The strangest part of this time was that I started having Lucid Dreams every single night as a side effect. Sometimes I would spend hours totally conscious while dreaming and able to do anything I wanted including flying or even turning up the ambient light in a dark tunnel etc. Eventually I started becoming very confused as to weather a memory was in a dream or in the waking world and many times I was unsure weather I was dreaming or asleep and felt that I was loosing touch with reality and maybe even loosing my mind so I totally stopped this practice and my lucid dreams became less and less frequent. I haven't had a lucid dream or a dream that I was astral projecting in about a year now. Until last night. After doing 30 minutes of "Noting" for the first time I went to sleep and had five different dreams that I was separating from my body and looking down on it.

***Main questions:

This morning I woke up at 5:30 am feeling very refreshed (I usually sleep in late and don't meditate in the mornings because I am usually way to groggy) and so I did 30 mins of Concentration. Then at 1 PM I Did 45 minutes of Concentration (which was the longest I've ever done in one sitting). About 30 Minutes in while my concentration was very good I got a very sudden blast of euphoria that came in pulses and vision was pulsing lighter, then darker. It was similar to what would happen when I was trying to astral project years ago but a little less intense. It was sort of shocking because I was just trying to get access concentration and this felt like maybe a Jhana. I wasn't expecting it so I got very excited and lost my concentration. Though I tried to keep on my breathing, it faded in intensity fairly quickly but once it faded almost entirely (about 10-15 seconds after it started) my body felt very strange. It felt like I was made out of big marshmallows. It's hard to describe but instead of each limb taking up its actual space it felt like everything expanded and only ended when the next part of my body started. I also thought I was lifting my thumbs up but they were actually firmly planted on my knees still. 

So what I'm wondering is: Does this sound like any Jhana? If so how do you not get so excited that you make it go away? Could I have gone through A&P before in my sleep? Is it possible that the last two years I've been in dark night? (I used to be very Christian but two years ago I realized it's all bullshit and have been extremely averted to anything even close to religion until now. Now I've been reading books on Buddhism like crazy and I still don't like the religious aspect that some people put on it but I'm actually very open and excited about the practice aspect!) And finally do you think I'm aproaching my meditation correctly? (Focusing on concentration until I get somewhat skilled or maybe even get to the point that I can go into 1st Jhana regularly and then use those skills to start practicing Vipassana?)

All criticism, guidance, answers and questions would be very welcome! Thank you all for your time!!
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Dream Walker, modified 9 Years ago at 7/2/14 11:47 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 7/2/14 11:47 PM

RE: Help Identifying where I'm at? (Answer)

Posts: 1657 Join Date: 1/18/12 Recent Posts
Bronson Michael Miller:
Though I tried to keep on my breathing, it faded in intensity fairly quickly but once it faded almost entirely my body felt very strange. It felt like I was made out of big marshmallows. It's hard to describe but instead of each limb taking up its actual space it felt like everything expanded and only ended when the next part of my body started. I also thought I was lifting my thumbs up but they were actually firmly planted on my knees still. 

Here is a thread on - Interoception, Proprioception, Cortical homunculus, Body distortions
Fun stuff...
~D